PDA

View Full Version : what should i be doing differently?



lmh2402
05-04-2010, 12:00 PM
I’m hoping for some wise BTDT advice b/c I feel like we are probably need to adjust how we are handling DS’s increasing curiosity

I know that use of the word “no,” should be limited to issues of safety, right?

But I’m unclear of how to handle all the other issues that crop up over the day.

Our situation is as follows:

DS is 13 months old. It seems in the last 2-3 weeks, a switch has flipped and he is very aware of when he is doing something he should not be doing – his actions and his facial expressions are actually priceless. For example, he will speed crawl down the hallway and I will follow quietly a minute later. To find him slamming the standing mirror (on hinges) repeatedly into the wall. And as soon as I come through the door to the bedroom, he is honestly trying to pretend like he isn’t doing it – like if he had a backpedal switch, he would be using it :innocent:

So I know that he knows that it’s wrong

This is just one example

And lately it seems like he just moves from one thing to another just trying all the things that are “wrong” in the house

He has radar for outlets. And even though they are covered, he beelines for them and tries to take the cover off. I consider this a safety issues, so I say “No!” and move him. And he immediately goes to the little area that we have sort of blockaded for the dog – we created a little space that the dog can go to (so it can’t be fully blocked b/c the dog needs to be able to get in and out). Anyway, this the area that the dog can go when he feels overwhelmed by the baby. G is CONSTANTLY trying to get into that area. He has taken to baby acrobatics to achieve this goal. DH says he’s like a rodent – only instead of his head being the marker for whether he fits, it’s his gut. So he shoves his little belly through and then the rest of him comes tumbling after. Often right on dog. Who then makes a mad dash for another part of the house.

And he will repeatedly try to wedge into this area. While looking at me. And I will tell him over and over, “G, that is H’s space. You may not go over there.” And move him over and over. And he will go right back.

Even when I try taking him to other rooms and taking out his toys or books. He will go right back to the dog’s space. And if it’s not the dog’s space, it’s playing in the dog’s water. Or wanting ONLY the dog’s dogs. Only those toys. The kid has a million and one toys. And I will take them all out and do a jig standing on my head. And yet the only thing he wants is to chew on a ratty dog toy.

So it feels like all day long, I am constantly reprimanding him over and over from one thing to the next. It feels very negative. I try to distract and redirect with other activities and toys, but he wants no part

Now that the weather is nicer, I am compensating by just spending time in the stroller outside. But he’s not walking yet, so he can’t move around on his own. I don’t want him confined to a stroller seat all day. And I’m not letting him crawl around on the city streets or the park. So we have to spend some time inside our own house so he can move and have activity.

How should I be handling these constant, repeated attempts at off-limits behavior/activities? I really don’t want to spend all our time with me saying “no,” or “uh uh,” and moving him away from things. I would love to be able to happily play with him or spend time with him in a positive way more often than in a corrective way

Thanks.

arivecchi
05-04-2010, 12:43 PM
I spend much of my time saying no to DS2 as well. He spends half of his time (if not more) getting into trouble. I use matter of fact nos for behavioral no-nos and louder/more aggresive nos for safety risks. I think he can tell the difference. The only problem that he now says no all the time too. :ROTFLMAO:

I know what you mean though. We spend a lot of time in our playroom in the basement which his pretty entertaining for him and keeps him out of trouble. Do you have a Little Tykes car? He will spend tons of time climbing in and out of ours and he loves it.

We also go for walks or to the parks nearby. I do let him crawl in the park play structures but check first to make sure there is nothing dangerous. I also wipe his hands as soon as he is done.

If he is getting really rowdy (or if I need a break ;)), I will sometimes put him in the pack n play with some books or puzzles. HTH.

elektra
05-04-2010, 12:44 PM
Yes, saying "no, no, no" all day long is tiresome for both baby and parent!
You have to just redirect or remove the issue altogether by putting up a gate.
My DS is now scooting over to the dog bowl. I just pick him up and move him away, rinse, repeat.
And then this weekend we are going to put our gates back up to avoid the ongoing issue.
It's more about avoiding altogether vs. correcting at 13 mo.

arivecchi
05-04-2010, 12:48 PM
It's more about avoiding altogether vs. correcting at 13 mo. Very true. Love your new siggie BTW! :)

truly scrumptious
05-04-2010, 12:50 PM
We are in a very similar place with our DS - we're finding we need to set limits, and feeling challenged to do it in a non-negative way. While we are by no means experts, here are some things we've tried that seem to be working.

Instead of "No" we try to come up with words to use that show him WHY we don't want him to touch something. For example "Yucky" for trash, or something on the ground. Or "Dangerous" for outlets. (We use Spanish words, but you get the idea.) That way, as he grows, he'll make the association with the reason. (ETA: If you use a word like that, you can use it if you know he's been doing it, even if you didn't see him. e.g. - Outlets are dangerous, huh? - that way it is a comment and you are still reinforcing even though you didn't catch him doing it.)

We also use the term "Hands Off" instead of "Don't Touch". I read somewhere that when you say "Don't Touch" all they hear is "Touch". Sometimes I'll demonstrate by walking up to him and holding his hands when he has them on the trash bin, for example, and say "Hands OFF" and when i say OFF I lift his hands off the bin.

Other examples of positive spins on Don'ts
- Stay on the sidewalk (instead of Don't step into the road)
- Sit down (instead of Don't stand in the stroller)

Sometimes I'll give him consequences - you need to sit down so we can go home to see Dad. If you don't walk, I'll have to pick you up and take you (where you don't want to go.) etc.

When he does something the way I want - like not stepping into the road - I thank him and reinforce positively.
From what I've read, you need to repeat ad nauseum. That's why, you should pick the rules you want to enforce and enforce them WITHOUT exception. So, for example, last week we went to a park that had a small paved path running through it, which had a couple of maintenance vehicles parked on it. To him it looked just like a road, so I made him hold my hand whenever he crossed it, even tho it was inside a park. I feel like he just wouldn't understand why this road would be an exception to the rule, and it would just confuse him. It was a tedious exercise as we walked around the park, but it paid off. Yesterday, he went running to the edge of the sidewalk in front of our house, stopped and held out his hand for me to hold in order to cross to play with the kids on the other side! I was so amazed!
So only pick rules you will enforce all the time, and don't make any exceptions. They can't handle mixed messages so early on.

Finally, I see your DS is younger than mine (mine is 18 mo, and is just starting to get the hang of some of these rules) so it may take a while for them to "take."
In the meantime, I would suggest whatever you can do to remove the allure of the forbidden - either by making them invisible (so arranging it that he never has access to the dog's toys, etc.), or by letting him have access to them for a while so he realizes its no big deal, or by instituting a Hands Off rule and repeating it over and over. And over.

Good luck!

egoldber
05-04-2010, 12:54 PM
There is a huge developmental difference between knowing an action is "wrong" and having the impulse control not to do it. You can't expect a 13 month old to not do an action because they have been corrected for it. So what do you do? You childproof, you use gates, you re-direct. It's a long slow process.

m448
05-04-2010, 01:05 PM
There is a huge developmental difference between knowing an action is "wrong" and having the impulse control not to do it. You can't expect a 13 month old to not do an action because they have been corrected for it. So what do you do? You childproof, you use gates, you re-direct. It's a long slow process.


Totally agree. Besides, this is just the beginning of the marathon. If you spend all your energy on things that can be prevented you'll be worn out by 2 years old. ;)

So just babyproof as much as you an, redirect on what you can't. From around that age until about 18 months I've had my dining chairs bungie corded at the legs for my first, then put up classroom style on the table for #2 and 3 because all of them have gone through a climb-on-the-table-and-dance-while-momma-has-a-heartattack phase. They outgrow it and we relish once our chairs are not in prison anymore. With my first I spent a week pulling him off and losing my cool more often than I'd care to admit before I finally bungied corded the legs together. My husband complained at first then I left him one weekend day alone with the toddler and he took them off. By the time I'd returned they were back on. ;)

lmh2402
05-04-2010, 01:08 PM
i'm not suggesting that i expect him to be able to control his impulses

i'm just looking for ideas on how to redirect in a way that might be more effective - since what i'm doing right now doesn't seem to help.

and also tips for how to do so in a way that doesn't seem or feel so negative

with regard to removing the temptation all together, so many of our issues seem to revolve around the dog and his stuff

and i am not comfortable leaving the dog with no toys and no access to water, or putting the dog in a room by himself with his stuff. none of that works for us - the dog is extremely social and it just isn't possible to lock him a room with his stuff, just so the baby doesn't get to it

i don't know. i was just thinking others probably would have gone through similar stages and had some suggestions.

in any case, thanks for the feedback.

m448
05-04-2010, 01:16 PM
The dog issue is one that comes up on this board and in parenting conversations a lot. I know you want to keep the dog in good spirits but a baby and a dog without a parent within fingertip distance is just not a feasible reality. I had three and within the last year we're down to two dogs. Yes a lot of times the dogs come in from their runs to spend some time in our room (their haven). Yes our dogs are social but it's only fair to them they get to spend some time without the kids getting in their face and the kids prevented from having their faces bitten off until they learn to treat the dogs gently. That requires supervision and if I'm not able to be rightthere then the dogs get separated. Dogs are animals with instincts no matter how well trained and kids/babies are super unpredictable with little to no impulse control.

I can hear the frustration in your voice and please realize most posters on this thread are not trying to minimize your feelings. They are just the voice of experience and have been in your shoes. They're offering solutions that come from having btdt. You'll find solutions too to fit your family dynamics and tweak suggestions you've received. You'll get through this, it's just a stage.

wendibird22
05-04-2010, 01:17 PM
Do you have space in your home for a superyard? We used one with DD1. It was a great way to confine her but large enough to give her space to move around. We'd get in there with her and play with her and her toys. The purpose was as much keeping her out of the dogs way as it was keeping the dog away from her.

lmh2402
05-04-2010, 01:27 PM
i'm sorry if it appears that i'm frustrated with the suggestions. honestly, i'm not

i'm just trying to clarify our situtation with hopes of getting ideas for workable solutions

i never leave DS and the dog alone together. so it's not a matter of whether to supervise them. it's more that even when i'm sitting with DS on the floor, he is immediately and pretty much solely drawn to all the things he shouldn't be getting into. and most of these involve the dog.

pick up dog toy, stuff in mouth. i remove dog toy. he crawls to dog water. i move him. he crawls to outlet. i move him. he tries to wedge into little dog space. i move him. he picks up another dog toy. and this cycle will go on and on and one.

and then i put him in the stroller and we head out so as to avoid the no, no, no, no, over and over and over again

i hate telling him no over and over

it is really weighing on me that it just feels like we're a in very negative phase and i hate that he is hearing that from me so much.

we do have a play yard but it's super small b/c we don't have much space - we live in a 1,200 sq foot apt. so i use that only sparingly like if i have to do something in the kitchen and i need DS to be safe and confined.

but it is not a space i can fit into to play with him. and i have a lot of guilt issues about putting him in there alone. i don't know why, but it feels like i'm caging him and it makes me anxious :crying:

Moneypenny
05-04-2010, 01:29 PM
A couple of things we did at that age:

We used "hands off" instead of "no" and would turn it into a game (e.g. "Hands off the TV. Hands on your tush! Hands on your ears! Hands on the fridge!"

We used the pack n play to plop DD in if we were going to leave the room for a minute so the dog could still be out and about. The dog didn't get toys until DD was asleep. We actually picked up all the dog's toys when I was pregnant and put them in a basket. We would pull a couple of them out a few times a day and play with her, then put them away again. The dog's food, water, and bed were just things we redirected away from for months until DD was ably to comply, so I don't have any fabulous ideas about that stuff.

WatchingThemGrow
05-04-2010, 01:31 PM
You've gotten some GREAT suggestions this far!!! We do lots of gates - step on gates, retractable gates, everywhere. It just makes things easier if you have a totally babyproofed environment to put a curious little one. I'm actually sitting in a gated living room right now, and they are on the outside of the gates :)

Something no one has mentioned is to rotate his toys. I find that if I switch out toys for different ones kept in a bins in the attic, they are MUCH more engaged with their own stuff.

Also, as a place to go outside your own house with a non-walker...do you have a children's museum? It may be a great time to get a membership b/c they always have areas for crawlers/toddlers. Since we always have one of those in our family, we get grandparents to give memberships as gifts. It gives me a clean, carpeted, non-retail place to let them roam instead of inside our house. We get reciprocal memberships so we can drive to the next town over and do the same thing - or have a kid-friendly oasis when we're visiting relatives. Actually, that's even HARDER than being at home in this stage because they have usually done ZERO babyproofing and you spend ALL your time redirecting/saying no. Truly exhausting.

elektra
05-04-2010, 01:31 PM
The dog issue is one that comes up on this board and in parenting conversations a lot. I know you want to keep the dog in good spirits but a baby and a dog without a parent within fingertip distance is just not a feasible reality. I had three and within the last year we're down to two dogs. Yes a lot of times the dogs come in from their runs to spend some time in our room (their haven). Yes our dogs are social but it's only fair to them they get to spend some time without the kids getting in their face and the kids prevented from having their faces bitten off until they learn to treat the dogs gently. That requires supervision and if I'm not able to be rightthere then the dogs get separated. Dogs are animals with instincts no matter how well trained and kids/babies are super unpredictable with little to no impulse control.

I can hear the frustration in your voice and please realize most posters on this thread are not trying to minimize your feelings. They are just the voice of experience and have been in your shoes. They're offering solutions that come from having btdt. You'll find solutions too to fit your family dynamics and tweak suggestions you've received. You'll get through this, it's just a stage.

:yeahthat: to a lot of it. We have two dogs and a cat (and fish! ;)) and with DD, I remember this time being frustrating with her getting into everything and me stressing out about the animals. I had a lot of guilt about the dogs and I still do because they do not get as much exercise as they deserve. I could probably find my BBB posts about if I searched back far enough!
I got creative with the water bowl situation though. They ended up getting two bowls, one inside but on the other side of the gate where DD would be, and then the other bowl is outside where they can access it through the doggie door.
But as I mentioned in my first post, my solution was more of just removing the temptation altogether, vs. any kind of correction or even redirection.

And in regards to the redirection, you don't even have to make it a negative thing. Just pick your DS and move him. Maybe throw in a "no" but a lot of times it's not even necessary. I would say "no" if it's a dangerous thing though, like a plug or whatever.

It's very tiring and frustrating! But just a phase as a PP mentioned.

In a year or two you will be the one giving out this advice. Watch!

egoldber
05-04-2010, 01:33 PM
Dogs and toddlers are hard. Dog toys look like toddler toys and even better your DS has learned that going toward the dog's stuff gets an automatic reaction from you, his favorite toy. ;) I would put the dogs toys away while he is awake. I would also move the dog's water to a different, less accessible location or restrict access to water to when your DS is not around. Your dog will quickly adapt to that. We had the same issue with the dog's water bowl.

It just takes time and it won't be forever although it may feel like it.

m448
05-04-2010, 01:36 PM
Sorry, I didn't mean frustrated by the suggestions but more by the situation. It's normal as a parent to suddenly face the reality of a curious and exploring toddler. In our modern society we have a lot more items scattered in our home that are not for kids. One tool I forgot to mention that worked for us for those non-removables is "one finger touch". I allowed them, within safety and reason while I was present to give a very irresistible item a one finger touch. If they got rough or grabbed I removed them and we moved onto something else but otherwise multiple one finger touches satisfied their drive for must-touch-that-now! LOL

eta: since he's so fascinated by the mirror how about stooping down with him and playing a round of peekaboo in front of it and/or showing him how to pat-pat the mirror. "Give the mirror a pat, pat" take his hand and pat the mirror gently. Big yays when he's done it and don't think you're a failure or the technique doesn't work if he continues to want to rattle that mirror. Again he's a kid with no impulse control at this point. A lot of the instruction he needs right now really is how TO do things and he'll take to it like fish to water.

o_mom
05-04-2010, 01:42 PM
i'm not suggesting that i expect him to be able to control his impulses

i'm just looking for ideas on how to redirect in a way that might be more effective - since what i'm doing right now doesn't seem to help.

and also tips for how to do so in a way that doesn't seem or feel so negative




I don't think there is anything that is more effective... it is the age and development level of your child. They will not get it after one 'no' or one redirection or even 10 or 100. The only thing that really helps is consistency (which you seem to be) and time... with time being the more important part, IMO.

Babyproof everything. If the mirror is not accessible, he can't bang it. If the dog is separated, he can't get to her. If her toys are put up he won't chew on them.

At that age we had a gate that cut our kitchen in half. The dog food, water and bed were in one half. If I needed them separated, I could close the dog in that half which was plenty big and she could still see the rest of us. If she needed in, she could ask. Food was only down at mealtimes and she was able to get plenty to drink even if she didn't have 24/7 access to it. There is really no way to get a 13 mo to understand that he can't go through an open space to where the dog is.

When you redirect, give a one word explanation if needed (as suggested above - yuck for garbage, hot for stove, etc.) then tell him what you want him to do. So, for a dog toy "Yuck. Here, play with this" while handing him a replacement toy.

lmh2402
05-04-2010, 01:47 PM
thanks, guys

like elektra, i am having a lot of doggy guilt too. i feel like my dog hates me lately. more and more he openly prefers DH b/c he still gets virtually the same amount of cuddles and attention from him since DH is home mostly when DS is sleeping anyway...so not much has changed for him and the dog

but for me, the dog has seriously become second fiddle. at best

so the thought of furthering his downgraded status by limiting his water and toys just breaks my heart

plus, when i say he's social...i mean he cries incessantly whenever he is put in a room and the door is closed between him and his people. he's a small down - an 8 pound powder puff. that regularly has his ears and tail tugged by the baby. his toys taken by the baby. once the kid even took his food bowl away from him. and the dog never says boo. he just lets it happen.

now you might wonder how/why we are letting all this happen. i swear to you i am as on top of them as possible. but sometimes, things just happen so fast.

but i also must say, i do think the dog loves the baby - he lays outside his door when the baby is sleeping. if he hears a baby cry on TV at night, he will go to DS's door and look at us. he kisses DS all the time

and DH kisses him nonstop.

as for gates, our layout doesn't allow for them easily. the kichen and living room are open to one another through a doorway that is about ten-12 feet wide

ugh

so i probably have to suck it up and start limiting the water. or changing the location. maybe i can work on teaching the dog a new location while baby is sleeping

how terrible is it that yesterday i had just had enough of the "fight" so i let DS have the one dog toy he coveted.

straight up, i let him crawl up and down the hallway with this dog toy in his mouth. he was laughing hysterically. and the dog and i just stood there watching.

wellyes
05-04-2010, 01:48 PM
i never leave DS and the dog alone together. so it's not a matter of whether to supervise them. it's more that even when i'm sitting with DS on the floor, he is immediately and pretty much solely drawn to all the things he shouldn't be getting into. and most of these involve the dog.

pick up dog toy, stuff in mouth. i remove dog toy. he crawls to dog water. i move him. he crawls to outlet. i move him. he tries to wedge into little dog space. i move him. he picks up another dog toy. and this cycle will go on and on and one.

and then i put him in the stroller and we head out so as to avoid the no, no, no, no, over and over and over again

i hate telling him no over and over

it is really weighing on me that it just feels like we're a in very negative phase and i hate that he is hearing that from me so much.

I think maybe you've fallen into the trap -- very common / easy / we all do it sometimes -- where most of the attention you're giving him is NEGATIVE attention.

Kids just want you. Negative attention is good to them vs. you not being engaged with him.

That's also the danger of redirection as a discipline technique...... he misbehaves, so you give him positive attention. The risk is that he comes to think of misbehaving as a way to signal he wants to play.

I suggest that at this point you are very active in giving him stuff to do with you - games, crafts, etc - *before* he starts going down the path of "see how many boundaries I can push".

Unplugged Play is a good book with many practical suggestions of really simple / easy / cheap ways to actively engage with a very young toddler.

maestramommy
05-04-2010, 01:49 PM
It seems in the last 2-3 weeks, a switch has flipped and he is very aware of when he is doing something he should not be doing – his actions and his facial expressions are actually priceless. For example, he will speed crawl down the hallway and I will follow quietly a minute later. To find him slamming the standing mirror (on hinges) repeatedly into the wall. And as soon as I come through the door to the bedroom, he is honestly trying to pretend like he isn’t doing it – like if he had a backpedal switch, :innocent:

I'm totally cracking up at this because Arwyn was like this around the same age, and Laurel has been like this since 8 months. I am constantly trying to keep up with Laurel getting into this, that, and everything else. And it doesn't matter if you try to redirect her, the girl is on a mission, and won't be diverted. And she screams like a banshee when you take something away, holds on with a death grip. Today she was trying to chew on a book. All I said was, "Laurel, no mouth." She dropped the book, screamed, and crawled over, only to fling herself facedown, while still wailing. It was hilarious. Only if this is her now at 10 months, I'm shuddering to think what's in store when she's 18 months.

Just to let you know I understand, but I don't have any BTDT ideas. Really. :p

mousemom
05-04-2010, 01:52 PM
In addition to babygates, etc., a couple of things we started doing around that age:

Offering choices. For example, if he was standing on the couch: Do you want to sit on the couch or stand on the floor? He would either sit down or we would pick him up and stand him on the floor. After many repetitions, he knew the rule and knew we would enforce it.

One finger touching: if he wanted to play with something that we didn't really want him touching (like Dad's books), but wasn't dangerous, we'd let him touch it with one finger, saying (and modeling) "one finger touch only". That way, he could not damage the item, but could still satisfy his curiostiy about it. Most times, after touching it a few times, he'd forget about it.

reissgirl
05-04-2010, 01:52 PM
Redirect, redirect, redirect. And repeat. Over and over and over again. And over and over some more. Sometimes, I found, there wasn't even a need to say "no." I would just quickly grab another toy and sit down and help DS play with that toy.

You can try to think of even small tweaks that might make your space a little more baby proofed (maybe tape the hinged mirror so he can't swing it, etc.). I find that every little bit of baby proofing is worth the one time you don't have to say no.

When my DS was 13 months I remember really feeling upset that there were parts of our house that were off limits to him. But I reminded myself that the point was to keep him safe and minimize the amount of things that were within reach, but actually off-limits.

I used the word "stop" instead of "no." I only used "no" for safety issues like touching the gas stove knobs, and even then there was always a need to redirect. I feel like "stop" is a more positive word because it's an action word. It requires them to do something, it's not just a prohibitive word. Meaning, you're telling them what to do... not what they can't do.

Also, at that age, I found it really helpful to get out of the house as much as possible.

My best advice is to think back to another phase that felt really frustrating or unmanageable and try to remember how that got better. At the time, it feels and seems like the negative behavior will last forever, but these phases really do pass quickly. Stay positive and stay strong. You're doing great!

lmh2402
05-04-2010, 01:54 PM
I think maybe you've fallen into the trap -- very common / easy / we all do it sometimes -- where most of the attention you're giving him is NEGATIVE attention.

Kids just want you. Negative attention is good to them vs. you not being engaged with him.

That's also the danger of redirection as a discipline technique...... he misbehaves, so you give him positive attention. The risk is that he comes to think of misbehaving as a way to signal he wants to play.

I suggest that at this point you are very active in giving him stuff to do with you - games, crafts, etc - *before* he starts going down the path of "see how many boundaries I can push".

Unplugged Play is a good book with many practical suggestions of really simple / easy / cheap ways to actively engage with a very young toddler.

yes, this is how i feel!!!

thank you for the book tip - i will tell DH to pick up today

and also, thanks to other PP re: tip of rotating toys. he does seem bored with everything we have

the issue is, all that we've got is out! i always think he has so much b/c it takes up so much of our small amount of space, but i do think maybe he's bored. i'm just not sure how much more i want to spend in $$ and space....just for him to get bored again soon

also i like the tip for indoor spaces to take him. we have a fair number of play spaces around. but i honestly have avoided taking him to these kinds of places too often b/c i feel like everything we go, he gets sick a week later. i probably need to get over that.

truly scrumptious
05-04-2010, 02:01 PM
the issue is, all that we've got is out! i always think he has so much b/c it takes up so much of our small amount of space, but i do think maybe he's bored. i'm just not sure how much more i want to spend in $$ and space....just for him to get bored again soon


You don't need to buy anything new. Just store away about 2/3rds of his toys (he won't miss them) and leave out 1/3rd. Next weekend, bring out another 1/3rd and put away the ones you had out this week. And so on. So every week he gets (back) a "new" set of toys that he hasn't seen in at least 2 weeks. He'll remember the toys from before but enjoy rediscovering them.(And you'll get some space back. :yay: )

mousemom
05-04-2010, 02:04 PM
thanks, guys

he's a small down - an 8 pound powder puff. that regularly has his ears and tail tugged by the baby. his toys taken by the baby. once the kid even took his food bowl away from him. and the dog never says boo. he just lets it happen...but i also must say, i do think the dog loves the baby - he lays outside his door when the baby is sleeping. if he hears a baby cry on TV at night, he will go to DS's door and look at us. he kisses DS all the time.

We have a cat who loves DS and it's an ongoing struggle to help DS learn how to behave properly with her. Every time he goes to pet her we remind him how to do it, "Gentle. Pet her back". In the beginning, we'd take his hand and physically show him how to pet her, as well as modeling it ourselves. He's definitely getting better at this as the months go on. She is amazingly patient with him. But when he gets too rough, we pick her up and move her. Or, if she moves away, we say, "See kitty cat doesn't like that type of petting." Sometimes, if he's pulled her tail or something, I will tell him he hurt her, pick her up and purposely give her attention while ignoring him, i.e. ask her is she is ok, then take her in the other room and stay there with her for a few minutes.

MomToOne
05-04-2010, 02:21 PM
First to answer your question: we say "not for Jenny" instead of "no" sometimes (some names have been changed in this post hehe).

Just some thoughts on what has come up in this thread:
There's been a huge change from the 12 month old child to the 18 month old child. I mean that sounds really obvious as I'm typing it out but I still think it's worth saying.

For the 12 month child, I took the pet's dishes off the floor. I just had to keep in *my* mind the idea that it is a child's job to explore their environment and they can't help but to want to touch things. I felt it was not fair for us to have the pet's dishes in plain sight but forbid her from touching them - this was my opinion of our responsibility to our 12 month old.

Six months later I think it's totally reasonable to start teaching her that kind of impulse control. This is only my opinion. So we leave the no-no things around and start teaching her how to deal with it.

Now when she goes for the dishes we can say, "that is Fido's food, yum yum" or "that is Fluffy's water, do you want your water now?"

So all that to say it's a phase and will pass and probably quicker then you think.

PearlsMom
05-04-2010, 04:35 PM
Wow, that sounds exhausting -- and I know I've got the same situation in my future, too! Really, all I have to say is thanks for starting this thread and for all the great responses.

FWIW, you CAN put a pet gate across even a 10-12 ft opening - something hardware mounted with a central gate. That might help give your dog some breathing space without being completely separated from the family. Or, it sounds like the dog is so tiny, is it possible to make a space that she can fit throug and DS just can't? Or give her a place up high where DS can't reach her?

Also, this is from a FTM and maybe it should be obvious -- but if the dog isn't protective of her toys, and he's not taking them directly out of her mouth, is it really that bad to let him play with dog toys? I mean, they must be swapping germs pretty regularly already, right? I know this can be a huge source of canine jealousy, and hence danger, but some dogs really aren't that toy-oriented and don't care.

Good luck, and thanks to all the PP for the great tips!