NOT daddy's little girl

[Accountant]

Lately DD has really not wanted to be around daddy at all, and now its to the point that she doesn't even say hi or hug him when he comes home from work. People have told me this is just a mommy phase, but is there anything I can do to encourage daddy affection? For example, should there be an expectation that she greet daddy and a consequence for not doing so? I was just trying to let this pass, but DH is starting to get pretty cranky about it and blaming me for not doing something. What to do, though?

[JoyNChrist]

DS pretty much had nothing to do with his dad for the first 2-2.5 years. They're great buddies now.

It's just a phase. Maybe see if DH can start doing special things with DD when he's not working...like he's the only one who takes her for ice cream, or the only one who takes her to a particular park...you know, something special for just the two of them. With my DH and DS, it's going fishing - we go fishing as a family frequently, but we always take the boat. DH and DS have special fishing time when they go to our in-laws' pond by themselves. It's nice that they have something to do that's just their thing.

[elliput]

It is just a phase. I remember my DD doing the same thing and DH was really heartbroken until I explained the deal to him. I found that my excitement of daddy walking in the door would rub off on DD, so soon she was greeting him enthusiastically on her own.

[KpbS]

My DN was the same way. Unfortunately, it was a looong stage for them, lasting around a year and a half. Some things that helped--gently insisting that DD accompany her Daddy on an errand, help with a project, share a special treat, etc. Plan for them to spend regular time together with you GONE.

[MoJo]

Just wanted to say that I'm with you with my June '08 girl too. . . and I work outside the home several evenings a week and part of the day on Saturday, so they get plenty of time alone together.

I think it bugs DH most that she doesn't automatically hug him or give him a hug on command. She hugs me all the time. . . but it's when she wants to; I don't force it or even ask for it. *I* don't think it's something that should be required with consequences at this age.

Our routine is probably not helped by the fact that Daddy's arrival often means Mommy's imminent departure, so she understandably has mixed emotions about that.

[TwinFoxes]

I don't force it or even ask for it. *I* don't think it's something that should be required with consequences at this age.


:yeahthat: Consequences just seem like they'd be confusing, "be nice to daddy or you get into trouble" doesn't seem like a way to get someone to like daddy, you know?. Also it seems kind of mean for punishing someone for their feelings.

My DDs get excited when daddy comes home, but it may be because I'm so excited (also known as friggin' RELIEVED to see him!) But they usually absolutely refuse to let daddy carry them into bed. If they get hurt and daddy picks them up they cry for me instead. It makes him sad, but he's kind of resigned to it. Last night both of them were clinging to me, and he tried to help by saying "does anybody want to give Daddy a hug" and they both said anemphatic NO. I'm sure he'll have his revenge when they're teenagers and mom just seems old and out of it.

[wellyes]

Just wait it out, it is a normal developmental phase.

[ewpmsw]

Our DD is almost two and acts the way you described when her Daddy is leaving or just coming home. She's starting acting that way when other people leave us, or when we're leaving. I think it's just her reaction to the transition. She doesn't want her Daddy (or Gramma, or the sitter) to be gone, so she shows them that she's upset about it. I agree with pp's that it's probably a phase.

[sste]

You know, we took a very aggressive position on this when it happened. We are fine with the DC having a favorite but not wanting to be around a parent, ignoring them, or saying I don't like you is not something we wanted in our house if there was any way to avoid it.

My DH really went to town - - he rearranged his work schedule so he could get out at 4pm one day a week and do a special daddy-toddler outing. He also read Playful Parenting and became the funnest dad in the metro region. In particular, he turned all of the "go away" stuff or "I don't like you" into a game where he would crawl, beg, howl, and pretend to cry while telling DS he loved him, couldn't DS like him a little bit pleeeease!

For my part, I developed a cheer complete with waving arms: "WE LOVE MAMA." My DS loves to respond to this by giving me an impish look and waving his arms, "WE LOVE DADA" and running to hug dada while I pretend to be shocked, explain he got the cheer wrong etc. (though interestingly at 2.5 y/o DS is now starting to out-snooker us with a "We love mama AND dada" cheer he made up). Anyway, this generally redirects him from any "don't like dada" business.

Hope that helps.

[MomToOne]

Have daddy take her in a pool if possible, especially if she doesn't swim. It's huge for bonding IME.