Mother's Day - Moms, Grandmas, etc.

[Raidra]

I'm just wondering.. who gets 'priority' on Mother's Day? You, your mother, mother-in-law, etc? If you live close to your mother or mother-in-law, how do you balance honoring them with still feeling like you're getting what you want? Do mothers of underage kids trump mothers of adult children, or is age/experience more worthy of recognition?

Of course, this is assuming there's some conflict in what everyone wants to do.. if everyone agrees, then I guess it's not a problem. :)

[tmarie]

i'm starting to learn that different families really view this differently! my mom and mil live far away. so we are either far away or they are staying at our house for the weekend. my mom and i exchange gifts and cards, and she shares the day equally with me if she is in town. otherwise, exchange of gifts and cards via the mail. :) my mil has an entirely different view. this is the second year she has invited herself here for md weekend. she does not give me a card, gift, or even wish me happy mother's day. it infuriates me and makes me want to do absolutely nothing to honor the day for her (of course she has never been warm to me, so there are other factors in this situation). i was talking to my mom and she said that she was shocked to recently learn a lot of her friends don't do anything for their daughters or daugher in laws who are mothers. so maybe i'm just spoiled with an especially thoughtful mom! :)

tmarie

[TwinFoxes]

ME!

But my mom has passed away, I would give almost anything to spend Mother's Day with her again. She was the best mom. (trying not to cry!)

MIL always gets a gift and a phone call from DH, and now of course we will Skype her so the girls can wave hi and blow her kisses.

[sste]

Well, in past years I shared evenly with my MIL who I got along with very well at the time and who lives 2 hours away. Now relations with the ILs are somewhat more strained and we no longer celebrate mother's day with them. I think we are evolving into something (or at least this is my plan) where we celebrate me on mother's day weekend and then the following weekend DH and DS drive down to visit and celebrate with MIL, also giving me a day or so off duty which I think I will ultimately try to make into a memorial spa visit day for myself! In fact, we plan to tell them that the reason I am not coming too for the MIL day celebration is that DH has booked this spa weekend as my gift. We have billed this to family as DH really wanting to have a stand-alone celebration for his dear mother and a unique time to celebrate his relationship with her and they fell for it. Really, this is one of my few brilliant plans and I suggest all of us with mothers/MILs nearby consider it carefully!!

[Raidra]

On my Mom's side (the only side geographically close enough to really celebrate together), we usually have a day around MD where my mom, her sisters, and my grandmother get together. It's also for my grandmother's birthday, which is in May. We usually all get each other something.. usually I just get a cheap plant for each of my aunts, and something bigger for my mom and grandmother. My mom gives me something for Mother's Day, and I at least get a card, plant, or Dunkin Donuts-type-GC from my aunts and grandmother.

Because that usually doesn't happen on actual Mother's Day, we've been doing nice brunches (my choice).. but this year my mom has been acting kind of self-centered and wanting to do something I have absolutely no interest in (and it may be a moot point, 'cause if I have the baby between now and Sunday, we're most likely not doing anything). My feeling is that since I have three children 6 and under, and will either have a newborn or be 41+ weeks pregnant on Mother's Day, I should get my way. :) But that feels kind of selfish, you know?

[tiapam]

My mom is gone now too. I would give anything to be able to take her out to lunch again! Or do anything for her, really. I personally defer to the older moms. They have been doing the job longer and we never know when we might lose them. I have also never really felt the need to be celebrated on Mother's Day. MIL, who is very sweet, does not live nearby. DH usually sends her flowers. I wish I had worked out something to her from our kids but that didn't happen. She usually sends me a card and something small. We do try to visit twice a year and I know they appreciate it and it is the best present we can give them as far as I can tell.

It's sad to me to think that moms have hard feelings with each other over this day. Another reason to appreciate MIL!

[Wondermom]

Great topic! I spent 10 years as a daughter-in-law without children, so my DH and I spent years trying to honor each of our mothers on MD.

Now that I have 2 kids of my own, I'd appreciate a little something special for me, but I find myself defering to what MIL wants because she lives in town and has come to expect special treatment on MD. She is older and has been a mom longer, but does that mean I defer to her until she passes? My own kids could be grown and out of the house before that happens.

I don't expect gifts/cards from MIL or my own mom, but I'd like a family day with my DH and kids where I'm the center of attention. Since my mom's not in town, I wouldn't hurt her feelings, but MIL? *Sigh*

[clb]

Now that I have 2 kids of my own, I'd appreciate a little something special for me, but I find myself defering to what MIL wants because she lives in town and has come to expect special treatment on MD. She is older and has been a mom longer, but does that mean I defer to her until she passes? My own kids could be grown and out of the house before that happens.

We spend Mother's Day with one side and Father's day with the other side. DH and I don't do anything for ourselves. I figure I will have my time one day. Maybe that is naive of me.

[PunkyBoo]

I really wanted to be selfish and just be with my boys and DH this year, but last week my mom asked "So what are we doing for Mothers Day? I really liked a couple years ago when we went to that place..." and went on about what she wants to do. So felt kinda stuck. So we're going to my sister's house (she lives next door to my mom) for lunch with everyone, but we planned it around my (actually, Boo's) schedule.

For my MIL, we do Mexican Mothers Day (DH is mexican) which is May 10 every year and since her birthday is 5/14 and SIL's b-day is 5/21, we get to see a lot of all the IL's and do what MIL wants then.

But now that I think about it, I don't know what we would have done all day if it was just me and DH and the boys...

[smiles33]

My mom and MIL and both of DH's grandmothers are all within driving distance (20-45 minutes) so DH hosts a huge dinner for 20+ people to celebrate Mother's Day. We do the same thing for Father's Day, with DH cooking again (only because he doesn't allow me in his kitchen).

I'm close to everyone so it's fine, but I actually don't really like hosting on Mother's Day as it means I have to clean the house and prep it while watching both girls since DH spends hours cooking. That's not a relaxing day for me!