Everyone I know....

[Melaine]

is pregnant and I am mad at DH for not letting me. Really mad. I asked for us to have sex unprotected ONE time just to give my hopes a fighting chance. I asked FOR MY BIRTHDAY to have sex. He said no, he wasn't even willing to "risk" one time. I mean, what are the odds anyway?

Just found out my SIL is pregnant with her FIFTH.

Oh and for my birthday, this morning, I wake up with AF. Lovely. I feel old and grumpy and also like DH has all the power in our relationship right now and my opinions mean nothing.

ETA: In his defense, last time we risked it "one time" we had twins, so I suppose I see his point there.

[HIU8]

BTDT--sorry I can't be of more help. I'm still coming to terms with anger towards DH for NOT ALLOWING us to have any more children (yes, he made the decision, I was left out of it). Like I said, I'm not much help. But I do understand where you are coming from.

[boogiemomz]

so sorry you're feeling bummed about things and DH isn't very sympathetic... but... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :cheerleader1: hope you can find some way to feel celebrated, even if it's just by your BBB friends! hope DH will come around... wishing for some good hanky panky for you! :loveeyes:

[twowhat?]

That sucks:( Was he ever in agreement with having more children? That's a really really tough one to not be on the same page on.

Your girls are identical right? So the chances of you having twins again is not any higher than normal. It's if you have fraternal twins that your chances of having another set is increased (and which is the reason we are DONE:rotflmao:)

But if he never wanted to have more than 2 children, then that's a moot point. I'm sorry:( And happy birthday!

[DietCokeLover]

First - Happy Birthday!!!!!!!

Second - Not everyone you know is pregnant, speaking only about me.

Third - I'm sorry DH and you are not on the same page right now. Start praying fervently for God to change his heart.

I think you deserve a day to play for your birthday. I hope you get it!!!!

[nrp]

Happy birthday!

I'm with you, although I haven't pushed it too much with DH (yet). I keep trying to convince myself that I'm okay with two, but it doesn't seem to be working. I know it's not the same as twins, but I feel that having our two pretty close (18 mos), that I didn't get to truly enjoy either of their babyhoods completely. I am probably deluding myself that I would be able to do that with a third, but it just seems that it would be very different to me to have a newborn with a 3-yo and 4.5-yo than it was having a baby with a young toddler. I feel like its a bit of a catch-22 - either I'll resent him for not "letting" me have another, or he'll resent me for pushing him into it. I'm just trying to decide how much to push it right now. I also am feeling that it's a bit of now or never, given my age and the fact that I don't want the age gap to be too great.

[g-mama]

is pregnant and I am mad at DH for not letting me. Really mad. I asked for us to have sex unprotected ONE time just to give my hopes a fighting chance. I asked FOR MY BIRTHDAY to have sex. He said no, he wasn't even willing to "risk" one time. I mean, what are the odds anyway?

ETA: In his defense, last time we risked it "one time" we had twins, so I suppose I see his point there.

First, Happy Birthday!!

but...

If he doesn't want any more kids, is it fair to ask him to take a risk that could make that happen? My dh would love more, and I am done. I would feel awful (and manipulated) if he made me feel as though I was letting him down on his birthday by not doing something that might make me have another child that I don't want to have.

I am not saying that you shouldn't continue discussions about this issue if you are not at peace with it. Maybe his heart will change. But I don't think this is the right way to go about it. :(

[ewpmsw]

Happy Birthday! :hug:

[TwinFoxes]

I hope your birthday gets better.

I'm sorry about your not being on the same page as DH about more kids. It sounds like a heartbreaking situation. :hug:

[mamicka]

First, Happy Birthday!!

but...

If he doesn't want any more kids, is it fair to ask him to take a risk that could make that happen? My dh would love more, and I am done. I would feel awful (and manipulated) if he made me feel as though I was letting him down on his birthday by not doing something that might make me have another child that I don't want to have.

I am not saying that you shouldn't continue discussions about this issue if you are not at peace with it. Maybe his heart will change. But I don't think this is the right way to go about it. :(

Exactly what she said. I'm sorry you & DH aren't on the same page. Sometimes I haven't been on the same page as DH regarding this issue & it doesn't feel good. I'm always on the side of "we're done" & he's the one wanting more. He probably doesn't feel great about it either.

[scrooks]

I don't have any great widsom to offer but I just hope you end up having a happy birthday!

[LexyLou]

Oh man, that sucks. I'm sorry.

It's the opposite in my house. My DH wants to try for a third so badly but the shop is closed here.

It's hard when husband and wife aren't in agreement when it comes to more children. I feel mostly bad because so many of my friends want a third while their husband's don't and my poor DH had to marry the one woman who doesn't want the third.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

[zephyr]

My DH feels exactly like yours does at this point. And I also know sooo many pregnant people right now. I get mad at him a lot. I really don't know what to do at this point except to pray that God will change his heart. The last time I tried having a conversation with him about future children and getting pregnant, he said he was tired and went to sleep. I was pissed.

[elektra]

I hope your birthday turned around. :)

[gatorsmom]

Just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! and I"m another friend who is definitely not pregnant. So, now you know a few more non-pregnant friends. :hug:

[LMPC]

Yes, Happy happy birthday!!! From another "not pregnant" BBBer who wishes her husband didn't think he was too old to have another!

[srhs]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELAINE! :hug:
You definitely deserve a wonderful birthday weekend! Hope it gets better!

[jent]

Happy Birthday Melaine!

...from another mom who is most definitely not pregnant. And who also wishes her DH would change his mind about being all done. I too have fantasies about playing conception roulette, but I don't think my DH would go for it either (plus it would involve a visit to the OB, so that complicates things).

[jgenie]

Happy Birthday!! Hope your day got better.

[MomToOne]

Happy Birthday! Hope something changes for you soon: mood, perspective, DH (well his thoughts anyway). Hope you are feeling better in some way today.

[ha98ed14]

Exactly what she said. I'm sorry you & DH aren't on the same page. Sometimes I haven't been on the same page as DH regarding this issue & it doesn't feel good. I'm always on the side of "we're done" & he's the one wanting more. He probably doesn't feel great about it either.

mamika, I just want to say that, from looking at your sig, if your DH is pushing you for MORE kids, he needs to have his head examined. YOU are a saint to even let him touch you!

But then again, look at my sig. Definitely to each her own. But I still think you are a saint. :bowdown:

[niccig]

I'm sorry you're not on the same page with this. It's a tough issue to deal with. And it's kind of an all or nothing situation - if one of you doesn't want more kids than that's it. It's not something you can compromise on. I know it feels like he has all the power, but the flip side as someone else said is that he could resent you and the child if you push him into changing his mind. My DH doesn't want anymore kids and another mother told me I could always go "oops, I forgot the pill, sorry." I was horrified that she was suggesting I lie to DH and manipulate him in such a way - if I ever did that, my marriage would have major issues.

I do hope you and DH can discuss things - your feelings do need to be heard, as does his feelings. Is there a 3rd party who could help you talk. eg. pastor, counselor etc

I hope the rest of your birthday was better.

[mamicka]

mamika, I just want to say that, from looking at your sig, if your DH is pushing you for MORE kids, he needs to have his head examined. YOU are a saint to even let him touch you!

But then again, look at my sig. Definitely to each her own. But I still think you are a saint. :bowdown:

:hysterical: No saint here, trust me. :loveeyes:
Just to clarify - he's not pushing, he's just way more open to the possibilty than I am. I would consider getting my tubes tied after this one but he's not even in the considering it camp. :p We're in negotiations, LOL!

Melaine - I hope I wasn't too harsh. I didn't mean to be. I just wanted to point out that it's uncomfortable on both sides when you don't agree with your spouse on these sensitive issues. Big :hug:.

I do hope you had a wonderful birthday!

[Melaine]

Thanks for all the birthday wishes and sympathy! I know many of you have been in similar situations, which is why I posted here. I'm not at all offended by any of the posts, and you make very good points. It wouldn't be fair to push DH into something he didn't want. It's not quite like that...we always planned on having more than 2 children. DH's reasons for not having them now are financial and just thinking it is not the right time. We could go around all day about that, of course, but my fear is that we will never be able to afford more children and that it will never be the right time. Meanwhile, the girls are getting older and I think there will be more reasons *not* to have more the older they get. This is obviously something we will not agree on, but I feel frustrated when it seems like all the couples we know are in perfect agreement about this. And I was annoyed to hear about SIL who is pregant for the 6th time (she lost one at 20 weeks). Her oldest is only 6! I just feel jealous and grumpy and I was incredibly annoyed to get my period yesterday.

On the up side, DH made me an absolutely SCRUMPTIOUS White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake. Seriously, it was so good I could hardly stop thinking about it last night! And he gave me the fancy Flip video camera that I hoped for, which is going to be SO much fun to have! This morning I woke up early and spent about 3 hours at yardsales which was really nice. And the girls have been so sweet and have wished me happy birthday about 50 times along with tons of hugs and kisses. I know that I really am blessed. And I love DH so much, he is a wonderful husband. I am glad that he takes his role as Daddy very seriously and wants the best for our family. God has really been good to me and I know that He has a plan for us that will be better than anything I could choose.

Thanks so much for all the well wishes! You guys are great.:waving4:

[g-mama]

Melaine - I see more clearly where you were coming from now. If it's not an "if" question, but a "when" question, I understand your thinking that there will never be a right time. I agree with you 100%. And, in that case, a "surprise" pregnancy would make your dh realize that it will all work out and that you can't plan your life out that way.

I'm glad your day turned out better than it began. The cheesecake sounds yummy, and so does a man who can bake. ;)

[sste]

That dessert sounds AMAZING!!

Finances are hard - - my DH typically doesn't see them as an obstacle . . . but I am the one who deals with all things financial, investments, retirement, etc.

Is it possible for you and your DH to start a savings fund for a new little one? I love ING direct for things like this - - very easy to use and totall liquid though interest rate is currently pretty bad. Perhaps you could use money from a sideline, part-time job, occasional work? Or cut some things from your budget - - my dh and I have been working on downsizing cable/cell expenses and also groceries. We had some fat to cut though, I know that isn't always the case.

[WatchingThemGrow]

On the up side, DH made me an absolutely SCRUMPTIOUS White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake. Seriously, it was so good I could hardly stop thinking about it last night! And he gave me the fancy Flip video camera that I hoped for, which is going to be SO much fun to have! This morning I woke up early and spent about 3 hours at yardsales which was really nice. And the girls have been so sweet and have wished me happy birthday about 50 times along with tons of hugs and kisses. I know that I really am blessed. And I love DH so much, he is a wonderful husband. I am glad that he takes his role as Daddy very seriously and wants the best for our family. God has really been good to me and I know that He has a plan for us that will be better than anything I could choose.

Yum, cool gift, and WOW - 3 hours ALONE, going to yard sales? That sounds wonderful!!!

As for SIL - almost 5 DC 6 and under. How is she holding up? I'm seriously freaking out DAILY about mine being so close. When we're at home it's hard, when we're out, even harder. As for the hopes you have... Just give it time and prayer. Hopefully you and DH will end up on the same page soon.

Happy Belated Birthday!!