Alarm that reminds you the baby is in the carseat? Anyone know where to get this?

[sunnyside]

I have read way too many harrowing stories lately of people forgetting their children are in the carseats and leaving them in the car, and I want to get one of these alarms reminder things for my carseat for baby.

Does anyone know where to find one or what they're called?

Thanks!

[arivecchi]

I do not but you could always place your purse by baby.

[TwinFoxes]

I do not but you could always place your purse by baby.

:yeahthat:

The "Kids and Cars" organization suggests putting a big teddy bear in the car seat, and if the baby is in the car seat, the teddy bear goes up front next to you. In theory you'll see the bear and it will remind you about the baby.

[secchick]

I think this would work. Put one on the carseat and one on your keychain.

http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Im-Here-cl-103br-Locator/dp/B0009PLRXK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1277291211&sr=8-1

[sidmand]

I read both of the PPs ideas lately. I like both but I think for a sleep deprived parent the purse would be a safer idea. I might not think about why the teddy bear was in the passenger seat but I would look in the back for my purse before I got out. I would put your purse or something you need right next to the baby to make sure you remember to check back there.

But if you'd really like an alarm, there are these:

http://babyalert.info/

http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2007/07/babysafety.html

[Andi98989]

I do not but you could always place your purse by baby.

:yeahthat: Sadly, the stories here have been people intentionally leaving their kids in the car to nap.

I did find an article which linked out to these:
Smart Clip (http://www.babyalert.info/) - not sure how safe this is to use, it says that you replace your car seat chest clip with their clip. There is a pad option which may be safer, but I'm not sure how thick it is.

Baby Bee Safe (http://www.babybeesafe.net/wst_page4.html/) - a hang tag you place on the empty car seat and then put on your car keys. When you leave the vehicle, you see the tag on your keys and remember the car seat.

Halo Baby Safety Seat System (http://sistersofinvention.com/index.html) - seat pad

Baby Safety Line (http://www.babysafetyline.com/3.html) - just seems like a bad idea to me ... it's a cord that attaches from the car seat to your car keys.

[mousemom]

After reading an article on another thread here about how easy it is for a parent to literally forget a baby in a car, I've trained myself to always, always look in the car seat when I get out of the car, whether I think I have DS with me or not. I figured if I could train myself to check and make sure I've turned the car lights off every time I get out, I could do this as well. Now every time I get out, I visually check the car seat and say to myself, "No baby in the car seat." Not a fool proof system certainly, but it's been an easy habit to get into.

[ehlana06]

It's always been an almost obsessive fear to leave DS in the car. I think it started when i was pregnant and almost every night I dreamt about either leaving DS in the car or someone stepping on him while he was playing on the floor. Now extra paranoid me checks the backseat several times when I go somewhere without DS. My van came installed with those mirrors where you can look back and see baby in the mirror while you are driving even when RF. I know you can buy them though. That might help.

[wellyes]

Sadly, the stories here have been people intentionally leaving their kids in the car to nap.


Wait a sec, are those stories about people getting in trouble for leaving kids in cars to nap, or stories about tragedies that result from the practice?

[Andi98989]

Wait a sec, are those stories about people getting in trouble for leaving kids in cars to nap, or stories about tragedies that result from the practice?

Both - one was on Father's Day; the boy was barely conscious when the mom remembered him. She cooled him down while waiting for paramedics to arrive. He was okay, but the prosecutor's office is reviewing the case.

A week or two before that a 3 year old died. Original reports were that she'd been left in the car by someone. The family says that she was outside playing with her sister and a neighbor kid and got into the car and locked herself in. She died. :( News reports said foul play not suspected; never heard anything about CPS, etc..

In early May there was a story about a 3 month old who the sitter had allegedly left in the car for 7-8 hours outside an apartment building - thankfully it was under a carport and shaded. They said the sitter (who was not their normal sitter and had just worked a night shift) dropped the mom and 2 kids off at a school, came home, went inside to clean. Hours later went back to the car and found the baby unresponsive. A nurse happened to be in the parking lot and did cpr. They were able to stabilize her at the hospital and last I heard they thought she would make it. Prosecutor's office was evaluating that one, too. Mom is sticking by the sitter and says baby was only in the car 2 hours.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i may be in the minority but i don't think alarms would help that much in preventing these tragedies. there was a story where a dad who had an alarm accidentally left his baby in the car on the way to work and the alarm went off, but he disabled it immediately (just lke u automatically disable a regular car alarm). if u are distracted, you're distracted and an alarm may not do that much good. also, i think alarms give a false sense of security..i think better are having multiple things in place. like teddy bear or purse there, always checking carseat, also having daycare give you a call if child doesn't show up for daycare for any reason (usually when these things happen, child is left all day in the car while parent is at work, child was supposed to be dropped off at daycare but wasn't).

i think always remembering to check the carseat is a good idea. also like the purse idea. also, silencing the cell phone while in the car going to/from work. i think in many cases people get distracted by cell phone calls while in the car and that's what makes people forget their baby is in the car.

i think the mere fact that you are very concerned about this happening is already a lot in terms of reducing the risk of this ever happening to you. i think most of the ppl it happens to are people who think this can never happen to them, and don't take any precautions and try to do a thousand things at a time and thus get distracted. there was a mom on Oprah who accidentally left her 2 year old in the car all day while she was at work (the baby died). that morning she was distracted with trying to pick up her donuts for her coworkers at the same time (she remembered the donuts, but forgot her baby in the car). she didn't remember all day bc she was distracted with trying to get the day off to a good start etc. anyway on the show she was trying to remind the audience and viewers to just slow down and focus on just one thing and not try to be "supermom" and try to get everything done and please everyone. i know it's easier said than done but after hearing tragic stories like this it really makes me think twice about trying to be "efficient" and do a thousand things at time. it's just not worth it.

[wellyes]

Here is a superb article about parents this has happened to. This article won the 2010 Pulizer Prize in the newspaper feature category.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html

It's not an indictment of the parents. It's just heartbreaking. For the kids lost as well as their parents and siblings.


there was a story where a dad accidentally left his baby in the car on the way to work and the alarm went off, but he disabled it immediately (just lke u automatically disable a regular car alarm).

Probably the same father mentioned in the article above. I can't begin to imagine being in his shoes.

[egoldber]

I think the article says it actually was the car alarm. I don't think it was a special alarm.

Just an FYI, that article is haunting. The parental grief is very raw.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

^^ i read that article last year. was heartbreaking and disturbing at the same time.

the good thing about reading these horrendous stories though is that it makes me much more aware of the danger of this happening. after reading stories like this i get nightmares of accidentally leaving ds somewhere. i think now i'm extremely careful about everything and always pay attention to my son when he's in the car. i want to get a mirror too (Even though many say they're not safe bc they can become a projectile in an accident) to always be able to see him when i'm driving.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I think the article says it actually was the car alarm. I don't think it was a special alarm.

Just an FYI, that article is haunting. The parental grief is very raw.

well, the article said it was a "motion detector" alarm which i assume is not a regular car alarm...i think it's like the ones they have to detect if someone (a kid, or a thief) is inside the car. i guess the dad never thought it could be his kid inside the car (vs. a thief).

[egoldber]

I just meant it wasn't a special alarm for infant detection. Just that it was a normal car alarm, many (most?) of which have motion sensors.

[Babymakes3]

There was a story here not too long ago where both parents got home in the same car one night very late apparently each thinking the other had gotten the baby out of the carseat and put him/her to bed (how do you not notice nobody did this is beyond me). The dad got up in the morning and drove to the gym while mom got their other kid up and fed them both b-fast and lunch...HOW did she NOT notice 1 kid was missing, seriously?! Needless to say dad found the baby in the carseat after he came out of the gym and there was no happy ending. Last I heard the parents weren't charged with anything either, something is very hokey there I think. I simply do NOT understand how anyone could do this!

I obsessively glance in my rearview mirror at DS (there is a mirror in front of him so I can see him). I drive a big suv and always stick my bag on the backseat floor or under DS's carseat on the floor, even when I occasionally put it on the front passenger seat I still walk around to the other side to get it out, it's habit.

When DS was in his infant seat, if he was leaving the car so did the carseat mainly bc it's so freakin' hot here it was easier to get him in and out of it inside. In his convertible seat it would be impossible to forget he was here, I can see him (or hear) constantly!

I guess if you are that concerned about forgetting your child is in the car and if an alarm will give you some peace of mind by all means do it. I am a stay at home mom and basically everywhere I go ds goes to, I think at 22 months I can count the # of times i've gone anywhere on my own with both hands still. So if he's not with me I know there is something missing, I guess though if you worked a crazy job or had multiple children you could get lost in the jumble and it could happen.

I personally have more of a fear of someone climbing in thru the windows and stealing him or having him snatched while i'm out as someone bonks me over the head while i'm putting him in the carseat or something. Yes, I read alot of books and hubby says I have a very over-active imagination, I was not like this before I got pregnant!

[egoldber]

I guess though if you worked a crazy job or had multiple children you could get lost in the jumble and it could happen.

If you read the WaPo article above, what typically happens is there is a break in routine. The parent who typically does dropoff can't so the other spouse does. But instead of driving to daycare, they go into autopilot mode (like most people do) and drive to work instead, forgetting about the baby in the back of the car.

I think I mentioned in another thread about this, I normally am up and out of the house before anyone else is up. On days DH is out of town, I will literally leave a note on the coffee maker so I don't drive off and leave the kids at home alone!

[khm]

re: the motion sensors, if my car alarm (factory) is set and someone moves inside the car, the alarm goes off. I have a feeling it has to be a pretty big movement and an infant probably wouldn't set it off, but I haven't tested it. (It seems like its physical motion it senses, there aren't visual sensors.) My car is 10 years old, I'm sure the new ones are even more sophisticated. I've "locked" my kids in the car as a test when I figured out that it did that and they set it off just being their wiggly selves. They were older toddlers then.

You just have to click the clicker to get it to stop. If you don't click twice, it'll happen again b/c the alarm is still activated. If you click twice, it'll deactivate the alarm altogether.

I've read that article, and there was a case near me several years ago. It is such a sad thing and these parents have my deepest sympathy. The brain is a funny thing. It's not like they didn't think about their kids all day, most said they did, but they really and truly thought they'd been dropped off, that they were where they were supposed to be.

I do think the best thing is to place your briefcase/purse back by the seat. It'll engrain a habit to check the seat.

[Pennylane]

I do think the best thing is to place your briefcase/purse back by the seat. It'll engrain a habit to check the seat.

I find it interesting that someone would remember to look for their purse/briefcase before they get out of their car, but wouldn't remember to look for their child.

Ann

[sidmand]

I find it interesting that someone would remember to look for their purse/briefcase before they get out of their car, but wouldn't remember to look for their child.

Ann

Because you almost always have your purse/briefcase with you but you don't always have your child with you. It's not indicative of which you value more, it's just more of what is a habit to you.

[Pennylane]

Because you almost always have your purse/briefcase with you but you don't always have your child with you. It's not indicative of which you value more, it's just more of what is a habit to you.

99 % of the time my children are with me, so even when I go out alone I am still checking for them in the car.

Ann

[khm]

I find it interesting that someone would remember to look for their purse/briefcase before they get out of their car, but wouldn't remember to look for their child.

Ann

Well, that's not really how I understand the way the mind has failed in these cases. The way this was explained here and on Oprah (like I said, a case happened nearby and it was on the news constantly from all angles) is that it's not a matter of "forgetting" per se.

There is typically a change in routine. The person's brain kind of.... glitches/autopilots and the person just goes on about their day as they do 99.99% of the time - typically, their briefcase it part of that day and WILL be noticed if it is missing. It's not a perfect plan, but it is something.

What isn't a part of their day is having the baby in the office. The briefcase they'll probably realize sooner or later than they forgot it.

In their MIND, the baby is at daycare. It absolutely is not that the person "forgets" they have a baby, thinks donuts or meetings are more important than the baby, they simply have shorted out on the dropping the baby off part. They thought about the baby during the day, but they thought about daycare. I don't think any of the cases involved a parent suddenly "remembering" that they forgot the drop-off. I'm pretty sure the baby was always discovered by another person or by the parent when they returned to the car. One parent got in the car and drove it to daycare at the end of the day and STILL didn't realize. The act of driving to the daycare didn't trigger anything.

It is NOT black and white. It is not that they are awful people, or careless, or complete space-cases.

Before it happened, they couldn't **imagine** that they'd ever do something like that either. But, every year, people do.

So, if putting an item you *typically* have with you at your destination will help, why not do it?

Beth is spot on when she talks about the raw pain in that article, it's raw in part because they cannot comprehend HOW it happened to them. Grief is horrible enough on it's own, I can't imagine adding on the guilt and shame and disbelief too. It's truly gutting to read.

[egoldber]

I find it interesting that someone would remember to look for their purse/briefcase before they get out of their car, but wouldn't remember to look for their child.

Perhaps read the article. It's horrifying because it really could happen to anyone. Even wonderful, loving parents.

For a SAH parent, your routine involves getting your child out of the car wherever you go. For a WOH parent, it doesn't. That's the problem. When the daily routine is broken, that's when there's a problem.

[wellyes]

It is NOT black and white. It is not that they are awful people, or careless, or complete space-cases.

Yes. It'd be comforting to think that tragedies like this only happen to awful parents. But that's dangerous thinking , actually - that it'd never happen to someone like ME, who really loves my child. This is one of those times when a little paranoia might be good, might make all the difference.

[Pennylane]

Perhaps read the article. It's horrifying because it really could happen to anyone. Even wonderful, loving parents.

For a SAH parent, your routine involves getting your child out of the car wherever you go. For a WOH parent, it doesn't. That's the problem. When the daily routine is broken, that's when there's a problem.

I did read the article. It is horrifying and I feel awful for the people it happened to. I still can not imagine forgetting or not knowing where my child is. My routine changes.There are times when my DH takes the children to preschool or picks them up, etc. SAH or WOH, my first thought would always be on my child. Not trying to argue, just can't imagine being that distracted.

Ann

[egoldber]

And for someone whose routine changes a lot, there is less danger IMO. It's the person who always does one thing and then one day doesn't, then there is the potential. But it only takes one time of being distracted. And it's really only for that short time when they are babies or small toddlers who fall asleep deeply when in the car.

[gatorsmom]

This is one of those times when a little paranoia might be good, might make all the difference.

:yeahthat: And it is exactly times like this when I am thankful that I'm over-the-norm paranoid about my kids. Other mothers have laughed at me. Let them. I always know where my 4 kids are because I am so afraid of losing one. I can't imagine not wondering where my kids are all the time. But I can believe that it could happen to someone else.

[Pennylane]

:yeahthat: And it is exactly times like this when I am thankful that I'm over-the-norm paranoid about my kids. Other mothers have laughed at me. Let them. I always know where my 4 kids are because I am so afraid of losing one. I can't imagine not wondering where my kids are all the time. But I can believe that it could happen to someone else.

Me too! I stopped long ago trying to defend my protectiveness over my children.

Ann

[maestramommy]

Wow, I didn't know such a thing existed!

[sunnyside]

I have a friend who actually did forget her daughter in the car for half an hour and when she remembered she was extremely upset. And this is a SAHM with 2 children. A very very good mom.

Monday, I didn't remember until 9pm that I meant to go to yoga at 7pm. It wasn't until I sat on the couch at 9pm and thought about my day that I realized. I'm not normally scatterbrained, but I'm pretty distracted I guess with my first baby due any day now. I am going to look at the alarm links. I am sure I'd never forget, just like none of you would ever forget, but just in case, I do still want an alarm.

I've been really scared by these stories, and I just feel like I have to get the alarm.

The thread is really interesting and I appreciate everyone's comments!

[TwinFoxes]

OP, bravo to you for taking the steps you feel are necessary to keep your DC safe. Better to get an alarm and risk being judged, if that's what YOU need to feel secure. :hug:

I've never worried about leaving DDs, and never come close. But I don't feel the need to judge you. Do what's best for you.

[kijip]

I forgot that F was in the car one evening. Thankfully it was a winter evening, and only for a short time and F was asleep in a chilly car covered by a blanket the whole time so no ill result except for my near heart attack when I realized what I had done. But it can happen to ANYONE, no one on this board or elsewhere is immune. I am over the top paranoid about car safety as well and would never leave my baby in the car to sleep while I so much as pay for a hot dog at a stand on the corner- just not in my personal comfort zone. I am not the stereotype anyone has about the sort of person that leaves their kid in the car either willfully or by accident. This is really something that is easy to judge but hard to understand.

People can call me many things but an inattentive, uncaring or bad mother is not one of them. But everybody has moments where the mind fails us- some in more dramatic or upsetting ways, some is less dramatic fashion with more minor or no consequence. Also, scatterbrain behavior is not atypical of sleepless people or those with post partum issues. Would this happen to me now, when I sleep 6-7 hours a night and workout 1+ hours essentially everyday and eat all my good veggies because I have time to cook now that I have an older toddler and a 7 year old, and generally have remarkably good memory? Possible, but very unlikely. The odds go up for new parents, with hormones raging and sleeplessness or a lot of stress. I am not making an excuse, but certainly the stress and strain of the time (end of life care, ppd/ppa), combined with poor nutrition (no time or energy to cook) and little physical activity (no sleep, no exercise) left my brain more mushy than me now.

When this happened, I was SAH to care for my dying mother and F. It was not a daycare drop off break in routine but an ordinary evening, driving home. I simply forgot that I was alone with F. I think it hurt that he had not left the house with me- I had been at the hospital with my mom and then my dad had brought F (sleeping in his seat) to me and taken over hospital sitting. I took him, snapped him into the carseat base and driven home to get some rest. Had I placed him in the seat or had he made a peep during the drive, I would likely not have forgotten he was there with me.

Ever driven home when you intended to go to the store? Or to the office on your day off when you left the house to do something fun? Ever walked to a room and forgot why you walked in there? It's the same sort of thing.

I can't even begin to imagine the horror of having injured or killed my child. But I do see now how it could happen "even to someone like me".

Thank goodness this happened on a very cold night and not during the day when the sun was up. I am very lucky.

[cuca_]

Ever driven home when you intended to go to the store? Or to the office on your day off when you left the house to do something fun? Ever walked to a room and forgot why you walked in there? It's the same sort of thing.

This is exactly what I thought of when I read this thread. I have done the above, and have also found myself driving in the wrong direction because it is the direction I usually drive in to drop my kids off at school, etc... and my mind goes in auto pilot despite the fact that I am not headed there. I am very paranoid about my kids, but I can see how this can happen. Especially if you are sleep deprived and preoccupied or stressed about something.

[chottumommy]

I too am paranoid of this happening and I totally believe it can happen to anybody, because the time it happens is probably the time they thought it least likely to happen.

Me and my DH always make it a point to ask how the drop-off was about half and hour after we leave home (commute is 5 min). We both have an alarm in our phone for half hour after drop-off and before pick-up and even if we're a in a meeting we sync over the phone or IM to check what happened, who's picking up and so on.

This is apart from the usual laptop, purse in the backseat and I keep talking to my son in the car all the way to his daycare or back.

I wish somehow the car makers and carseat makers get together and introduce a feature where you cannot lock the car when the seat is occupied. Even 1 death is too many when it comes to a simple thing like a child left in the carset.