I didn't realize I was in a breeding competition!

[Bens Momma]

First I want to say that I'm very happy for my sister, but her remarks are really bugging me!! My sister who already has one child just found out that she's expecting twins...I get that this is a big adjustment and that everyone doesn't have twins, but she's remarked to me (at least 6 times!) "Can you believe we're going to have more kids than you?" "I'm going to have the most kids out of all us (siblings), who would have thought?" DH says I shouldn't take it personally, but I felt these were really odd things to say :shrug: especially multiple times!! I mean I can think of many other remarks to make to someone who is congratulating you on expecting, and how does she know we're NOT planning on having any more kids? Maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way.....anyway it still bugs the sh@t out of me and I think I'll scream if she says it to me again!!

Momma to 2 ACTIVE DS :bouncy::bouncy:

[MamaMolly]

I'm with you, that is just a weird thing to say. I'm wondering what her point is? By saying it repeatedly it sounds like she's trying to say something more than she would by just saying it once.

I don't get it.

[Tondi G]

I would just say to her exactly what you said here, "wow I didn't realize that we were part of a breeding competition, Good luck handling 2 at once!" Hopefully she'll get it then!

[ThreeofUs]

Gosh, how annoying! I can absolutely see where you're coming from.

One possibility is that she's still in shock and trying to process it as best she can. Some folks make remarks like this about situations they know they have to accept but are really nervous about.

[JCat]

It is kind of weird. As a total outsider this is what I'm thinking. She's having twins! Did she secretly undergo fertility treatments? If she did no wonder she can't believe it. She probably can't believe she has one, let alone two more on the way!!
I'm not saying any of this to say your annoyance isn't totally justified. But I'd expect she'll be saying a lot more, "I can't believe.....!!!" in the next few months if it's true.
Double congratulation to her, and you on being a double auntie again soon!

[elliput]

That does sound very annoying, but it appears to me like your sister is still trying to wrap her head around the idea of having twins/three kids. Maybe just an acknowledgement along the lines of "Yeah, it is really amazing" or some such will get her to give it a rest.

[Gena]

It sounds to me like she's in shock. Did she always plan to have a lot of kids (to some people 3 is a lot) or is having twins pushing her our of her comfort zone? Maybe she never really thought of herself as the motherly type when she was young, but easily saw you in that role.

[egoldber]

It sounds to me like she's in shock.

:yeahthat:

[elizabethkott]

"Wow. Are they both going to come out of your VAGINA at the same time?"
"Hope your VAGINA doesn't get too loose and floppy!"
"You better start doing those keigles now to get your VAGINA all good to go!"
"Wow! We'll have to get a gold medal for your VAGINA, since it will have done more work than mine!"
Any chance to use "vagina" in a sentence to make someone feel uncomfortable is worth it! :)
Definately weird to keep making the comments. She's probably just trying to wrap her head around the whole situation. But I can see how it would get annoying pretty darn fast!

[Bens Momma]

That does sound very annoying, but it appears to me like your sister is still trying to wrap her head around the idea of having twins/three kids. Maybe just an acknowledgement along the lines of "Yeah, it is really amazing" or some such will get her to give it a rest.

:yeahthat:
That was my exact reply the last time I talked with her and I added "You guys will do great with them and it'll be so fun to have three!" Haven't talked to her since so we'll see if she continues the annoying comments....I do agree with everyone's assessment that she's trying to wrap her head around the idea of twins, it's just that I could think of a million other comments that I would make like "I can't believe we're having twins" or "Oh my gosh who would have thought I'd end up having three kids" rather than the me vs. you crap!

Liz---LOVE your vagina comments :hysterical:! I may end up using one if sis continues her remarks!! Oh and a belated congrats on your impending arrival, you must be getting excited!

[AshleyAnn]

Maybe she only planned on having two and is totally freaked by having three.

My SIL says similar things when I mention that I would like more. She has two and is clearly overwhelmed. (we have 1)

[arivecchi]

Sounds to me like she is freaking out and wants you to calm her down. I had a friend who freaked out over having twins. It took her a while to accept it. Maybe she just feels like you are the only one who can really understand the magnitude of it? :)

[gatorsmom]

First I want to say that I'm very happy for my sister, but her remarks are really bugging me!! My sister who already has one child just found out that she's expecting twins...I get that this is a big adjustment and that everyone doesn't have twins, but she's remarked to me (at least 6 times!) "Can you believe we're going to have more kids than you?" "I'm going to have the most kids out of all us (siblings), who would have thought?" DH says I shouldn't take it personally, but I felt these were really odd things to say :shrug: especially multiple times!! I mean I can think of many other remarks to make to someone who is congratulating you on expecting, and how does she know we're NOT planning on having any more kids? Maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way.....anyway it still bugs the sh@t out of me and I think I'll scream if she says it to me again!!

Momma to 2 ACTIVE DS :bouncy::bouncy:

My dear, she has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what she is in for. The next time she says something inconsiderate, you just think of what this mother of twins is saying right now. AFTER A YEAR WITH TWINS, SHE WILL NEVER BE SMUG AGAIN. She will become a completely different person. Mark my words.

[ha98ed14]

Maybe she only planned on having two and is totally freaked by having three.

My SIL says similar things when I mention that I would like more. She has two and is clearly overwhelmed. (we have 1)

Tread lightly here. "Overwhelmed" comes in different forms. There is the "overwhelmed" that happens when any new baby enters a family, no matter how many previous DC there are. Even couples who were previously childless can feel overwhelmed by one new baby. :hug:

There are also people who, 3 years into parenting a single DC, are still overwhelmed... enough so that they know they are done. :waving4:

Then there are people who have their children in short succession, so they may have multiple births, 2 DC 18 mos apart, or 3 kids under 5, 4 kids under 6, or some such combo. It is an "overwhelmed" that most likely lessens with time as DC become older and more self sufficient for things like eating (without making a mess) dressing and pottying. It's a :dizzy: overwhelmed with a light at the end of the tunnel.

Then there are people who don't know when to quit. :6: You can see it. I can see it. But for whatever reason they cannot see that they are neglecting the children they do have by keeping on keeping on. These are the people for whom overwhelmed is not only a way of life, it's a cross to bear, a hill to dye on, and they deserve a medal for suffering through it. Not that I know anyone like this... :innocent:

But my point is, be careful of when you call "Time!" because in any one shapshot moment, we *all* have been overwhelmed. It didn't mean we were too overwhelmed to keep going. Unless of course, you knew you were. ;)

[TwinFoxes]

Sounds to me like she is freaking out and wants you to calm her down. I had a friend who freaked out over having twins. It took her a while to accept it. Maybe she just feels like you are the only one who can really understand the magnitude of it? :)

:yeahthat: Dude, I was FREAKING OUT when I found out we were having twins. I know I said "I can't believe I'll have the more/same number" to people. It wasn't a competition to me. It was just, um, wow TWO at ONCE? I had never changed a diaper in my life, and well, did I mention I was freaking out? :) In a good way though. (Just last night DH looked at me and said, we have twins!)

If it really bugs you, just gently say "it's not a competition sis".

Did I mention the whole freaking out thing? :wink2:

[Melaine]

My dear, she has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what she is in for. The next time she says something inconsiderate, you just think of what this mother of twins is saying right now. AFTER A YEAR WITH TWINS, SHE WILL NEVER BE SMUG AGAIN. She will become a completely different person. Mark my words.


:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat:

I can see why her wording might bug you, but don't let it. She isn't going to know what hit her in a little while.

[Melaine]

:yeahthat: Dude, I was FREAKING OUT when I found out we were having twins. I know I said "I can't believe I'll have the more/same number" to people. It wasn't a competition to me. It was just, um, wow TWO at ONCE? I had never changed a diaper in my life, and well, did I mention I was freaking out? :) In a good way though. (Just last night DH looked at me and said, we have twins!)

If it really bugs you, just gently say "it's not a competition sis".

Did I mention the whole freaking out thing? :wink2:


This is really true. I kid you not, there are still times I look at my girls and think: "Twins? REALLY?? Is this for real?" It really is mind boggling, even for someone like me who hasn't ever known a normal single pregnancy!

[Momof3Labs]

I have to agree that she is probably in shock and overwhelmed. Be gentle with her and try not to take her words at face value. We had planned on only 3 kids and ended up with four, and I'm sure that I said some things in my shock that could have ended up in my thread, but it was the shock speaking, nothing more.

And PLEASE don't say most of those vagina comments to her now. When I was dealing with the news of twins, some of those would have pushed me completely over the edge that I was teetering on.

[Bens Momma]

All great responses and perspectives, especially from the Mommas to twins that have been through it :bowdown:! I don't think I'd ever have the guts to say some of the vagina comments, so don't worry! I get the shock factor, but I just wish she would think about what she's saying and how it might make someone (me) feel and that it sounds completely tacky! I'll give her a pass but if she continues to make these type of comments I'm going to have to say something, just don't know what yet. Hopefully she'll get a grip and we can have more positive and helpful conversations about the impending births! Oh and BTW, she just called and left a message yesterday that they found out it's 2 boys.....something I do know about, well just not twins ;)

[LadyPeter]

This reminds me of my best friend, who had terribly cold feet before she got married. She kept saying things like, "Can you believe I'm getting married before you? I always thought you'd get married first." And so on, till I was about to smack her. Turns it, it was the fear talking. She ended up not going through with it, so I was glad I didn't say anything mean.

[Cheburashka]

On the off chance she is bragging, be sure to commend her on her fabulously productive ovaries and her husband's super-efficient sperm. Some people have to go through pregnancy twice for two babies, but not them!

[Momof3Labs]

All great responses and perspectives, especially from the Mommas to twins that have been through it :bowdown:! I don't think I'd ever have the guts to say some of the vagina comments, so don't worry! I get the shock factor, but I just wish she would think about what she's saying and how it might make someone (me) feel and that it sounds completely tacky! I'll give her a pass but if she continues to make these type of comments I'm going to have to say something, just don't know what yet. Hopefully she'll get a grip and we can have more positive and helpful conversations about the impending births! Oh and BTW, she just called and left a message yesterday that they found out it's 2 boys.....something I do know about, well just not twins ;)

Perhaps ask her how she's doing - how she's feeling about having twins, the birth, whatever is "fair game" given your relationship. Maybe by getting her to open up about the stress (they hit you with a LOT of high risk preg stuff at the beginning of a twin pregnancy), she will be able to channel her feelings through more productive comments.

[MamaSnoo]

[QUOTE=elizabethkott;2766316
"Wow! We'll have to get a gold medal for your VAGINA, since it will have done more work than mine!"
[/QUOTE]

:hysterical:

This is soooooooo funny. It is, perhaps, the best "vagina" come-back ever. I hope it made you laugh a while so that you can forget your silly sister's silly comments.....

(I do not mean that she is silly for feeling overwhelmed by the thought of twins...honestly, if I were pregnant with twins, I'd have a hard time getting any comments out because I would be speechless for the entire gestation!)

[dowlinal]

I have to agree that she is probably in shock and overwhelmed. Be gentle with her and try not to take her words at face value. We had planned on only 3 kids and ended up with four, and I'm sure that I said some things in my shock that could have ended up in my thread, but it was the shock speaking, nothing more.

And PLEASE don't say most of those vagina comments to her now. When I was dealing with the news of twins, some of those would have pushed me completely over the edge that I was teetering on.


I could have written Lori's post word for word. My twins are a year old and I still can't believe I have four kids. I spent the first 1-2 months of my pregnancy alternating btw panic and pure terror. I don't even want to think about some of the stuff that must have come out of my mouth.