Would you talk to your neighbors about this?

[firstbaby]

We moved into our home 5 years ago and coexist nicely with our neighbors. Some we like very much and socialize with, and some we coexist with and exchange pleasantries.

When everyone first moved in (newer neighborhood), a few people got very close very quickly. We would occasionally hang out with them and enjoyed our time visiting. Our immediate next door neighbor also has two boys and our kids have played together fairly nicely.

LONG story short, but a few of our neighbors (including our next door neighbors) party practically every Saturday night together. Which is fine - except - it includes the kids running around all hours of the night and lots of commotion. I mean flashlight tag at 11pm and our yard is somehow part of the territory. It wakes our kids up. Another neighbor has a golf cart that they drive around in with young kids practically hanging off and no seat belts to speak of.

Slowly, we feel like our yard is being taken over my our neighbors and their kids. They are a couple of years older than our kids and play outside unsupervised. A few days ago, the kids were playing hide and seek. The kids were CRAWLING / JUMPING on DH's truck to see if any of their friends were hiding in his truck. The mom was visiting with friends on their porch and said nothing. Our front flowers have been trampled by them running into our yard to retrieve balls and our cars and front lamp post have been hit by balls several times while they are out playing. I've seen it happen.

During these unsupervised outside play sessions, they are usually playing into our yard and leave several toys IN our yard - balls, lacrosse sticks, etc. Today I was picking up napkins that were left in our yard from their get together yesterday. DH has had to ask the kids playing to please not sit on the phone box between our yards as it is not level and rocks very easily. He always tries to ask very nicely but it is frustrating to supervise others kids.

After picking up the trash in our yard tonight, I am very sad about this whole thing. I feel like our neighbors have been very cool towards us in the last few months because we don't party like they do. I want to be a good neighbor, but I do not want to set ourselves up for a summer of kids running through our yard and me picking up their toys and trash. The kids are old enough to know better / take care of their things, but I don't think the example is being set by the parents, either. Add to the frustration that we would not allow our kids or our guests to run around their yard, leave trash or toys, etc. So we are being treated in a way that we have never and would never give back, if that makes sense.

Sooooo, WWYD? I would really like DH to go and nicely talk with them and reiterate that we like them and want to be good neighbhors but would appreciate some common decency - no kids running / screaming in our yard after 9pm, no climbing all over our cars, etc. Thoughts?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd build a fence!!

Beth

[wellyes]

YIKES.

If I *ever* saw a kid climbing on my car/truck without permission - my own, friends, neighbors , strangers - I'd say "hey, get off there!" Not as a crotchety old person. It is simply not OK and they probably know it and were probably enjoying the transgression. I don't make a habit of disciplining other people's kids but to a certain extent any grownup is a "lifegaurd" with the right to blow a whistle if kids get too rowdy.

[HIU8]

My thoughts exactly. With a locking gate (key lock).

[hillview]

I'd build a fence!!

Beth

:yeahthat:

We have a fence (we built it) and we have the BEST neighbors :)
/hillary

[swissair81]

I would also build a fence.

[Cam&Clay]

Good fences = good neighbors

[TwinFoxes]

I'd build a fence!!

Beth

Or a moat!

But seriously, I think you may have to write off the friendship, because there really isn't one. Your neighbors are unbelievably insensitive. You may have to really lay down the law. Which sucks. But honestly, the kids are annoying now, what will they be like as teens?

I think I'd try one last shot at asking them in a neighborly way. Good luck.

ETA: I realized that you haven't talked to them at all, for some reason I thought you had and had been ignored. You really have to talk to them, they may have no idea how annoying they're being. Hopefully they're not jerks, and will be better neighbors.

[WolfpackMom]

I am currently in the process of building a fence, thanks to crazy neighbors, but fences are expensive. If thats not an option for you, or if you think that might isolate you from your neighbors and cause the adults to be more negative toward you, I would consider repeatedly asking the kids to vacate the yard everytime they are on your property. If the late nights are getting to be a problem, strike up a casual conversation with a neighbor and mention that you heard everyone out late the other night, would they mind keeping the kids out of the yard because your DC can hear them in their rooms when its bedtime...or something like that.

[amandabea]

Our neighbor's girls are a little like this and it drives my DH crazy. They leave toys in the common driveway area between our two houses, kick balls into our bushes, leave dirty handprints on our garage doors, run through our frontyard, etc. It doesn't bother me as much as I know they are good kids, but just a bit wild. My DH has on occassion said something to them directly - when they've been in our bushes for instance - and would have no problem speaking to their parents. We know the parents would immediately reprimand the girls if we did complain, so that helps some. I would never say anything - I leave those things to DH. If they ever hit or even touched our car though, my DH would be livid and would say something.

I think if they are in your yard, then you can ask them to play in their own yard and to not leave their toys in your yard. While I may not be the type of person to say something directly, if they left their things in my yard, I'd throw them away.

[peanut520]

I'd build a fence!!

Beth
:yeahthat:

i like my neighbors but my house (and yard) is my property and if they can't respect that tuff cookies. i choose my friends, but my neighbor i had no choice with.

[California]

Motion activated sprinklers?? Somebodies got to make them. And then spend a few evenings hiding behind the curtains in your living room setting off the alarm on the truck by remote every time a kid gets close to it .

Oh, and a nice yard sign that says "All toys left behind will be donated to the Goodwill." :icon_twisted:

[carolinamama]

I'd build a fence!!

Beth

That's what I kept thinking too. We have a fence and I feel like it protects our neighbors from my kids and us from their kids and stuff. I'm not sure what I would do otherwise - that's a sticky situation.

[pharmjenn]

It seems like speaking to them is not going to change much. As for the toys, everytime you find them, take them into your garage or throw them away as PP mentioned. I can't imagine Lacrosse sticks are cheap, so the parents may start to control their kids more if the kids are losing their equipment

[Raidra]

Motion activated sprinklers?? Somebodies got to make them. And then spend a few evenings hiding behind the curtains in your living room setting off the alarm on the truck by remote every time a kid gets close to it .

Oh, and a nice yard sign that says "All toys left behind will be donated to the Goodwill." :icon_twisted:

I think these are *great* suggestions!

Thankfully, our neighborhood kids have outgrown this stuff, but we used to have similar problems. It's very irritating, especially since I'm very good about making sure my kids never step foot in someone else's yard without permission.

I would try saying something first, especially mentioning that your kids are getting woken up. Most parents can sympathize with how much that would suck. A fence is a great idea, but in the meantime (and if it's not in the budget), start taking their toys and putting them in your garage. I would hesitate to outright throw out expensive equipment. If you're picking up trash anyway, I'd deposit it on their front lawn.

I might not be the most tactful, though.. when we had a problem with dogs running loose in our neighborhood, I bought a bunch of cheap leashes and made copies of our town's leash law, then left the offenders anonymous gifts.

[firstbaby]

Thanks for the words of advice so far. A fence really isn't in the budget right now and it wouldn't do anything to keep them away from the front of our house with our cars, etc.

It just stinks because I can see it going the wrong way and having them tell everyone we're so mean and un-neighborly. After all, our kids aren't out at 11pm at night running through their yard and pawing up on their cars, etc. Ugh.

I do think that DH will go have the conversation with them when we see them out next and can work it in. He would like me to simply pick up any "extra" toys left in our yard since they were not important enough to pick up. BUT, I have my own kids to worry about and don't need the extra work, KWIM?

Ironically, we were illegally contacted twice by a debt collection firm trying to collect money from them. DH always remarks when the guests arrive how expensive it is to entertain...

[Indianamom2]

[QUOTE=Raidra;2766391]I think these are *great* suggestions!

Thankfully, our neighborhood kids have outgrown this stuff, but we used to have similar problems. It's very irritating, especially since I'm very good about making sure my kids never step foot in someone else's yard without permission.

I would try saying something first, especially mentioning that your kids are getting woken up. Most parents can sympathize with how much that would suck. A fence is a great idea, but in the meantime (and if it's not in the budget), start taking their toys and putting them in your garage. I would hesitate to outright throw out expensive equipment. If you're picking up trash anyway, I'd deposit it on their front lawn.[QUOTE]


:yeahthat:
Been there, done that here too. I probably am "that" neighbor that you don't want to become, but I had had my fill not long after we moved here with one particular family (6 young kids). They were constantly in our yard, around our pool, actually showing up on my doorstep in their swimsuits/beach towels, asking to swim. Ummm...no! (I was quite pregnant with my first the summer this happened.)

I finally had to talk with the parents of these kids (three or four houses over) after finding their 2-3 year old trying to climb up onto the deck around our pool, with no supervision in sight. I only saw him because I happened to be looking out the window while washing dishes. I then watched him pee in our yard. I marched him over to his parents house and explained that we did not want anyone around our pool/yard because of the safety issues (I told the dad that his son was trying to climb onto the deck (there was a locked gate).

We've not had problems since. I'm not sure we're all that well liked, but then again, we're not partyers anyhow.

[ehf]

The best advice I've been given about situations like this is...

1. Assume the best, even if you suspect otherwise. Pretend like they can't possibly know they are waking up your children. Pretend like they have no idea their kids are leaving stuff in your yard. Mentally psych yourself for this--you don't want to be totally fake. Your goal is to genuinely try to solve the problem in good faith.

2. Deal directly. I would never throw someone else's stuff away to punish them before I had even addressed the problem.

I would not worry about being seen as stuffy neighbors. You owe it to all the kids (including theirs) to model all kinds of appropriate behavior--from proper bedtimes, to respecting people's property, to being respectful even if you are dealing with someone who you suspect is not as classy as you are.

Gird your loins and remember that you have nothing to be embarrassed about--your requests are reasonable, and you are communicating, not judging, by letting the neighbors know what your requests are.

GOOD LUCK.

[ha98ed14]

The best advice I've been given about situations like this is...

1. Assume the best, even if you suspect otherwise. Pretend like they can't possibly know they are waking up your children. Pretend like they have no idea their kids are leaving stuff in your yard. Mentally psych yourself for this--you don't want to be totally fake. Your goal is to genuinely try to solve the problem in good faith.

2. Deal directly. I would never throw someone else's stuff away to punish them before I had even addressed the problem.

I would not worry about being seen as stuffy neighbors. You owe it to all the kids (including theirs) to model all kinds of appropriate behavior--from proper bedtimes, to respecting people's property, to being respectful even if you are dealing with someone who you suspect is not as classy as you are.

Gird your loins and remember that you have nothing to be embarrassed about--your requests are reasonable, and you are communicating, not judging, by letting the neighbors know what your requests are.

GOOD LUCK.

OMG! I am going to print this and hang it up on my bathroom mirror! This is the answer to handling all my conflicts with SIL!!! Seriously! You *MUST* be a therapist! (Or a longtime CBT patient!) THANK YOU!!!

[gatorsmom]

I'd build a fence!!

Beth

:yeahthat: Even if you only build a divider between your two houses, I'd make sure it was good and tall and totally divided your houses. OR I'd try some of California's ideas. Motion-activated sprinklers, car alarm going off in the car when they climb on it, bringing their toys into your garage are some good sorta subtle ideas.

[ha98ed14]

Motion activated sprinklers?? Somebodies got to make them. And then spend a few evenings hiding behind the curtains in your living room setting off the alarm on the truck by remote every time a kid gets close to it .


Indeed, someone does. http://www.amazon.com/Contech-Electronics-CRO101-Scarecrow-Motion-Activated/dp/B000071NUS/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Here is a review. I think it looks quite promising since you can adjust the amount of water that sprays.


1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Easy setup, effective. Here's how it works., June 9, 2010
By Max Pinton (Seattle, WA USA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Contech Electronics CRO101 Scarecrow Motion-Activated Sprinkler (Lawn & Patio)
I was surprised by how easily this was to put together and set up. You put the scarecrow stickers on yourself, so those are optional if you prefer a more subtle look. I've only had it out for a couple days, but I've seen deer react to it and they leave in a hurry. I might get another one.

One thing I wanted to mention that I didn't quite grasp when I ordered it is that it's just a motion sensor that opens a valve to a sprinkler. It's not doing any aiming; it just turns the sprinkler on for a few seconds. You can adjust the sprinkler coverage with a couple stops and the distance with a wheel on the top of the sprinkler head, but it's not like it hits animals with a targeted jet of water.

Still, a great product that humanely deters animals.

[Tondi G]

Have your husband talk to them or just write them a handwritten note. Explain all the situations you have seen and experienced and ask them nicely to please attempt to keep their children from running through your backyard with flashlights after dark because it wakes your sleeping children. (Being parents themselves I can't see where they would take offense to this one!) Please clean up any food stuff (napkins/plates etc) if they eat in the front because it was either left on your grass or the wind blew a bunch of trash into your yard recently leaving you to clean up the mess. I would mention about the Lacrosse sticks being left in your yard and that you know they are not inexpensive and you would hate for them to be stolen or damaged because they were left in your driveway and could have been driven over by mistake.

If that didn't do the trick I would make an attempt to speak to the children directly. Explain that your kids go to sleep earlier then they do and you would really appreciate it if they could try to keep it down and stay out of your backyard after dark cause it wakes your little ones! Sometimes hearing it from another adult gets the point across a whole lot better than hearing it from their own parents.

If I saw a child climbing on my car or property I would have no problem speaking up and telling them what they are doing is inappropriate/disrespectful.

Good Luck

[rlu]

We have similar issue with the next door kids. Toys left on the lawn are put on the far side of our garage near our gate. They are usually gone the next day, so I assume the appropriate kids are taking them back or other kids are stealing them, not my problem. A couple of days ago the kids were on our lawn at 9pm (DS goes to bed at 8:30). I simply opened the door and asked them "would you get off our lawn, thanks" and shut the door. I did mean to be a bit more tactful but was tired. Maybe I am the mean old neighbor, who knows, who cares?

and Christina, with the pool and the 2yo, I would have freaked first about him coming over unattended and trying to get into the pool and second about the peeing! I probably would have screamed at the little s**t and scared him (not the best way to keep him out, but yesh!) I'm glad you were able to handle it calmly.

[HonoluluMom]

Didn't read everyone's posts in detail, but how about inviting the families over for a get together and casually mention about the noise, toys, etc. If they are true friends, the parents would probably feel pretty bad about everything and reassure you that they'll talk to the kids.

[lizzywednesday]

Indeed, someone does. http://www.amazon.com/Contech-Electronics-CRO101-Scarecrow-Motion-Activated/dp/B000071NUS/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Here is a review. I think it looks quite promising since you can adjust the amount of water that sprays.
...-

FWIW, my stepdad bought and used one of these during the first summer he & my mom were in their house down the shore. It's 2 doors down from a bar, so they were having a problem with the drunks peeing on their driveway.

The scarecrow helped deter the drunks ... and provided my stepdad with several evenings of entertainment.

[trales]

A nice fence might not be in the budget. But you could use chicken wire and stakes for the backyard as a deterrent, sets a nice visual boundary and then speak to them about the front.

[egoldber]

I think you should just talk to them. Tell them you appreciate that their kids are having a good time, but could they keep the noise down after, say 8 or 9? Also, the playing on the vehicles should be stopped ASAP.

I am wondering, do they have a truck that the kids play in and on? Our neighbor has a truck that he keeps around for hauling things (so not a nice one and he doesn't really care about it) and it is very much a "party truck". :ROTFLMAO: The neighborhood kids crawl around in it, on it, jump in it, snack in it, etc. They *love* being in that truck. They play ball around it, etc. BUT, it does make it hard to teach the kids that other vehicles are NOT to be treated this way.

If they are nice people, then I think they will be apologetic. While you would think they would notice, it's just my experience that people don't always notice the same things I do. And many people are a LOT more laissez-faire than I am. Also, if you haven't said anything, they may assume it's OK with you, KWIM?

If they are not nice people, well, that's harder. Good luck!

[newg]

I use to be a teacher/coach so I have no problem sticking my head out the door and telling the kids around us to stop riding their bikes on our lawn, jumping through out hedges to cut across the yard while playing, and to stop screaming at eachother after 8 right outside DD's window. I've even "politely" told the Dad's to please not put easter eggs in the bushes right next to our house because DD would be sleeping during the easter egg hunt...........
In my mind, the worse that can happen is the kid goes home and says........"Ms. G told me not to ride my bike in her yard.."........whats the parent going to say to me about that....
If you catch the kids doing something, I'd nicely but firmly tell them to stop......and then talk to the parents about the general behavior.

[wellyes]

Also, if you haven't said anything, they may assume it's OK with you, KWIM?

Yeah. It stinks that you are in a position of having to speak up. They should never have done that to you. But it sounds like that's where it stands at this point. The longer it continues without you saying anything, the more awkward it will be when you do let them know that the situation is unacceptable for you.

[California]

LOL-- Oh my, I totally want one of those sprinklers now! My kids would love it and it would solve a pesky problem of people (not immediate neighbors) letting their dogs poop in our front yard when we're not home!!!


I was just joking with my suggestions. The thing I always keep in mind with my neighbors is that we have, ourselves, no doubt done things that have annoyed them-- without even realizing it. Maybe our dog barked at a weird hour while we were on vacation, or our friends filled up the parking spots at our last party and someone had to carry their groceries two blocks. And my neighbors have stayed friendly through it all. Personally I would buy a six pack of beer, head over, and have a friendly talk. Your kids are little right now. They need their sleep and you have your hands full already taking care of them and don't have time to clean up after another family. Tell the kids directly to move on and clean up when you see them in your yard. Think of it as banking on the future-- because there will come a day when your kids want to join in on the flashlight tag!

(Having said that, next time I have extra cash I think I'll get that sprinkler! No more dog poop out front!!)