What would you do? Stay or leave?

[LBW]

I need some second opinions before I do what I think I have to do. Sorry. This is long.

I'm in Ireland with my three kids visiting my parents. We're supposed to be here for 5 weeks. My parents are in their 70s, are very set in their ways, and have never been good about interacting with my kids. They expect the boys to have perfect manners 100% of the time, to always be quiet (inside and out), to never wrestle or fight, and to be able to play independently. Basically all of the things my kids cannot do.

This trip was forced on me. My father gave me the money for the tickets at Christmas so that I would have no excuse to not to come. I would never have chosen to travel with a 2-year old, 4-year old, and 7-year old by myself. I would have waited another 2 years until they were all easier to deal with alone.

I told my parents I would have to work the entire time. I think they thought I was exaggerating when I said I would be working all day every day. I've been working 10-12 hour days since we arrived. Plus, I have to deal with the boys and clean the house constantly (b/c my parents can't stand a "mess"). I'd say I'm averaging about 4 hours sleep a night.

To make this even better, my parents can't stand each other and fight constantly - around me, around the kids - it's nonstop. If they aren't outright arguing they are picking at each other and being nasty. It's awful.

So, I've been dealing with lots of comments about my kids' behavior since we arrived. I knew I was in for the long haul, so I have tried to brush them off and ignore them as much as possible. Today I asked them to take the kids to the park while I was on a conference call - about 2 hours of time. They didn't take them. Instead, when I got off the call they had made themselves dinner (turnips and boiled pork fat - BLECH) and the kids were running around by themselves being crazy. I was immediately told I could "have them" and that they were terrible/out of control/etc. Meanwhile, they are sitting there eating their plates of turnips and fat. (who makes dinner for themselves before small children??!) Whatever, I shooed the kids outside. I won't bore you with the details, but a short time later my father made a comment about beating them. (Yes, you read that right.) Knowing my father, I wasn't totally surprised, and I didn't take the bait. He repeated it, very angrily in front of the boys a short time later - basically yelled at me that I need to beat them with a stick - because they were trying to play with his sprinkler. (Imagine that - three little boys want to play in a sprinkler?!) So, I told him I was done.

I'm planning on changing my return flight. I'd go tomorrow, but I would have to pay nearly $2000 per ticket. The earliest I can go for $250 per ticket is Wednesday.

My sister thinks I should wait it out - "That's just how they are."

Am I overreacting?

[swissair81]

I would be gone on Wednesday. Your kids don't have to suffer because that's how your parents are.

[crl]

I would leave asap. I might even check into a hotel until I could fly out. If I couldn't check into a hotel, I would wait until the last minute to announce my change in plans so I wouldn't have to hear about it for days. I'm really sorry your trip has gone like this.

Catherine

[Andi98989]

Oh yikes - that really stinks. I'm sorry it has gone so poorly. I would definitely be leaving.

[mommylamb]

OMG... I don't know what else to say. Leave Wednesday!!

[elliput]

Leave as soon as you can. Torturing your kids and yourself for another 4 weeks is ridiculous.

[SkyrMommy]

:hug: You and your boys should not have to be in such a negative environment... go...

[lmh2402]

i would most definitely leave

from my own perspective, dealing with a really - at times - irrational father. it's only going to get worse as the visit draws on. if his nerves are shot already, i would depart

[arivecchi]

Get out of there ASAP!

Your post makes me want to go pick you up. I like the suggestion of staying elsewhere in the meantime if you can afford it. So sorry! Hugs! :grouphug:

[HonoluluMom]

Have you talked to your parents about everything? If you already have and they're still acting the way they're acting, I would probably leave.

[TwinFoxes]

Where's the option to stay in a hotel until Wednesday, and then leave on Wednesday? Because that's what I would choose.

And this is why we don't visit my dad.

[LMPC]

I voted to leave on Wednesday, and I typically don't vote that way...but in this case, I'd be out of there (and not go back BTW). Shame there's not somewhere else you can stay and enjoy the country :( I wish I lived in Ireland and could have you come stay with us -- and PLAY WITH THE SPRINKLER!!!!

[LBW]

Have you talked to your parents about everything? If you already have and they're still acting the way they're acting, I would probably leave.

They don't talk about things. When I try to bring things up and talk in a normal way they get defensive. I just tried talking to my mother. She kept saying how sorry she was they disappointed us (not in an I'm sorry way - in a dismissive way) and now she's crying. Great, that helps me a lot.

My heart and gut tell me to leave. But I know they will take this as a huge snub. Dunno why I care, but it's the only thing holding me back from booking the tickets.

[slworld]

Wow ... they forced you to come and this is what you have to deal with. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to take care of 3 kids in a new place (without all the things that may otherwise keep them occupied), work & clean house. Defintely leave wednesday.

ETA - but I guess I could also understand if you don't.

[ha98ed14]

Yeah, this is a no brainer. Visit Over. Your father may have given you the money to come, but he did not make you welcome.

[GoBlue]

Leave immediately.....

1. Book tickets home for Wednesday
2. Go to hotel if possible.
3. Tell your parents that you're sorry that this hasn't worked out the way everyone had hoped, but your only concern is the emotional and physical safety of their grandchildren.
4. Go home!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs....

[wendmatt]

Could you say that something has come up at work that you cannot deal with on the phone and are needed back asap, that way you can leave without hurting their feelings too much. I know you shouldn't care how they feel as they are treating you so badly but they are your parents so I understand your hesitation. Good luck.

[niccig]

Leave now and stay in a hotel until Wednesday.

My parents fight and say nasty things to each other. I've thought about this and I will not let DS be exposed to this behaviour. Bad enough my sisters and I were exposed to it, but I am not letting it continue.

As for them seeing this as a snub - tell them you will not have your children exposed to nasty fighting and being told they will be beaten with a stick.

When your parents can behave around your kids, then they get to see them. That's my stance with my parents, and so far, they have behaved.

Sorry the trip has been awful

[pinkmomagain]

Doesn't sound like this is fun for ANYONE. Get out as soon as you can.

(BTW, I'm not suggesting it needs to be done in a "huff." Just explain that while the plan was nice on paper, in actuality it seems like you all bit off more than you could chew and think everyone needs a break. Looking forward to the next visit in a decade or so.)

[TwinFoxes]

They don't talk about things. When I try to bring things up and talk in a normal way they get defensive. I just tried talking to my mother. She kept saying how sorry she was they disappointed us (not in an I'm sorry way - in a dismissive way) and now she's crying. Great, that helps me a lot.

My heart and gut tell me to leave. But I know they will take this as a huge snub. Dunno why I care, but it's the only thing holding me back from booking the tickets.

I think the key may be to not leave in a huff. Use the 'it's not you, it's me" excuse. They're not disappointing you, YOU just didn't realize how much you had to work, and so you weren't able to watch your boys (and goodness know they're a handful Ma and Pa) so it's probably just best if you leave. No, really, your mind's made up, it's not fair to you two. But you look forward to coming back when work isn't so hectic...

You may want to choke when saying it, but I really think it's the best way to leave, without them taking it badly, which you don't want.

I really think that if you stay, you'll end up doing something to damage your relationship beyond repair. Your kids are normal boys who want to, I dunno, play? I just don't see it ending well if you stay. Good luck!

[HIU8]

I voted leave. I would not want to stay in that situation and expose my kids to that.

I had a grandfather who used to get angry b/c my brother did typical boy stuff and it really irked my grandfather (he was much older and could no longer deal with it). When we visited my grandparents we were gone pretty much most of every single day of the trip (and saw my grandparents for dinner). FWIW, my brother understood very early that just his walking and shuffling would piss off my grandfather. As a preteen one night he kicked me under the table and I yelled. My grandfather yelled at my brother and my brother didn't speak a word to him for 4 years. After that he RARELY saw him (maybe 1 or 2 more times before he passed away YEARS later). So, what my grandfather did really left a mark that my brother still has never forgotten.

[g-mama]

Get out of there as soon as humanly possible. I'm so sorry. :hug:

[mamicka]

Get out as soon as possible, as gracefully as possible. Treat it as "this is just the way it is" because it seems as if it is. There is nothing you can say to change them, they don't get it. No good can come of this if you stay.

[marge234]

I think the key may be to not leave in a huff. Use the 'it's not you, it's me" excuse. They're not disappointing you, YOU just didn't realize how much you had to work, and so you weren't able to watch your boys (and goodness know they're a handful Ma and Pa) so it's probably just best if you leave. No, really, your mind's made up, it's not fair to you two. But you look forward to coming back when work isn't so hectic...

You may want to choke when saying it, but I really think it's the best way to leave, without them taking it badly, which you don't want.

I really think that if you stay, you'll end up doing something to damage your relationship beyond repair. Your kids are normal boys who want to, I dunno, play? I just don't see it ending well if you stay. Good luck!

:yeahthat: I like this or the "something's come up" and we gotta go. Of course they'll almost certainly know it's nonsense but this would enable everyone to save face. You give them a graceful way out. If they push beyond that, well, they'll have to deal with the truth.

[PMJ]

I might first sit down and have a conversation w/ your parents and see if they Understand your perspective. If they don't and they can't seem to be more accomodating (maybe it's their age now.?) -- I'd leave.

In these sitautions, your sanity and kids' sanity is more important and you can't put a price tag on it.

What does your DH think?

[brittone2]

I'd find a hotel and leave as soon as you can manage. So sorry :hug:

[gatorsmom]

I didn't even read your entire post. It was a no brainer for me. YOu are miserable. Your children are miserable. There is nothing keeping you there but your parents who aren't trying really hard to help you there at all. Leave on Wednesday.

[ThreeofUs]

(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry this is going on. I'd get out of there asap; it's not going to get better. Go to an hotel that has kids' activities near it and get on a plane on Wednesday.

ITA though with the suggestion to go with a smile on your face and leaving relieved (not angry) looks behind you. Family is there for life, kwim?

[GonnaBeNana]

I didn't vote. I'm not defending your parents in any way either. Their behavior toward you and your children is obviously not healthy. I'm wondering about a few things though.

Are your parents on any medication? If so, what for? Are you aware of any medical conditions they have? Diabetes comes to mind as does depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder, other brain/body chemistry imbalances. Any of these things, as well as others can cause severe behavioral, emotional, and psychological symptoms. Improper doses or wrong medications can also cause this.

If any of the above are going on, I would try to get medical attention for them immediately. If not, then you must do what's best for you and your boys and leave.

I wouldn't make excuses or lie to them in any way though. Just sit down with them, calmly, and explain to them the things you've noticed, and why their behavior bothers you. Don't let them get a rise out of you or use emotional blackmail. Just state the facts and explain why you're going. Tell them you appreciate the gesture of the tickets and hoped it would be a better trip and you're willing to try again when the kids are older and if their attitudes have changed for the better. Be honest, matter-of-fact, calm, and most of all firm. They owe you common courtesy and respect at the very least, as you do them.

Beth

[daisymommy]

(((HUGS))). I am so sorry you are dealing with this. DH's family is about that bad, and twice we have cut our trip short and left early (once by car, once by plane)--just to get away from them. This is a toxic environment that no one should be exposed to. I would tell them exactly why you are leaving so that the next time they want you to come out or come visit, you can tell them why you are saying "NO!".

I would fly out on Wednesday, but stay in a hotel until then.

[jse107]

No question, I'd leave.

[s7714]

At first I was going to say stay, because with your parents being in their 70s they may not have a lot of interactive years left...but your comments on their lack of interest with the boys clearly shows they're not going to get much positive expereinces with their grandparents. I'd leave earlier, but would still try to make the most of the remaining time you're there.

[elephantmeg]

I would go but it seems a shame to have schleped them to Ireland and not done some of the sights with them. Or maybe you have? I would take some time off and do some fun stuff so their memories of Ireland are of something besides the crazy grandparents and then LEAVE! Sorry it's turned out so badly. The other thing I was wondering about is the possibility of hiring a babysitter/mother's helper while you are there-even for the remaining time.

[hillview]

I think meg's idea of a sitter is a good idea. Is that an option? If not, I'd leave with an excuse of a work emergency. That way you continue to have holiday cards and calls without drama and really at 70 they are not changing. That sounds like a horrible situation SORRY for you and the kids. That sucks.
/hillary

[SoloMelody]

Just a thought...have you considered that grandparents are probably exhausted watching 3 boys and their behavior stems from it. I know my MIL and FIL (62 and 74) can in no way watch my 1 toddler the whole day. She just drains them out and they are exhausted and whiny and cranky as the day goes by.

As you said they probably didnt know what they were getting into when you told them you would be working all day. If a sitter is an option get one, she can also of pick up around the house.

If its all foul language and negative attitude towards the kids just leave.

[hillview]

OK I thought about this some more. Your parents likely had no idea. 5 weeks is a LONG time to be responsible for 3 kids esp when you are in your 70s and have no recent experience. My parents are in their 60s, get paid to watch my 2 kids and struggle with 6 hrs. So ... I might chalk it up to oops bad call all around. So options I think are:
Can you take some time off -- I know that wasn't the deal but well since you are there
Can you hire someone to help out?
Absent either of these options, leaving with a work cover might be the best option.

/hillary

[essnce629]

They sound just like my in-laws and the longest we've lasted at their place was about 5 days! And that was just with one kid-- we said if we ever visited again with DS2 we'd stay in a hotel! I'd be gone on Wednesday, no question about it.

[DietCokeLover]

I like the idea of finding some help if possible. If it doesn'twork, you can always still leave. However, if this is not an option, I'd get the heck out of Dodge.

[dcmom2b3]

Get out of there ASAP!

Your post makes me want to go pick you up.

:yeahthat:

I do like others' suggestions of getting a sitter, but the bickering and arguing would be a huge problem for me.

[Tondi G]

I think the key may be to not leave in a huff. Use the 'it's not you, it's me" excuse. They're not disappointing you, YOU just didn't realize how much you had to work, and so you weren't able to watch your boys (and goodness know they're a handful Ma and Pa) so it's probably just best if you leave. No, really, your mind's made up, it's not fair to you two. But you look forward to coming back when work isn't so hectic...

You may want to choke when saying it, but I really think it's the best way to leave, without them taking it badly, which you don't want.

I really think that if you stay, you'll end up doing something to damage your relationship beyond repair. Your kids are normal boys who want to, I dunno, play? I just don't see it ending well if you stay. Good luck!

This is exactly what I was thinking! I hope you can leave without it being totally ugly but they really are not up for having 3 young children in their home for 5 weeks. Good Luck

[JustMe]

Take care of your children and yourself. Leave. I agree with a pp that if they seemed really interested in interacting with your children, but were inappropriate in some ways, I might try to work it out/find another solution, etc. Also, yeah, maybe if you didn't have to work and could take the kids on some outings alone and always be the one supervising things it would be different. To be completely fair to your parents, yeah, maybe they didn't really understand when you said you'd be working everyday all day.

I do think I would try to make the leaving as unpleasant as possible. If the "something came up" idea would work with them, I'd use it. On the other hand, you can't control it, if they are hurt/upset. You say they'd take it as a snub, and it pretty much is....but that's not your fault.

Hugs!

[newg]

I'd say the real threat of violence against your kids is the only reason I would need. Now you know better than us if your Dad would really follow through. My Dad spanked me as a kid a few times, but I know he would never lay a hand on my kids.
It sounds like most of your parents behaviors are not going to change regardless of how old they are or how much time they spend with your kids.

[TwoBees]

:hug: You and your boys should not have to be in such a negative environment... go...

:yeahthat:
I couldn't have said it better myself.

[Bens Momma]

I think meg's idea of a sitter is a good idea. Is that an option? If not, I'd leave with an excuse of a work emergency. That way you continue to have holiday cards and calls without drama and really at 70 they are not changing. That sounds like a horrible situation SORRY for you and the kids. That sucks.
/hillary

:yeahthat:

First I want to give you a BIG hug :grouphug: and say that I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this! Families can be really tough and TOXIC!! IT sounds like everyone is miserable and it's not working for any of you. I like the suggestion above so that you can (if you want) try and contain the drama and salvage a little relationship with them. However the mental/physical well-being and happiness of your children is your #1 priority so you need to do what's best for them. At 70 your parents aren't changing so decide if above suggestion is realistic and if not...get out of there ASAP!

HUGS-
R.
Momma to 2 ACTIVE DS :bouncy::bouncy:

[wolverine2]

I'm one week into a 4 week visit from my mother-in-law and it's already driving me crazy, and we're at my house and I don't have to work. I can't imagine doing what you're doing, and I don't think you can stay 4 more weeks unless something major changes (sitter, you don't have to work, etc). It's way too hard on your boys as well. The stress of the expectations alone will drive them to worse behavior, I'd guess. I agree that it would be good to make it seem like you can't handle it- too much work, etc., rather than blaming them. I'd try not to be too mad at them as well- they don't have realistic expectations, and it's probably hard on them as well...

[maestramommy]

OMG, I would out of there as soon as possible. In fact, I wouldn't have gone in the first place. But I would've made it clear to my parents that I wouldn't travel until the kids were X years old.
:hug: I'll bet Wed. can't come fast enough!

[bubbaray]

Leave NOW. Book the tickets for Wednesday, but stay in a hotel until then.

[KpbS]

Leave NOW. Book the tickets for Wednesday, but stay in a hotel until then.

:yeahthat:

[SunCB]

Get into a hotel!! Maybe that would help though working might be a lot harder. Then leave if it really cannot be worked out.

[JCat]

I'd check into a hotel then fly out Wednesday! Who talks about beating their grandchildren? And double UCK to the turnip and pork fat meal!!!

[Octobermommy]

I wouldn't play their game anymore. Leave on Wednesday & don't give it a second thought.

[lmwbasye]

I understand what some others are saying and I wish I could agree, but when it comes down to it, my children come way before my parents. I understand your mother is upset and it may hurt her, but all I can think about is the environment these children are in...whether your parents are intentionally or unintentionally creating it, I don't think it's healthy. I'd rather my children have a more positive attitude of their grandparents from afar than hearing in person that they are bad kids and should be beaten.

Hugs to you as I know it's not easy. I've had to make similar choices, and while I hate hurting my parents, I have to deal with the reality of the situation. My mama bear instinct kicks in and I protect my cubs.

Good luck. (oh, and obviously, I voted that you leave).

[graciebellesmomma]

Wow, what a disaster! I'm so sorry. You and your children should not be subjected to that sort of treatment. I do think that your parents bit off more than they could chew. We live in a vacation destination and I have to say that when people tell me that they will be working while they visit us, I don't truly believe that anyone can work all the time while on vacation. So far, I've been right, but I'd be really surprised to see someone work so many hours while visiting family. I, most likely, would not have gone at all, if I knew that I had to work. It sounds horrible for everyone. It sounds like your parents are not the grandparent-y type that enjoy their grandchildren's energy. Have they ever been, or is this a new development? I think that I'd get my kids away from them as fast as I could. Can you book a hotel and go have some fun?

Where are you in Ireland? I've got some good friends that live there that might have a teen girl that can sit for you, if that's an idea. They live right outside of Dublin, in Clontarf. She sat for our daughter before and I'd recommend her highly! I know that there are a couple of agencies that have bonded sitters for travelers, as well.

I hate the thought that you are in such a lovely place and aren't able to enjoy it. If you are going to leave on Wednesday, can you take the next few days to take them to the sea, and to the country and to see some castles? Some fun boy stuff?

Good luck on your decision. PM me if you want some sitter info.

[kijip]

I'd go straight to a hotel and leave on Weds. Also, I don't think any good comes of lying about why you need to go. I would be calm and matter of fact about it but I would tell them that it seemed the kids were too much of a burden and that it's not ok to threaten your kids under any circumstances. 5 weeks is too long to stay with people unless you are really close with them and everyone gets along. That is not the case, go from your sake, your kid's sake and to a degree, their stake.

[LBW]

So options I think are:
Can you take some time off -- I know that wasn't the deal but well since you are there
Can you hire someone to help out?


I unfortunately can't take any significant time off. I'm a freelancer, and this is a brand new project that will last about 2 years (so I can't blow it off). I'm responsible for the project start up and interacting with the client - so I need to do lots of training of other freelancers and be available all day during US working hours. I have about 35 people reporting in to me, so it's a lot of work. If I don't work, the project comes to a screeching halt.

I talked to my parents about hiring a babysitter and/or sending my two older boys to one of the camps that starts up soon. They were very much against both ideas. They basically refused to ask any of their friends about teenagers who babysit. I pursued it more on my end (emailing one of my aunts at home who has other family in town), but honestly, I wouldn't want to bring another young person into this house with the way my father acts.

[cairo06]

I'm so sorry this visit is turning into such a nightmare. I don't understand why they wanted you to come for such a long stay. I regularly visit my family in the USA for 5-6 weeks at a time. Luckily, I don't work so when someone starts annoying me I can take off and do other things with the DC. This situation must be incredilbly stressful for you. Book your ticket for Wednesday. Could you go stay with your sister?

[MontrealMum]

I'm so sorry for your situation :hug: I have to agree with all pp and say I'd be out to a hotel (with hired childcare if necessary), and then leave on Wed. It's just not worth it for your own mental health, and you've got to put your kids first (over your parents). So very sorry :(

[infomama]

Leave as soon as you can. Torturing your kids and yourself for another 4 weeks is ridiculous.
:yeahthat:

[JTsMom]

Get the heck out of there! I'd be looking for a hotel- there's no way I could deal with that situation. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

[LBW]

Thanks, everyone. My family dynamic has always been off, and I'm glad to get the reassurance that I'm not nuts for thinking a huge line has been crossed. Everyone is so used to my father's bad behavior and my parents' bickering that it is almost "normal" for us. But I don't want my children thinking that's acceptable behavior.

My father isn't here today, and my mother and I talked. I explained I wasn't angry at her and that the situation is just too stressful for all of us. I think she understands. It would be different if I wasn't working or if the boys are older. She also agreed with me that having a sitter around wouldn't be a good idea given the way my father acts. This morning he was repeatedly saying "F___ this, F___ that" while my 2 year old was standing next to him. I told her that, and she understands that I can't have my kids living with him for the next month. I reiterated that this wasn't her fault and that we'll have visited for two weeks which is a long trip for most people. I also reminded her that she doesn't need to stay here with him (they have a house in the US too) and explained what she'd need to do to change her ticket to come home before November (her scheduled return).

My plan is to spend as much time over the next few days out of the house. I have relatives I need to see, and a few places I want to take the boys to before we leave. We'll stay at a hotel Tuesday night and be home by 11:30 Wednesday morning. Yay!

Thanks, again, everyone.

[hillview]

I unfortunately can't take any significant time off. I'm a freelancer, and this is a brand new project that will last about 2 years (so I can't blow it off). I'm responsible for the project start up and interacting with the client - so I need to do lots of training of other freelancers and be available all day during US working hours. I have about 35 people reporting in to me, so it's a lot of work. If I don't work, the project comes to a screeching halt.

I talked to my parents about hiring a babysitter and/or sending my two older boys to one of the camps that starts up soon. They were very much against both ideas. They basically refused to ask any of their friends about teenagers who babysit. I pursued it more on my end (emailing one of my aunts at home who has other family in town), but honestly, I wouldn't want to bring another young person into this house with the way my father acts.

Ok in that case sounds like time to leave asap. So sorry. You get MAJOR credit for trying. Sounds like you have done everything you can to make it work. Safe travels!
/hillary

[sidmand]

It sounds like you handled it very well. I agree that you can't stay for four more weeks. It would be too much of a nightmare for everyone. But I understand the position everyone is in too.

If your parents wouldn't even look at a sitter or camps, you have no choice but to leave. But it was good that you were able to explain in a calm manner why you're leaving.

Five weeks is a LONG time no matter what. Even with the best of people I don't think I could stay five weeks somewhere!

[arivecchi]

Glad you now have a plan in place. Good luck!

[jse107]

I'm glad to hear you were able to talk with your mom and make a plan to get back home. Your boys will thank you! Hang in there for the next few days!

[Ninotchka]

First, and most importantly, I wanted to say that I'm so sorry you're in that impossible situation. I think you should go, and try to let go of any guilt about it. It's just what you have to do to keep yourself and your boys sane and safe.

I did want to say one thing about the "beat X with a stick" comment: my partner is Irish (been in this country 12 years) and she says that all the time! Sometimes she says "needs beating with a short stick" or sometimes just "beat with a stick". She's said it about me, about our son, about her boss, about herself, about various politicians. She'd never hurt a fly. It doesn't sound good when you write it out, but really it's just a sort of funny over-the-top expression.

Of course, you're Irish, right? So you probably know that. And it sounds like your father might actually mean it, which is not okay. I just wanted to mention this so if other people hear an Irish person use that particular expression, they're not totally horrified.

[crl]

Safe travels.

Catherine

[PearlsMom]

Glad to hear you've made your plans. FWIW, I come from a great family that is really loving and easy going and wonderful -- and I still can't stay with them for more than 5 days without us getting on each other's nerves. I think you deserve a major medal for working it out as long as you did. :jammin:

Safe travels!

[sewarsh]

I think that if you stay it will only get worse and there will be more resentment going on.

Yes, they are old, set in their ways, etc.
Yes, your boys are "normal" boys.

The 2 just don't seem to mix right now.
Maybe come back in a couple of years when they are older and "better" behaved (that is, at the opinion of your parent).

but don't leave on bad terms. They are older and you just don't know how long they'll be around (sorry, don't mean to sound dpressing, but you know)...

[kransden]

I would change my ticket to Wed. and stay somewhere else with the money you would spend on the 2000 tickets.

[alexmommy]

I haven't read all the replies, but pack up your bags and go now. But I would wait until Wednesday to leave the country. There must be some beautiful Irish scenery/sights you can take in with the boys until then and there are cerainly hotels/hostels available. Maybe you can hire someone else's nice grandma to come along and help you watch them?