I swear this'll be my last bitch for awhile...

[sidmand]

I better not say that, huh? Or cross my fingers?

I swear I am done.done.done trying to host any fun activities for my MOMS Club. It is always so much more stressful than it should be and I am the type of person who wakes up at night worrying about these things and then not being able to go back to sleep.

Getting the group rate for activities was too stressful because we had to meet a minimum and invariable someone just didn't show up at the last minute (no explanation or notice) so we'd have to pay (I'd have to pay) for them anyway.

So I planned an activity, didn't get the group rate, said in the description I didn't get the group rate. It's not a cheap activity, I understand that. I said I would get as many passes as I could (got the library pass [including getting it at 12:01 a.m. the first day it was available to be sure!] and a couple of 1/2 off passes). As a family we also bought a couple of 1/2 off passes to use later in the season.

A couple of days ago people started complaining about how expensive it is, how they thought we had the group rate (besides the hassle above, one person has to pay for the entire group so you all need to be there at the exact same time [it's 45 minutes away and my children don't wait well], it's only $1 less than the discount rate, and you can only stay 2 1/2 hours vs. how ever long you want if you use the discount rate), etc.

I tried to find as many passes as I could. It would've been really great if anyone could have attempted to find any! I also put how much it was, I understand if it's too expensive, but then don't sign up! So then I feel guilty and want to use the passes we have for our family which'll mean we have to pay full price if we go as a family (DH wasn't too thrilled about that one and I don't blame him). After the whole day scrambling I found another library pass, found out they should be selling the 1/2 off ones again soon so if we use ours we can probably get some more and came up with enough passes to cover everyone.

Then I see people complaining more on Facebook and saying they aren't going to go to save money (some of whom haven't changed their RSVP that they are going). Another took the trip away because her kids misbehaved (I understand things happen). But why even bother? I feel like I spent all day trying to make sure every single person got a discount and then all everyone does is complain anyway. This is their group too. We're a volunteer organization. You're supposed to help out/give back too but most of these people just assume everything will be done for them.

I'm just frustrated. This was supposed to be fun and enjoyable. But my SIL did show up last night afterall so she's at least coming with us! And she did get the job she interviewed for, so even if we're the only ones that show up, it'll be 1/2 price and it'll be fun and all is not lost. :)

[maestramommy]

:hug: I just joined my local MOMS club this year, and I can see how frustrating this is for you. We get an Evite for every activity on the calendar, and it has all the info, including RSVP by a certain date so the coordinator knows how many tickets to get, or if we will be able to get a group rate.

Our biggest problem is that a lot of people don't RSVP at all. That would drive me up the wall. How can anyone plan something if she doesn't know how many people will show??

And complaining on FB is just passive aggressive and mean.

[sidmand]

Thanks Melinda!

This is actually a trip to Davis' Farmland. And sadly, I'm actually president of the MOMS Club (can you tell I'm a little burnt out from that?). Although we're becoming our own entity at the end of the month, but right now we're still a MOMS Club.

All of our information is on Meetup including who has RSVPed but every single time someone who has RSVPed "yes" doesn't show up. It's rare that someone shows up who hasn't said they're coming.

DH says it's not my fault that people can't read (thanks for that DH!). And I know he's right to some extent. I still feel badly though. Ah well, DH has asked me never to host anything again and never to be president again. I think I'm done being president but I'll probably end up hosting again. I'll just try to find something much less stressful!

[Gracemom]

Sounds like you're done! I think it's great that you have tried to plan some great activities, but maybe the group needs to reorganize, which it sounds like you're doing soon. Our MOMS Club is disbanding and turning into a local Meetup group instead, which I think will meet our members needs better. It will be easier to plan for sure! We do mostly free activities, like meeting at a park or pool. Especially in the summer, we just don't have consistent numbers of moms to guarantee a group rate for paid activities. Sounds like you did a great job as president! You can't please everyone. If someone else thinks they can do better, then they can be the next president!

[sidmand]

Wow, and I thought I could be passive aggressive! Two people never changed their RSVP to "no" on Meetup. I didn't think they were going (had seen that conversation on FB but a couple of people seemed iffy) but I wasn't sure so we waited to see if they would arrive. They never did.

I just sent an e-mail to both of them to ask them in the future if they couldn't attend an event to please update their RSVP to "no" so people knew not to wait for them.

I got a response back from one of them that she had told three other people but had forgotten to formally change her RSVP to "no" (um, none of those three other people were there, but...) and she would be sure to now change all her RSVPs to "no" so there was no confusion in the future. Give me a break! Dramatic much? It was a common courtesy to the host to change your RSVP. I was very polite and just asking for her to use common courtesy (didn't use those words) in the future.

What's the saying? "You can't please everyone all of the time. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either."

[gatorsmom]

Bitch away! I am sorry that people are so insensitive. I had to deal with something similar this week with the playdate at our house.

You know, a lady at our church ran the mom's club and she planned things that didn't require much money at all. Of course, this moms club was mainly for the moms to get away from the kids. We had a nursery worker! She planned scrapbooking get togethers, a trip to a local 2-dollar miniature train museum (that did include the kids), lunch to a couple of restaurants where we each got our own bill, a yoga class where a friend of hers taught the class and it was in the church meeting room, a group walk around our lake/through the historical district, etc. ONe time we got together to make no-sew blankets for a women's shelter. She emailed us with info about where to get the fleece fabric cheap. It was really just a way together cheaply without the kids. But I can understand if you wanted to plan things WITH your kids.

People can be so inconsiderate when others are hosting activities. I honestly don't get it. :hug:

[KrisM]

I was president of our MOMS Club 2 years ago and I won't do it again. A friend and I are now in charge of planning the month's acitivities. Getting RSVPs is torture. Really. We use Evite and it's so easy, yet most don't respond. I don't go to the book club ever, but always enter 'no' for my response!

Are you moving to another group? Two years ago, we toyed with Mothers and More, but had internal issues and never ended up doing that. Sometimes, I think I should just start one myself and see how it goes :).

Sorry you are doing all that work for unappreciative people :(.

[hellokitty]

Debbie, big hugs to you. I was AVP in my MC for two yrs. I took on a lot more duties than I had to. I completely understand your frustration. It's like the same ppl do ALL of the work and the ones that don't help bitch the loudest. I don't have any words of wisdom other than not running for the board again. We've thought about disbanding before b/c we were being harrassed by our regional supervisor. However, we couldn't figure out how to deal with the legalities of having our own group. I think you are doing a good job, but yeah I totally see where you are coming from and how experiences like this can taint your feelings about the group.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

wow, that sucks. :hug: i imagine it's super hard to plan anything when people flake out like that. i joined a few moms clubs on Meetup and i see similar things happen like that all the time. there are members who complain "why don't we do things like xxx activity?" or "why can't we have more events on xxx day?" ..then is done and then ppl complain about it (too expensive, wrong day/time, etc) and/or don't bother to show up. :irked:

there was a new Moms group on my local meetup that i was really excited about joining. well one of the first major meetings was a Mom's Night Out at a restaurant and the meeting had a max of 12 people (it was a relatively small place). it was a popular sushi restaurant so 12 ppl rsvped pretty quickly and the event was full by the time i even saw it (even had 4 on the waiting list, which was full!). i had really wanted to go (it was on a night that my DH was in town and not too busy so he could watch my son) but i couldn't since both the rsvp list and the waitlist were full. ok. well after the event was over i get an email from the organizer (to all in the group) saying how even though 12 ppl had rsvped, only FOUR had shown up (the organizer, co-organizer and 2 other members!!). the people on the waiting list (or others who didn't even get to, like me) could have totally gone after all but they were prevented from doing so because 8 people who said they were going to go didn't bother to show up (or even bother to change their RSVP so someone from the waitlist could go). ARGH. yeah, i get that as moms, stuff comes up, but geez, 8 out of 12 people just not showing up?? people are so flaky sometimes. i will never understand why people RSVP to something and then not go without saying anything (and then later have the gall to complain about paying dues or that some other event is too expensive).

eta: i agree, the FB comments talking about not going to the event to save $$, is downright low. who does things like that? why not just change their RSVP to No, and let that be that? i think some people just want to create drama.

[sidmand]

Debbie, big hugs to you. I was AVP in my MC for two yrs. I took on a lot more duties than I had to. I completely understand your frustration. It's like the same ppl do ALL of the work and the ones that don't help bitch the loudest. I don't have any words of wisdom other than not running for the board again. We've thought about disbanding before b/c we were being harrassed by our regional supervisor. However, we couldn't figure out how to deal with the legalities of having our own group. I think you are doing a good job, but yeah I totally see where you are coming from and how experiences like this can taint your feelings about the group.

That's exactly it! FWIW we do have many low cost or free activities and those are the bulk of our activities (including our MNO, which is usually a game night or something like that). I debated about even doing this one although we've done it every year but I figured if it was too expensive for people they just wouldn't go.

I feel bad that that particular person now has said "no" to every event since most it doesn't matter if you really show up or not but I did notice a few she had signed up that had a maximum and just like someone mentioned, if she hadn't shown up and hadn't changed her RSVP then someone who really wanted to go couldn't have. So I guess it's just as well. She wrote back that her life was too "minute-to-minute" and that the club was too cliquish for her anyway. It really isn't cliquish but...people do gravitate toward their friends or people they haven't seen in awhile and if you don't make an effort...

Yeah, I've heard people say that there aren't any activities for their kids, they're at the wrong time, day, price. Then host your own! But yes, I think I need a break from hosting for awhile. I've been the newsletter editor for almost five years and this is my second go around as president. I think I need to be done for a little while. Good thing it's summer!

We have officially "disbanded" from the MOMS Club (yeah!). We did a lot of research and one of our board's father's works for the IRS and since we don't really do any fundraisers or have a great deal of money he said we were okay even just staying a Meetup group and not really doing anything else (applying for nonprofit status, etc.). I hope that's really true. And while I appreciate everything the MOMS Club put in place for us I am so ready to be our own entity!!! Won't change the RSVPs though, but one less thing to deal with.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I am so glad that I met someone at the playground who seemed nice and had a kid ds1's age b/c she invited me to join her playgroup. Just about a dozen of us. We'd rotate hosting once/ month and then we'd do an outing once/ month. No bureaucracy. Just some emails and coordinating. I never even knew of things like MOMs and all the inner workings of a group like that till I started reading here. I would have been banging my head against a wall with it, I'm sure. Plus, since we knew each other we knew what sorts of things would work (were people willing to drive? was money an issue?). My hats off to you for running your group! I wouldn't have bothered getting anyone a discount, I'd have just told them how to go about finding one. :) You went above and beyond, imo. I'm sorry the other members didn't appreciate all your hard work.

Beth

[sidmand]

It sounds like I don't get a lot out of it, but I do (just now is a bad time!). We have a great playgroup for DD that came out of the club. My playgroup for DS wasn't from the club but a lot of the members ended up joining and I've met a lot of wonderful women. Our board has really been great and when I go to various places in town (especially the park!) I tend to know many of the moms with kids 5 and under and it is really nice.

But there is a lot of bad with the good and sometimes it does get to me more than other times.

For the most part though it's been really great and most of the women are really great. But like someone mentioned, it's the people who don't ever do anything that end up complaining the loudest.

[hellokitty]

That's exactly it! FWIW we do have many low cost or free activities and those are the bulk of our activities (including our MNO, which is usually a game night or something like that). I debated about even doing this one although we've done it every year but I figured if it was too expensive for people they just wouldn't go.

I feel bad that that particular person now has said "no" to every event since most it doesn't matter if you really show up or not but I did notice a few she had signed up that had a maximum and just like someone mentioned, if she hadn't shown up and hadn't changed her RSVP then someone who really wanted to go couldn't have. So I guess it's just as well. She wrote back that her life was too "minute-to-minute" and that the club was too cliquish for her anyway. It really isn't cliquish but...people do gravitate toward their friends or people they haven't seen in awhile and if you don't make an effort...

Yeah, I've heard people say that there aren't any activities for their kids, they're at the wrong time, day, price. Then host your own! But yes, I think I need a break from hosting for awhile. I've been the newsletter editor for almost five years and this is my second go around as president. I think I need to be done for a little while. Good thing it's summer!

We have officially "disbanded" from the MOMS Club (yeah!). We did a lot of research and one of our board's father's works for the IRS and since we don't really do any fundraisers or have a great deal of money he said we were okay even just staying a Meetup group and not really doing anything else (applying for nonprofit status, etc.). I hope that's really true. And while I appreciate everything the MOMS Club put in place for us I am so ready to be our own entity!!! Won't change the RSVPs though, but one less thing to deal with.

Debbie, I totally get what you are saying. One of my good friends was president for 3 yrs. She didn't want to be president for the 3rd yr, but nobody stepped up, she's just a few days away from finishing her term and I she is soooo happy. She is the one who started our MC chapter. She put in a TON of work into it and was an awesome president, but I can totally tell this past yr that she has just had it and was burned out. Thankfully, someone stepped up this yr to take over and I know she will do well, b/c while my friend who was president was great, she was a little bit too nice and sometimes had trouble just flat out telling ppl to quit playing games and to get with the program. I'm friends with the new prez too and she is nice, BUT also very good at managing ppl and damage control, so I think that she will do a good job in that dept and I also think that she has less of a need to try to make EVERYONE happy, b/c she realizes that's not always possible.

When it comes down to it, there is never a way to make everyone happy. I have been heavily involved in being board members for many organizations since college and it's always like this. You bend over backwards to meet ppl's demands and they are STILL not happy and in fact seem quite determined to loudly voice their opinion. I remember our first yr, ppl with kids in preschool complained we didn't have enough afternoon events for when their kids were out of preschool. So, we set up afternoon events and wouldn't you know? The stinkers that complained didn't even show up to ANY of the afternoon events, in fact attendance was horrible! We also had ppl complaining about costs, b/c our particular area has been hit harder than the rest of the country economically, and we tried very hard to provide lots of free and low cost activities, BUT none of the complainers showed up anyway! I've grown some thick skin doing volunteer work like this and also as a RN, I've had more than my fair share of dealing with the cattiness that arises when you are stuck with an all female group. It's inevitable.

I'm glad that you were able to become your own separate entity from MC. Some of the rules are just IMO over the top. I understand that there are probably some legal reasons why they req us to do certain things. However, our particular issue was the power hungry b*tch was overlooking our region and constantly on our case about our newsletter. I thought our poor secretary and prez was going to pull their hair out. This woman would nitpick really dumb things, we followed all of the, "rules," but it always turned out that we did not see eye to eye about what the rule meant and she was inconsistent, b/c she never had a problem with it for the first nine months and then suddenly she had an issue with it and bam we got put on probation w/o even a warning or convo about what we had done, "wrong." She put us on probation over our newsletter!!!! The newsletter that is OPTIONAL, not even mandatory! She accused us of not mailing the newsletter to her. It got to the point where we had to mail it certified, so we could prove we mailed it. We wouldn't even find out until MONTHS later that she supposedly did not receive our newsletter! She refused to accept an email attachment, BUT something was wrong with her mail, b/c she claimed we did not turn in 3 newsletters that we DID mail out (this was before we were smart enough to send it certified). Turns out we talked to many other MC under the same region and she was doing the same crap to them too and basically everyone thought she was just completely power hungry psycho and got a kick out of nitpicking the heck out of each MC chapter she was overlooking. We finally requested a big sister and that finally fixed the situation. However, that was a major low point for our board, a very hard working board, to have to tell our membership that we had been thrown into probation, b/c this woman did not get our newsletter in the mail. I think we are finally officially off of probation, but I can't deny that it left a bad taste in our mouth. We did object to it with INTL, but they stood behind the psycho. So, it's really interesting to me that being your own entity isn't as much of a legal hassle as we were afraid of. Our group uses almost all the $ we get for donations or service projects, so I know for sure we'd probably fall under non-profit for sure. I guess it is something they will have to look at again if we have any other weird run ins with the higher ups.

Anyway, wanted to give you a big :hug:. You totally deserve it. It's a tough job, esp for someone who did newsletter for 5 yrs before serving 2 yrs as prez. Don't let the whiners get to you, you're doing the best that you can and to me, you sound like someone who puts all of her heart into it. I hope that your chapter realizes what a good prez have. :)

Anyway, sorry to go totally off. I am sure you understand how all the little technicalities can add up drive you nuts. So glad that you aren't under MC anymore. It's a good group, but the rules are extremely strict. I hope that the rest of your presidency goes smoothly. I know it is hard, but try not to take things too personally. I think that being a board member is a thankless job. Ppl literally do not realize how much work it is until they serve on the board themselves.

[sidmand]

I'm glad that you were able to become your own separate entity from MC. Some of the rules are just IMO over the top. I understand that there are probably some legal reasons why they req us to do certain things. However, our particular issue was the power hungry b*tch was overlooking our region and constantly on our case about our newsletter. I thought our poor secretary and prez was going to pull their hair out. This woman would nitpick really dumb things, we followed all of the, "rules," but it always turned out that we did not see eye to eye about what the rule meant and she was inconsistent, b/c she never had a problem with it for the first nine months and then suddenly she had an issue with it and bam we got put on probation w/o even a warning or convo about what we had done, "wrong." She put us on probation over our newsletter!!!! The newsletter that is OPTIONAL, not even mandatory! She accused us of not mailing the newsletter to her. It got to the point where we had to mail it certified, so we could prove we mailed it. We wouldn't even find out until MONTHS later that she supposedly did not receive our newsletter! She refused to accept an email attachment, BUT something was wrong with her mail, b/c she claimed we did not turn in 3 newsletters that we DID mail out (this was before we were smart enough to send it certified). Turns out we talked to many other MC under the same region and she was doing the same crap to them too and basically everyone thought she was just completely power hungry psycho and got a kick out of nitpicking the heck out of each MC chapter she was overlooking. We finally requested a big sister and that finally fixed the situation. However, that was a major low point for our board, a very hard working board, to have to tell our membership that we had been thrown into probation, b/c this woman did not get our newsletter in the mail. I think we are finally officially off of probation, but I can't deny that it left a bad taste in our mouth. We did object to it with INTL, but they stood behind the psycho. So, it's really interesting to me that being your own entity isn't as much of a legal hassle as we were afraid of. Our group uses almost all the $ we get for donations or service projects, so I know for sure we'd probably fall under non-profit for sure. I guess it is something they will have to look at again if we have any other weird run ins with the higher ups.



I've heard of coordinators like this. I'm so sorry. To be fair, our coordinator was fairly hands off but a friend of mine moved about a year ago and told me her club kept getting put on probation for things we routinely did. Some of the stuff is so dumb. If it was something really wrong, that's one thing, but to get the newsletter a day late, to have too many evening activities, to be doing something "wrong" that you don't even know is wrong, etc. is just crazy.

We just got tired of all of the oversight. We are adults here. And fairly responsible adults (for the most part :)).

We use almost all our money for service projects too and/or donations at the end of the year. We spend a little on Meetup now and some on three parties and a few various reimbursements throughout the year but the rest we give away. And it's only about $1500 at the most anyway and we usually divide it up between a few organization. Although in order to "disband" we have to donate all of our money to non-profit organizations that don't have any of our members associated with them (basically so you can't create your own non-profit and donate your funds to yourself). That's fine, we're ready to go!

DH told me in no uncertain terms that I was NOT to ever be president again! I was actually newsletter editor and president at the same time. I like being newsletter editor but I'm done with that too and now we don't have to have a newsletter!

It sounds like you have a good person in place for next year. Good luck with everything and have a great MC year!