We can't decide- nanny or daycare?

[Krisrich]

I know that this is a very individual decision with no "right" answer. But, I really wish there was a simple right answer because I am just agonizing over this.

I have 18 month and 5 month old DDs. I work OTH 3 days/week. DD1 was home with my mom until 9 months, then went to daycare. I took her out at 13months when I was on maternity leave again. At 16 months, she went back to daycare and my mom is watching DD2 until August 1st (6.5 months). Initially, the plan was to put DD2 in daycare at that time.

As time passed on my maternity leave, I realized that the difference in cost between having 2 kids in daycare and having a nanny was minimal. I also became more worried about how difficult it would be to pack up and retrieve 2 babies from daycare. DD1 was also napping sooo much better at home. I also worried that with 2 babies in daycare, someone would always be sick. DD1 was also diagnosed with food allergies and that also frightened me in a group care situation. We started to explore nannies and were, at first, excited about the idea.

Then we couldn't find a good nanny. It seemed the girls were going to be going to daycare, after all. I started to convince myself that that was better anyway. For the most part, I like daycare. DD1 thrived in the infant room. The transition to the toddler room has been a bit difficult, but I think that is to be expected. She now cries a bit at drop-off. And she comes home over-tired and cranky. But, it is nice to see her "playing" with friends. And she is so brave on the playground equipment! I was a very shy child and DD1 is very sensitive. I worry about having to re-transition her to a school environment down the road if we use a nanny now. I worry that if we take her out of daycare, she will be bored. We live in the suburbs and there is not a lot to do within walking distance except a very small park which is usually empty. On top of it, I don't feel comfortable with the nanny driving and it would also be difficult to do out of the home activities with the toddler while also caring for the infant.

Anyway, I thought the decision was made for me when we couldn't find a nanny. But, 2 nights ago, we actually interviewed someone we really like and whose references have turned out to be glowing! Now what? I like the idea of more personalized attention. (Especially after DD1 came home from daycare with red arms after a missed application of sunscreen because of an unexpected shift change- I was furious.) It would also be easier on me and DH. But, I am reluctant to leave the daycare for the reasons mentioned. And, I think I might be jealous of a nanny spending 3 days alone with my girls while I only spend 2. But, that doesn't seem like a valid thing to base my decision on. I want to do the right thing for the babies, not what's easier for me.

Thanks to anyone who made it this far.

[ha98ed14]

Just reading what you read, I would go with the nanny. Your girls are still so young that I think the socialization "lost" by DD1 will be very get-back-able. (Really bad English, sorry!) I'm not convinced that an infant (DD2) needs any socialization with peers. My DD was in no group setting at all until 2 years old (no classes, no daycare, nothing) and she's functions well now at 3 in full time daycare setting. With children that young, I think the consistency of care and the stability of the environment from a nanny far outweighs any socialization benefit. Plus, you would be saving yourself a lot of hassle in the morning.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i have no personal experience with this, but if it were me i'd go with a nanny. i'm a SAHM and only have DS now but once we have a 2nd kid and he/she is 6 mo old or so i plan to go back to work full time, and for childcare we've already decided we'd probably go with a nanny, for many of the reasons you mentioned (less issues with kids getting sick, not having to do drop offs/pickup, personalized attention, etc). and i agree with ha98ed14, i really don't think that an infant or even a young toddler really needs socialization with peers.

[Momof3Labs]

My kids have done great at home with our nanny (she's been with us 3 years). Boredom has been minimal (somewhat of an issue with our 7.5yo, but not our 4yo), and my kids have transitioned just fine to preschool at age 3.

I would go with the nanny, but reconsider the driving aspect down the road. Our nanny is a mom of 4 and has 17 years' experience but we still waited a few months before letting her drive with the kids. By the time your oldest is 2yo, a library story time may be a nice break in the week. But at this young age, I don't think that it is necessary for your nanny to take them places.

I'd go with the nanny.

[khalloc]

I vote daycare. For myself anyways. But I love my children's daycare. I wouldnt feel comfortable having a nanny in my house all day taking care of my kids. And you never know how they are spending their days. I think older children are stimulated more at daycare. At least at my kids daycare. I wouldnt want my older child to be bored at home or miss out on having friends her age.

[ciw]

I think the nanny will be easier for you, your DH and your infant. The only thing that gives me pause is how many different providers your older DD has already had. A part of me would hate to change things on her again. But I would move her again because I think that for the next few years, a good nanny is in the whole family's best interest.

I do think socialization and classroom instruction skills (how to get in line, sit quietly, listen to a teacher) before kindergarten are very important. My goal would be to use the nanny for the next few years and when DD1 is three or four enroll her in pre-school at least two or three days a week. If that's not possible, then I'd look at trying to develop those skills in other ways like Sunday School, music/dance/karate classes, etc.

As for your DDs being with a nanny three days a week, don't sweat it. My parents watched DS when I worked out of the home FT and they still watch him now that I'm a part-time WAHM. He absolutely adores them and his life is SO much richer because of their love for him but they certainly don't replace me in his eyes. As my mom says, a child knows who gets up with him in the middle of the night and stays with him when he's sick. You're the mom. They'll know that. :)

[hillview]

Nanny vote!
/hillary

[luckytwenty]

In your case, I think the nanny makes more sense. We had a great nanny when I first went back to work when my kids were 2 & 4, but eventually switched to the aftercare program at their preschool, and that was a better fit for me at the time (they were equally happy with both scenarios). I personally prefer a really quality daycare or preschool/aftercare program because I honestly don't like dealing with one person solely in charge of my children. She was wonderful with the kids but hypersensitive and did a few things I didn't like--I felt like every time I had to talk to her about any of this, it was like walking on eggshells. Yet I felt very beholden to her since she was the only one with my children, alone with them, in a town where many "nanny poachers" lurked. I am much more comfortable dealing with the daycare structure with a chain of command, etc. Even the best nannies can forget sunscreen, too. :-P

Anyway, that's just my very very personal feeling about it. I am looking into daycares for my baby due in Nov and am just much more comfortable with the professionalism of it.

[traciann]

I would always choose a daycare because of accountablity and knowing what my kids are doing all day. The missed sunscreen application could easily happen with a nanny as well.

[BabyBearsMom]

You need to do what is write for you. But, since you asked, IMO I prefer daycare as well. I like the accountability with daycare. With a nanny, how do you know she isn't just plopping the kids down in front of the tv all day? I don't think your child would miss out on socialization opportunities if the nanny did things like playgroups, but again, there is no guarantee that she would do that. Also, I really like that at daycare it is a bit more like school with teachers, as opposed to an individual caregiver...I just wouldn't want any mommy-confusion. As far as getting sick, kids get sick. If they don't get sick at daycare now, they will get sick with the same illnesses when they start school in a few years since they won't have built up an immunity in the early years. Personally, I would rather miss a few days of work now and let my baby stay home with me from daycare, then have them miss out on learning important things at school in a few years.

[smiles33]

I am another center voter, but I wanted to point out something not mentioned yet: the very HIGH turnover of nannies if you're not super lucky. Several friends with nannies have gone through 2-3 nannies already, and sometimes with same day notice! I think centers are less convenient, since you have to schlep your kids there, and they're stricter re: illnesses (your nanny presumably would still work with sick kids, right?). However, there's something to be said about a very well-run, NAEYC-certified center with teachers who have been there for years (if not decades!). I love my DDs' center and the teachers there have been there for decades. There's also a pool of regular floaters/subs, so my kids are familiar with them when their regular teachers take lunch breaks, get sick, or go on vacation. DD1 got sick several times when she first started the Center, but DD2 has been remarkably resilient, so I don't think it's necessarily true that kids will a be constantly sick at a center.

Good luck with the decision!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I have been thinking about this for a while in case I go back to work. I pick nanny. My reasons are: the nanny can take little one to fun stuff like museums, different playgrounds, preschool...; if little one is sick the nanny can take care of them vs parent having to stay home since little one not allowed to go to daycare; nanny could drive ds1 to activities; home environment. I see good in daycare but I would personally prefer a nanny. Plus, during naptime perhaps you could find a nanny willing to clean up a bit around the house.

Beth

[goldenpig]

DD1 was also napping sooo much better at home. I also worried that with 2 babies in daycare, someone would always be sick. DD1 was also diagnosed with food allergies and that also frightened me in a group care situation.
And she comes home over-tired and cranky.

These to me are all good reasons to go with the nanny.
1) Sleep is so important for the little ones' development and temperament, and if she is not getting enough sleep at the daycare then I would keep her at home.
2) It is very difficult for us to miss work, so a nanny makes sense for us. Keep in mind that whenever EITHER of your DC are sick you will have to keep that child at home and take off work, whereas if you have a nanny she will be able to take care of them even if one or both of them are sick. (Of course when our child is REALLY sick--high fever, etc., one of us stays home that day, but at least that way it doesn't happen that often).
3) We aren't dealing with food allergies, but if you are and especially if they are serious, I would feel more comfortable having only one provider who knows about their allergies rather than multiple DCP (and random substitute teachers) who may not know or might forget, or other kids who might bring the food your DC is allergic to in their lunchbox.

Also, in regards to the driving risks, your little ones are probably safer not having to be driven to daycare every day. I agree with the other PP's that once the kids are older and you feel more comfortable with the nanny that you will probably want to have her drive your DC to activities. And once your DD1 is older you can put her in preschool half day and get the benefits of socialization, but she can come home for lunch and naps. That is exactly how we did it and I am glad we did it that way. (Oh it's also so nice that our nanny tidies up and does the dishes/folds the laundry!)

Good luck with the decision.

ETA: Also, there are so many viruses going around that I don't think that your child being exposed to more illness now means they will be sick less later. When colds are going around at DD's preschool, everyone gets them whether they had a nanny or went to daycare.

[mmommy]

If you wouldn't want the nanny to drive and there isn't much to walk to, I vote daycare. The kids and nanny will be bored stuck at home every day.

[klwa]

I'm in the daycare over nanny camp. Just never liked the idea of someone being alone with my kiddos, while at the daycare, there's always someone else around. And, you don't have to worry about the provider being sick or wanting to go on vacation. Instead, you can plan your vacations from work around YOUR family situation.

[wellyes]

If you don't want the nanny driving and there isn't a playground / library / etc in walking distance, daycare. I don't think kids "need" socialization at that age but my DD really blossomed and made friends at daycare. She loves going to "school" to see her friends. I've noticed it's made her more confident socially when with me too -- for example, when we go to library storytime, she used to just want to sit on my lap and now she's not afraid of the other kids. Part of that is getting older, but I think part of it is having friends who are a variety of ages too.

[twowhat?]

I stayed home with my girls for 20 months. When they started child care, we chose a daycare/preschool over a nanny for the following reasons:

Pros:
1) accountability
2) the girls get a DIFFERENT stimulating environment during the day. This, I think, is the BIGGEST plus for us. The girls were CLEARLY getting bored at home, and there is only so much you can do outside when it's so hot. And I would not have trusted a nanny to drive them anywhere in the car. And they truly are learning stuff there!! They have a regular music guy, puppet guy, etc each week. Songs, art, physical activity every day. Stuff I could never (or don't have the energy to) do for them at home.
3) daycares never get sick or leave you for a different job or stuff like that.

Cons:
1) your babies will get sick
2) less control over what they eat


At this age I think it's debated whether the social stimuation is really a benefit.

Anyway, yes it's a personal decision. I would just say that whatever you decide, it's important to choose the RIGHT daycare or the RIGHT nanny.

[smilequeen]

I am a SAHM right now but mine are both going to be in school (DS2 in preschool and DS1 in K). I have typically worked part time (2 days a week, occasionally 3). I have done both and had a very very very bad nanny experience. So I am now all about the accountabillity and checks and balances in a group setting. I prefer that there are multiple adults around and no one is ever completely alone with the kids. I like that the center kept tabs on the childcare providers and provided additional training. I definitely, after my previous experience, felt like my kids were safer in the center. I don't think the social thing is important before 2.5 or so and I think there are a lot of ways to socialize besides daycare/preschool and I know people who have great nannies. The sick thing...maybe my kids got sick more often in part time daycare (still honestly not that often), but now? They almost never get sick. They have great strong immune systems. I don't think that's a great argument against group care honestly. For strong healthy kids, early exposure can create healthier kids later on.

All that said, DC3 will stay at home with Grandma when I do eventually start working again and will start the toddler Montessori program at 18 months with my boys. If I didn't have Grandma, I would do group care again.

[Melaine]

I would pick the nanny. I used to be a nanny and if I could afford myself, I would hire me in a heartbeat.:love-retry: I personally would never choose daycare unless it were an absolute last resort.

[luckytwenty]

About sleep, I actually think daycares are great about enforcing naptimes. I was a SAHM when my oldest was little and I couldn't get him to nap past age 3 without it becoming a power struggle. My 4 year old, who has been in a preschool + aftercare setting since age 2, has learned that 1 pm is naptime after years of it being enforced.

And the germs thing--they get sick no matter what. Especially if you have an older child at home. Daycare just means building immunity earlier rather than in preschool/kindergarten where missing class time matters more, anyway.

[MamaSnoo]

We have just one DD currently, and I know I will struggle with the same shoice you are making. One thing I did not see here much, was that although you can go to work if you have a sick kid with the nanny, you cannot go to work if you have a sick nanny. Daycare is always there, or closures are predictable/scheduled.

Personally, I would have a hard time with worrying that the nanny might call in last minute (my job is not very flexible like that).

For our 1 DD, we also liked the idea that there is a lot of supervision and accountability. We are in a really great NAEYC accredited center and DD loves her "teachers."

A side benefit that might or might not have happened with the nanny is that they really have kept her on a consistent schedule. I would have struggled with this if I were a SAHM, and I appreciate what they have done for me!

[ourbabygirl]

Another vote for nanny!
I'm a SAHM but my bro & SIL are interviewing nannies, as they're going from 2 kids to 3, and it's just too much to cart the kids back & forth to daycare when both of them work such demanding schedules, and often travel. Don't get me wrong, SIL LOVES the daycare (and I understand why), but it's such a hassle to coordinate schedules to make sure they're there at a certain time in the morning and out by a certain time in the evening. With long commutes to work & such, bro/ SIL is usually rushing to get there to pick them up in time, and it makes me sad that my nephew might feel like his parents don't love him as much as the other parents who pick up their kids earlier.
Also, about the sickness thing, my niece & nephew are ALWAYS getting sick, whether it's a cold, the flu, HFM disease, whatever! And then they pass it on to my kid and my other nephew (who also stays home, but w/grandmas). Frustrating! So yeah, they get sick, and then my bro/ SIL has to decide whose job is 'less important' and should stay home with them those days, because day care will NOT let them come with a slight fever or whatever (which is understandable). Yet I presume other parents are sending their kids sick to daycare (this also came up in a recent thread here), which is still making the other kids sick.
And about the socialization thing, SIL worries about that, too, but honestly, kids get some good socialization and play mate time with their younger/ older sibling, and maybe the nanny could invite neighborhood/ other nanny friends' kids over for an occasional play date.
I take DD to drop-in-and-play times through ECFE, and the nannies I've been around there are great and are very interactive. I think a big thing is getting their references from previous jobs, and seeing how they interact with your kids, if they engage them in play and conversation, etc. I think it's rare to find a worthless nanny because they would probably bore themselves to tears from taking care of kids all day, if they don't really love being around kids.

Good luck with your decision! :)

[SnuggleBuggles]

About sleep, I actually think daycares are great about enforcing naptimes. I was a SAHM when my oldest was little and I couldn't get him to nap past age 3 without it becoming a power struggle. My 4 year old, who has been in a preschool + aftercare setting since age 2, has learned that 1 pm is naptime after years of it being enforced.




But, on the flip side, my friend is dealing with a daycare policy that limits naps to exactly 2 hours. No matter if the kid needs more sleep or not- the child is woken up. I think that absolutely stinks! Somedays my ds2 naps 3 hours...and needs it!

Beth

[megs4413]

I vote for nanny...if it's not working out, you can always just put them in daycare. you can't work it the other way around, since this nanny you like will have to find another position. JMO!

[twowhat?]

But, on the flip side, my friend is dealing with a daycare policy that limits naps to exactly 2 hours. No matter if the kid needs more sleep or not- the child is woken up. I think that absolutely stinks! Somedays my ds2 naps 3 hours...and needs it!

Beth

On the third flipside:) my kids used to only nap 1-1.5 hours at home. They nap the full 2 hours at daycare, and as a result we put them to bed later (so they sleep about 30 min -1 hour less at night). So the mandated "2-hour nap" at daycare can be dealt with by adjusting nighttime sleep schedules. For the kids that need a longer nap and don't get it, they need an earlier bedtime and will adjust.

This is kinda like the WOHM/SAHM debate:) Everyone will find ways to justify that their own decision is the "right" one...and each person would be absolutely right! :)

eta: corrected typo!

[luckytwenty]

This is kinda like the WOHM/WAHM debate:) Everyone will find ways to justify that their own decision is the "right" one...and each person would be absolutely right! :)

I agree! I think it's nothing but good news that we all are so happy with our childcare situations that we think our way is the way to go!

I know when my kids took 3 hour naps instead of 1.5-2, it meant a later night or an earlier morning. My daughter really needs more time napping than the hour she's getting right now at camp, at age 4.5, and treats us to 3 hour naps every Saturday and Sunday as a result. :-)

[wellyes]

Everyone will find ways to justify that their own decision is the "right" one...and each person would be absolutely right! :)

Well said :thumbsup:

[SnuggleBuggles]

On the third flipside:) my kids used to only nap 1-1.5 hours at home. They nap the full 2 hours at daycare, and as a result we put them to bed later (so they sleep about 30 min -1 hour less at night). So the mandated "2-hour nap" at daycare can be dealt with by adjusting nighttime sleep schedules. For the kids that need a longer nap and don't get it, they need an earlier bedtime and will adjust.

This is kinda like the WOHM/SAHM debate:) Everyone will find ways to justify that their own decision is the "right" one...and each person would be absolutely right! :)

eta: corrected typo!


Her problem is that her dd isn't going to sleep in a timely fashion at night so she is really running on too little sleep. Daycare won't budge on the nap thing so her dd isn't getting caught up on sleep and is in that bad over tired phase.

Beth

[egoldber]

To a large degree, I think it is personal preference. I am personally more comfortable with the accountability og a center. Also, when we were interviewing potential afternoon/after school nannies, I realized that I am NOT the kind of person who does well discussing things like vacation, hours, expectations, etc. with a nanny. I am also a little skeeved by having someone else in my home all the time when I am not there. For me it is much easier to deal with the more clear cut rules and expectations of the center.

It helps for me that our center is the same place my older DD went to preschool. They have a large, well known and well respected preschool program that many parents attend only for the preschool. So for us, it was easy to switch younger DD from preschool only to her full day care there when I went back to work.

With two very young children, I can see where the nanny would make things logistically a lot easier, but for *me* that would be outweighed by the personal angst over the day to day and employer/employee things. But those things may not be an issue for you. :)

As for the nap, it can take kids awhile to adjust to the nap schedule at daycare. FWIW my younger DD never naps at home, but after a few months she started napping reliably for daycare on their schedule.


Yet I presume other parents are sending their kids sick to daycare

I just want to point out that many kids are contagious BEFORE they are symptomatic.

[AnnieW625]

You have to do what you feel is right, but here are my reasons for chosing daycare vs. getting a nanny.

We chose daycare because with one child in our area it's about $15 per hour for a good experienced nanny, so costs for a week are almost triple what we pay for a great in home daycare center. Both DH and I commute 50 miles round trip per day so we have commute costs also which also factors in how much we are going to be able to pay for child care. If we both worked closer to home or from home then we might consider a nanny because we'd have less commute costs.

DD1 has been in daycare since she was 4 mos. old and I can't say enough good things about the in home daycare center we send her to. Education wise it's quite good and the socialization aspects of it are great. I honestly don't think she would've gotten the education or excellent social skills had we gotten a nanny, but that's just my honest opinion. Our DCP is giving us DD2 at 1/2 off for this year (it's DD1s last year at the in home center) so that will save us a lot of money too.

[bubbaray]

To a large degree, I think it is personal preference. I am personally more comfortable with the accountability og a center. <snip> I am also a little skeeved by having someone else in my home all the time when I am not there. For me it is much easier to deal with the more clear cut rules and expectations of the center.



:yeahthat: