New mom needs encouragement...

[cakebreak]

My son is almost 12 weeks old, and I am having a tough time with naps. I understand that I need to watch for his sleep cues, and put him down at first sight. When I do that he just lays there,wiggling around, and will not fall asleep. I feel so bad leaving him there. I pick him up and rock him, but sometimes it works quickly while other times it takes forever for him to fall asleep. If it takes a long time, he can often get overtired and fussy. If I give him the pacifier when he's overtired, he almost falls asleep pretty quickly. Since he's getting older, I am often reluctant to give him the paci though. I don't want to form bad sleep habits.

I have been logging his nap times and awake times for a couple of weeks, but I still feel like there is no consistent schedule. When a pattern seems to start, it changes all up again.

Lately, naps in his cribs are anywhere from 20min - 1 hour, and he will often wake up way before his next feeding leading to longer awake times. I have been reading posts about how swaddling often helps, but right now, he is favoring one side so his head is starting to flatten. I try to balance it out by laying him on his non-favored side for naps.

I am SO confused and discouraged. It's to the point where I feel stressed out. I know I shouldn't but I can't seem to be relaxed about it all and just go with the flow. There are so many things running through my head and it's making me so sad. I have always overworried, but now with my child, it's almost worse.

From his head shape, wondering if he will always depend on the paci and rocking to fall asleep, his nap lengths... I often wonder if I was ready for a child or if I am doing absolutely anything right.

If he's awake, I feel like I'm always carrying him because he doesn't seem to like his toys yet and I count the minutes until his next feeding hoping that he will take a nap.

The good news is he sleeps well at night. The past week he started sleeping consistently at 8 hours a night, giving us one night of 10 hours.

I know I sound crazy, and I probably am; but I am desperate for help and am trying to be honest with everything.

What can I do to help with naps? Should I worry so much about forming bad sleep habits -- even though I know it will be hard work in the end to break him out of it? I just need to know if someone out there have felt this way and have overcome it all.

Thanks for listening.

[boltfam]

You are doing great! You are trying all the right things to do what is best for baby! That is all anyone can ask of you and that you can ask of yourself. You sound a LOT like me. I remember going through that stage with DS, and it was difficult.

How old is your DS? I too kept a sleep log with DS, and even though I didn't see a pattern as far as exact times were concerned (ie: nap at 10 everyday), I did start to see that he would get tired after a certain amount of time. Have you read "The Sleep Book" by Dr. Sears? That book gave a lot of great ideas as far as ways to get fobaby to sleep and just gave some great info. about how babies sleep in general. Some of what was in there didn't fit in with my parenting style but I just picked the ideas I thought would work for us. Most of all, it let me know that it is OKAY to use "helps" such as the pacifier. I ended up walking around DS's room jiggling him a lot of the time and that was what worked for us. Eventually, I had to break him of that but it wasn't hard to break him of it.

You'll get through this. :hug5:

Oh, coming back to post about the flat head on one side. DS had the same thing and it was a major stressor for me. Have you talked to your pedi about it? If so, what did he/she say?

[larig]

I found the Happiest Baby on the Block helpful. In it he talks about the 4 S--sucking, swinging, swaddle, shushing. These are 4 things that help a baby soothe themselves to sleep. The author's premise is that babies need 3 more months (at least) of womb-like things to help calm them.

What worked for DS for naps was the swing with white noise and paci. At night we swaddled and had a paci and used white noise (sometimes).

ETA: you're doing a great job, don't stress too much. I remember the 3 months point was hard for me. I was exhausted.

[karstmama]

see if anything at askmoxie dot org helps - try searching 'sleep regression'. there are lots of helpful posts there. here, too, of course, but i think moxie's archives are great.

[MomToOne]

Congrats on your little one. I think you are doing great! Just to address some of your concerns:

Personally I wouldn't worry about forming bad habits yet. Give him the paci, let him lie on his good side, get him sleeping and yourself eased off the stress of it and then you can deal with whatever you still may think is a concern. Like you say, they are constantly changing, so why stress about a habit that hasn't formed yet that may get broken on it's own one day anyway?

I still log my daughter's days from time to time. It gives me the illusion of control. That helps with stress. But also, as previously stated, sometimes the pattern emerges that you are not looking for. It's not what time he falls asleep but the stretches in between, ie: 3 hours since he woke up, so he's due to be getting sleepy again, or: he finished eating so he's going to fuss and then probably fall asleep after 15 minutes of that, etc.

Don't feel bad about counting down the minutes until nap time! I still do that plenty myself. It's only natural. It's so hard being a first time mom! Tiring, overwhelming emotions, hormones out of whack. Give yourself a break. Do you have any new mom friends in real life?

It's so awesome that he's sleeping at night, focus on and be grateful for that. He may always be a short napper, you will learn to adjust and deal with it, don't worry.

Hang in there and congrats again!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i too think you're doing great. :hug: my ds was similar...naps were never very long, like 30 min b4 he woke up and fussed. he didn't like to be swaddled. never really took to a paci in the crib either (or he would but then it would fall out after 30 seconds). finally when he was 2 months old we got a Nap Nanny and for the first time he napped 3 hours straight...it was amazing. now he still takes all his naps in it. i only wish i got it sooner. i guess he was having gas or heartburn or something that would wake him up during his naps..probably bc he would always go down after a nap right after a feeding (nursing made him sleepy). the Nap Nanny kept his head elevated which i guess alleviated the problem, letting him sleep on avg 2-3 hrs for naps.

that being said, i wouldn't worry too much about the randomness/duration of naps, as others say, he may just be a short napper. especially if he sleeps so long at night. trust me, it's waaaay better than having them waking up at night and taking longer naps during the day! my ds also started sleeping 10 hrs at night at 12 weeks and even with the Nap Nanny, nap time was still erratic (no set schedule) and sometimes he would just get one 2 hour nap in for the day and that is it (no other naps). but to be honest i was just grateful to get so much uninterrupted sleep at night! i am more grateful even more so nowadays (almost 6mo), after going through a few days of waking multiple times a night due to things like teething, rolling over, etc etc.

also as PP said, i wouldn't worry too much about setting bad sleep habits, esp at t his age. i occasionally give my DS a paci in the car when i know he's tired, to help him sleep. it really helps sometimes, yet my DS is in no way attached to the paci at all.

also 3 months is still pretty early to have a consistent nap schedule. only just now (5.5mo) is DS having a regular nap schedule (2 naps, one at 1030 and the next at 2pm or so) but then some days they are totally random, for whatever reason. i don't think it's that big of a deal.

[sunshine873]

It sounds like you're doing great so far, really. Everyone else has given you good advice.

If the paci is what calms him down, then go ahead and give it to him. He's young enough that he may still need it. DD needed her paci until she found her thumb...probably somewhere around 5-6 months adjusted.

[BabyBearsMom]

I have an 11 week old and totally feel your pain. She sleeps really well at night, but getting her to nap in the day time is a nightmare for me. We give her a paci and sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes she naps in a swing, if that is what works. If she is sleeping in her crib, she is always swaddled because otherwise she won't sleep for more than 10 minutes. I am really not worried about creating bad habits. To me, with a baby, it is just a one day at a time kind of thing. She needs to sleep at this age, so I do what it takes to get her to sleep TODAY and I will worry about the future later. Don't beat yourself up about this stuff. My Mom told me that as long as you love your baby and your baby knows she or he is loved, then you are a great mother. My Mom is a wonderful mother, so I know her advice must be right. :hug5:

[boltfam]

I have an 11 week old and totally feel your pain. She sleeps really well at night, but getting her to nap in the day time is a nightmare for me. We give her a paci and sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes she naps in a swing, if that is what works. If she is sleeping in her crib, she is always swaddled because otherwise she won't sleep for more than 10 minutes. I am really not worried about creating bad habits. To me, with a baby, it is just a one day at a time kind of thing. She needs to sleep at this age, so I do what it takes to get her to sleep TODAY and I will worry about the future later. Don't beat yourself up about this stuff. My Mom told me that as long as you love your baby and your baby knows she or he is loved, then you are a great mother. My Mom is a wonderful mother, so I know her advice must be right. :hug5:

That's great advice!

[tmahanes]

We were having the exact same problem... sleeping at night nap times were horrible!!! I started swaddling him again and trying to put him down every 90 minutes to 2 hours and its working awesome!! I think it is mostly the swaddling!!!!!!!!!

[DietCokeLover]

I found the Happiest Baby on the Block helpful. In it he talks about the 4 S--sucking, swinging, swaddle, shushing. These are 4 things that help a baby soothe themselves to sleep. The author's premise is that babies need 3 more months (at least) of womb-like things to help calm them.

What worked for DS for naps was the swing with white noise and paci. At night we swaddled and had a paci and used white noise (sometimes).

ETA: you're doing a great job, don't stress too much. I remember the 3 months point was hard for me. I was exhausted.

:yeahthat:

I just wanted to add that I want to encourage you not to be so tough on yourself. You sound like a very loving, caring mama and you are trying all the right things. Just remember, we mamas can read all of the books and have all the info, but our babies DIDN'T read the books so they choose to do as they will sometimes! :wink2: Hang in there - and congrats on the 8 hour sleeper!!!! That's awesome!

[cakebreak]

Thank you all for the advice, but mostly for the support! A million times a day I second guess myself and it's enough for me to lose my mind. I know I shouldn't compare babies, but a good friend of mine had a baby 5 months before me. Her baby is a champion sleeper. Took naps and ate consistently. Knowing that it's been so easy for her has secretly made me feel inadequate. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I did and still do sometimes. It's great to know that others have gone through this and what I'm feeling is so normal. I also read through the board after my post and saw other great moms out there experiencing the same.

I think, for now, I will swaddle as a last resort. I am still trying to work on rounding out the right side of his head. What I have started to do though is put him in his swing until he falls asleep and then moving him to his crib to position him on his tummy. And, I finally accept that the pacifier is my friend. I never not wanted to use it. I just didn't want him to rely on it to sleep. Luckily, my mom will be in town tomorrow to help me out. I find that all grandmothers are the true baby whisperers!!

Again, I am so thankful for all of your words of encouragement. I was pretty much in tears yesterday, and it felt really good to wake up to these posts.

Much love to all of you!

[Katigre]

Your son sounds 100% normal :)


My son is almost 12 weeks old, and I am having a tough time with naps. I understand that I need to watch for his sleep cues, and put him down at first sight. When I do that he just lays there,wiggling around, and will not fall asleep. I feel so bad leaving him there. I pick him up and rock him, but sometimes it works quickly while other times it takes forever for him to fall asleep. If it takes a long time, he can often get overtired and fussy. If I give him the pacifier when he's overtired, he almost falls asleep pretty quickly. Since he's getting older, I am often reluctant to give him the paci though. I don't want to form bad sleep habits.
I don't think you need to worry about that - I held my babies for naps when they were younger, I nursed them to sleep, I basically did every 'bad sleep habit' and I am glad I did :p. I personally think that it's lovely to rock a baby to sleep - what a wonderful, cuddly time of bonding between you that is gone all too soon. Neither of my kids will fall asleep that way now although they did when they were babies and I miss it sometimes! A pacifier (or nursing to sleep) is 100% normal because babies are designed to be soothed by suckling on something. It's natural and normal - not something to worry about. They will outgrow it when they are toddlers and you don't need to borrow tomorrow's trouble today.

I think the expectation of a baby falling asleep like an adult are a source of a lot of stress for new moms so just reframe your perspective and a lot of the sleep stress diminishes (at least it did for me). And as they got older they mature into different methods of falling asleep, and you don't have to force a 12 week old into the mold of a 2 year old.


I have been logging his nap times and awake times for a couple of weeks, but I still feel like there is no consistent schedule. When a pattern seems to start, it changes all up again.
Between 3-4 months of age you will start to see a pattern emerge (though I did not find that it was according to the clock, but rather according to the time they woke up and last ate). Don't stress about not seeing a pattern now - just try to go with the flow and watch his cues.


Lately, naps in his cribs are anywhere from 20min - 1 hour, and he will often wake up way before his next feeding leading to longer awake times. I have been reading posts about how swaddling often helps, but right now, he is favoring one side so his head is starting to flatten. I try to balance it out by laying him on his non-favored side for naps.
If you hold him for some naps you can ensure that he lays on the opposite side so his head won't get flat. That is one advantage to holding a baby during their naps - they don't get flat heads.


I am SO confused and discouraged. It's to the point where I feel stressed out. I know I shouldn't but I can't seem to be relaxed about it all and just go with the flow. There are so many things running through my head and it's making me so sad. I have always overworried, but now with my child, it's almost worse.
It does sound like overworrying. One thing that helps me when I'm overworrying is to read books and listen to music that encourage me to destress and relax, that encourage me in my intuition instead of 'doing things the right way'. What are you surrounding yourself with advice-wise and input-wise? That will affect your mood and perspective.


If he's awake, I feel like I'm always carrying him because he doesn't seem to like his toys yet and I count the minutes until his next feeding hoping that he will take a nap.
This is absolutely what your baby needs - toy companies advertise to parents that their babies need 'developmental toys to interact with' for proper development - but that's not true. Babies need PEOPLE to interact with. They need to be held a lot, they need to be talked to and carried around. You are doing exactly what your DS needs to thrive - all too soon your DS will become mobile and you won't be holding him as much b/c he'll be exploring. The holding you're doing now will pay large dividends in the future as it strengthens your bond and is essential for good development (there are numerous studies that show the positive effects of babies being held often).

Do you have a comfortable baby carrier so that you can still get things done and he can be held (and also nap ;)) while on you? A Moby Wrap might be a really good investment right now.

[larig]

Your son sounds 100% normal :)


I don't think you need to worry about that - I held my babies for naps when they were younger, I nursed them to sleep, I basically did every 'bad sleep habit' and I am glad I did :p. I personally think that it's lovely to rock a baby to sleep - what a wonderful, cuddly time of bonding between you that is gone all too soon. Neither of my kids will fall asleep that way now although they did when they were babies and I miss it sometimes! A pacifier (or nursing to sleep) is 100% normal because babies are designed to be soothed by suckling on something. It's natural and normal - not something to worry about. They will outgrow it when they are toddlers and you don't need to borrow tomorrow's trouble today.

I think the expectation of a baby falling asleep like an adult are a source of a lot of stress for new moms so just reframe your perspective and a lot of the sleep stress diminishes (at least it did for me). And as they got older they mature into different methods of falling asleep, and you don't have to force a 12 week old into the mold of a 2 year old.


Between 3-4 months of age you will start to see a pattern emerge (though I did not find that it was according to the clock, but rather according to the time they woke up and last ate). Don't stress about not seeing a pattern now - just try to go with the flow and watch his cues.


If you hold him for some naps you can ensure that he lays on the opposite side so his head won't get flat. That is one advantage to holding a baby during their naps - they don't get flat heads.


It does sound like overworrying. One thing that helps me when I'm overworrying is to read books and listen to music that encourage me to destress and relax, that encourage me in my intuition instead of 'doing things the right way'. What are you surrounding yourself with advice-wise and input-wise? That will affect your mood and perspective.


This is absolutely what your baby needs - toy companies advertise to parents that their babies need 'developmental toys to interact with' for proper development - but that's not true. Babies need PEOPLE to interact with. They need to be held a lot, they need to be talked to and carried around. You are doing exactly what your DS needs to thrive - all too soon your DS will become mobile and you won't be holding him as much b/c he'll be exploring. The holding you're doing now will pay large dividends in the future as it strengthens your bond and is essential for good development (there are numerous studies that show the positive effects of babies being held often).

Do you have a comfortable baby carrier so that you can still get things done and he can be held (and also nap ;)) while on you? A Moby Wrap might be a really good investment right now.

I totally agree with this!!

One of the most enjoyable things about my time with DS when he was young was holding him during his naps (when he didn't sleep in the swing ;-) ). So the house didn't get cleaned, big deal. I just sat, held him and surfed the internet while he snoozed. I loved hearing his breathing and feeling him close.

We tried to survive without the paci, but after like 5 nights of no sleep, we finally tried it. DS slept, and we never looked back. The happiest baby on the block really made me feel less guilty about using the pacifier--here is a doctor who pretty much said that little ones NEED to suck to soothe. Unless you're co-sleeping and breastfeeding it's hard for them to get that suck-soothing that they need when they are going to sleep. Here's a link to the book, but I pretty much summed it up (I noticed that the kindle version is only $5.50).
http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Crying-Newborn/dp/0553381466

DS gave up the paci a long time ago (he's just 2 now), and it wasn't that big of a deal when we gave it up (at about 15 months).

[cakebreak]

They will outgrow it when they are toddlers and you don't need to borrow tomorrow's trouble today.


What you said about not borrowing trouble's today is so true. I have always done that, pre- and post-child. It's clearly not healthy for me!

I definitely think I need to be more forgiving to myself. That holding my baby is OK. That I'm doing the best that I can for my sweet boy.

[boltfam]

I am still trying to work on rounding out the right side of his head. What I have started to do though is put him in his swing until he falls asleep and then moving him to his crib to position him on his tummy.

I'm so glad that you're feeling better today! Seriously...you are doing a great job! As Katigre (I think) said, holding your baby while he sleeps will also help to keep him off the flatter side of his head. A wrap or baby carrier would be a great investment, too, and he could take a nap in there while you get some things done (if you want to).

I don't want to overwhelm you, but my son ended up with plagiocephaly, so sirens go off in my head when I hear about a flat head on one side. Is your pediatrician monitoring it? My pedi caught it and kept an eye on it, but we ended up having to do physical therapy to loosen his neck muscles on one of the sides. He didn't end up *needing* the helmet, but the flat head thing was a major stressor for me and repositioning didn't do enough for us. You sound very "on top" of things, but I just wanted to check with you. Of course, you get through it and take it one day at a time, but I don't want you to have to go through what we did.

[cakebreak]

I'm so glad that you're feeling better today! Seriously...you are doing a great job! As Katigre (I think) said, holding your baby while he sleeps will also help to keep him off the flatter side of his head. A wrap or baby carrier would be a great investment, too, and he could take a nap in there while you get some things done (if you want to).

I don't want to overwhelm you, but my son ended up with plagiocephaly, so sirens go off in my head when I hear about a flat head on one side. Is your pediatrician monitoring it? My pedi caught it and kept an eye on it, but we ended up having to do physical therapy to loosen his neck muscles on one of the sides. He didn't end up *needing* the helmet, but the flat head thing was a major stressor for me and repositioning didn't do enough for us. You sound very "on top" of things, but I just wanted to check with you. Of course, you get through it and take it one day at a time, but I don't want you to have to go through what we did.

Hi Boltfam -- I have a Pikkolo carrier, but I think I'm going to return it for a Beco Butterfly. I don't feel comfortable using the Pikkolo yet, and the Beco is easier with the insert. Once I get that, I'll carry the baby everywhere!

At my 2 month appt, my ped noticed that my DS favored one side; but the flatness is minimal. During the day, I have my DS sleep on his tummy so I can watch him. At night, I put him on his back. It makes me sick to my stomach that he always turns his head to the flat side at night! I used to go and reposition him, but one time I woke him up; so I decided not to do it anymore. I figured that 8 hours out of the day shouldn't do too much more damage... right? It drives me nuts though because when I swaddle him, he's better at looking to the left (non-flat side). When he's in the sleep sack, he looks to the right more. He's so hot in the swaddle though, so I worry about him overheating.

Believe me though, it's a MAJOR stressor for me. My gf's DS has to wear a helmet because he had flattening one side. My insurance is not very good, so I had to pay a whole lot more for my son after the delivery than anticipated, so I am hoping to avoid a helmet fee!

I hope my ped was right in telling me that it won't be an issue. I actually did a search on the board about it, and it sounds like many peds kind of brush it off...

[karstmama]

if you always lay him in the crib with his head one way & his feet the other, try switching which way you lay him every other night or so. he might be turning his head to turn toward or away from light or sounds or something, so that might help him turn his head to the other side. then again, it might not! just a thought. you're doing great.

[cakebreak]

Thanks, Karstmama for the tips! I'll give it a try! I also bought a mirror to attach to his crib. I'm hoping that will help, too!

You are all so awesome!

[boltfam]

Hi Boltfam -- I have a Pikkolo carrier, but I think I'm going to return it for a Beco Butterfly. I don't feel comfortable using the Pikkolo yet, and the Beco is easier with the insert. Once I get that, I'll carry the baby everywhere!

At my 2 month appt, my ped noticed that my DS favored one side; but the flatness is minimal. During the day, I have my DS sleep on his tummy so I can watch him. At night, I put him on his back. It makes me sick to my stomach that he always turns his head to the flat side at night! I used to go and reposition him, but one time I woke him up; so I decided not to do it anymore. I figured that 8 hours out of the day shouldn't do too much more damage... right? It drives me nuts though because when I swaddle him, he's better at looking to the left (non-flat side). When he's in the sleep sack, he looks to the right more. He's so hot in the swaddle though, so I worry about him overheating.

Believe me though, it's a MAJOR stressor for me. My gf's DS has to wear a helmet because he had flattening one side. My insurance is not very good, so I had to pay a whole lot more for my son after the delivery than anticipated, so I am hoping to avoid a helmet fee!

I hope my ped was right in telling me that it won't be an issue. I actually did a search on the board about it, and it sounds like many peds kind of brush it off...

Yeah, it will help to have a carrier you like to wear. With DS, I had a bjorn and HATED it so rarely used it. A Beco will be great!

My pedi noticed DS's flat spot at his 2 mo., too, and told me ways to reposition him and keep him off his back. When we saw another pedi in the office, she showed me some neck stretches to loosen his muscles since tightness in the neck (torticollis) is often what causes babies to favor one side. I would definately ask your ped about a physical therapy evaluation, if you don't seem to be seeing improvements in DS. I find that no one cares about your child quite like you do. We ended up doing 6 weeks of PT, got discharged, and I noticed DS still favoring one side. So, I asked to go back; and then I saw great improvements after that round. The physical therapist was awesome the second time around and forced me to get involved so that I knew what to do at home.

I'm usually pretty laid-back but I found I really had to advocate to get the amount of care I think he needed. Many people said, "So his head will be a little flat. A lot of kids his age are going to have the same thing. It's not a big deal." Well, it was a big deal to me. He still has some flattening but hardly noticeable at all.

If you did a search, you probably already got some more tips. Here are some things that helped us, though. Putting him on his tummy propped up on a boppy to play or laying him across your legs while he plays. DS hated tummy time but he lasted a lot longer if he wasn't flat on the floor. As he is able to sit up some, you could try him in a Bumbo seat.The exercises we got at PT helped the most, though, since DS had torticollis.

You're probably right that if it's only 8 hours of the day DS is laying on the flatter side, it's not a big deal but if your DS looks to the left swaddled, I would try to keep him swaddled. If you have a/c, maybe you can turn it down or dress him cooler (like in a onesie). I don't know if you've hear of the aden and ainas blankets but they're made of muslin and are really lightweight and big, so DS might stay cooler in those. A lot of people on this board use them and LOVE them for swaddling.

Again, I don't want to overwhelm you. I can tell you are very conscientious and are doing a great job as a mom! I also know how stressful it can be to deal with this, especially if you're a worrier like me. Hopefully this was a help. Good luck!

[Luckymommy657]

I too love the Nap Nanny. Sometimes it takes just a little discomfort to prevent the LO from sleeping like they should. My daughter had reflux which we found out later which really prevented her from sleeping comfortably. The Nap Nanny was the answer to everything we needed. It held her elevated which helped to relieve gas/congestion/reflux and really any other discomfort that our LO may have had. I was just as desperate as you were and I'm telling you this thing saved us- it is really worth checking out! Good luck to you, I promise it will get better and easier!

[cakebreak]

You're probably right that if it's only 8 hours of the day DS is laying on the flatter side, it's not a big deal but if your DS looks to the left swaddled, I would try to keep him swaddled. If you have a/c, maybe you can turn it down or dress him cooler (like in a onesie). I don't know if you've hear of the aden and ainas blankets but they're made of muslin and are really lightweight and big, so DS might stay cooler in those. A lot of people on this board use them and LOVE them for swaddling.

Again, I don't want to overwhelm you. I can tell you are very conscientious and are doing a great job as a mom! I also know how stressful it can be to deal with this, especially if you're a worrier like me. Hopefully this was a help. Good luck!

Thank you so much! I went ahead and started swaddling again and put him in less clothing. He actually slept for one extra hour in the swaddle too. :) I feel better since he is facing the right way. I may start getting him to sleep on his side, but I don't feel comfortable yet since he hasn't rolled over.

Hope everyone has an exciting 4th of July weekend. Our first holiday with the little one -- besides Mother's and Father's day!