S/O of BP thread: how do you feel about "leashes"?

[TwinFoxes]

That may not be the proper term, but I don't know what it is. Those backpacks with long tails that kids wear and you hold onto, I think vie seen wrist ones as well. I'm especially curious what twin moms, and moms of close in age kids think.

My DDs are still in a containment device when we go out, but the writing's on the wall, they aren't going to stay in the stroller/ride happily in the cart forever. The thought of trying to hold both of their hands while out and about is overwhelming. They aren't really runners...yet. But they are 2, and there are two of them. But it's just a little weird, thinking of leashing DDs.

As a funny aside, my buttinski know it all SIL told me out of the blue once, before they were walking, that I wasn't "allowed" to get them for my DDs. So of course that made me consider them when I hadn't before. :icon_twisted:

[SnuggleBuggles]

Not my style but I know they work for some. I know they also don't work for others. I have a friend whose kid liked to get all twisted up in it and just get in the way extra good.

I also think there should be an age cut off for them. Now, maybe the 2 4-5yos I saw in these "leashes" had some mental problems that necessitated the confinement but I really think that at that age if you haven't taught your child to be safe in the situations a contraption like this would be useful then you need to address that rather than use the product. Toddlers? Again, NMS but I understand it. I cringed at the seeming healthy 5yo boy in one and, no, there were no other kids in the group so the grown up was one on one.

Beth

[JBaxter]

from about 18 months to 3 I find them usefull in some situations. I keep one in the stroller basket because Jack doesnt always want to be IN the stroller now.

We have the monkey back pack harness

[egoldber]

I never needed one with older DD. I used one with younger DD for about a year, when she was 18 months to 2.5 or so. She was a bolter. I found it most useful in airports and at WDW. But she was always getting it tangled on things, so it wasn't quite as helpful as I had envisioned.

[malphy]

My 2yr old dd loved hers, as I did. It gave her some independence and was a lot easier for me. I hate calling it a leash to because it implies that you yank it to control them which is soooo not the case. It is not like I was dragging her around. She led the way and had freedom to explore without the opportunity to run off and get lost.

I got a lot of dirty looks from people but I just ignored them. I have fibromyalgia and this helped me as well. If i didn't have it my dd and I would not have been able to go out as often and I didn't want her to suffer.

I am sure there are people that abuse it, which is sad, but if you use it wisely it is a great resource.

hth

ps-dd is 3 and no longer uses it but she does not run off either. She always keeps within a good distance of dh and I.

[amandabea]

We had the puppy backpack and liked it. We didn't use it that freqently, but it was the only option my DD had if she wanted to walk. It worked well for us - no problems with tangles that I recall. The "leash" (tail) is fairly short. I would definitely use it again and recommend it to those that have "independent" DC - the kind that want to it "myself".

[maestramommy]

We have one. Seemed like a great idea at the time. But the first two didn't really need it. They hold hands pretty well. We'll see about this last one. She really keeps us on our toes.

Your SIL needs to keep her opinions to herself:p

[Ceepa]

It's inexpensive and small enough to have one on hand. We didn't use ours a ton, but when we needed it I was so glad to have it.

ETA: My kids loved their "Puppy" backpack. They thought it was fun to give a stuffed animal a piggy-back ride. LOL

[luckytwenty]

My kids are pretty mellow--I never needed one. But I don't have any problem with those little leash backpacks--I understand why some kids need them if they won't sit in a stroller or walk safely.

[vonfirmath]

I have learned not to care about what others think about leashes on my kid -- yes, even when one on one.

They are not the ones who will have to deal with the heartbreak if the kid bolts into traffic, etc. In fact, they'd probably have different opinions at that time "Why didn't that parent control her kids" etc.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Not a fan. Just doesn't sit right with me. I'm all about making the stroller more enjoyable instead - with snacks, drinks, toys, books, different stroller, whatever. With that, though, you have to know you must stop periodically at a park/safe-for-kids-to-run area.

[elizabethkott]

We have the monkey one for J, but haven't had to use it in about a year. It was VERY useful at the Bronx Zoo and the Coney Island Aquarium - places where there are a lot of things very interesting to look at but with big crowds and a monster toddler who liked to just take OFF on an impulse.
Since then, he's gotten older and gotten much better impulse control. :)

[zoestargrove]

before having children - I have to admit, I thought they were ridiculous....but I don't think that anylonger.

My boys are 16 months apart and I relied heavily on my ergo carrier when they were both young and as they got older I was a stickler about hand holding (still am). If hand holding was a constant struggle (which fortunately, it wasn't) I wouldn't have hesitated to give one of those a try. I can totally see their value and if it makes it easier and safer for just one family I'll all for it!

[bubbaray]

I'm in the "whatever works" camp.

[fivi2]

Twin mom - we used them some. The main problem was that they would each go in different directions, so I'd be standing there with my arms out to either side with the girls trying to pull me apart!

But in theory, I think they are great. Strollers aren't very convenient in all places (especially double strollers) and I prefer to give my kids both the exercise and the independence of walking (safely). Mine were runners.

I also think holding hands is quite uncomfortable for kids with the arm up and at a weird angle. And if I was carrying anything, and giving them each a hand... They could escape quite easily.

My 4 yos have been on the leash once or twice as older kids (and threatened with it more often). Our walk up to school is a long path that is not stroller friendly. I am often loaded down with lunches, etc. One dd decided to run down the path one day and not stop and crossed the road. She went on the leash for a few weeks after that when walking to school. (yes, that was partially punishment, which I am sure some disagree with. But it was also the only way I could be sure she would be safe.)

I do not understand the argument that it is disrespectful. For me, I put a leash on my dog because my dog does not have the impulse control to stay safe and I want to keep him safe. Similarly, my young children are lacking in impulse control - I feel I owe them at least the same consideration as I give my dog in keeping them safe.

As someone here once said, better on a leash than on the back of a milk carton (or worse!)

[HIU8]

I'm not a fan and we have never used one for DS or DD. BUT, my kids are not bolters. DD just now is asserting her independence but I have found other ways to appease her (pushing the cart, the stroller etc...). If either was a bolter at an earlier age, I probably would have considered using one.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I'm not really a fan. I don't care if others use them.

I don't handhold either except for maybe crossing the street. I do more picking up when the situation warrants it. My younger DS also is a stroller fan, so he rides a fair amount.

We just finished 3 days at Disneyland, and I never felt I could have used one.

Maybe if I had twins or children closer in age? I did buy a monkey one when DS1 was little, but never used it and it eventually was donated

[elliput]

Best $10 I ever spent.

Long before we suspected autism, I knew DD was very sensitive about her hands and fingers- she was not one to hold hands at all and would bolt faster than you can imagine. Using the harness properly was a bit of a learning curve, but once DD and I figured it out, we both did really well.

Practically every time I used it with DD, I would have someone comment how cute it was (we have the puppy version) and ask where they could get one.

[megs4413]

i think there are circumstances, in which, they are perfectly safe/useful/appropriate (think autism, huge crowds, young toddler with poor impulse control, etc) and circumstances in which they are cruel/ridiculous/lazy parenting.

I wouldn't and haven't used one, but I also haven't "needed" it.

[kijip]

You have to do what you have to do. I don't like it the way I see some parents use them (tugging on their kids forcibly or anything that looks like it could cause a fall or drag situation) but like a lot of things, I think it is HOW and WHY it is used and not that it is used. We used ours with T to prevent losing him in crowded places when he was too little to listen much (like 13m-2ish years) and was hell bent on WALKING.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

before i had DS, i always saw those and thot they were so weird and reminded me of a leash put on dogs.

now that i have DS and at not even 6 mo he is constantly wanting to wriggle out of my arms...i would totally consider getting one for when he's a toddler, if he is the remains the very active type that just wants to get into everything. right now i'm lucky i can keep him happy in my carrier but when he outgrows it, i may have to resort to a carrier.

as PP said, strollers are super inconvenient in some places (grocery store, etc) and i imagine some kids refuse to be in them (they want to be walking around)

[crl]

I'm in the "whatever works" camp.

Me too. I think if it means the kid is getting exercise and to interact with the world and that the parent is able to keep the kid safe it's good.

Catherine

[lowrioh]

We just got one for our DD (who is a bolter and not always a big fan of the stroller). I've always been in favor of them because I hated seeing little kids running away from their parents while walking down the street....it just made me panic.
If someone gives you a dirty look or says anything, ask them if they'd rather see your kid be hit by a car.

[cuca_]

I am fine with them. We used one with DD1 who was a runner, mostly in airports and other crowded places. Have not needed it with anyone else so far. DD1 loved her monkey backpack.

[BabyBearsMom]

I am in the whatever works camp as well.

I don't get the "disrespectful" line of thinking at all. If the leash keeps your baby safe, then that is what is important.

I don't think that these kinds of leashes are the same thing as a dog leash, but my dog walks on a leash, not because I am dominant over him, but because I am worried that he will run off and be hit by a car (he likes to lunge at them during walks). I love him, so he wears a leash to be protected. I consider my dog to be my furry baby and we love him like a family member.

[HIU8]

Man, I must have lazy kids. They want to ride ride ride. It's only now that DD is 3 and DS is 5.5 that walking instead of riding has become the norm. If I had needed it, I definitely would have gotten one or I would have not been able to go out myself with the kids.

[secchick]

I had a child that refused to be in the stroller from the time they could walk well at 14 months or so. Honestly, 4 years old and has not sat in a stroller once in the past 3 years. Fortunately, the wagon that we can put both in is accpetable for the park and zoo. I would carry for a while but for about a year or so, we were heavy users of the puppy backpack in places where a kid could dart off and get lost (airports, busy malls, etc). No one said anything bad to my face. Most people commented how they thought it was super cute.

[karstmama]

i have one. mama uses it more often than i do, because she isn't as fast and can't catch him when he bolts, but i use it more than occasionally.

he's just not verbal enough to understand 'stay right here' or 'don't run' or 'red light' or 'freeze' or anything like that, and i've spent enough time in the hospital with him.

definitely a 'vagina' moment if you get the evil eye!

[arivecchi]

Not a fan. Just doesn't sit right with me. I'm all about making the stroller more enjoyable instead - with snacks, drinks, toys, books, different stroller, whatever. :yeahthat: NMS. We rely on our strollers.

[carolinamama]

I've not used them but I certainly would if I felt we were going to be in a situation where my child's safety would be preserved by it. They don't bother me in the least on other children if used correctly.

[Piglet]

I got one when DS2 started dislocating his elbow by dropping to the ground while we held his hand in parking lots and the like. I love my strollers but wasn't going to strap him into the stroller to walk from the car to daycare. For that walk we started carrying him, but for the trip to San Diego we took at that time, it was a lifesaver. At the zoo or Seaworld when he wanted to walk our options were either the harness or a trip to the doctor for resetting his elbow. The choice was obvious. I always tell people - the harness is great but be warned you will not be able to direct your kid to walk where you want him to - he will direct you to walk where he wants to go. He will lead an you will follow so be prepared for a slow toddler-paced walk (which is actually kind of fun).

[daisymommy]

There have been many threads about this in past already. But we have one (the monkey) and the kids love it. I love the safety, the kids love the independence, and I have only received positive remarks from other shoppers. As someone here once said, "Better on a leash than on the back of a milk carton!"

And FWIW...My kids will ride in the stroller for a little while, but after awhile they want to walk, and no amount of goodies, toys, snacks, whatever is going to keep them there without them fighting it and screaming like they're being tortured.

[Laurel]

Whatever works.

However, I can be pretty judgmental when I see parents pulling or tugging their kids around by the leash or using them in what seem like relatively mellow, safe environments for kids to explore. :bag:

[kerridean]

I know mine will not be the popular opinion, but I am strongly against them. From a young age, I taught my girls that they needed to hold my hand when we walked, or they went to the stroller. If they refused to walk while holding my hand, we stopped, we disciplined, and if they chose not to obey, we simply picked them up or put the in the stroller, and went home. They learned quickly.

[m448]

Absolutely okay with them. None of my kids liked the stroller and honestly I see way too many older kids in strollers where it's overused. So when they were about 18mos-2.5 we used the puppy backpack. I'm shorter so for me it was failsafe, I held their hands with the loop of the parent end on my wrist. They walked next to me holding hands and if they bolted the harness was a backup. If they weren't successful on the ground then in the sling they went.

My husband is 6'4" so for him it was a great way of walking alongside a child without straining his or the child's arm. Since the child was used to walking next to me on the harness in most occasions they would stick close to my husband with no tugging, etc.

I do way too many things people don't view as right with my kids so this is just another drop in the "I'm the parent, I don't care" bucket.

[Sweetum]

When I first saw them, I was apalled that parents would "leash" their kids. But now, I'm actually considering it - DS is a runner, and fast one at that (and all at 17 months) and he doesn't listen when we stay stop and wiggles out of our hands like nobody's business! So, there you have it.

[TwinFoxes]

Your SIL needs to keep her opinions to herself:p

You don't know the half of it ;)

Thanks everyone for your posts. I'm one of the never would have considered it but now I am! There are situations, like the farmers market, where I'd like to let them walk. The last time we went there were lots of kids there age, and none in a stroller. But I can't shop, carry things, and hold two toddler hands. :( And the stroller was a real PITA to maneuver around the stalls. They were very good, but occasionally would ask to get out, and it made me sad.

[gatorsmom]

They've been discussed here before and the consensus was positive. You just gotta do what you gotta do to keep your kiddos safe.

A good comeback for the next time your SIL butts in is, "Better on a leash than on the side of a milk carton."

[MontrealMum]

I'm also in the whatever works to keep your kid(s) safe camp. Honestly, it really depends on the personality of your kid. People with calm kids can sometimes have NO IDEA what life is like with a spirited kiddo.

We have the puppy one from Target, though we haven't really used it. It's only recently that I've been able to convince DS to wear it rather than carrying it like a normal stuffed toy, and he's now starting to hold hands nicely so it's kind of moot.

But living in a big city with lots of traffic and many stores that are either up a short staircase, or down one, the option to have your kid walk rather than carry them in a stroller might be nice. I say "carry in the stroller" because once DS is let out - there's little hope that I might be able to get him back in w/o a struggle. I used to use the Beco for some of these instances, but he's getting a little heavy for me (tho not DH) to carry very far in it. It's getting kind of hard for me to carry him in the Mac too, so at almost 3 I'm glad he's finally started holding hands.

And on an unrelated note, I got criticized last week by one of DS' former daycare teachers for picking DS up in a stroller - since he's so big he should apparently be able to walk home. Physically, maybe, IDK. End of day, tired, cranky, hungry kid. Not something I really want to find out. It's a 20 min walk one way (for me), either along a very busy street, or on the bike path - with very speedy bikes and skaters. No freakin' way I'm doing that with my bolter. Also, we wouldn't get home until after dark.

You can't win - do what works for you :D

[scmama]

DS is a runner, a climber and in general, wants to go full speed in every direction possible. Chasing after him at 37 weeks pregnant is impossible without the leash. For us, it really works and keeps DS safe since he will just bolt and refuses to stop sometimes.

[AnnieW625]

We never used one either even though DD1 was a bolter. I just never thought to get one and just kept her in her stroller most of the time when we were out; she's still in a stroller at 4 too because of the bolting.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I considered one today but I just don't like them. I see benefit to them after a day of dealing with a toddler that just wouldn't stay with me or listen. I think if my kids were closer in age and I had to keep them both safe I would think a little bit about them. As it is, with an 8yo I just don't have the same issues- I can chase after ds2 b/c I know ds1 will do what he is supposed to do if I am not right beside him.

Beth

[Corie]

I'm not a fan of the child leash and I never used one for my kids.

[Pennylane]

Not a fan of them and would never consider using one.

Ann

[Fairy]

Don't like them, hate seeing them used, and would never consider them ever. That said, I have one child, he's not a runner, so I've not walked in anyone else's shoes on this, so I don't judge those who use them.

[edurnemk]

We have one. I don't love the concept, but it's a life saver. I agree people look at you like you're walking your kid on a dog leash, but I.Don't.Care. DS is a runner and even when holding his hand I make him wear it if he doesn't want to ride the stroller. He's managed to pull his hand out of mine a couple of times, darted off and was stopped by the "leash". Other times I need to let go of this hand to get my wallet or something... it's peace of mind for me.

Once at a mall he darted away and was stopped by the leash, a security guard came over and said "that's the best idea I've ever seen, I wish more moms used them!" (I guess it would make his job easier).

And people have said "I hope you don't put a leash on him" or things like that, I think that they should mind their own business.

We have a doggie one, DS loves it, he puts small toys in the zippered pocket. If it works for you, who cares what others think.

[ewpmsw]

I have learned not to care about what others think about leashes on my kid -- yes, even when one on one.

They are not the ones who will have to deal with the heartbreak if the kid bolts into traffic, etc. In fact, they'd probably have different opinions at that time "Why didn't that parent control her kids" etc.

This. I don't want to use a leash, but the more pg I get, the slower I am, and DD does NOT listen when I tell her to come back. For the time being, I'm going to keep working with her on not running away, but use the leash.

[kijip]

I know mine will not be the popular opinion, but I am strongly against them. From a young age, I taught my girls that they needed to hold my hand when we walked, or they went to the stroller. If they refused to walk while holding my hand, we stopped, we disciplined, and if they chose not to obey, we simply picked them up or put the in the stroller, and went home. They learned quickly.

Your children's personality has as much to do with their response to this lesson as the lesson. Some parents do the exact same as you over and over again, but their children still bolt without warning or listening and do so very quickly. My younger son? I don't think he will need one? My older son? It was so not what I expected but being a parent includes a lot of opportunity to alter expectations, LOL.

My older son loved to walk, preferred it to carrying and was very fast and curious. We did not often need it but in dangerous, busy situations I know that is kept him safer than would have been holding my hand (and wriggling away) and more comfortable/happy than he would have been confined to a stroller. He LOVED his "monkey". It was a short use item for us, but well worth the 10 bucks. At a small store or park? Not so necessary for him. At an airport? Um, yeah. :hysterical:

[peanut520]

I WAS in the camp that gave the dirty looks for those who had their kids on leashes, but 16 mo dd is a runner and we have purchased the puppy from target. it was purchased with the intent to use at the airport and while we were in las vegas last week, but we never did use it. i have completely done a 180 on the stance of the leashes. you have to do whatever you need to keep your little ones safe. "better on a leash than in traffic" is my new stance.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I know mine will not be the popular opinion, but I am strongly against them. From a young age, I taught my girls that they needed to hold my hand when we walked, or they went to the stroller. If they refused to walk while holding my hand, we stopped, we disciplined, and if they chose not to obey, we simply picked them up or put the in the stroller, and went home. They learned quickly.

Would you really leave if you have other kids who are behaving and would thus be punished? I couldn't do that. It would stink for my ds1 to miss out on things b/c ds2 is uncooperative.

Beth

[sadie427]

We have one. Didn't need it for DS1, but just got one for DS2. So far we've just used it at busy outdoor festivals, and might use it in the airport or at an amusement park. We can carry him, use the stroller or the Ergo, but if he's out all day somewhere crowded, he should be able to walk safely. IMO you really can't teach a very young toddler to hold your hand and not bolt, and I don't believe in keeping a toddler in a stroller for hours and hours (I've noticed many people offering a constant stream of snacks to keep a kid in a stroller, and that bothers me more than a leash.)

[Piglet]

I know mine will not be the popular opinion, but I am strongly against them. From a young age, I taught my girls that they needed to hold my hand when we walked, or they went to the stroller. If they refused to walk while holding my hand, we stopped, we disciplined, and if they chose not to obey, we simply picked them up or put the in the stroller, and went home. They learned quickly.

My kids are all very disciplined hand holders. I am all for teaching kids rules about holding hands and being safe, but at some ages, it just can't be done successfully. I already posted above, but DS2 was 19 months and would drop to the ground "boneless" WHILE holding our hands, which is what led to dislocated elbows, and that was the reason for the leash. End of story!

[ncat]

I don't see how leashes are much different than using a stroller for containment, except for the walking kid gets exercise.

I did not need one for DD - she was very good about holding hands. I'm considering one for DS, but I think I'm making progress on convincing him he needs to hold my hand in parking lots and while crossing the street.

[maestramommy]

My kids are all very disciplined hand holders. I am all for teaching kids rules about holding hands and being safe, but at some ages, it just can't be done successfully. I already posted above, but DS2 was 19 months and would drop to the ground "boneless" WHILE holding our hands, which is what led to dislocated elbows, and that was the reason for the leash. End of story!

:p Arwyn is a little like this too. If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't want to go. Then I would be forced to pick her up and carry her, already with another on my back, and where does that leave Dora? Luckily she is very good about following, but still she is only 4.5. We haven't needed the harness yet, BUT we don't usually to very crowded places either. In places like that we would definitely bring it because you just never know. Even if the kids don't bolt (mine don't) it's so easy for them to wander off a couple of feet because they get interested in something. And when you're alone you only have so many hands.

I salute Kerridean for teaching her kids, but I think we all try to do that, and like Kjip said the success of the lesson often depends on the kid's personality. I think that is why by and large the members of this forum are more "live and let live" about the leash, whether or not they choose to use it themselves. And I agree with pp who said using a leash in principle is no different from using a stroller. It's a containment/restraining device, for keeping a very precious child safe.

[missym]

My kids both loved their puppy backpack/leash. We used it when we wanted them to have a little wander space but worried about them getting lost in a crowd, like at the zoo.
We got lots of positive comments about what a great idea the leash was, or how cute the backpacks were. I don't remember any dirty looks - but maybe I just didn't care enough to notice. ;)

[newg]

Until DD became an active toddler I was on the fence...We are now discovering that she's got a bit of an independence streak in her, and a splash of my stubborness....plus she's figured out she likes to run (with a smirky smile on her face) and with me being 32 weeks pregnant, I can def. see the reasons for one. So we don't have one "yet"........but I don't think DH or I would hesitate to get one if we felt the shopping cart or stroller weren't working any more.

[nov04]

Not our thing even though I thought about them frequently. I have no objections to them as long as they're used properly: aka, not dragging your child across the floor with one.

dd1 did go through a stage while I was pg knowing that I couldn't get to her as fast and loved to run. Several strangers got a good laugh watching me hugely pg waddle fast after dd1.