I hate that my H is an absolute slob

[ha98ed14]

I hate that he leaves his dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor.

He sh!ts and doesn't clean up the skid marks

He decides to clean the grill wearing his NICEST pair of khaki shorts... AND wipes the grease on them!!!

He loves to cook, and then he leaves all the dishes all over the place.

He works on the house and leaves the tools lying around. Wire cutter, anyone?

He could care less that his clothes are stained or his house is a mess. I am the only one it bothers, so passive resistance, like me refusing to wash his clothes, would make no dent in his psyche because he would just wear the dirty ones over again. He did not used to be this way. I am SO tired of harping on him and every time I say something about his slovenly ways, we get in a huge fight. DH, I hope you get a slap in the face by someone other than me!!!

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I feel you, many of the tings you mentioned are my DH, too. I am going back to work soon, and he said since he cleans all day at work, he doesn't want to when he is home.

[g-mama]

Makes me feel better about my dh whom I sometimes call "Mr. Clean," and whom I sometimes get annoyed by because he throws his shorts in the hamper after wearing them for two hours. I guess the grass is always greener, isn't it? That must be super annoying.

[MamaMolly]

snip.....I am the only one it bothers....snip.... He did not used to be this way. I am SO tired of harping on him and every time I say something about his slovenly ways, we get in a huge fight.

I know it is a BP but just want to lovingly say that I think that the above is probably all related. He knows it bugs you so he uses that to his advantage. Maybe he isn't even conscious of it, you know? I don't think your DH is mean spirited or a nasty person. Just that he's found a button to push that works. Time to take control of that for your own sanity!

But it sounds like right now *you* are taking all the responsibility of keeping *him* clean. That isn't your job, hon. He's a grown man and as you said yourself he didn't used to be like this so we know he is capable of better.

What would happen if you just let it go? Don't do stuff for him that he can do for himself, especially if you resent having to do it. Maybe in a little time he'll start picking up the slack? The behavior modification people would say it will likely get worse before it gets better but that won't kill either of you. Just repeat: he can do it for himself.

Keep the environment safe for your child of course, but other than that let him (make him) grow up a little.

:hugs: I'm sorry you are having to deal with this!

[TwinFoxes]

I get what pp is saying about letting it go, but I've also known guys that just wouldn't care. Dirty clothes carpeting the floor? Easier to find something to wear. Stains on the good shorts? Eh, they're shorts who cares. Dirty dishes? Add to the pile until you run out of plates, or the health department is called.

I know you just bought a house, but is there ANY way to find room for a housekeeper in the budget? I really think it could be worth it. Think of the hours you'd free up for yourself, and the arguments you wouldn't have.

I feel really bad for you. :hug:

[sariana]

I am your DH. :bag If it weren't for DH, our house would be a disaster. And he's deployed right now, so our house IS a disaster.

[tabegle]

I could have written that initial post!

Now, isn't there a smiley with the hair being pulled out as it screams? :)

[sarahsthreads]

I so understand. I am not a neat person by any stretch of anyone's imagination, but I feel like I am the ONLY person who walks on two legs in this house who will stop and pick something up off the floor without any other person asking me to first.

I'd totally hire someone to clean, but our problem is less the vacuuming, cleaning counters, etc, and more the fact that a flat surface - any flat surface, including the floors and couches - apparently isn't being properly used if every square inch of it isn't covered with toys, books, papers, toys, coats, mittens (in July?!?), toys, dirty socks, single shoes, toys, crayons, dog fur...and did I mention the toys?

And the passive resistance thing doesn't work for me either. Neither does giving him a specific list of tasks. I'm giving up and resigning myself to being the only person who cares one whit whether the house is clean enough to not be a health hazard.

Sarah