manipulative MIL

[brgnmom]

I've been trying to hold off from venting in this section, but last night's phone call from my MIL was the last straw.... She called urging my son and I to take the long late-night road trip (6 hours one way, or 12 hours round-trip) with my DH, while he attends his friend's wedding next month. I already discussed with my DH our options, and I was leaning towards attending the wedding with him, but would need to stay at least a week to make our trip worthwhile. I wouldn't want to make the road trip with only a day to rest/attend the wedding and come back, since I'm going to be in my 3rd trimester.

Anyway, my MIL (of course) doesn't care about my well-being (or baby-on-the-way's well-being) and keeps on bringing up driving with my DH on the Friday night next month, and taking a one-way flight with my DS a week later. I had to remind her that I'm quite pregnant, and it was already difficult for me to make the long road trip during my 2nd trimester. She doesn't care and mentions how she is worried that her DS will fall asleep while driving. I recommended that my DH take the day off from work, so he can drive earlier. My DH prefers that I stay at home and not make the long-distance trip. I have a low-lying placenta, and so I should take it easy.

Later on during the same conversation, my MIL says that if we do make the road trip together, we can drop off our DS so he can play with his cousins. AND she makes the obnoxious comment that my DS will "easily forget about you and [insert DH's name]." There's no way I'm planning on ever leaving my DS alone at my MIL's home -- they have a pool and it's not childproofed. Plus, my MIL doesn't know how to swim. My DH is also not comfortable leaving our DS with his mom and prefers my mom to take care of our DS.

I'm just so tired of trying to explain myself to my MIL and needed a place to safely vent. She also made this comment about how she couldn't believe so many girls were being born this year -- we are expecting our first girl, her first granddaughter. She also brought up some superstitious belief that a girl born during the Chinese year of the tiger wouldn't have any children later on. :loveeyes: ahem, not sure about how truthful that supersitition is...

thank you for letting me vent.

[HIU8]

Just tell her decision made. Only DH is coming. If she is so worried about him driving alone then she should fly out and drive with him. My DH frequently makes the 5 hour trip to see his mother ALONE. I have not been to see MIL in over a year.

In my 3rd trimester I could not travel 1 hour without massive discomfort anyway. Your DH needs to tell her how it's going to be.

[TwinFoxes]

Well that sucks. But it sounds like you're doing the right thing...NOT GOING. :) I'm sure it's annoying hearing her blather on, but just tune her out. She'll get the hint when you don't show up. And if it gets really annoying, just find an excuse to get off the phone when she brings it up..."gotta go MIL, my bean dip is burning!"

[BabyMine]

I'm still stuck on the fact that you even answered the phone. I don't even answer the phone when I see it's my MIL.
No matter what you say she will only care for what she wants. You made the decision not to go. End of story.

[StantonHyde]

Thank God for caller ID!!!!! Just don't answer the phone when she calls.

[hellokitty]

Is she talking directly to you? From the sound of it, your mil is asian (my aunt was born the yr of the tiger and omg I always have to hear these stories about how she was shunned, never allowed to attend weddings, etc., b/c she was considered bad luck, blah, blah). Both my parents and in laws are asian and the nag/guilt/manipulation torture is like some sort of sick art form. I pretty much do not talk to my mil unless I really, really have to (most times, I let her calls go to VM). For instances like this, make your decision NOT to go with your DH, and have your DH tell his mother the decision that has been made. Tell him NOT to falter, to make excuses or to make it sound to his mother like your decision can be swayed, it's made and final and there will no longer be any discussion of it. He just needs to stand up and stick up for you against his mom. It's his mom, so he should have to manage her, NOT you! I pretty much dump mil back onto my DH now when she tries to stir the pot. He always used to try to dump her on me, and now I say, "She's YOUR mom, YOU deal with her!" He doesn't like it, but it's true. I don't make him deal with my parents, WTF am I supposed to deal with his PITA mother??? You have my sympathy, I get so aggravated when my parents and in laws pull this kind of garbage, it's like they are so selfish, all they care about are their own needs and they expect us to all bend over backwards for them. I sometimes wonder why I feel like I am the adult, and they are the bratty, self centered, 13 yr olds...

[brgnmom]

Is she talking directly to you? From the sound of it, your mil is asian (my aunt was born the yr of the tiger and omg I always have to hear these stories about how she was shunned, never allowed to attend weddings, etc., b/c she was considered bad luck, blah, blah). Both my parents and in laws are asian and the nag/guilt/manipulation torture is like some sort of sick art form. I pretty much do not talk to my mil unless I really, really have to (most times, I let her calls go to VM). For instances like this, make your decision NOT to go with your DH, and have your DH tell his mother the decision that has been made. Tell him NOT to falter, to make excuses or to make it sound to his mother like your decision can be swayed, it's made and final and there will no longer be any discussion of it. He just needs to stand up and stick up for you against his mom. It's his mom, so he should have to manage her, NOT you! I pretty much dump mil back onto my DH now when she tries to stir the pot. He always used to try to dump her on me, and now I say, "She's YOUR mom, YOU deal with her!" He doesn't like it, but it's true. I don't make him deal with my parents, WTF am I supposed to deal with his PITA mother??? You have my sympathy, I get so aggravated when my parents and in laws pull this kind of garbage, it's like they are so selfish, all they care about are their own needs and they expect us to all bend over backwards for them. I sometimes wonder why I feel like I am the adult, and they are the bratty, self centered, 13 yr olds...

Yes, she called my cell phone last night and talked directly to me. I felt my energy sucking out of me during the long conversation, and even tried to hand off my phone to my DH but he declined. He always lets his phone ring to the voice mail message when my MIL calls him... and thus, she has been calling my phone for the past 5-plus years.

my MIL is Chinese and pretty superstitious... my DH and I were originally supposed to have our wedding ceremony & Chinese tea ceremony in August, but we had to postpone that until another month which was more auspicious. My FIL is hilarious & commented to me last month in person how he was manipulated into marrying my MIL who was his first and only girlfriend.

[brgnmom]

Is she talking directly to you? From the sound of it, your mil is asian (my aunt was born the yr of the tiger and omg I always have to hear these stories about how she was shunned, never allowed to attend weddings, etc., b/c she was considered bad luck, blah, blah). Both my parents and in laws are asian and the nag/guilt/manipulation torture is like some sort of sick art form. I pretty much do not talk to my mil unless I really, really have to (most times, I let her calls go to VM). For instances like this, make your decision NOT to go with your DH, and have your DH tell his mother the decision that has been made. Tell him NOT to falter, to make excuses or to make it sound to his mother like your decision can be swayed, it's made and final and there will no longer be any discussion of it. He just needs to stand up and stick up for you against his mom. It's his mom, so he should have to manage her, NOT you! I pretty much dump mil back onto my DH now when she tries to stir the pot. He always used to try to dump her on me, and now I say, "She's YOUR mom, YOU deal with her!" He doesn't like it, but it's true. I don't make him deal with my parents, WTF am I supposed to deal with his PITA mother??? You have my sympathy, I get so aggravated when my parents and in laws pull this kind of garbage, it's like they are so selfish, all they care about are their own needs and they expect us to all bend over backwards for them. I sometimes wonder why I feel like I am the adult, and they are the bratty, self centered, 13 yr olds...

I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone in dealing with this sort of situation. It's good how your DH deals with your MIL for you. My DH isn't close with his mom or dad. He sides with me, but it is kind of annoying and exhausting to deal with my ILs directly, because my DH doesn't pick up his cell phone for them and he doesn't make an effort to keep in touch with them.

[dogmom]

. My DH prefers that I stay at home and not make the long-distance trip. I have a low-lying placenta, and so I should take it easy.

.

Honestly, it sounds like your MIL has a difficult personality with a lot of culture clash stuff thrown in for good measure. I would stay home. Wait until your next OB appointment, call her after and tell her the Dr told you not to travel in your 3rd trimester. Let your DH deal with the blow back at the wedding, sounds like he's willing to do it. Oh, and get caller ID.

[hillview]

I don't talk to MIL except when we visit (1-2 times a year) and maybe on birthday or Christmas/New Years THAT IS IT. Seriously. I might tell DH "say hi for me" but NO WAY I am talking to her. SUCKS THE LIFE FROM YOU.

So I vote you ignore caller ID.
/hillary

[brgnmom]

Honestly, it sounds like your MIL has a difficult personality with a lot of culture clash stuff thrown in for good measure. I would stay home. Wait until your next OB appointment, call her after and tell her the Dr told you not to travel in your 3rd trimester. Let your DH deal with the blow back at the wedding, sounds like he's willing to do it. Oh, and get caller ID.

Thank you for the great suggestion about calling her after my next OB appointment. It's in two weeks, and I'm pretty sure that the doctor will recommend not making another long-distance drive. We did that already last month, on top of a cross-country flight after moving from the east coast, and my body is pretty tired.

[brgnmom]

I don't talk to MIL except when we visit (1-2 times a year) and maybe on birthday or Christmas/New Years THAT IS IT. Seriously. I might tell DH "say hi for me" but NO WAY I am talking to her. SUCKS THE LIFE FROM YOU.

So I vote you ignore caller ID.
/hillary

Hillary,

thank you for your response and giving me a better perspective -- omg, I've been talking to my MIL on sometimes a weekly basis. And when we were visiting my parents and ILs, we saw my MIL at least three times in one week last month.

thank you all for the advice on ignoring her calls. She is very persistent though, in that if I don't answer my cell phone, she'll email me. She has three sons and two of them are married, including my DH who is the youngest. I'm several years younger than my SIL and it is frustrating to feel like my MIL can take advantage of that -- or think that I'd be naiive to follow her advice without looking after my own well-being.

[StantonHyde]

Oh no--you are NO LONGER going to manage MIL for DH!!!! Not fair, not fair, not fair.

DH trained her not to call him, now you can train her not to call you. She emails? Then forward the email to DH (and CC her so she knows you forwarded it). Seriously, put that ball back in his court where it BELONGS. No preganant (or non-pg) person should have to go through that!!!!!

I let MIL calls go to VM because she really wants to talk to DH not me. Hell, I don't even take calls from my own dad--he is on email contact only and that is only once a month!

I called my mom almost every day because I loved her dearly and she was my best friend. But you should not have to take over his family obligations.

[niccig]

Oh no--you are NO LONGER going to manage MIL for DH!!!! Not fair, not fair, not fair.


:yeahthat: she is his mother, so he gets to deal with her. If he doesnt' call her, that's his problem not yours.

[hellokitty]

Oh no--you are NO LONGER going to manage MIL for DH!!!! Not fair, not fair, not fair.

DH trained her not to call him, now you can train her not to call you. She emails? Then forward the email to DH (and CC her so she knows you forwarded it). Seriously, put that ball back in his court where it BELONGS. No preganant (or non-pg) person should have to go through that!!!!!

I let MIL calls go to VM because she really wants to talk to DH not me. Hell, I don't even take calls from my own dad--he is on email contact only and that is only once a month!

But you should not have to take over his family obligations.

:yeahthat: I was going to suggest the same thing. Stop answering the phone/emails. Forward emails to your DH, if she calls, write it on a post it note and make sure your DH get the messages. He comes home and whines that he doesn't want to talk to HIS mom, tell him too bad. If he doesn't call her, then nobody is calling her back. You did not marry his freakin mother, you married him. So, it's his job to manage his own crazy family members.

My DH got really pissed at me two month ago, b/c since we got rid of landlines, we only use cell phones now. So, it has helped a TON with having to deal with mil, b/c she usually calls me DH. However, my mil is a dimwit and doesn't, "get" that when my DH is in a middle of surgery, he CANNOT take her damn silly phone calls. She calls about the dumbest things, I kid you not, I could probably write a book about the dumbass things my mil calls us about in a total frenzy. In fact she's headed down the way of the boy who cried wolf, b/c of the excessively dumb phone calls, it's hard to take things seriously when she makes a federal case out of EVERYTHING. Anyway, if HE doesn't pick up, she calls me in a panic, "is he ok, what's wrong, how come he didn't pick up his phone?" I'm sick and tired of being the broken record, I've told her a million times already, her english isn't THAT bad that she can't understand. No, mil he is not dead in a ditch, sorry no drama for today, he is at WORK! He cannot take calls while he's on bypass to take calls for his wife or his all-important mother, b/c he's busy keeping a patient alive. I feel like telling her that if she keeps calling him at work, he is going to end up killing a patient by accident, b/c of HER. Anyway, I refused to answer my cell when I saw it was her (I want to use the evil witch of the west song as my ring tone but I'm afraid my DH would be really pissed, lol), so let it go to VM, knowing full well it was over something stupid (which it was). Well, I guess he got like five VMs from her, in a total panic over wondering WHY he wasn't answering his phone and then she even bitched on one of the VM about how she called me and I didn't answer either. So, he came home and chewed me out about not answering his mother's calls and how it just made his mother feel even worse. I flat out told him his mother's stupid phone calls annoy the crap out of me and drive me nuts. That she acts like everything is an emergency (she wanted to try to get together for lunch over the wknd... THAT was the HUGE emergency). He said, "Well, you drove her crazy by not answering the phone!" I said, "Good, I'm glad that I finally get to drive HER crazy, instead of the other way around all of the time!" He was not happy, but did end up laughing the fact that for a change WE drove her nuts. She is crazy. Literally, she will call DH, if he doesn't answer she will call me and keep going back and forth until someone answers. One time we were running late and trying to get all three kids into carseats, etc.. Stupid mil called us FOUR times (btwn the two of us) in a span of five freakin minutes. Both DH and I could feel our BP going up, b/c we knew it was mil and my DH was going to call her as soon as we were on the road, but nooooo she always needs immediate attn, NOW. I mean, really? Really??? Does she REALLY have to freakin do that???? Who WOULDN'T be annoyed? I just feel like shaking her, to ask her her WTF is going through her head to think that this sort of behavior is OK?!?!? Esp since she makes it difficult to get a hold of her and neglects to listen to ANY of her messages, why must we literally be at her beck and call? Grrrr.

So, yeah, I totally understand what it's like dealing with an overly-needy, over-dramatic mil that is just plain emotionally draining. I think it's time for you to just wash your hands of her, dump her back on DH's lap and oh well. If he doesn't want to deal with her, then I guess your mil doesn't get any response and no, it won't be your fault, but her own son's fault for not wanting to deal with his own mother. Don't answer your phone. You are DONE with her. At this rate, she should be behaving herself, b/c you could always decide not to let her see the new baby if she is going to continue being a total pest.

[WolfpackMom]

Literally, she will call DH, if he doesn't answer she will call me and keep going back and forth until someone answers. One time we were running late and trying to get all three kids into carseats, etc.. Stupid mil called us FOUR times (btwn the two of us) in a span of five freakin minutes. Both DH and I could feel our BP going up, b/c we knew it was mil and my DH was going to call her as soon as we were on the road, but nooooo she always needs immediate attn, NOW. I mean, really? Really??? Does she REALLY have to freakin do that???? Who WOULDN'T be annoyed? I just feel like shaking her, to ask her her WTF is going through her head to think that this sort of behavior is OK?!?!? Esp since she makes it difficult to get a hold of her and neglects to listen to ANY of her messages, why must we literally be at her beck and call? Grrrr.

This had me :hysterical:. This is my MIL, thankfully she isnt constantly calling etc. but when she does, look out! I have been on conference calls and had her call 3 times in a row and I will get off my conference call thinking there is some kind of emergency and call back and she will be like "oh DH didnt answer his phone, is he working?" Well lady, I'm working! How about that? How about leaving a freaking message instead of hanging up every time you get my vm and calling right back?

OP, you're going to be in your third trimester. You're not going! I wouldn't even go that far away in me 2nd, and my doctor wouldnt allow me to go more than 30 minutes away without carrying full medical records with me after 30 weeks (due to contractions). If you need another excuse besides, I dunno being very pregnant, tell her the Dr said no, end of story. And by "tell her" I mean, DH needs to put his foot down and tell her the way its going to be, no negotiations.

[traciann]

If you have placenta issues, can you say your dr doesn't want you to travel?

[schrocat]

That's a silly comment about a Tiger girl not being able to have children. For what it's worth, I was born in the year of the Tiger and I'm expecting my third boy and would love to have a little girl.

I'm sorry about your MIL. My MIL is a total prize too. Thank goodness she lives in Malaysia and I don't have to see her. They don't give up till they get their way do they?

[brgnmom]

:yeahthat: I was going to suggest the same thing. Stop answering the phone/emails. Forward emails to your DH, if she calls, write it on a post it note and make sure your DH get the messages. He comes home and whines that he doesn't want to talk to HIS mom, tell him too bad. If he doesn't call her, then nobody is calling her back. You did not marry his freakin mother, you married him. So, it's his job to manage his own crazy family members.

My DH got really pissed at me two month ago, b/c since we got rid of landlines, we only use cell phones now. So, it has helped a TON with having to deal with mil, b/c she usually calls me DH. However, my mil is a dimwit and doesn't, "get" that when my DH is in a middle of surgery, he CANNOT take her damn silly phone calls. She calls about the dumbest things, I kid you not, I could probably write a book about the dumbass things my mil calls us about in a total frenzy. In fact she's headed down the way of the boy who cried wolf, b/c of the excessively dumb phone calls, it's hard to take things seriously when she makes a federal case out of EVERYTHING. Anyway, if HE doesn't pick up, she calls me in a panic, "is he ok, what's wrong, how come he didn't pick up his phone?" I'm sick and tired of being the broken record, I've told her a million times already, her english isn't THAT bad that she can't understand. No, mil he is not dead in a ditch, sorry no drama for today, he is at WORK! He cannot take calls while he's on bypass to take calls for his wife or his all-important mother, b/c he's busy keeping a patient alive. I feel like telling her that if she keeps calling him at work, he is going to end up killing a patient by accident, b/c of HER. Anyway, I refused to answer my cell when I saw it was her (I want to use the evil witch of the west song as my ring tone but I'm afraid my DH would be really pissed, lol), so let it go to VM, knowing full well it was over something stupid (which it was). Well, I guess he got like five VMs from her, in a total panic over wondering WHY he wasn't answering his phone and then she even bitched on one of the VM about how she called me and I didn't answer either. So, he came home and chewed me out about not answering his mother's calls and how it just made his mother feel even worse. I flat out told him his mother's stupid phone calls annoy the crap out of me and drive me nuts. That she acts like everything is an emergency (she wanted to try to get together for lunch over the wknd... THAT was the HUGE emergency). He said, "Well, you drove her crazy by not answering the phone!" I said, "Good, I'm glad that I finally get to drive HER crazy, instead of the other way around all of the time!" He was not happy, but did end up laughing the fact that for a change WE drove her nuts. She is crazy. Literally, she will call DH, if he doesn't answer she will call me and keep going back and forth until someone answers. One time we were running late and trying to get all three kids into carseats, etc.. Stupid mil called us FOUR times (btwn the two of us) in a span of five freakin minutes. Both DH and I could feel our BP going up, b/c we knew it was mil and my DH was going to call her as soon as we were on the road, but nooooo she always needs immediate attn, NOW. I mean, really? Really??? Does she REALLY have to freakin do that???? Who WOULDN'T be annoyed? I just feel like shaking her, to ask her her WTF is going through her head to think that this sort of behavior is OK?!?!? Esp since she makes it difficult to get a hold of her and neglects to listen to ANY of her messages, why must we literally be at her beck and call? Grrrr.

So, yeah, I totally understand what it's like dealing with an overly-needy, over-dramatic mil that is just plain emotionally draining. I think it's time for you to just wash your hands of her, dump her back on DH's lap and oh well. If he doesn't want to deal with her, then I guess your mil doesn't get any response and no, it won't be your fault, but her own son's fault for not wanting to deal with his own mother. Don't answer your phone. You are DONE with her. At this rate, she should be behaving herself, b/c you could always decide not to let her see the new baby if she is going to continue being a total pest.


oh my goodness, your MIL and my MIL sound like they may be long lost sisters. :hysterical: When I didn't respond right away to my MIL's voice mail message a couple of months ago about how the t-shirt I bought for her was too large (she actually asked for something on the roomy side, versus fitted), she emailed me and then she emailed my DH. And then she called again.

Is your DH a surgeon, I'm guessing from your post? :) My DH just finished his residency program in radiology and now he has started his fellowship, and my MIL basically states that she prefers to call my cell phone in case she wakes my DH up from resting/sleeping. Fortunately, his hours are more "normal" now and he doesn't have overnight shifts, but I still get the pesty calls from my MIL. Making the cross-country move during my 2nd trimester with my 3-year-old was a piece of cake compared to dealing with my MIL and her comments, especially the superstitious ones.

In reference to seeing the new grandchild, she actually (unusually) hasn't made plans to visit... she visited for a week when my DS was a month old, and things went alright overall -- until she started making comments about how she thought Christians were hypocritical (um, I grew up in a family who attended Baptist church regularly and my mom still attends the same one she and my dad were married in) and things went downhill from there. She brought home take-out food from the mall for me while she shopped for her other grandsons, and guess what? I ended up vomitting right after I ate the food and needing to go to the ER -- I had to stay there overnight to be monitored b/c one of my GI enzyme levels didn't look right. That was the last time I ate anything she purchased specifically for me.

[brgnmom]

If you have placenta issues, can you say your dr doesn't want you to travel?

good point -- I'm planning on doing this but leaving out the low-lying placenta detail, because I don't want my MIL to gossip about me with my other ILs.

[brgnmom]

That's a silly comment about a Tiger girl not being able to have children. For what it's worth, I was born in the year of the Tiger and I'm expecting my third boy and would love to have a little girl.

I'm sorry about your MIL. My MIL is a total prize too. Thank goodness she lives in Malaysia and I don't have to see her. They don't give up till they get their way do they?

I totally agree that it's a silly comment. My MIL is actually originally from Malaysia although she is ethnically Chinese.

[brgnmom]

OP, you're going to be in your third trimester. You're not going! I wouldn't even go that far away in me 2nd, and my doctor wouldnt allow me to go more than 30 minutes away without carrying full medical records with me after 30 weeks (due to contractions). If you need another excuse besides, I dunno being very pregnant, tell her the Dr said no, end of story. And by "tell her" I mean, DH needs to put his foot down and tell her the way its going to be, no negotiations.

yup, I think my DH needs to talk to his mom directly. I'm tired of being the mediator. My MIL requested that I take the airplane during my 30th week back, if I wanted to stay the extra week, but that I *should* drive with my DH on the Friday night at least so that he won't be alone in the car. My DH is a night owl and handled the drive well last month when we went together, but it was tough for me to stay alert at night.
Thank you for your input!

[schrocat]

I totally agree that it's a silly comment. My MIL is actually originally from Malaysia although she is ethnically Chinese.

Mine is ethnically Chinese too. I must say though that she's not a true representation of all ethnically Chinese MILs from Malaysia. A number of my friends have nice MILs who help out and aren't that picky. I just happen to have the most "yeem cheem" of the bunch.

[hellokitty]

oh my goodness, your MIL and my MIL sound like they may be long lost sisters. :hysterical: When I didn't respond right away to my MIL's voice mail message a couple of months ago about how the t-shirt I bought for her was too large (she actually asked for something on the roomy side, versus fitted), she emailed me and then she emailed my DH. And then she called again.

Is your DH a surgeon, I'm guessing from your post? :) My DH just finished his residency program in radiology and now he has started his fellowship, and my MIL basically states that she prefers to call my cell phone in case she wakes my DH up from resting/sleeping. Fortunately, his hours are more "normal" now and he doesn't have overnight shifts, but I still get the pesty calls from my MIL. Making the cross-country move during my 2nd trimester with my 3-year-old was a piece of cake compared to dealing with my MIL and her comments, especially the superstitious ones.

In reference to seeing the new grandchild, she actually (unusually) hasn't made plans to visit... she visited for a week when my DS was a month old, and things went alright overall -- until she started making comments about how she thought Christians were hypocritical (um, I grew up in a family who attended Baptist church regularly and my mom still attends the same one she and my dad were married in) and things went downhill from there. She brought home take-out food from the mall for me while she shopped for her other grandsons, and guess what? I ended up vomitting right after I ate the food and needing to go to the ER -- I had to stay there overnight to be monitored b/c one of my GI enzyme levels didn't look right. That was the last time I ate anything she purchased specifically for me.

Nope, DH is a perfusionist. The part during open heart surgery when the patient is on bypass is when he needs to focus the most, and b/c the perfusionist is so vital, they have TWO per case, b/c the heart surgeon is afraid that if someone happens to one perfusionist, there needs to be another ready to take over. They are literally the ones keeping the patient alive at that point and they can't do a surgery w/o a perfusionist, even if it's an off pump case. If something happens to the surgeon, at least the perfusionist can still keep the pt alive. Anesthesia takes a break when they are on bypass and turns things over to the perfusionist. So, yeah he's the 2nd most important person in the OR next to the heart surgeon, and it's just really annoying that my damn mil doesn't, "get" this. I'm actually surprised, b/c if she did understand it, I am sure she would be bragging about it all of the time, b/c that's just the way she is. In fact, she doesn't understand what my DH does for a living and constantly whines that we live an hr away from her basically to torture her (jobs are not easy to come by, b/c if a program doesn't do open heart, then they don't need perfusionists and each hospital only needs a few at most). She keeps saying stupid things like, "a new hospital just opened, why don't you get a job there, so you can live closer to me?" Uh no, the world does not revolve around YOU mil, DH is lucky to have a good job with decent hours (he's worked at places that worked him a LOT harder for less $ when he was only a few yrs out of school). Plus, at this rate, I am GLAD that there is at least a one hr buffer away from my mil. The thing is, I KNOW that even if we moved to her city, she would STILL complain that we lived too far away from her unless we were within 5 min from her. There is no way I want to live THAT close to my mil, she'd basically be all in our business 24/7. She's just one of those ppl who is never happy. I'm convinced she could win a million dollars and complain that it wasn't enough. :shake:

GL to your DH. Radiology is a good field to go into. My brother said that one of his friends who got into radiology joked that he was going to get his stethoscope bronzed and put on a plaque. I think it's a good thing if your mil isn't interested in, "helping" after you have the baby. I have some friends whose mothers and mils were so helpful during that postpartum period, it makes me jealous. My mil is better off just staying away during that time period. She did go to my sil's (married into the family like me) both times she had babies and my sil told me it was a miserable experience and mil was NOT, "helpful" at all, but instead had sil in tears. That is awful that the food she got you made you violently ILL! Lol, about the religion thing, my mil IS the hypocritical christian and DH and I really aren't that religious. I have to hear her brag about what a good christian she is and tsk me for not being christian. Makes me want to puke! So, I've got the opposite situation to deal with, but I am sure either way, it's just as annoying!