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View Full Version : Can't a 36 year old first time mom cry in peace?



bunnyslippers
07-20-2010, 10:12 PM
I don't post here much, so I'm not sure if anyone will care, but I have to get this off my chest and I don't know where else to turn right now. So TIA for listening, if you choose. :crying:

Background: DS is 10months and had surgery to remove a cyst in his nose 7 weeks ago. So, granted, I'm a little nervous about things. We are visiting my family who I moved 4 hours away from.

So, we're at my nephew's birthday party, and all my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc are there. They all love to give me crap because DH likes to hold him at these types of events, and he really doesn't want DS to be passed around like a rag doll.

Anyway, my DS was being passed around like a rag doll, which we are especially uncomfortable with because of his healing nose. Not to mention DS gets spooked around a lot of people, especially those with which he is unfamiliar. DS was kind of fussy all day, but he was really crying at the party. DH takes him from whoever had him at the time, and he has a BLOODY EFFING NOSE!!! Needless to say, we are upset/angry/worried. I start crying because I'm scared and I have already been feeling like he's going to be scarred for life on his perfect, precious face. Everyone begins to tell me not to worry (I was) and telling me DS was fine (he wasn't). He was inconsolable and probably the most upset I have ever seen him.

To make matters 100 times worse, everyone begins to tell me stories about how at one time or another, they had it much worse and that I was overreacting. I'm sorry, but telling me how worried you were when my cousin had a temp of 101 once, and how it turned out you were worried about nothing is not the same. Telling me how someone you work with has a daughter that has a trach is not the effing same. I don't give a crap! It would have been nice if one of those people (you know, my FAMILY) would have validated my feelings instead of minimizing them. It was only making me more upset because I felt like no one cared.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. :thanks:

SnuggleBuggles
07-20-2010, 10:19 PM
I'm so sorry. How unsupportive and unhelpful your family is being! I hope everything is ok.

Beth

WolfpackMom
07-20-2010, 10:20 PM
Oh gosh I'm so sorry, how insensitive and rude of them. I hate how people try to make others "feel better" about a situation by telling them all these stories about how much worse it could be or how such and such happened to them as if they can relate. I hope DS is healing well and that you get a chance to relax.

And you can always count on everyone here to CARE!! I am sorry your family made you feel like they didn't.

KrisM
07-20-2010, 10:20 PM
I'm so sorry :grouphug:. I never liked the pass-the-baby at parties either. I hope the nose stopped bleeding quickly and that it heals soon.

billysmommy
07-20-2010, 10:21 PM
I'm sorry :grouphug:

I hope everything turns out to be okay

Smillow
07-20-2010, 10:22 PM
I'm so sorry!
:grouphug:
You must have been beside yourself! I'm sure your family was trying to be helpful, but they certainly weren't doing it right by trying to minimize your worries or dismissing you feelings!
I hope your DS is okay and that you both can rest and relax.

DrSally
07-20-2010, 10:22 PM
So sorry! I can totally understand how a rowdy family function at that point post surgery would be stressful. It's your choice (and DS's) as to how much he wants to be touched (passed around) by other family members. It sounds like it was very overwhelming for him. When he's healing from *surgery*, it's important that the healing be unimpeded. I would be totally upset too, if Ds got a bloody nose after nose surgery. Nope, doesn't help when people basically tell you you're overreacting.

infomama
07-20-2010, 10:23 PM
I'm so sorry. It sucks how so many people just don't say the right thing often making the situation much worse. I hope your little one is on the mend. :grouphug:

bunnyslippers
07-20-2010, 11:15 PM
Thanks all. You really did make me feel better with your kind words and virtual hugs! My parents just came home and we had a long talk. We really didn't make much headway and the last thing my mom said to me was to put ice packs on my eyes. (They are very red and swollen because of all my unnecessary crying.)

Thanks mom.

AshleyAnn
07-21-2010, 12:53 AM
That sounds terrible! I hate it when people forget that children are small people and have rights too. DD is 8 months and I would baby the heck out of her if she had surgery. You go right ahead and be as protective as you want you're the mommy and you know best!

Rainbows&Roses
07-21-2010, 01:13 AM
I got a baby carrier (ergo) for this babe so we could avoid the pass-arounds. I am not good at saying no to people on the spot, so this helps eliminate people asking since baby carriers are so foreign to most of them they think she is permanently planted in there or something. :)

malphy
07-21-2010, 04:25 AM
I am sorry you had to deal with that.

Hope baby is feeling better.

MamaMolly
07-21-2010, 07:09 AM
....SNIP..... We really didn't make much headway and the last thing my mom said to me was to put ice packs on my eyes. (They are very red and swollen because of all my unnecessary crying.)

Thanks mom.

Oh, now that makes me want to snatch out her tongue and stomp on it. :( Badly done, Grandma!

Big hugs to you, Mama. And your little one.

Melbel
07-21-2010, 07:59 AM
Seriously, some people just don't get it. :banghead: Hopefully, you can snuggle him close today and give him plenty of TLC.

I also used carriers to deter people from touching my babies in public or being passed around too much at parties.

I hope that you and your DS are feeling better today.

hillview
07-21-2010, 08:40 AM
HUGS so sorry. FWIW, I think you are TOTALLY within your rights to NOT play pass the baby and just say no nicely "oh, sorry DS just had surgery or isn't feeling well and needs to be held by me/DH etc"

HUGS
/hillary

kms00
07-21-2010, 09:55 AM
Sorry your family was not more supportive. I hope he is feeling better now. I agree about the baby carriers for situations like these, it makes it harder for someone to just grab him from your arms. Take care.

sste
07-21-2010, 11:23 AM
I can't believe how insensitive your family was! I know they meant well but of course you are emotional after a surgery on such a little baby.

Next family gathering, tell them he you suspect he has hand/foot/mouth disease or pink eye or something else that is contagious by skin to skin contact and are taking him to the doctor to see in a few days. And since you don't want them infected just you and DH are going to hold him. :)

hobie
07-21-2010, 11:49 AM
I got a baby carrier (ergo) for this babe so we could avoid the pass-arounds. I am not good at saying no to people on the spot, so this helps eliminate people asking since baby carriers are so foreign to most of them they think she is permanently planted in there or something. :)


I do this too...it works really well!