PDA

View Full Version : What is your plan for this?



ewpmsw
07-28-2010, 09:30 PM
Wondering if other couples have a plan in place when it becomes clear labor has started and it's time to let Dad know. I'm nesting and super planny right now, so getting this resolved and checked off the list seems like a big deal. Since we'll have to make arrangements for DD #1's care, etc., I feel like he needs to know pretty early on that the baby has finally decided to get the ball rolling.

Tonight, he asked me, "If you text me that you're going into labor, is it okay if it takes, like, an hour for me to get back to you?" Well... No, DH. Since you don't want me to call you, and you may not have your computer to check email and will be otherwise unreachable, I think making the effort to briefly respond to the text in some way would be appropriate.

He doesn't want to be rude and interrupt a meeting to see what's what when he learns I'm in labor. He does not have the kind of job where this would be a big deal. In fact, he says that people surf the web, play games, buy concert tickets, etc. during meetings every day. So... he can't glance at the text and excuse himself for a few minutes? The people looking at personal Facebook stuff while discussing credit card marketing strategies might get miffed? I'm all for professional behavior during meetings and don't like to bug him at work with texts, calls or emails, but I think an "I'm in labor" text deserves higher priority than waiting an hour to respond.

HonoluluMom
07-28-2010, 09:39 PM
My plan was to call the Dad-to-be on his cell phone. He knew that if he saw my number, he was supposed to answer ASAP. If he absolutely couldn't answer my call, the backup plan was that I would call my sister and she would help me and at the same time she would try to get in touch with the Dad-to-be.

I think for your DH, based on what you said, I'm more than willing to bet that they'll be fine with him responding to your text. In fact, if he doesn't answer your text, you should call his office's main number and have someone pull him out of the meeting. I bet everyone in the meeting will be happy to hear you're in labor and will chase him out of the office!

swissair81
07-28-2010, 09:59 PM
My DH knows by now that he either has to have his phone free or check his blackberry messenger. I am under strict instructions to come in as soon as I think I'm in labor. In fact, last time I almost got induced because my doctor was afraid I wouldn't make it in. If my dh procrastinated like that, I'd either have the baby at home by myself or I'd be calling an ambulance.

ETA- my parents live about 2 minutes from my house. If my dh couldn't get there in time, my mom or sister would round up the kids & drop me at the hospital.

teedeedee
07-28-2010, 10:00 PM
I think for your DH, based on what you said, I'm more than willing to bet that they'll be fine with him responding to your text. In fact, if he doesn't answer your text, you should call his office's main number and have someone pull him out of the meeting. I bet everyone in the meeting will be happy to hear you're in labor and will chase him out of the office!

:yeahthat:

Our plan is for me to call DH at work...he is military and isn't allowed to take a cell phone in to work. So I'll call his office. If he isn't in, the guys in his office usually answer his phone. So, I'll tell one of them what's going on and they will go hunt him down so he can get home ASAP. We have to get someone to take care of DD too. Our closest family is my MIL/FIL and they are 2 hours away. So, if we have to, I'll call the neighbor to take care of her until my in-laws can get here. This is *if* baby comes before my mom gets here a week before I'm due.

sste
07-28-2010, 10:53 PM
Well, after LONG practice of tracking down my DH, I attempt contact in the order listed below:

1. cell phone
2. pager
3. pager with our special numerical code for family emergencies
4. calling his departmental secretary
5. locating him via hospital overhead page
6. calling our doula who we hired in small part because of my insecurity that DH will himself be involved in a medical emergency and I will be panicked and alone
7. paging my ob (I have her direct pager)

I will say that my DH, who can be very rigid about not interrupting his work schedule, was at our house for pregnancy #1 ten minutes after I phoned him about my water breaking . . . and his commute is usually 20-25 minutes. :)

For childcare, I have already created a document with three different options in order of preference (we lined up three childcare options because no one could absolutely commit to any/day time across a five week possible delivery window). I, DH, and our doula all have copies of the childcare list and also other vital numbers and info (ob pager, pediatrician phone number, etc).

wellyes
07-28-2010, 11:29 PM
My first labor was pretty standard, 16 hours or so.

My second labor I went from "hmmmm that might be a contraction" to 3 min apart, nearly fully dilated in a little over 1.5 hours. And had the baby about an hour after that.

For childcare, we were lucky, DD was in daycare through the whole thing & there was plenty of time for MIL to go pick her up. We'd lined up some neighbors to take her in case labor started before family could get there.

The majority of my labor was spent in a car in traffic, which SUCKED. But I think it'd be even worse to spend your labor waiting for your DH to get back to you, especially since he's probably your ride to the hospital.

In short, your DH is nuts. Labor is unpredictable and 2nd/3rd labors can be FAST. He needs to be on-call full time from 37 weeks onwards.

BabyBearsMom
07-29-2010, 09:45 AM
We made an agreement. I would only text or call him if it was the real deal, and he would always take my call/text immediately. He also gave me the phone numbers of his co-workers just in case he was away from his phone so that they could get him immediately. He communicated in advance with his boss, so that they understood that he might need to run at any time.

In the end, this didn't end up mattering, since we went to the hospital at 6am on a weekend. For some reason, everyone I know went into labor in the middle of the night/early morning, so it was more convenient.

luckytwenty
07-29-2010, 10:20 AM
I don't have a plan, but I know that when I'm in my last month, he's going to be responding to phone calls and texts pretty quickly! I was lucky that he was with me the other two times.

ewpmsw
07-29-2010, 11:56 AM
For childcare, I have already created a document with three different options in order of preference (we lined up three childcare options because no one could absolutely commit to any/day time across a five week possible delivery window). I, DH, and our doula all have copies of the childcare list and also other vital numbers and info (ob pager, pediatrician phone number, etc).

This is a great idea! Adding it to the to-do list... :)

elektra
07-29-2010, 12:13 PM
It sounds like he needs to nut up and check his frickin texts!
From your description, I have a job similar to your DH's and it would be no big deal at all to check a text.
If he is the one presenting in a meeting, I can see how he may need 30+ minutes to an hour to finish speaking and get to his phone.
But seriously, from the President on down to the intern, I think you are off the hook if your wife is going to go into labor any day, when it comes to checking your phone more often than usual.

swissair81
07-29-2010, 12:19 PM
Couldn't your dh put someone in charge of his phone during his presentations, and just check to make sure he didn't get any texts from you?

ewpmsw
07-29-2010, 05:09 PM
That makes a lot of sense. I could ask, but am pretty sure he "wouldn't want to impose." I think he's just trying to be difficult at this point and letting me know that Work is Very Important. I figure I'll do what I can to get the word to him and move forward without him, if need be.

sste
07-29-2010, 05:47 PM
That makes a lot of sense. I could ask, but am pretty sure he "wouldn't want to impose." I think he's just trying to be difficult at this point and letting me know that Work is Very Important. I figure I'll do what I can to get the word to him and move forward without him, if need be.

Is this your first? I wonder if this is - - as you are discerning - - about your DH wanting to defend some things that are important to him against the tide of incoming parenthood! Obviously, he is choosing the wrong battle.

Maybe a talk along the lines of your work is important and is going to remain important even when we are parents/parents to a second or third DC. We need to work together to think about how to balance your professional needs and goals with being good parents. There is going to need to be some flexibility and compromise. When I am going into labor, that is one of those times where parenting has to come first!

FWIW, we had friends for whom adventure travel was very important and during their last trimester they set up an elaborate trip to a remote cabin in the canadian rockies that would occur when their baby was three months old and involved hiking in for miles with the baby and all supplies. It was very important to them to set this up and they kept on saying to everyone, "See, you don't need to give up what you want to do because you have a baby." Needless to say it was a disaster with a three month old . . . but I think their drive was so strong because making those plans symbolized to them preserving an important piece of their pre-parent selves.

ETA: If none of the above rational discussion works, tell your DH fine. You will take a taxi to his work rather than texting or interrupting the meeting. You will wait in the reception area. You will be sure to bring lots of pads in case your water breaks as you don't want too much leakage in his reception area. And are the waiting area chairs comfy because you have some panting/breathing techniques you want to practice while you wait for him . . .

swissair81
07-29-2010, 05:47 PM
Labor is very important too. I guess you could call his secretary. Or you could inform him that if he doesn't answer the phone, you will be taking a taxi to the hospital & you will call him when it's all over.

I'm in a totally different spot. My labors are so quick that the second I say I'm having contractions, my dh feels the need to rush in. He's so afraid I'm going to have one at home.

ewpmsw
07-29-2010, 07:48 PM
Is this your first? I wonder if this is - - as you are discerning - - about your DH wanting to defend some things that are important to him against the tide of incoming parenthood! Obviously, he is choosing the wrong battle.

ETA: If none of the above rational discussion works, tell your DH fine. You will take a taxi to his work rather than texting or interrupting the meeting. You will wait in the reception area. You will be sure to bring lots of pads in case your water breaks as you don't want too much leakage in his reception area. And are the waiting area chairs comfy because you have some panting/breathing techniques you want to practice while you wait for him . . .

This is our second DD. My first labor was 33 hours, so I think he's expecting that again. He has a lot going on with work and school and we've talked ad nauseum about how we can structure things so that he's able to keep managing both with as little interruption as possible. I don't foresee letting him off the hook during labor, though, and love your idea about showing up at his work!

mousemom
07-30-2010, 09:38 AM
That attitude certainly wouldn't work for me. DH was teaching classes during my third trimester and, while he would normally never check/answer his phone during a class, it was understood that when I was nearing my due date he would keep it on vibrate and check/answer if the call was from me. (I could also have called his department and asked them to track him down if his phone wasn't working.) He did let his class know that he was expecting a baby, though, so they wouldn't think it was strange.