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avalonmom
07-30-2010, 12:22 PM
I'm a newbie on this site and 25 weeks pg. I was wondering how you decide if you need/want a doula? It seems like everyone on here uses one, but I have also heard that it can be quite costly. I'm not sure if i will be having a natural birth or will use intervention. I am having a hospital birth. But that's all I know and would welcome your thoughts on pros/cons of using one. Thanks!

BabyBearsMom
07-30-2010, 12:39 PM
I didn't have a Doula but I did have a midwife. I ended up having an emergency c-section so my plan for delivery by midwife didn't happen, but it was wonderful having her there. She stayed with me through the entire surgery, even when my husband had to leave the room. Since we were in an emergency situation, she was able to translate all of the doctor speak going on around me and keep me calm. After DD was born, and what happened sunk in, I realized that I probably should have been terrified, but her calming presence kept my whits about me. The best part about the midwife was that since she is employed by my OB's office, her presence was covered by our insurance. If I didn't have access to a midwife, I would definitely consider a doula. I always planned to have an epidural, if that makes a difference.

wellyes
07-30-2010, 01:04 PM
I think threads about doulas are like threads about being anti-vaccine. A very vocal minority posts about it a lot which makes it seem much more common than it it.

I don't mean that in a negative way..... the majority doesn't need a venue like these forums the way people who make unusual choices sometimes do. I only write that to say I sincerely doubt most posters here had a doula. I'm sure plenty did but it's not commonplace.

I didn't have one, but I would have seriously looked into it if I wanted a drug-free childbirth and did not have a great midwife (I personally did have a great midwife :)).

Have you been to childbirth classes yet? I would not attempt a 'natural' childbirth unless I'd taken some classes on how to do it and was mentally committed to it. I haven't ever really heard of anyone who thought "I'll try to go natural but am open to drugs" *without* that training and mental commitment who ended up without drugs. (I say this as someone who had an epi).

♥ms.pacman♥
07-30-2010, 01:22 PM
i hired a doula mainly bc i wanted to try for a drug-free childbirth, and also i wanted some guidance in how the birthing process would be and some coaching thru the contractions. but as it turns out, my son came 2 weeks early when my doula happened to be out of town, so DH was the only one there to coach me. it was doable, tho i ended up getting an epidural at 7cm since i was just so exhausted at that point after ~20 hrs of labor. i think it would have been waay easier with a doula present since i had such a long labor and since my DH (who is the kind of person who needs 10 hours of sleep a day to function) was so exhausted from losing an entire night's sleep.

tho i don't think you need a doula if you plan on going to the hospital right away, and if you have lots of family (parents, etc) around to help during the labor. we had absolutely no family around, so that was another reason we went with getting a doula. also, i hated laboring in the hospital. i felt a thousand times more comfortable at home, where i could move around, eat, take a bath or a shower (i think i must have taken two showers and a bath during my labor). we ended up going to the hospital after laboring for 18 hours and shortly after that my son was born.

anyway, the doula i had charged $600 or so, which included two 3-hour personal sessions teaching about the labor process (different stages, what to expect, etc), how DH could help me thru the labor, breathing techniques, and nursing. i knew absolutely nothing about breastfeeding so that helped a lot.

swissair81
07-30-2010, 01:26 PM
I hired a doula for number 2, only to discover that I ended up paying her $400 for 20 minutes of her time (that's how long we were there before I had my dd). With number 3, I didn't hire one& had my dh coach me instead. We did just fine & it was free. Planning the same now. No epidural with 2 or 3 & not planning one this time either.

egoldber
07-30-2010, 01:34 PM
The way I see it, a doula replaces what was the normal way of giving birth throughtout human history until VERY recently. It used to be that when you gave birth, you were surrounded by the other women in your family/village, women who had birthed their own children and supported many others. They knew what a normal birth looked like in all its variations. Today, very few women have that kind of institutional knowledge to share with each other. So many of us have to hire a doula if we want that kind of woman to woman support in labor.

Not everyone wants that. But I think it is a sad commentary on our society today that having that kind of support in labor is now considered weird. And I used to be one of the people who thought that.

sste
07-30-2010, 02:30 PM
The way I see it, a doula replaces what was the normal way of giving birth throughtout human history until VERY recently. It used to be that when you gave birth, you were surrounded by the other women in your family/village, women who had birthed their own children and supported many others. They knew what a normal birth looked like in all its variations. Today, very few women have that kind of institutional knowledge to share with each other. So many of us have to hire a doula if we want that kind of woman to woman support in labor.

Not everyone wants that. But I think it is a sad commentary on our society today that having that kind of support in labor is now considered weird. And I used to be one of the people who thought that.


I agree with every word of this! It was the unavailability of the women in my family to be here before, during, or after my birth coupled with my OB (who was a major source of support to me) developing a serious illness that lead me to hire a doula. I also liked the option of having additional, trained BF, mental health, and baby support available post-partum - - many doulas will work with you post-partum at an additional hourly rate. And some meetings pre-partum. Really, I just needed support and came to the conclusion that in my situation I was going to need to purchase it!

I was one of the people who hired a more expensive doula and I hope this hasn't been off-putting or discouraging to others considering a doula. We had some special considerations, a vbac, wanted to work with a specific agency, etc. all of which drove up cost. There are very inexpensive doulas available who are "apprenticing" or have just completed their training (even in my expensive city there were people in this category in the $200-400 range and some were rec'd to me as "up and coming" in doula circles). Also, alot of doulas had sliding fee scales.

So, to sum up, my newbie opinion on this is that doulas are ideal if you: 1) lack nearby family or other support; 2) want either a natural childbirth OR a limited/delayed epidural - - the doula can really coach you through that and let you know how close you are to pushing (it turns out many woment get the epidural when they are almost through the painful part); 3) want to labor for as long as possible at home and are nervous about making that call on your own; OR 4) want to learn more about your birth options in terms of intervention, hospital policies, etc.

SnuggleBuggles
07-30-2010, 04:53 PM
I was happy to have a doula for my hospital birth with ds1. Even though I had a CNM, she was far more medically minded than I was and I didn't feel she was totally supportive, understanding and committed to my goal of no pain meds or unnecessary interventions. During labor the relationship btw me and my CNM wasn't great so I was glad that I had the doula there to be my constant source of reassurance and support. Typical hospital birth with an OB often leaves you at the mercy of a nurse you are just meeting for the majority of your labor. You could click with them and all is great! But, they could also have other patients leaving them with less time to devote to you. With a doula you are paying them to be there 100% for you.

Could I have done it without a doula? Yes. My dh was insanely helpful and supportive. He read every book I brought home, took classes with me and even practiced Bradley method stuff out of the book we had (no class). During the 1st break from our hospital birth class he turned to me and said he could teach that class and we laughed at the blank, clueless, overwhelmed looks of the other parents there.

My advice? You read "The Birth Book" by Dr. Sears and have dh or your SO read "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin- asap! See how you feel about things after that. Also, you are only 25w so start thinking about your careprovider now. If you have certain birth beliefs that are important to you then it is good to discuss them with your careprovider soon because if you really don't mesh with them and don't feel they won't be a good fit then you really have time to find someone who could elp you have the birth you are hoping for.

Beth

elektra
07-30-2010, 04:58 PM
I regret not having a doula, especially for DS's birth. I was scrambling for one at the end actually.
For DD, I loved my OB, the facility (traditional hospital) where I was giving birth, and I was as comfortable going into it as I would imagine any first time mom could be. I was fine without a doula.

But for DS, I hated my OB from the beginning, (my old one retired) she went on vacation without even telling me right when I was due, and I was left to just give birth with whoever was on call at the hospital that day.

I would have really welcomed the kind of support a doula or midwife could have given me.

sunnyside
07-30-2010, 05:18 PM
I was SO glad to have my doula. It was the best decision I made around my pregnancy. I'd have been lost without her as far as decision making went. She was worth more than my OB really in my mind. She's a midwife as well and next time around she'll be delivering my baby.

ewpmsw
07-30-2010, 06:40 PM
There are a number of websites and organizations that provide information on doulas and the different roles they serve. The book Mothering the Mother discusses their roles, as well as women's needs during/after pregnancy.

I see having a doula as a personal decision based on what you see as your needs/wants for your labor and delivery. People use them for different kinds of birth (natural or with intervention). I'd have liked to have had one with our first birth experience, but she fell through at the last minute and I ran out of time. My labor was really long and I feel it would have been very different with more support and coaching. If you're interested in finding one, look online, check with your doctor's office and see what/who other moms in your area suggest. (My midwife and other moms were able to suggest tons of great ladies.) You can interview doulas to see if any seem like a good fit for you. Most will take the time to educate you on what they do and what services they provide.

My own reasons for having a doula this time:
- I want a support person that I don't have an emotional connection with but who is nurturing and supportive. (Mom was doula the first time and the midwife and I both agree it probably contributed to some problems)

- I want someone to coach DH on how to support me during labor so that I don't have to. He wants to be supportive, he's just not a stepper-upper without encouragement. We both agreed a doula would be welcome this time.

- I want to labor at home longer this time and am hoping that with her coaching and support, the experience will be shorter and less anxious. (So sick and unsure the first time!)

- I want someone who can advocate for me/us in the delivery room, esp. as our midwive's practice is going through a transition period and I may not even have a midwife or an ObGyn I'm familiar with due to vacations and newbies who don't have hospital privileges.

- I want someone who is knowledgable and can provide post-partum support, in part because I have a medical condition and am really concerned about PPD. We've hired our doula to assist at the birth as well as in the two months following. ($350 for prenatal meetings and labor/delivery, $20/hr for post-partum support 3 days a week.) She's in the process of becoming certified and would have done the labor/delivery for free, but we want to pay her. She's incredibly organized and has been a great support already. DH and I both like her. DD loves her.

I don't see her as 100% necessary, but it is a relief knowing that she'll be there in a supporting role. I'm really grateful DH agreed to her presence and the expense. Sorry this is long. Hope it's helpful, and congrats!

maestramommy
07-31-2010, 07:41 AM
I didn't have a doula, but I did consider getting one when I was pregnant with #2. It was after my sister had a doula for her #2 in order to have natural labor/birthing. We interviewed a couple of women, and got a good vibe from one, but as you say it is expensive, and in the end it came down to how emotionally invested I was in having all natural childbirth. I had an epidural with my first child and it was a very positive experience, none of the bad stories I had hear about. So I decided that I would give it a go on my own again, and if I had another epidural it wasn't going to be a huge disappointment. I don't know, it really depends on what is important to you. Having natural childbirth was something I think is a worthy goal, but for me personally it wasn't a #1 (or 2 or 3) priority.

I do think having a doula is good if you need an advocate at the hospital, like if you think the hospital might not take time to make sure you are informed and making real choices. But the hospital I delivered at was great, so I didn't have a problem with them.

AnnieW625
07-31-2010, 10:49 AM
I didn't have a doula with either pregnancy. One might have been nice with DD1, but I didn't think about it or really know much about them. In my case I ended up at the hospital way to early (I thought the BHs were the real thing), ended up having my water broken because I was stalled at 5 cm (but still had 2 weeks to go), and needed both pitocin, and penicilin (as I had strep B). DH was great in telling the drs. I needed an epidural, which was not part of my original plan, but I survived.

With DD2 I thought about it again, but even for my large area (500,000+ people) there aren't a lot of them; just one really recognizable one that everyone and their sister uses so I didn't want to have some one that would most likely have a conflict with my due date. This labor was much different than the one with DD1. I didn't have strep b, my water broke on it's own, and I ended up delivering almost med free (I'd had an iv of nubane during the middle of the night and that made contractions doable) and didn't need pitocin, so no need for an epidural. I delivered at a nice pro midwife/breast feeding (pretty crunchy for a major HMO--Kaiser) hospital, and the nurse and the resident doctor who delivered my baby were wonderful. If I had had a doula for DD2 I would felt like I would've paid for nothing because even without one everything went smoothly.

bostonsmama
07-31-2010, 02:25 PM
We decided to get one b/c of our special circumstances--I was initially told I'd need a C-section, but later they changed their minds. My mom had her kids late and is pretty old, so her memory of giving birth is pretty vague. She also had medicated deliveries (although nothing traumatic like the Bradley books always refer to), so I wanted to get some wise woman's help...and our doula has over 1,000 deliveries under her belt. I chose one who would give me unmedicated options, but also who wouldn't judge and would know when to allow interventions.

sste
07-31-2010, 06:18 PM
In thinking more about your post, I realized you asked for pros and cons - - and I am so happy with my doula that I didn't really produce any cons. Anyway, here are the major cons:

1. Cost - If you are financially in a position where you might need to make choices between let's say lactation support post-birth or some much needed childcare help versus a doula and you really like your ob/midwife (and that person is guaranteed to be at the delivery). . . that is a hard call in my book. If it is between let's say the typical first-time parent too much spending on rattles and newborn clothes . . . I would hit goodwill and hire the doula.

2. Finding the Right Fit - I posted about this a while ago but I do think you need to talk to a lot of doulas and be sure you find one that is respectful of YOUR wishes. I am squarely in the "moderate" camp on natural childbirth/pain meds and interventions - - I think they have their place. Some doulas would not have been a good fit for me and my DH.

3. Hiring Doula because you Distrust Your Care Provider - this was something about doula-hiring that always perturbed me. I would hear people say, "I don't like my OB" or "My OB is obsessed with c-sections" . . . "but I am hiring a doula." I think provider problems need to be sorted out at the provider level if there is ANY way to do so (I understand sometimes moms just have no choice due to insurance, location, etc). It is not fair to you, your provider, or the doula to anticipate that the doula will serve not as an advocate . . . but as a kind of a pit bull defending you. It is also questionable how much your doula can do if your OB/midwife is truly a terrible fit for you . . . it is beyond the doula's scope of practice to make bottom-line treatment decisions. You of course can make treatment decisions but many moms are in NO condition for that during labor/pushing/fetal distress/some emergency.

Hope this helps. :)

egoldber
07-31-2010, 06:33 PM
In fact, my doula, who was the local ICAN chapter president for many years, made it very clear that she could NOT advocate *for* me to the hospital. She would remind me about things that we had discussed so that I could advocate for myself or DH could advocate for me. But she was there to support me, NOT advocate for me. I think this is a key point.

swissair81
07-31-2010, 09:58 PM
Hiring Doula because you Distrust Your Care Provider - this was something about doula-hiring that always perturbed me. I would hear people say, "I don't like my OB" or "My OB is obsessed with c-sections" . . . "but I am hiring a doula." I think provider problems need to be sorted out at the provider level if there is ANY way to do so (I understand sometimes moms just have no choice due to insurance, location, etc). It is not fair to you, your provider, or the doula to anticipate that the doula will serve not as an advocate . . . but as a kind of a pit bull defending you. It is also questionable how much your doula can do if your OB/midwife is truly a terrible fit for you . . . it is beyond the doula's scope of practice to make bottom-line treatment decisions. You of course can make treatment decisions but many moms are in NO condition for that during labor/pushing/fetal distress/some emergency.

ITA with this! I am so happy that I know I can trust my doctor (and his partners) so that I don't have to fight with them during my labor.

katydid1971
08-01-2010, 12:41 AM
I had 2 natural deliveries with out a doula. In the area I live many people have natural child birth so the labor and delivery nurses are like doula in experience. They knew all the breating and pain management techniques ( walking, showers, baths etc). I could afford a doula but really didn't need one and i'm glad I didn't spend the $$$$. (FWIW My middle child was still born and we knew this before I went in to deliver him so my doctor and I agreed to max meds and I HATED the epidural.)

nov04
08-01-2010, 01:01 AM
I felt steamrollered during my first birth. dh and I were so terrified, had so little control over what was going on and I felt horrible for so long. My OB was stuck in surgery all day and I lay strapped to the bed on efm for 10 hours being warned that for my next pregnancy, I could have bleeding on my brain. yeah, thanks.

Having a doula was something *I* chose and had control over. She helped me work on the issues surrounding dd1's birth so that I could concentrate on dd2's birth. We spent a lot of time during my pregnancy just emailing and talking. It was amazing to have someone with medical training (an RN among her other qualifications besides being a doula) validate what I thought and felt.

My OB was amazing and I think both he and my doula share the kudos from me equally. They each contributed their own parts. My ob was able to reassure at my appts that my our complications weren't likely to happen again. It wasn't his duty to listen to my fears for hours as an OB, my doula did that wonderfully. And he'd worked with doulas a lot in the past and valued them as part of the team.

About the advocating part. My doula was DONA. I hadn't originally been a fan of the philosophy of DONA, but after meeting with her, and discussing my individual concerns, we were fine.

I think the best thing you could do is read lots of accounts of other women who have chosen a doula, see if anything they write resonates with you. It might turn out you don't feel the need for one.

Hypnobirthing might be something you want to look into as well. I found it complimented having a doula birth very well.

fwiw, I did end of having an epidural for my second birth too. I'm fine with that. the difference was that I felt I had control over what was going on for 99% of my labour/birth instead of 0% for dd1's birth.

GL

MommyAllison
08-01-2010, 01:25 AM
I did not use a doula, and had 2 unmedicated, amazing births. I'm kind of like a cat though ;) in that when I go into labor I want to be left alone (with my DH). Both of my children were born in a hospital, and my first labor we had an amazing nurse who actually read my birthplan, then explained how often they'd do EFM, then said "I know you want to be alone, so I will be at the nursing station, watching your monitor strip, and checking in on you. Call me if you need me" which was exactly what we wanted. She was amazing and sweet and I loved her.

My second labor, I arrived at the hospital fully dilated and ready to push, and had to wait 30 minutes for my midwife to arrive before I delivered. Not so fun to not push, but my nurses were ok - they listened to me when I asked for a hep lock instead of an IV, they didn't listen so well to me once I was pushing, but between my midwife and myself, it was resolved.

I (like many moms on the BBB) researched obsessively while pregnant, esp with my first child, and knew exactly what I did and did not want in birth, and my DH took a childbirth class with me that allowed him to learn and discuss with me what I wanted. I also had an advantage in that my mom delivered my siblings and I naturally (and acted like it was no big deal), and so I grew up figuring that's what I'd do. My DH was supportive and was exactly what I needed during labor, and my labors were quick and quicker. If I'd had a long labor with posterior babe, I probably would have appreciated a doula. Also to my advantage was that I had 2 very close friends who are doulas, who would have come if I'd called.

So for me, I prefer not to have a doula. But I recommend them to expectant friends often, and think they have tremendous value, and I'm glad to have the option if I change my mind. :)

citymama
08-01-2010, 01:54 AM
You'll get many different replies to that question, as you already can tell! So I can just speak from my personal experience.

I had a doula with DD2, which was a VBAC, drug-free delivery (which was what I wanted). Hiring the right doula, and having her at the birth and during the labor at home went a long, long way towards my having a successful VBAC the way I wanted to. Her experience and personality were a big. big help. IMO, delivering in a VBAC friendly hospital with a VBAC friendly midwife attending also made a big difference.

I didn't even think I needed a doula with the first baby - didn't really know what they were. I thought they were kind of peripheral ladies in waiting! I also thought that having a midwife would somehow automatically mean I would be able to have the kind of natural childbirth experience I wanted. Wrong. In hindsight, it's possible that having a doula like the person who I worked with for DD2's birth would have prevented my c-section (which was partly precipitated by positional issues, partly by a reaction to an epidural I never wanted). Or maybe I'd have needed a c/s anyway - hard to tell. I did work with a midwife practice with a very low c/s rate, but I still didn't have the hands-on support I sought through the labor, and that my doula provided the second time around.

I will say that the key to a good doula is finding someone with experience and skills. In my case, I think had my doula with the second baby been present at the first, she might have helped with positional issues that my midwife wasn't able to address. And she certainly would have helped me go on longer without the epidural. So if you do hire a doula, pay the extra dollar to get someone really highly recommended and experienced, and whose personality clicks with yours. I also talked to my docs about her, and they referred to her as the "gold standard in doulas" - which was a big relief, because I wasn't hiring a doula to protect me from my doc/midwife, but to work with them and me as a team.

All the best, and congrats on the upcoming baby - and on asking the right questions early on!

Uno-Mom
08-01-2010, 09:28 PM
Didn't read all the posts, maybe somebody already said this ... I got a doula mostly for my husband! :) I knew he would be my 100% support but I also knew he would need support. She was great. It was good to have someone with us the whole time who was a hospital and birth "insider."

My labor was really long and we had complications. That meant I had to make some tough choices - it helped a lot to have a neutral but informed helper. But we were careful to find somebody who wasn't a rabid anti-intervention type. She was open-minded.

My hospital has midwives (w/one doc around as well) but they worked shifts and weren't able to give me any more consistant support than a doc would have. They were lovely, but not that consistant support that some people seem to get from their midwives. I was super-lucky though - the midwife who I visited all through my pregnancy came on shift 30 minutes before my daughter was born! That was a gift.

essnce629
08-02-2010, 05:54 AM
I am a doula, and if I wanted a natural birth in a hospital I would for sure, 100%, no question about it, hire a doula. ESPECIALLY if I was a first-time mom. Especially since it takes a lot of pressure off of dad.

I did not have a doula at either of my births but that is because I had two homebirths and knew I would have my midwives at my side the entire time, so there wouldn't really be as big of a need for a doula.

If you cannot afford the doula fees in your area, contact a doula trainer in your area by searching the DONA (Doulas of North America) website. The doula trainers have a list of all the new doulas that have recently been trained and are in the process of receiving their certification. These new doulas, who may even have some experience, usually charge a lot less. I'm in Los Angeles and the doula fees out here start at $1000 and up! My friend from college was pregnant and asked if I could be her doula, but I had to say no since DS2 is still too young for me to be gone for long periods. She and her husband could not afford $1000+ so I told her to contact the doula trainers and she was able to find and interview 2 doulas-- one that charged $250 and one that charged $400. One was also a massage therapist and the other one was also an accupuncturist! She interviewed both and picked the $400 one. She was very happy!

Here's the link to find a doula trainer in your area. Select "for Birth Doulas" and then enter your state and click "Go." The next page will list the doula trainers and their contact info. Contact the trainers in your area and tell them you would like a list of the newly trained doulas who are willing to work for a lower fee. Hope this help!

http://www.dona.org/develop/find_a_workshop.php

brittone2
08-02-2010, 09:10 AM
I had a doula for my first birth 6.5 years ago. She was fairly affordable, and I wanted to do everything I could to "stack the deck" in favor of an unmedicated delivery. I knew very few people who had gone unmedicated (my mom did, but most of my family had gone w/ epidurals, and we were among the first of our friends to have a baby). I used Hypnobirthing the first time around and ended up feeling very comfy during labor and not really "needing" the doula all that much. But she was great about reminding me to stay hydrated, and she basically stayed out of the way since I was feeling fine. The only time I was really uncomfy during most of that labor was when hooked up to the intermittent EFM. The doula played the "bad guy" role by nicely pressing my nurse to figure out how to hook me up to the EFM so I could be on hands and knees in the bed, or on the birthing ball, etc. as sitting in bed was very uncomfortable. It was nice to have her take on that role and not have to worry about DH or I dealing with that part. She was polite and nice about it...the nurse wasn't happy but it was totally doable with just a little more work on her part.

Our doula also was worth her weight in gold during transition. That was the only part of that labor that was really, really intense for me. When my legs got shaky she knew just the right type of touch to use, kwim? DH would have been kinda clueless at that point.

She also was a photojournalistic photographer on the side and got some amazing shots of DS as a newborn (at my request in advance).

I didn't have a doula for my last 2 births, but worked with midwives that were more supportive/present than my CNM that I used with DS1. THe first birth (with the doula) was in a hospital. The 2nd birth was in a freestanding birth center (different state) so also a different setting. DS2 was born at home, and I never missed having a doula in that setting. But yeah, in a hospital, I was glad to have one.

I don't think they are a necessity, but I think they can help stack the deck in your favor if you feel strongly about going unmedicated or don't feel confident you'll have good labor support from your partner.

Uno-Mom
08-02-2010, 10:24 AM
If you cannot afford the doula fees in your area, contact a doula trainer in your area by searching the DONA (Doulas of North America) website.

That's kind of what we did. We didn't go to DONA, but our doula was my friend's business partner. She was finishing up her certification process which required a certain number of births. Even though she was "in training" she had plenty of experience - she had attended many births but most of them were before she started the official certification process. It worked great & we actually paid her more than what she asked because the time a doula puts in is a LOT.

avalonmom
08-05-2010, 11:45 PM
Thanks to everyone who posted! I really appreciate all the different points of view on this issue. My yoga teacher happens to be a doula and she recommended I start by asking my OB if he works with them and if he recommends any. I do not have female support so the idea of having a doula is definitely something I will start investigating. I did order The Birth Partner and The Birth Book per someone's instructions and hopefully those will help as well. I am quite nervous about the birth process, not very good with pain, and not so sure if DH can really handle all my stresses and fears so again thank you all for your thoughts on this issue. It's definitely one I'm investigating as an older first time nervous mom.

Uno-Mom
08-06-2010, 12:53 AM
Good luck with your decision. It sounds like a doula might be really helpful to you for the same reasons mine was a blessing to me (I posted details above). Especially since you mention you're an older mom and I'm guessing you bring that up b/cause you feel you might have things a little more complicated. (Which probably isn't true, but I totally understand the worrying!)

I didn't expect anything complicated but was suprised by meconium-stained fluid when my water broke - that got the midwives to keep suggesting interventions to me. I was so grateful for an informed, neutral party who could helped me weigh my options. Everything was totally fine in the end, by the way. I did eventually accept some interventions but those were fine, too. But it sure reduced the stress to have our doula to support both me and my husband! Her presence even allowed him to get some sleep, which we were very grateful for.

essnce629
08-06-2010, 03:26 AM
You can always interview a few doulas and see what you think. After meeting them, if you have a strong connection to any of them you can think about hiring one. Interviews are always free. Just think of a list of questions to ask her. Your DH should have some too.

PGTB
08-06-2010, 01:16 PM
My yoga teacher happens to be a doula and she recommended I start by asking my OB if he works with them and if he recommends any.
I think this is a great advice to ask your OBGYN, most importantly just to figure out what your OB thinks about the concept of hiring a doula and how he works with the doulas. Not every OBGYN is thrilled to work with a doula, so if it's important for you that your OBGYN thinks positively about doulas then you better ask.

I happen to have a friend who is OBGYN and asked her about doulas since I considered one for myself. Because she wasn't my doctor, she was completely honest. She said doulas can be an annoying interference to OBGYN to do her job because they don't have formal medical training and they are not actually authorized to make serious medical decisions for a patient, but because they can influence patient's decisions it's often making OBGYN's work more difficult. She recommended I hire a midwife instead because midwives have formal medical training, will stay with you the entire time and can actually deliver the baby as long as it's not a complicated delivery or c-section, she thought midwives are a better value and she said that she has much better relationship with midwives than with doulas.

My OBGYN of course was much more PC about her opinion about doulas, she said, it's up to me if I want one, and she personally recommended I get a post-partum doula. She sort of hinted, hey, birth doula is not necessary, save your money and get a post-partum doula instead, much better value.

My impression after all this was that OBGYNs are doctors who are responsible for you from medical perspective and are liable to do everything they have to in their power to make sure things go smoothly and they don't like interference on part of those who do not have formal medical training and won't bear the liability if something goes wrong. (you won't be suing your doula if you make a decision that is wrong for you based on her suggestion, but will be suing the doctor or hospital if things go wrong).

Basically, ask your OBGYN what he thinks, if his reaction towards doulas is not very positive, it's up to you if you are comfortable with pursuing getting a doula and if he has a great relationship with doulas and recommends one, then it's great!

You also need to evaluate your personal needs for what you want doula to do for you. Do you just need personal comfort from a woman who had seen lots of births? Do you need assistance in making medical decisions? Are you very serious about natural birth and want someone to help you avoid pain meds? Then you need to look for the right person who would be completely on the same page with you, especially regarding pain control because your decision before giving birth may not the the same when you are in extreme pain and are told you have another 8 hours of it ahead of your like I did with Pitocin contractions. I had 3 nurses change shifts during my labor and one of them was sort of like an all-natural doula, she birthed her own 4 kids naturally and was not a fan of epidural, honestly, she made me feel inferior and her presence annoyed me when I was in pain, especially since I intended to have natural birth, but knew that I would fail at it. So, choose your doula carefully and make sure she won't be in any way judgmental of you when the most difficult time comes and you already have so much to deal with.


I am quite nervous about the birth process, not very good with pain, and not so sure if DH can really handle all my stresses and fears so again thank you all for your thoughts on this issue. It's definitely one I'm investigating as an older first time nervous mom.

I was very scared too and my DH told me this. He said, look, you are going to be done with it and then it's over. No need to stress out about it, they will take the baby out one way or another. The most important thing is that baby and yourself are ok, no matter how he comes out to be and no matter if you have to have drugs or be induced or even get a c-section.

I do recommend getting a post-partum doula - I really wish I had one, I missed female support the most when my baby was born.