Ain't family great!

[HIU8]

My wonderful aunt offered to SELL me my grandmother's silver a while ago. She wants $135 a place setting. There are 24 place settings and my aunt won't break up any part of the set. So she wants $3,240 for it. My dad is livid (he wants her to give it to me since I'm the one in the family who does all the holiday meals etc....) She refuses to just give it. I just don't get it. I can't believe she will only sell me the stuff. She is single (has been her whole life), no kids. She does not entertain or do anything. She lives rent free and banks all her $$. She is rich several times over, yet she wants to sell me the silver.

thanks but no thanks...

[garnetgirl]

Maybe you could present auntie with a bill for all of the food/hospitality you've provided her at holiday meals you've hosted. Let her know you'll accept payment in the form of place settings! Wow, and I thought I had money-hungry people in my family.

[sariana]

I guess that's why she's rich...:rolleye0014:

I guess you just keep saying, "No, thanks." How did your aunt end up with your grandmother's silver in the first place? Is she your dad's sister? Did she inherit it, or did she have to buy it from your grandmother?

Ah, family.:shake:

[StantonHyde]

For the love of Pete!! That is beyond cheap and obnoxious. Maybe she has this thing that other people got something of monetary value and she just got silver so she wants to convert it to cash??? In my family, if you inherited something like that, you GIVE it to the next generation fer cryin out loud!!

Tell her to try to sell it to Replacements--she won't get that much money for it!!! And I would totally bill her for the holiday meals--what a whacko!

[elizabethkott]

"That's okay... I'll just wait until you die and get the place settings then."

Ok, that's a little harsh, I suppose...
I like the idea of presenting her with a bill for each holiday meal from now on.
Wack-a-doodle-doo!!!!!

[LMPC]

Wow, now *that's* tacky!!!

[wellyes]

"That's okay... I'll just wait until you die and get the place settings then."

Heh, that was my thought too. What a wackadoo. My question is -- is that the family-only price or what she's trying to sell it for on eBay too?

[AshleyAnn]

I'd bring it up at the next family dinner how you'd like to have served them on grandma's family silver but aunt so and so's asking price is too high and she won't negotiate.

DH's family is like this over his dead relatives stuff. The second someone passes its like a feeding frenzy to get as much stuff as you can and hoard is so someone else doesnt get it. Even junk. We had someone go nuts that MIL brought her father's drinking glasses to us after he passed - they were from goodwill and were monogramed with someones name on them. They also want to barter and trade over it. SIL had to buy her grandmothers display cabient from a distant aunt even though it was willed to SIL. My family is from a different region of the country and I've never seen such practices.

[Kestrel]

I thought you should charge her a place setting for each holiday meal - past-present and future... until you have all the settings.


(Then make her sit at the kids' table and use paper plates and plastic silverware.)

[scrooks]

"That's okay... I'll just wait until you die and get the place settings then."



Seems a little harsh but I was thinking the exact same thing!

[StantonHyde]

I (Then make her sit at the kids' table and use paper plates and plastic silverware.)

This and the announcement at dinner about how you can't serve on good silver--oh this would just be tooooooo good!!!

[Twoboos]

OK, that Aunt is terrible!! What would your grandmother think of such behavior?? Sheesh!


The second someone passes its like a feeding frenzy to get as much stuff as you can and hoard is so someone else doesnt get it.

Um, the first time I met now SIL, we were at her/DH's grandmother's house. She took me on a tour of the house pointing out each item she would get when Grandma dies. The family laughs, I was horrified. This was probably 15 years ago, so a bit premature to say the least, Grandma is still kickin'. But that girl has always known what she wants - and most likely it's YOURS.

People are gross.

[pinkmomagain]

Disgusting and horrible. Unfortunately, some people who have no meaningful connections in their lives attach themselves to stuff. The family should shame her until she forks over the forks!

[bostonsmama]

My aunt sold my dad his own mother's silver! Granted, she gave him a REALLY fair price, maybe $1,000 for the ENTIRE 12 or 16 pc service plus serving set, but I was still surprised. I believe it will go to us when he passes (Lord let that be long from now). I think he did it b/c he is okay financially, wanted silver service but couldn't afford it new, and she does need money.

Family is interesting, no?

[boogiemomz]

Ugh. Unbelievable. :shake:

[HIU8]

Some background:

My aunt inherited the silver from my grandmother (she got everything in my grandparents apartment). I will NEVER see anything as my aunt does not believe in sharing anything. All her stuff will be willed to charity. She has already said that NO ONE in the family can take a thing. My grandparents apartment stands as a shrine (nothing has been done to it). My father rents out an apartment right now and lives in 2 rooms of my grandparents apartment. Those two rooms still have their furniture in them. My aunt will not allow my father to remove it. The kithen in that apartment must remain kosher even though my father isn't kosher (he could care less though and does what he wants). My aunt stores stuff in the back den and my dad got an oriental screen to close it off (whole other story of why my father lives there....)

My aunt gives nothing to anyone. When I say she has money we are talking millions several times over. Nothing is willed to anyone (she won't do it). Nothing willed to my kids for college (not that she HAS to do that, but family usually wants to help family--at least that is how I was brought up).

Oh, and my grandmother gave to people (but not really willingly). She was mean and miserly herself (as was my grandfather). My father is not like that, but my aunt and my uncle are.

DH used to want me to invite aunt over a lot b/c we are family. He finally stopped doing that when she said we could buy the silver off of her (I think he is as sick of doing the right thing as I am--even though we really should do the right thing no matter what).

[SammyeGail]

Some background:

My aunt inherited the silver from my grandmother (she got everything in my grandparents apartment). I will NEVER see anything as my aunt does not believe in sharing anything. All her stuff will be willed to charity. She has already said that NO ONE in the family can take a thing. My grandparents apartment stands as a shrine (nothing has been done to it). My father rents out an apartment right now and lives in 2 rooms of my grandparents apartment. Those two rooms still have their furniture in them. My aunt will not allow my father to remove it. The kithen in that apartment must remain kosher even though my father isn't kosher (he could care less though and does what he wants). My aunt stores stuff in the back den and my dad got an oriental screen to close it off (whole other story of why my father lives there....)

My aunt gives nothing to anyone. When I say she has money we are talking millions several times over. Nothing is willed to anyone (she won't do it). Nothing willed to my kids for college (not that she HAS to do that, but family usually wants to help family--at least that is how I was brought up).

Oh, and my grandmother gave to people (but not really willingly). She was mean and miserly herself (as was my grandfather). My father is not like that, but my aunt and my uncle are.

DH used to want me to invite aunt over a lot b/c we are family. He finally stopped doing that when she said we could buy the silver off of her (I think he is as sick of doing the right thing as I am--even though we really should do the right thing no matter what).

Do you talk to this aunt? She seriously would rather family items go to charity than stay in the family?

Is she that peeved that she is the only one kosher? Does she feel that no one respects the items as much as her so they don't deserve them?

I have heard jaw-dropping stories about DH's grandmother who was (no offense, he says it) very cruel and stingy. She was also Jewish. MIL has nothing from her families past, her mother sold it all off out of spite. I think she has a few items of her fathers, DH's grandfather. I don't understand it all, I grew up in the South. I can't comprehend how someone can be that way, its horrible.

When my mother passed 11-08 one of my siblings would stop by my Dad's house and get things, she would say 'mom said I could have this'. She still does it. My Dad says he knows she is coming and taking stuff, he doesn't care. They are not things of great financial value. I know another sister has taken several sentimental things. It makes me mad, to a point.

They know not to mess with anything in the china cabinet. Dad and I were talking last week and I was telling him about the story Mom told me about how her Dad had collected X amount of potato sacks (this is rural AL in the 1950's) to get a brown glass pitcher. And the story behind the set of glasses with the pink design on them. He said I was the first to tell him those stories right. Next time I came down HE was going to give them to me, if anyone got mad they would have to deal with him first. I was crying.

Sorry to get O/T. Concerning your aunt, is there anyone who can talk some sense into her!?! Charity over family? That is beyond cruel. I am so sorry you are going thru this.

[HIU8]

FWIW, I only talk to my aunt now when it is absolutely necessary. I do not like her. I never have liked her. As a child I saw her for what she was. On that same note, I never liked my grandparents either. My father knows this. I would refuse to see them b/c they were mean people and it made me mad (even as a VERY young child).

My aunt lives in her own little world. Just so she knows, when she is a bit older and needs help, she should not come looking for that help from me b/c she isn't going to get it.

[truly scrumptious]

What about asking to "borrow" the silver every time you invite her to a family gathering? ("Oh, by the way, can you bring Grandma X's silver place settings along? Thanks!") And then sending it back home with her to wash!
That way you get to use it and enjoy it and she gets to polish it and clean it and "own" it.
;)

[HIU8]

I like that idea!!!!!!!!!

[niccig]

What about asking to "borrow" the silver every time you invite her to a family gathering? ("Oh, by the way, can you bring Grandma X's silver place settings along? Thanks!") And then sending it back home with her to wash!
That way you get to use it and enjoy it and she gets to polish it and clean it and "own" it.
;)


You have to ask her in front of other family members, so they all know she was asked to bring it. Then in the led up to the day, tell other family members how nice it will be to use grandma's silver for the family meal. Make sure others know she's supposed to bring it, and she knows they know too.

She might still not bring it. But if she does, and after several times of packing it up etc, so might relent and tell you to look after it.

Sorry about her being a mean old lady - both my grandmothers were like that.

[SammyeGail]

FWIW, I only talk to my aunt now when it is absolutely necessary. I do not like her. I never have liked her. As a child I saw her for what she was. On that same note, I never liked my grandparents either. My father knows this. I would refuse to see them b/c they were mean people and it made me mad (even as a VERY young child).

My aunt lives in her own little world. Just so she knows, when she is a bit older and needs help, she should not come looking for that help from me b/c she isn't going to get it.

This would all leave a terrible taste in my mouth. No matter what *price* she went down to, I personally don't think I would want it. I do understand that your Dad wants you to have it, right?

I again am so sorry. I am going thru alot of estrangement issues with my other 4 siblings since my Mom's passing. For a long time it make me feel like there was something wrong with me but I've come to realize I think I'm actually the normal one.

Lots of hugs your way. Family can really suck and make you feel terrible.

[StantonHyde]

I would just walk away from the whole thing. ugh. What a wretched person.