Am I the only one whose kid is average?

[cilantromapuche]

I swear I must live in Garrison Keillor-land of Lake Wobegon. It seems like a lot of DS's classmates are reading at an adult level, play sports at a national level, are super-obedient, polite and mother teresa all rolled into one.
I never say anything to my kids or spouse but it's like Stepford. I try not to be jealous and I don't even live in a big city or suburbs where it must be worse.
Just wanted to throw that out there because I don't want to pressure my kid. I also want to mention that a lot of the parents are super nice and their houses are immaculate.

[MamaSnoo]

I know how you feel. Seems like everyone else has it more together than I do-- moms with fabulous careers, multiple fabulous LOs, fabulous homes, yards and DHs, etc etc etc.

DD is young yet, but I am constantly telling myself to not compare her to others, because I know it will drive me nuts.

It all can't be as perfect as it seems from the outside.

Anyway, hugs to you! I bet you guys are great (in a real way). Children learn through their stuggles, not from the things that are handed to them. You guys can be my neighbor anytime. :54:

[SnuggleBuggles]

You never, ever know what goes on behind closed doors. Everyone has flaws, some hide them really well.

Me? I am open and honest about my kids' strengthens AND weaknesses.

Maybe your problem is not living in a big city or suburbs. At least there there is more diversity and a bigger pool to sample from. :)

There is one boy from ds1's class this year who seems too good to be true. I have been getting to be friends with the mom and when the moment is right I plan to ask her if he truly is perfect. :) He probably still doesn't sleep through the night at 8yo or something. You just never know!

Beth

[cilantromapuche]

I know but then I feel bad because then I am putting someone else down to make me feel better. I know that the world takes all different kinds but it really looks easier for others.
I know so many friends who have kids with autism and other health issues that I can't even imagine. So I do feel guilty for that. I guess it has been a long week.

[codex57]

My kid seems remarkably average. Even slightly slow in some ways.

[sste]

No child is average. Not globally. You sound like you are in a bit of funk (and who wouldn't be with what you describe around you!). But, when your mood improves think about all the ways that your DC is remarkable and amazing. All of his unique talents.

We were told when our DS was 1.5 that there was a significant chance he was mentally retarded/developmentally delayed. This turned out not to be the case. However, I remember so strongly at that time thinking that he was perfect, that having him as my son was a miracle and there was no such thing as miracle-plus. Not to say I wasn't heart-sick at the pain he would face and the long road we would have in front of us as a family. But he was perfect to me.

[elektra]

My DD is showing no indication of being gifted at all. It seems like so many of the moms here post about their kids' special needs, especially when it comes to school, whether they are gifted or delayed.
But whether it's on the BBB or in real life, you really only notice the exceptions IMO, so it just seems like everyone else is "not average".

So while my DD may not be gifted, there are many pluses to being "average" too, and all I really want is for her to be happy, so I try to remind myself of that if I ever start feeling twinges of jealousy at the more advanced kids.

[hellokitty]

My DD is showing no indication of being gifted at all. It seems like so many of the moms here post about their kids' special needs, especially when it comes to school, whether they are gifted or delayed.
But whether it's on the BBB or in real life, you really only notice the exceptions IMO, so it just seems like everyone else is "not average".

So while my DD may not be gifted, there are many pluses to being "average" too, and all I really want is for her to be happy, so I try to remind myself of that if I ever start feeling twinges of jealousy at the more advanced kids.

Well said.

[ncat]

I don't think my kids are well behaved, but I've gotten odd comments from several people who think they are. They clearly don't spend much time with my kids in their natural environment!

The strangest comments I've gotten are along the lines of "if my DD was as well-behaved as your DD, I'd have 4+ kids by now!". Well, there's clearly a reason that I don't!

You are probably getting a non-representative impression of your DC's classmates!

[gatorsmom]

Nope, you are not the only one. I read here all the time about moms who are bragging that their kids are 5 and are already reading. Gator just turned 7yo, will be starting 1st grade next year, and doesn't read yet. Honestly, I don't sweat it. Because he might not be reading, and he sucks at soccer (although he loves it). But he is the most naturally kind, gentle child I"ve ever known. And he is a natural leader. It's hard not to like him. He can join any group with no kids in it he knows and make friends the first day and have a great time. I'm so in awe of his social skills.

I have 3 other "average" kids too, who excel at some things and suck at others. They are all marvelous in different ways. And that's what you have to look for. The ways they are incredible. Because every person shines at something. :cheerleader1:

[AnnieW625]

We've been there done that:grouphug:

DD1 couldn't say more than 5 words until she was 2/1/2. We had friends whose kids could tell us their life stories by the time they were 18 mos. old. DH and I learned not to get mad and to say that everyone does things at their own speed. This is another reason I don't read child rearing books I just don't really give a rats a$$ about what other people think about where my child should be growth wise unless it's coming from a pediatrician or specialist my child sees on a semi regular basis.

For DD1 we chose to put her in ballet class when she was 3 because I was just too afraid of soccer (it's huge here!) and she loves music and even way before she could talk or even hear well she was mesmerized by Dancing with the Stars (one of the first shows we let her watch). I don't expect her to be a ballerina, but the class is the perfect balance of fun/dance, and structure that she needs (otherwise she can be all over the place). People here look at me like I have two heads because we haven't done soccer yet.

[ShanaMama]

But whether it's on the BBB or in real life, you really only notice the exceptions IMO, so it just seems like everyone else is "not average".

So while my DD may not be gifted, there are many pluses to being "average" too, and all I really want is for her to be happy, so I try to remind myself of that if I ever start feeling twinges of jealousy at the more advanced kids.


Nope, you are not the only one. I read here all the time about moms who are bragging that their kids are 5 and are already reading. Gator just turned 7yo, will be starting 1st grade next year, and doesn't read yet. Honestly, I don't sweat it. Because he might not be reading, and he sucks at soccer (although he loves it). But he is the most naturally kind, gentle child I"ve ever known. And he is a natural leader. It's hard not to like him. He can join any group with no kids in it he knows and make friends the first day and have a great time. I'm so in awe of his social skills.

I have 3 other "average" kids too, who excel at some things and suck at others. They are all marvelous in different ways. And that's what you have to look for. The ways they are incredible. Because every person shines at something. :cheerleader1:

Both excellent points. Both of my girls seem to be above average in intellect, such as early verbal skills & understanding concepts, drawing logical conclusions, etc. However, I have not taught my 5 yo to read, have barely introduced math concepts & really do not push the above average idea. I doubt they will be truly gifted & have no desire for them to be ahead of their peers in school. I feel like child rearing is a game to a lot of people; my kid did x at x age, well mine was walking before he was sitting up.... I have relatives & friends who 'teach' their kids things just so they can say the kid knew how to read before kindergarten, or whatever. DH & I are both strongly against doing that. I'd like my kids to learn to read & write on par with their classmates. If they learn more quickly, great. I certainly don't want to contribute to boredom in school. If either of them turn out to be truly gifted I will certainly work with it. I feel that its a challenge to educate/ develop a gifted child just like its a challenge to develop a delayed child. Not talking from experience though, JMO.

[mommy111]

No child is average. Not globally. You sound like you are in a bit of funk (and who wouldn't be with what you describe around you!). But, when your mood improves think about all the ways that your DC is remarkable and amazing. All of his unique talents.

We were told when our DS was 1.5 that there was a significant chance he was mentally retarded/developmentally delayed. This turned out not to be the case. However, I remember so strongly at that time thinking that he was perfect, that having him as my son was a miracle and there was no such thing as miracle-plus. Not to say I wasn't heart-sick at the pain he would face and the long road we would have in front of us as a family. But he was perfect to me.
:yeahthat:
I bet the other moms/dads really envy you and think you have the perfect life as well, usually I've found in this kind of situation that its a two way street.

[Globetrotter]

There is a difference between being naturally brilliant and being coached to be ahead. I think there is a more of a trend towards the latter, at least here in N. Cal., so the norms have been raised to unreasonable heights.

If my kids are naturally bright, great, but I don't think it's worth sacrificing their childhood and free time to get ahead. I feel very strongly about this based on what I have seen, so sorry if I offended anyone.

[maestramommy]

Oh yes, I know how you feel. Not about the immaculate houses, but ever since I started having kids, it seems as though all their friends are way more articulate, intelligent and creative than mine. I've had my kids evaluated because of EI so I know they are well above average on a standardized scale. Which makes me wonder if their friends are either off the charts or very close to it. Seriously, they do high volume puzzles, read, can identify all the dinosaurs, etc. I know 3yos who are already riding a two wheeler without training wheels. My kids are still riding trikes. And these parents are super nice, do not push their kids. It's a little dispiriting at times, but I don't think pushing my kids will do any good, they are just the way they are.

It also makes me wonder, if my kids are well above average, what's average?? As in what does a kid who scores on the 50th percentile look like, and where are they?

[egoldber]

I think all kids are different. They all have strengths in different areas. As a parent, it can be very easy to see only the strengths in other kids and only the weaknesses in our own.

Also, some kids thrive and shine in social situations. Some do not. I feel very badly for my older DD because while she is incredibly smart and sweet and funny and sensitive, she makes a terrible first impression. She often comes off as boor-ish or awkward, especially in large groups. One on one she is an amazing conversationalist and funny and interesting.

And everyone has issues in their life. If it is not the immediate family, I guarantee there is something in the extended family. I think it is simply true that people all have issues. Not everyone shares them.

[cilantromapuche]

thanks guys! You know how to make someone feel better. I think that part of my funk is that our 7 y.o. has further developed his attitude lately and we are working hard improve his behavior. That combined with the joys of summer have worn off and DS is picking a lot of fights with his DD!

[KHF]

I definitely know where you're coming from as well. Both of my kids were relatively late talkers and walkers. DS has a few words now at 20 months, I'm not worried though because DD was almost exactly the same. Turns out though, with her she was just waiting until she knew ALL the words to start talking. Around 2.5-3, she because exceptionally verbal.

However, she still won't even try riding a bicycle, even with training wheels. She's not in sports, and we just started her in private swim lessons because the group lessons just weren't going to happen with her.

I also don't push her with reading, etc. We don't do worksheets of any kind at home. I have such limited time with them (I work outside the home from 7-4) that I don't want to spend our time together doing worksheets. We like to play :)

I try my hardest not to compare because as the PPs said, every child has their own strengths. My DN is very athletic, riding a bicycle, can write her letters very well, but you can barely understand a single word she says. And she's 4 months older than DD. As babies DN did *everything* before DD...and the family did make some comparisons until I put a stop to it. She was walking at 9 months (DD walked at 14 months), first words at 8-ish months (DD only knew dada at age 1), got teeth before DD...everything! I just tried not to worry, and everything has worked out A-OK :)

Even though my DC don't appear "gifted" in the official sense, they are certainly a gift in my eyes.

[Gracemom]

Thank you for starting this thread! I am the proud mother of two very average children. My DH and I were both in gifted programs growing up, so we can't help but have certain expectations of our children. I've always said that I hope they are at least average and don't have to struggle too much, and that is pretty much what they are. It's hard not to compare with other kids though. We know lots of kids who were reading at 3, and whose parents enjoy talking about their child's latest achievements. My DH struggles with it sometimes. But we see how loving, creative, social, and fun our kids are, and we certainly wouldn't trade them for anything! They might very well show later in childhood in what areas they excel. My DH and I were kind of late bloomers. But I think it's a good lesson in accepting the kids you have vs. the idea you had of who you thought your kids would be.

[Meatball Mommie]

Even though my DC don't appear "gifted" in the official sense, they are certainly a gift in my eyes.

:yeahthat:

I admire my eldest's social skils. He can go into a room full of strangers (kids and adults) and make friends within a few minutes. My younger son is such a hard worker. When you give him a task or ask him to help you, he doesn't quit or get bored with it.

Neither boy has any interest in writing or reading beyond their current capabilities. My neices write the nieces write the nicest birthday cards and thank yous but I'm lucky to get my 2 to sign their names!

They have their good qualities but neither are gifted academically, musically or athletically - just average, but perfect in every way to mommy and daddy!

[cilantromapuche]

DH and I were both in gifted programs as well. I was a rascal and stubborn. DH thinks he was perfect :) but he had to be an adult in so many ways at a young age (which I think has resulted in him having issues as an adult).
That being said, I know quite a few students I went to school with who were average or below and they have great jobs and found their identity in college.
My perception is that things are way more competetive now than they were 20 years ago when we went to college (that is scary to write! 20 years?). It is harder to get into our alma mater now.

[KrisM]

As a parent, it can be very easy to see only the strengths in other kids and only the weaknesses in our own.



I agree with Beth about this.

[Jenny_A]

There is a difference between being naturally brilliant and being coached to be ahead. I think there is a more of a trend towards the latter, at least here in N. Cal., so the norms have been raised to unreasonable heights.

If my kids are naturally bright, great, but I don't think it's worth sacrificing their childhood and free time to get ahead. I feel very strongly about this based on what I have seen, so sorry if I offended anyone.

Well said!

[lablover]

It's not a bad thing to be average. My DS is gifted, naturally brilliant, whatever you want to call it. We've known he was different since before he was 2 years old. DD is average. Obviously in my eyes she has lots of gifts, but on the scale you are referring to, she is average. Honestly, when I think about DS and school it does nothing but stress me out. I have a feeling we have a rough road ahead of us in school since he is so far beyond the standard curriculum. On the other hand, when I think about DD in school, I have no worries and I am confident that she will thrive in school as the material should be right at her pace.