wwyd... related to dh's co-worker

[brgnmom]

my DH just recently started working on a research project through his program, and his female co-worker is located about 6 hours away--similar private practice, just a different office location. my DH and I share an email account, and she wrote to him three times within a span of ten minutes - after introducing herself. She sounded almost desperate for attention and gave off the vibe as being an older female physician who is single. Fortunately, my DH wrote her back, stating that he is married with a child and another baby on the way. And she wrote in response, saying that he disclosed a lot of information and she would need the weekend to go through the details. my DH evidently asked about the possibility of relocating to that area and how family-friendly it is.

I guess I'm just a little annoyed by this new co-worker of his. my DH hasn't met her in person and I haven't either, but the tone of her frequent emails was unprofessional and flirtatious (especially initially, before my DH provided his background). Maybe I'm just overreacting and my third trimester pregnancy hormones are finally kicking in...

[kcandz]

There is nothing to do. Your DH took care of it. If she continues unprofessional emails in the future, your DH might want to note casually you both share the email account, so it is documented that any unprofessional behavior on her part is not being reciprocated. He should also save his "sent" box so there is documentations of the entire exchange.

[gatorsmom]

From your description of her, I'd be a bit on guard too, but I tend to be a tad jealous ar times.

However, it sounds like your husband did a nice job of putting her in her place. I also think the pp's ideas about letting her know you share an email account are good. She sounds a little annoying- 3 emails in 10 minutes? I bet your DH will find her annoying after a while too.

Congrats on the pregnancy!

[brgnmom]

I tend to be on the jealous side too, although I'm fine with my DH taking out his guy friend to Hooters recently since he's getting married soon.

So the co-worker that he's never met IRL actually wrote again, saying that she'll call him this weekend at his cell # with regards to his permanent job search in the east bay area. She works out from one of the office locations I posted in my recent thread from a few days ago. I'm kind of annoyed... I mean, it's nice of her to offer her advice and all, but come on, she only started working as an attending physician there ONE MONTH ago and they are assigned to the same research project. :loveeyes: She also has a Chinese last name - my DH is Chinese, and I'm not, so maybe that's also one of my insecurities.

Thank you for your congrats re: my pregnancy. I've been getting so big that I'm ready to be done, but I still have a couple more months left in this last trimester. Thank you for being there.

[smiles33]

That is one pushy lady! Why does she need to call him on his cell on the weekend? I would find that annoying as weekends are for family time!

Maybe she's an immigrant Chinese doctor (who tend to be more pushy, and I can say this as the daughter of Chinese immigrants)?

Good luck handling this.

[brgnmom]

That is one pushy lady! Why does she need to call him on his cell on the weekend? I would find that annoying as weekends are for family time!

Maybe she's an immigrant Chinese doctor (who tend to be more pushy, and I can say this as the daughter of Chinese immigrants)?

Good luck handling this.

yes, I agree she is pretty pushy and overstepping some boundaries. This weekend is the last one my DH, DS and I have together before he leaves for his friend's wedding that is several hours away. I wish I could attend, but I think the drive may be a little long for my condition right now.

I think this doctor may have actually gone to a bay area college and she did her med school & training in CA. She seems really aggressive which is unsettling... even after my DH states outright that he is married, etc.

[codex57]

Yes, she sounds pushy, but she also doesn't seem "abnormal" for certain types of Chinese. They can get REALLY pushy and overly familiar. It's not necessarily intended to be rude, that's just how they are. I wouldn't be surprised if she asks some questions you think are VERY personal. Like income, really detailed stuff about kids, etc.

Of course, it's possible she could be straight up rude. My SIL, when about 8 months pregnant, got shoved out of a city bus in Chinatown in SF cuz she was too slow. By these old Chinese ladies. I've been on public transportation in China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong. Doesn't surprise me at all.

[brgnmom]

Yes, she sounds pushy, but she also doesn't seem "abnormal" for certain types of Chinese. They can get REALLY pushy and overly familiar. It's not necessarily intended to be rude, that's just how they are. I wouldn't be surprised if she asks some questions you think are VERY personal. Like income, really detailed stuff about kids, etc.

Of course, it's possible she could be straight up rude. My SIL, when about 8 months pregnant, got shoved out of a city bus in Chinatown in SF cuz she was too slow. By these old Chinese ladies. I've been on public transportation in China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong. Doesn't surprise me at all.

oh my goodness, that is really mean how those ladies pushed your SIL out of the way on a city bus when she was in her 3rd trimester. I hope that she and her baby were alright.

[codex57]

In the end they were. But he had a broken clavicle so SIL had to be on bedrest for a month while he healed up inside her.

[Uno-Mom]

I'd be annoyed, too.

But that said ... it sounds like your DH is in some type of intellectual or medical field? I hesitate to stereotype, but what the heck - many of the folks I know who are super-smart and intellectual (NOT all!) have awkward social skills. And they know they're awkward which makes them overcompensate and behave in ways that seem obnoxious. A viscious cycle that makes me compassionate when I view it from the outside. I still get irritated when I'm on the inside of the exchange, though!:)

Good luck!

[brgnmom]

In the end they were. But he had a broken clavicle so SIL had to be on bedrest for a month while he healed up inside her.


I'm glad to hear that she and your nephew are alright now. Still it's horrible that she needed to be on bedrest and your nephew had a broken clavicle while in utero.

[brgnmom]

I'd be annoyed, too.

But that said ... it sounds like your DH is in some type of intellectual or medical field? I hesitate to stereotype, but what the heck - many of the folks I know who are super-smart and intellectual (NOT all!) have awkward social skills. And they know they're awkward which makes them overcompensate and behave in ways that seem obnoxious. A viscious cycle that makes me compassionate when I view it from the outside. I still get irritated when I'm on the inside of the exchange, though!:)

Good luck!


yes, he is a radiology fellow and his co-worker is an attending radiologist that he is working with for the research project. They haven't actually met IRL b/c their offices are several hours away from each other, but I found it odd that she has emailed him so often and plans on calling him this weekend... even after finding out that my DH is married and has a family of his own.

your theory seems pretty accurate w/ regards to what may be happening here. I'm also thinking that his co-worker isn't married and doesn't have kids, so she may not understand that weekends are usually reserved for family time--not talking on the cell phone about a research project that just started (no deadlines coming up in the immediate future) and relaying job search advice.

[DrSally]

It sounds like your DH took care of it. I'd chalk it up to poor social skills as well (maybe anxious to make a new colleague/friend). Her life may be all about work and she's forgotten weekends are for family time for "civilians". In academia, you set your own schedule a lot, but there's also always something to do, so boundaries WRT work schedule can be forgotten, I think.

[Uno-Mom]

Maybe she'll benefit you all as a warning to DH about the need for balance! :)

My DH and I have those iconic type of co-workers ... "watch out ... you're sounding/acting like _____________!!!" (we sometimes caution each other).