UPDATE: my total screw-up of DS's preschool experience!

[sste]

UPDATE: I just got the last available spot in the class! DS will be moving up to the preschool room on Sept 1. Thank you everyone for urging me to talk to the director - - if I had waited any longer DS would not have gotten the slot and she told me that DS would have been in the toddler room for the entire year for sure. They were very nice about it - - I told them I have never done any kind of move-up before and had not done the best job with the process and now I was beside myself because DS missed his friends so much. Then THEY brought up his missing Sally so much as apparently he has told everyone from Director to Lunch Staff about how Sally moved up and DS did not!
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I am actually embarrassed to post in the lounge because you have all heard so much of this continuing saga . . .

When I last left it, DH and I had decided that with new baby coming and DS's strong attachment to his teacher and the 2 teacher:13 kid ratio and the fact that he is always the youngest in a given room he should just stay in the Toddler room (2 year olds). DS is turning 3 in early November and had previously been the youngest by 3 or 4 months in the toddler room.

The second preschool room for three-four year olds has 20 kids and we were TOLD there were only 2 teachers. Though we just found out that is the "cap" but there are normally 3-4 teachers/assistants in there. We were also NOT told that basically the entire toddler class would shift up to the three year old preschool room. And that they had changed things so that Aug/Sept was the time to shift otherwise the child may need to stay in their room for the academic year (rather than moving up by birthday)!!

So, now DS is in the toddler room, his entire class is gone, and most of the kids seem way younger (true toddlers emerging from baby stage). And DS has complained every single day for two weeks now that all his "friends have moved up." You may recall the Sally thread.

We would ideally like to observe the new preschool room but the teacher is on summer break (she is a city teacher - - our preschool is kind of odd but it has masters level teachers in each room, most of them funded by the city). We have heard rave reviews about her.

At this point, should I just request to move DS up sight unseen? Is 20 kids just crazy too many kids? I feel like this August/Sept window for making this decision is closing on me . . .

This is truly an example of why it is sometimes just better to go with the flow rather than my approach which was to start researching the move-up last winter, observing some of the classrooms, scrutinize data on class size and outcomes, etc . . . :(

[egoldber]

He has to move up some time right? Or is he changing schools (I got a little confused.....)? If he is going to move up at some point, then I would go ahead and move him now when his friends are moving.

Some kid always has to be the youngest. You need to observe your kid to see if they like being older or younger. If he is expressing that he would prefer to be with the older kids, I would respect that. My older DD definitely prefers being with older kids. So even though that means she is and will always be the youngest, it's the better fit for her. :)

[TwinFoxes]

I don't have any advice re: the pre-school part of it. But I will say that looking at almost 3 year olds, compared to my just-turned-two daughters and their "gym" classmates, the almost 3 year olds are SO much more kid like. I bet your son feels like he's in a class with babies. Because of that, I'd probably move him up.

It also seems to me that he is more attached to his friends than he is to his teacher.

ETA: BTW, you haven't screwed up anything, you're just trying super hard to do what's best for DS!

[elektra]

It sounds like you should move him up.
a) it sounds like even though he loves his teacher and you feel like that is a good fit, that his friends are important to him too. Maybe that would actually be less change/more stability for him than staying with the current teacher
b) the teacher:student ratio is not as bad as you originally thought
c) if it doesn't work out couldn't he just go back down to the toddler room?

Also, the fact that you are nearing the end of your pregnancy is probably making you more anxious than you normally might be. Wanting everything to be totally "set" and everything.

[MontrealMum]

I would try to move him if you can, especially since he's asking about his friends. Being a few months younger depending on the kid is not as bad as being 8-10 months older at this age IMHO. Especially since you're dealing with a bright kid. I would worry that he'd be not only lonely but bored.

Where DS is, they move the kids in stages throughout the summer, based on when slots open up in the older rooms. Sometimes there are more slots early in the summer as parents pull older kids out for vacation and they just don't come back before going on to kindy. Although they move in stages, they do all move rooms by the end of Aug. for the upcoming year. The move is based on age, so DS is always one of the last to go (there are 3 with Aug. b-days).

Right now when I pick him up he's one of 3 "big" kids from his original group, and the other 5 are "babies" (in his words), that have been moved down from the infant room (infant here is defined as being between 1-2 years). DS is tall for his age, so the physical contrast is pretty striking, but there's also emotional/intellectual differences that are pretty evident. He's very sweet with the littler ones, but he really prefers to play with the kids closer to his own age. Luckily, they combine classes a lot and are mixed on the playground so he still sees his old friends some of the time. I know he'll be happier at the end of the month when they're all together in one room again though.

[sste]

Well, we may change schools next summer *if* we move to the suburbs. But, for this year we were hoping to find some way to make things work within the preschool by moving him up late in the fall and my plan had been to find an intern to work in that room (now not necessary with teachers galore there). But, now with the policy changes they never announced it seems like he could be stuck in toddler room for the next ten months and he already seems quite old for it as of today!

As best as I can tell, DS is completely fine with older kids and prefers it because he is very into social play and conversations these days. He is probably verbally/cognitively/socially at least where they are. Physically he is a klutz but an eager one so that hasn't caused too many problems. PP is right that the other kids in toddler room now look like babies next to him.

The thing that is wierd is that our daycare/preschool operates like a public school in terms of curriculum, teaching staff, etc. They somehow get city resources and must meet the requirements for our county-certified public preschool programs and each masters-level teacher is paid through the city. BUT, they don't use the Sept. 1 cut-off that all public schools in our state use. So, if I move DS up he will be preschool 1 this year then next year he is in preschool 2, THEN his whole class graduates, leaves the daycare and goes to kindergarten. And I guess he will need to repeat and we will be in the same boat but even worse because they will REPEAT the entire curriculum which works based on lesson plan per county standards. I guess I can cross that bridge then . .

Elektra, I think you are right I am in pregnancy over-drive and want everything settled. It just seems like DS is NEVER right in the middle. In his development he has been hugely behind or quite ahead at various points; the very youngest by multiple months or the oldest. And added to that, my preschool is great as a preschool, in fact really stellar in serving a diverse population including some number of at-risk kids . . . but they SUCK at communication!!

ETA: Montrealmom, you are describing our EXACT situation in terms of a few big kids and then a larger group of babies. Unfortunately, we have this awkward very end of October birthday.

[Tondi G]

If it were my son I would just ask that he be moved up. sounds like he isn't enjoying being in the room full of new "babies" and that all of his buddies have moved up.

[arivecchi]

I would move him up without question. There is a big difference between two year olds and three year olds and he is missing his friends. That would be enough for me.

[sste]

Thanks everyone. I am going to request the move-up after talking to dh tonight (who I think is very much on the same page). The reason I think I may have screwed up is that now there are only a handful of spaces or even no spaces left in the move-up 3 year old classroom and we are going to need to go there and plead. Just two weeks after pleading with the director to let him stay in toddler room.

Sometimes I feel like in this city, what you have to do for high-quality childcare and preschool goes beyond the pale. Just to get into this preschool I was on a waitlist for 3 years . . . yes, I put myself on while TTC!!

[wendibird22]

I think he'll be fine with the move up. DD1 started a new daycare when DD2 was born and we had a choice of the toddler room or preschool (she was 2.5 at the time) we went with preschool. Even though she was the youngest and ended up being a bit of a follower for a while, she's really loving it and learning and growing so much because of the influence of the older kids. And now when I see the toddler room I know she would have been miserable for those 6mos until she turned 3 because she was just leaps and bounds above them developmentally (very young toddlers). DH and I were a bit nervous, but really DD1 held her own quite well. I expect that she'll be in the same room this entire school year then move up to pre-k next summer (when she turns 4).

[khalloc]

I would request to have him moved up with his class.

I just had a similar talk with our daycare director. DS is 2 and they move kids over to the early preschool room around 2.5 years old. his friend who is almost 3 (Nov.) is moving up. Also a couple of girls born within 2 weeks of DS, and a girl that is way smaller than DS but 3 months older is moving up. The other day the director came to talk with me about moving him up. She said the only reason she would not was that he really liked his teacher. He might have to wait till next year to move up! I said move him now. I dont want him being 2.5 (in October) and being stuck in the toddler room with 1 year olds. Just doesnt make any sense to me. Kids learn from looking at children their own age + older than them. He's not going to learn anything from babies.

JMHO.

[ThreeofUs]

I think you're right to move him up. (ITA that he probably feels like he's with babies - held back from being with his friends and age-mates.)

But face-to-face talking does wonders - why don't you go to his school and talk to folks about messing up because you were confused? (And I'd only talk about myself messing up and being confused - don't attribute the cause of this to them.)

[sste]

Yes, I am going to have to march in there and tell them this was a total screw-up on my part and I didn't anticipate him missing his friends. Yikes, the amount of times I have managed to embarrass myself at this daycare is becoming quite astounding!

I think part of what happened is that DS ended up in a wierd age bermuda triangle - - the kids in the upper class are about 6-12 months older than him on average; but the way they shifted the 2 year old class this month - - which previously had tons of 3.5 year olds - - was toward a 2 and under model.

I had this wonderful vision that by staying in the toddler room DS would develop his skills in nurturing and empathy with the younger kids as well as having some same-age kids. But, the DS Nurturance Personal Odyssey perhaps was NOT a developmentally appropriate expectation. He goes out of his way not to trample the babies and I can tell he was at least at first upset when they cried (now its background noise) . . . but that is about it!!

[MontrealMum]

I think you've made the best decision. You can revisit the problem of repeating the final year of preschool when the time comes, but at this point, there's just so much difference developmentally between 2 yo and 3 yo that I'm sure your DS will be much happier with the older kids.

My DS is "sensitive" to the babies too in that he'll provide them with a toy or something to play with - but he doesn't want to play with them himself. He also gets upset when they cry...because it's "too loud". He misses his friends that have already moved to the older room and gets excited to be able to play with them on the playground when they're all combined. I know he'll be happier when the transition is completed at the end of the month.

Good luck!

[ShanaMama]

Physically he is a klutz but an eager one so that hasn't caused too many problems. PP is right that the other kids in toddler room now look like babies next to him.



You have me LOL with that line about an endearing klutz! Nothing like a mother's love!
I agree that you should move him up. I have said many timnes that the biggest change I observed in DD1 was from age 2-3. Every other age seems to be a more gradual maturation, but 2-3 is so clearly baby --> kid.
DD2 is getting into that year now & we have this constant argument whether she's my baby. Guess who says no?

BTW, don't take full credit for the 'screw up'. You can certainly point out that their fabulous communication didn't infom you that his entire class would be moving up.

[sste]

Update in Post 1

[egoldber]

I'm glad you were able to get a spot. :)

[wendibird22]

Glad it all worked out and it sounds like the Director was very understanding.

[MontrealMum]

Congratulations! I'm doing a happy dance for both you and your DS :boogie:

[elephantmeg]

yeah! so glad he got a spot!

[crl]

Glad it worked out and that they were nice about it!
Catherine