Question for Moms with DC on the Spectrum

[Puddy73]

Do you explain to casual acquaintances that your DC has autism and if so, how? DS is high functioning, but does have problems with social skills. For example, a new woman at the barber shop was cutting his hair and kept trying to engage him in conversation. He was either ignoring her or giving odd answers. She was very nice but she kept pushing him and I was afraid that he might have an outburst so I told her that he just didn't feel like talking today. I don't like blurting out that he has autism because it just feels like I'm reducing him to his diagnosis and most people automatically treat him differently, either by ignoring him or talking down to him. He is very bright and sensitive and he picks up on this.

[daisymommy]

Unless there is a need for it, then no. But in a case like that, I would. Otherwise there are problems and DS get's blamed/judged for things that he cannot help.

[elliput]

In this situation, I would have said something. By knowing that your DS has autism, though high functioning, the stylist could have learned something about dealing with ASD children in her line of work. Chances are she will have more clients with ASD and being able to understand and work with them is very important.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

I agree with the pp's. It really does depend on your situation. Does the checker at the grocery need to know? No. Does his hairdresser need to know? Yes. Because asd children can have issues with haircutting and there's the possiblity of them getting hurt if they make sudden movements. You might look for a place near you that specializes in haircuts for disabled children. You might have to drive awhile but I think it would be worth it.

[snowbunnies300]

I think some people just cannot stand silence! They keep talking and trying to engage with the hope that they will strick upon a subject that will get the other person talking. Drives me nuts.

I don't think there was anything wrong with how you handled the situation. She may have thought after the fact that your son was shy. In the future you could take the stylist aside and state your son isn't much of a talker and prefers just to sit and have his hair cut. If they don't follow your instruction than you can remind them during the haircut that your son isn't much of a talker. If you go to this place often then I would tell the stylist in private of your son's autsim. That way she will know and recognize him when he comes in and there is no need for reminders. The upswing is that they cut faster (and do a better job cutting) when they don't talk!

I find that with my three ASD kiddo's that I am upfront about it. They don't talk so I can't get away from telling strangers. I swear every time we go out someone wants to talk to them. I know it is because they are trying to figure them out. At first glance they look normal and then as you watch them further they seem different. By talking to them I suspect they are trying to figure out if they are brats or have some medical problem.

I get tired of answering the "why do you think they are that way?" question. I don't know, I don't have magical powers that tells me the secrets of the universe. Yes they are all biological. Yes they are in therapy. No we don't do ABA. Yes I have heard that it works miracles with some children. Yes I have my hands full. Yes we tried the autism diet and it didn't work. Yes we tried it for longer than a few months because we are very aware that it can take up to a year for the diet to work. And no I have no real interest in debating vaxing verses nonvaxing. And no my children were not exposed to mold or anything else you think causes autism. And finally I have THREE NONVERBAL AUTISTIC CHILDREN, I HAVE NO TIME TO EDUCATE YOU ON AUTISM. STOP FOLLOWING ME AND ASKING QUESTIONS. I AM WALKING AWAY FROM YOU WITH CRYING CHILDREN WHO ARE UPSET I AM TALKING TO SOMEONE THEY DON'T KNOW AND THEY WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yes I totally get why you don't mention ASD to strangers unless necessary.

[Puddy73]

Thanks, ladies! I see your point about using it as an opportunity to educate others about ASD. However, I may scream if one more person tells me to read Jenny McCarthy's book because she "cured" her son's autism. ;)

[elliput]

Thanks, ladies! I see your point about using it as an opportunity to educate others about ASD. However, I may scream if one more person tells me to read Jenny McCarthy's book because she "cured" her son's autism. ;)

Ugh. She has been a real double edged sword for children with autism. It is nice that she has used her celebrity to forward awareness, however, many people don't quite get the "one child with autism" bit and how variable ASD is.

Luckily, I haven't run into anyone who has suggested I read her books, but if I did I would comment that I prefer to read the work of someone a bit more compelling- like Temple Grandin.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

I for one LOATH Ms. McCarthy. Thanks to her I also had people asking me if I had read her books. I'm not nice in my response which is that I think she's a hack and a poser and if they'd like to discuss it further I'd be happy to tell them what I really think. Suprisingly people never do :wink2:

In the end I see it as informing people of your sons health. It's a need to know basis. I don't discuss ds's asd,dd's adhd, or the fact that dd2 is still nursing with anyone willy nilly. It's just not their business and I know that if I put it out there I'm going to get opinions. It's just not worth it so dh and I have chosen to let people know things on a need to know basis. Example: Ds has been in therapy for over 2 years and just last night my dad learned what we spent on therapy every month.

Just saying-it works for us.

[Gena]

It depends on the situation. Where I take DS for haircuts, the stylists all know that DS has ASD becuase he has sensory issues that make haircuts very challenging. Knowing this makes them better able to work with him. Adults who have contact with DS on a continuing basis (swim instructors, religious ed teachers, etc.) know.

Sometimes, it's a situation like you are describing where an adult in the community tries to engage DS in conversation. DS is verbal, but does not have real conversations. In those situations, I sometimes say that he has a "communication disorder" or a "language processing disorder". It makes the point that he is not being rude without giving away his entire diagnosis.

[Puddy73]

Luckily, I haven't run into anyone who has suggested I read her books, but if I did I would comment that I prefer to read the work of someone a bit more compelling- like Temple Grandin.

Have you seen the HBO movie about her? I can't quite imagine Claire Danes in that role.

[elliput]

Have you seen the HBO movie about her? I can't quite imagine Claire Danes in that role.

I have not seen it yet. I'm waiting for the Netflix release (9/14).