do you believe in "what comes around, goes around"?

[Mom to Brandon and 2 cats]

I feel that lately, for being nice, responsible, prompt and reliable, all that's happened to me is that I've been taken advantage of.

So, no, as of right now, I don't believe in "what comes around, goes around".

Convince me to continue being nice and putting myself out there to help other people! From recent experiences, I'm wondering if I should just be more selfish, and only worry about me and my family, screw everyone else.

As you can see, not in a good mood, sorry.

[niccig]

I've felt like that recently. I had issues with a couple of people always asking me to do a favour, which ended up with me being twisted like a pretzel to get my things done. Some of the favours were last minute, I've forgotten something, so can you help me out and then I don't have to pay someone to do the job. I started to feel taking advantage of, and resentment towards these people as their poor planning caused the crisis and they didn't want to pay $$ if a friend would do it for free. They were not cheap with my time or energy though. It was also causing issues with DH - he was upset that I'm up late catching up on work (I work from home part-time) because I once again helped the same friend out.

I started pulling back a little. I don't say Yes immediately. I say I need to check my calendar, check with DH, think about it. I also started to screen my phone calls from a couple of people, so I could listen to the message and then call them back. I say No more often now. I do still help out when I can, I believe in helping out, but my life has become more busy of late, and I have to get things done as well. I'm trying to balance it better.

[bostonsmama]

I don't believe in a general "what goes around comes around," but I do believe in eternal justice (that we account for everything at the end of our lives), and I do believe that God sees an honorable heart and blesses us for it, even when it seems like in the short term we get "screwed" or may have some bad things happen to us.

But maybe what you're getting at is something a little different. Sometimes there's a difference between being nice and being a doormat. My pastor dad used to tell people that Jesus said when a man strikes you to turn the other cheek, however Jesus didn't say that when someone throws you a left hook to lean into it. ;) I'm learning that there's a difference between being selfish and being assertive. Being honest & assertive about what we're comfortable with means a win-win for everyone: you have your wishes respected, feel confident, empowered and not enslaved to resentment, and the person with whom you're dealing is given honesty & knows where you stand--so the discomfort is back in their court if anything. For some of us, we'll always struggle with feeling obligated and holding secret resentment after not speaking up (and frankly, I'm just gullible sometimes), but I never feel like being selfish will solve that problem.

[AshleyAnn]

Yes I do at least bad things do happen to bad people. DH and I had some problems last year while he was away in the army and he had an affair that started as a emotional affair and became physical once. He has since apoligized and we're working thru it.

The woman knew he was married and knew I was pregnant but could careless. She was in it for the sport of breaking up our marriage just to show she could. Karma got her.

She was injured in basic training and has been getting worse and worse even though shes been doing therapy. She has been in daily pain for over a year. She had surgery and found the damage was unrepairable and worse than thought. The Army has kept her on a 'profile' because she can do her job even if she is not able to do PT so she is forced to stay in even though she now wants out. She was stationed in Germany (at her request) but realized she hates it there quickly. She is lonely and is becoming a recluse - she was a very outgoing person prior to going there. She was brough back to walter reed for treatment and she thought because it was unsuccessful she would be released from the army but they declared her able to do her job so they shipped her back even though she didn't want to. This time with a mental health flag too because she was showing risk factors for depression and suicide. While at Walter Reed she was able to travel to her home state for a week and while there missed a stop sign and totalled her car. It was her first ever car and she liked it very much and I will admit it was pretty cool. Its sitting smashed behind her dads house while she's in germany. She met some guy she really liked at WR and had a great relationship with him but he became distant within a week of her return to germany and stopped answering his phone as did his friend. She attempted to get a new medboard release but changed her mind at the last second and is now trying make herself happy there. I stopped checking on her so I don't really know much now but yeah I would say karma is alive and well in Germany.

The funny thing is a year ago I had all the evidence needed to prove they were having an affair and have both of them kicked out of the army. At the time she was fighting like mad to get to stay in. I didn't because I knew it would affect my husbands career too and the Army was his dream. I knew if I wanted to hold on to him playing the witch card wasn't the way to go.

I know many of you who read this probably think I'm a bad person for enjoying her pain and suffering - I maybe I really don't care after everything I went thru. She did some terrible things to my family just because she could and really I hope more bad things happen to her.

Oh and FYI - I found ALL this out via facebook. Her FB settings allow friends of freinds to view her stuff. We share a single friend so I can read everything she writes and every photograph in her albums anytime I want to. Beware your security settings.

(I'll be deleting this so please do not quote me)

[wellyes]

I don't believe in it, but being a good person (as best I can) makes me happier than behaving badly. So I keep doing it. As best I can.

[edurnemk]

I do believe it, but as a long term thing, karma sometimes takes a while to come around, so you don't always see the immediate effect of being nice or mean.

[luckytwenty]

No, I don't. I think horrible things throughout history (the Holocaust springs to mind) disprove this aphorism.

That being said, I believe in this: happy people are more likely to be nice and have good things happen to them because they radiate positive feelings and confidence, and that makes them attractive. You're more likely to want to do something nice for a person who is positive and outgoing and nice to you than you would be for someone bitter and sad.

And unfortunately, I think people who are bitter or miserable or seem downtrodden are less likely to have nice things happen to them or to have people reach out for them. it's like that song, "Nobody knows you when you're down and out."

As for YOUR specific situation, it's possible your niceness is coming across as doormat-esque, unfortunately. And people can stink and continue to take advantage of you if you're always giving and never taking.

[Pennylane]

I don't believe in it, but being a good person (as best I can) makes me happier than behaving badly. So I keep doing it. As best I can.

My thoughts exactly!

Ann

[Fairy]

Yes, I do. I think what you put out there is going to come back to you one way or another. Not that I want bad things to happen, but sometimes, bad things happen to bad people. And I find it hard to have that much sympathy when that happens.

On the other hand, there is free will, and if you're consistenly putting yourself out there with no give back, then you should scale back and not allow yourself to become a doormat. It's easy to become a doormat, AFAIC, and I've been one myself. I'm fiercely loyal, and so it often takes alot for me to stop, but as I've gotten older, I tolerate less crap. So, yes, karma is a bitch, as far as I'm concerned, but if you're being consistently taken advantage of, don't put yourself in that position any longer.

[codex57]

Absolutely not. Not in this lifetime anyways.

Still believe in doing good. Maybe I'm quite cynical and suspicious about others, but I still believe in doing good myself. If others wanna do bad, that's fine. Doesn't bother me too much. Just means I gotta take steps to protect myself in case they wanna do bad to me.

[ewpmsw]

I don't believe in it, but being a good person (as best I can) makes me happier than behaving badly. So I keep doing it. As best I can.

:yeahthat: Well said!

"Convince me to continue being nice and putting myself out there to help other people!" I guess it depends on why you're putting yourself out there. For myself, it's because I have to look in the mirror and know I did/didn't do what I felt was right. Knowing I made a choice I'm not proud of eats at me more than feeling foolish for being used. Some people, no matter how much you do for them, will never appreciate it as much as they could or should. Give yourself credit for doing what you felt was right. If you feel like you're being taken advantage of, consider saying no on a case-by-case basis. If you find that you're constantly saying no, maybe it's time to get some distance from the people you're no-ing.

[rkold]

I don't believe in it, but being a good person (as best I can) makes me happier than behaving badly. So I keep doing it. As best I can.

:yeahthat:

I always try to be a good person and do things for others because for me the reward is that I've done something for someone else and been a good person.

I do have doormat tendencies and I have to sometimes watch myself since I have had people take advantage of me, but I also try not to put myself into situations where that can occur as easily now. (I don't always succeed)

[arivecchi]

I don't believe in that at all. In fact, sayings like that drive me crazy. I dislike it when people reduce life to simple statements or beliefs. Another one that I would abolish if I could: Things happen for a reason. Yeah right.

[TwinFoxes]

Maybe?

But like PPs I do nice things because doing bad things doesn't feel good.

I also agree with PP who says there's a difference between being nice and being a doormat. If you are allowing people to walk all over you and expect repayment I think you'll be disappointed. I think people wrongly get it in their heads that it's ok to treat overly accommodating people badly. Maybe they read "The Giving Tree" too much. Take take take.

[hellokitty]

I think this is a hard one. I see so many good ppl who have bad things happen to them and then the dirt bags who did the bad things to them, just basically walked away. HOWEVER, since I don't know the, 'bad' person, how am I know know if what goes around came around, kwim? So, in the back of my mind, I always tell myself, well maybe they got a taste of their own medicine, but I just don't know, b/c I didn't keep track of them...

[tiapam]

I agree with Wellyes. I also think that being nice, responsible, prompt and reliable benefits me as much as anyone else. I guess I think I am the first person I need to be these things for and being those things for everyone else comes easier. I am by no means perfect though! I do cut other adults a lot of slack now that I am in the phase of my life where I feel like everyone needs a piece of me. I figure a lot of folks are going through some version of that, too.

[mommylamb]

I don't believe in it, but being a good person (as best I can) makes me happier than behaving badly. So I keep doing it. As best I can.

:yeahthat: I don't think you should do good things so that good things will happen to you, or avoid doing bad things in order to avoid bad things happening to you.

[AJP]

I do believe in what goes around comes around but I tend to believe more that you have to put the good of you and your family first. I used to have a hard time saying no to certain requests and realized it made me sick with stress, dread carrying out what I agreed to, and just made me unhappy and sometimes miserable. I an still nice (lol) and go out of my way to help sometimes, but not if I feel pressured or it would hurt my well being. Doing small kind deeds is easy and if something is going to put me or my family out I make sure I'm doing it cause I want to.

[bigpassport]

Yes. What goes around comes around. What you put out there comes back. Karma. Whatever you want to call it, I believe its true. Now, that being said, what I put out there may not come back from the same source, it may look different than what I think it should look like, and it may take a long time to come back. And bad things will still happen to me. But I believe I will be better off in the long run if my output is consistently good and positive than if my output is consistently bad and negative. I agree that being and doing good doesn't mean you have to be a doormat or always bend over backwards for people. You do need to prioritize your families needs and balance other good deeds. It is ok to say no once in a while.

[ThreeofUs]

I believe "what goes around, comes around" to some limited extent.

I believe I get payback from being a good person - even if it's only in my own personal rating of myself, and I can't stand the memories of myself when I wasn't living up to my personal standard. In the most practical sense, I believe in doing the best I can because it makes me happier. That it's also the right thing to do also makes me feel like I'm in alignment with who I should be.

I believe there's a big difference between being a doormat (which makes me feel horrid, angry and frustrated) and being a generous person (which makes me feel great).

[kijip]

I think that it can be true. The world tends to mirror back to you what you put out, even if not the same people. But it's not always true and certain people abuse the givers of the world.

[graciebellesmomma]

Nope, not even a little. I've lived a good, kind and compassionate life.
I've had some horrible stuff happen, including my son being killed by a drunk
driver. On the other hand, I've seen lots of people, including the killer of my
son have wonderful lives.....I do not wish ill on any of them.

I feel better being kind and loving and charitable, so it works for me.
I don't do it for good to come back to me, I do it because it makes me feel
good and I hope that it makes the world a happier, kinder place.