My son's personality...just processing here

[deborah_r]

DS1 started 2nd grade today. He hasn't said much about starting school, good or bad. His best friend since K is going to a different school this year. Strangely enough, they were joined at the hip in May and June, then haven't seen each other all summer and he never asked me about him. I thought after a couple weeks he would ask me to set up something, but he didn't. (I did try to set up a playdate but they were too busy) I can't tell if he is upset about his friend and hiding it, or if he just is over it.

He walked into his classroom today and he chose his seat, in the middle of about 4 empty seats. He could have sat next to someone but chose not to. He seemed perfectly content like that. I asked him tonight if anyone came to sit by him and he said no, but was not upset about this at all. We were one of the later arrivals so there probably weren't too many more kids that came in after him. He did say there was one boy he would have sat next to, but that boy didn't have any empty seats near him when we got there.

Would you just trust that he is happy and content to be on his own, and be pleased that he does not fret about these things (other moms told me how their kids were anxious for days wondering who they would sit next to in class) or should I be worried that he is sad and/or lonely and just not telling me? He's never been outgoing, but whenever I have asked past teachers, they always say he is friendly with everyone, plays with a variety of kids, and is well-liked.

[Indianamom2]

That's a tough one. I think that I would take the wait and see approach and just keep in close contact with the teacher. I would say it's a good sign that the teacher thinks things are going well. Maybe he will open up a bit more to you after the initial back to school adjustment period.

[maestramommy]

I would not worry about it. My dd1 is probably the same way. She is very happy with school, but not once has mentioned any "friends." Which doesn't surprise me at all. Unless the school tells me she is having social issues of any kind (it's preschool s and 1/2 the kids are special needs, so they keep an eye on things), I don't worry about it.

[hellokitty]

DS1 is like that too. I worry about him socially, b/c he has always been kind of off beat with the other kids. He has mostly been playing recess by himself at school. I asked him if it bothers him, he says no, and I do not think he is lying. He's never been one of those kids who really cared that much about what other ppl think (which is good and bad). However, maybe b/c I was so sensitive to it as a child (there were many times I did play by myself, b/c I was so shy), I'm over-sensitive about it now with my own kids. DH thinks I am making a bigger deal out of it than I should be. I do not make a big deal about it, but do ask him what he did/played with at recess. We signed him up for cub scouts and I hope that he will make some closer friends through that, since it's a smaller group of boys. I don't expect him to be Mr. Popular at school, but then I don't want him to be socially miserable either.

[TwinFoxes]

When I was in second grade I started a different school than my best friend from K and 1st. I hate to admit it, I don't think I missed her at all. I think I didn't quite realize we wouldn't see each other, and then once you start, you're caught up with the new school year. So, I think that part is pretty normal. I think kids don't always grasp the concept of time...like you won't see this person again for a long, LONG time.

As for sitting by himself, some people are just not that outgoing, and I think that's true for kids too. If he seems to not be himself, I'd try to talk to him about it, and if not, I'd just go with the flow. :)

[xmasbabycomin]

Does he have other outlets for socializing? When he interacts w/kids, does he say appropriate things and act comfortable? If so, I wouldn't worry about it. If he had a best friend, it sounds like he can socialize appropriately. I would drop the teacher a note or email and mention your concern, and that you'd like her to be aware.

DS is in 2nd grade and was like that last year, but the teacher reassured me all the kids liked him and he was usually one of the first picked when dividing into teams. We don't really have a lot of kids in our neighborhood, and when he would go talk to kids around us, he seemed a bit awkward and clueless. We put him in some outside activities for this reason and he's doing better, despite having no real "friends" in his class.

I'd just make sure to ask who he sat next to at lunch/played with at recess, in order to stay plugged in. If he goes to recess and is miserable, moms can tell by the way a DC answers. As long as a kid knows how to socialize, I don't think it's as important that he uses those skills constantly if he doesn't want to.