Anyone worry about your child being labeled "annoying'?

[jse107]

With school starting and our recent baseball experience, I've been spending more time contemplating DS's personality quirkiness. O is a sensitive, pretty bright, VERY verbal kid with many ideas and thoughts that he wants to share with anyone who is within listening range. We've been working on trying to help him from oversharing, but it's just part of who he is and his age.

I worry that his teachers/coaches are always going to find him to be that "annoying" kid who calls out and has to comment on everything (which he does). To be honest, he can be annoying. However, I also love him and recognize that it's just part of who he is. His Jr. K teacher totally got that about him last year. I just worry that in a public school classroom of 25, his qualities are not that endearing. Plus, he picks up on that vibe pretty quickly. If he feels unwelcome by the teacher, he will internalize it and feel like the bad kid. I don't want this!

Anyone with a BTDT experience or a kid with a similar personality?

[Indianamom2]

My DD#1 is much like this, except I don't think she picks up on others' reactions...yet. She doesn't know a stranger and talks to anyone about anything. I've found that most adults ignore her, which is just sort of sad to me, and that kids either like her or don't "get" her.

So far, she's doing ok in K, so I'm going to assume that she'll start to figure things out as she matures. I don't have any advice, but I do understand that sort of kid.

[egoldber]

:wavey:

You just described my kid. It is a problem for her in school and socially in general. She just does not pick up on those conversational clues when she is oversharing or said enough. She totally overreacts to small injustices and teachers and other kids alike get exasperated with her.

Therapy has helped. She is now in a social skills class where this is one of the many things they will be working on.

But IMO, if they do not outgrow it by about age 6-7, it is a big problem. It began to be an issue in second, but it was not a big problem until third grade.


If he feels unwelcome by the teacher, he will internalize it and feel like the bad kid. I don't want this!

This is EXACTLY what happened to us last year. By the end of the year she was convinced that everyone in the class hated her and that she would never have any friends. Why did she think this? Well because her teacher told her this. :irked: So IMO teacher fit is really crucial and is much more important than class size.

Anyway, we have changed schools and started the social skills class. So far this year things are better but she has a HARD HARD HARD row to hoe when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

[HIU8]

My DS is the opposite. He talks to no one (unless he feel super comfortable with them). The security guard at DD's preschool has been trying to get DS to say hello to him for 3 years now. DS refuses. We bumped into 2 different friends from preschool yesterday at different times. One DS would not talk to at all. The other one he had a lengthy conversation with (FWIW, the one he would not talk to is the one he played with in ps--a boy. the one he talked to is a little girl who was in his class). I no longer try to correct (smooth over) the situation when he doesn't respond, but I do talk with DS about how it is appropriate to say Hi at least (even if he says nothing else). FWIW, DS is 5.5.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yep, I have had that concern. I am trying to let it go b/c he seems to be able to get along with people. I wonder if I am jumping the gun and he really isn't that annoying. :) But, yes, I worried that he was the kid that required more from everyone. I don't think it's really true though. There are easier kids but there are way harder ones too.

Beth

[ThreeofUs]

Hmmm... do you think he's gifted? Unfortunately, many really bright kids get squashed because teachers don't want the hassle. Once you have him tested and/or that label starts getting thrown around, though, the attitudes can *really* change.

[egoldber]

Unfortunately, many really bright kids get squashed because teachers don't want the hassle. Once that label starts getting thrown around, though, the attitudes *really* change.

I disagree. We have that label and while it does help in some cases to get her some additional compassion, it is not the answer. Even if this is a result of giftedness (and not all gifted children exhibit this behavior) it is still a personality trait that makes her life very, very hard.

Helping children learning to modulate these behaviors is a favor to them in the long run. I do agree that these behaviors may often be exacerbated in children who are under challenged at school.

FWIW, our huge issues last year were in a self-contained gifted classroom with a teacher with a gifted ed certification.

[jse107]

Hmmm... do you think he's gifted? Unfortunately, many really bright kids get squashed because teachers don't want the hassle. Once you have him tested and/or that label starts getting thrown around, though, the attitudes can *really* change.

Yes, I do. However, living in a super high-achieving county, I doubt the label will help that much. I'm trying to give things time to settle in for the school year, but my mama-radar is already on the lookout for issues.

[jse107]

I disagree. We have that label and while it does help in some cases to get her some additional compassion, it is not the answer. Even if this is a result of giftedness (and not all gifted children exhibit this behavior) it is still a personality trait that makes her life very, very hard.



Yes to this.

[hillview]

DS1 is like this to some degree. So far it has been ok / good for him at school although I don't think he clicks with other kids so well. He has a gift for the gab and like to discuss how and why and what he thinks and ideas he has ad nausium. I enjoy it a lot 90% of the time. I do think if it continues it could be an issue for him. At age 5 it seems like it isn't an issue.

I'd be interested in learning more about the social cues and other things one might do to help with this.
Thanks!
/hillary