Frakkin' FB Politics. Help!

[Fairy]

I knew there was a reason I didn't want to join FB a year ago, and this was one of the reasons. There is a girl -- let's call her a frenemy -- whom I've known for four years. We belong to the same social circle, but I don't like her. I don't want to be any part of her. I tolerate her and I'm civil and kind to her, but she is not my kind of girl. I don't want her seeing pix of my child, I don't want her seeing my info. We have many common FB friends, but when she friended me, I just ignored. And she let it be. Well, now there's a message going between all of us and she's like "why aren't we friends" and "you better not keep ignoring me or I'll get a complex, ha ha ha!" And I know she means nothing untoward, she's harmless. But I don't like her!, and now she's getting public with a bunch of other people pointing out that I'm ignoring her friend request.

I probably have to just friend her and that's that. I will limit her access to my stuff. But is there any way that I can be logged onto FB but not appear on the left as being online? That would be really lovely if I could do that. I know that some peopel pull this off cuz they suddenly have a post show up and are NOT on the left side indicated as there at all, even if dormant. Anyone know if I can do this?

I'm staying off of FB until I can figure this out. Cuz she's sitting there right now waiting. I know cuz my email is filling up with notifications of her messages about it. Oh, look, like the one that just now came in.

[babychi]

Where you see who's online, there should be an icon at the top of that box that says "Go Offline". I don't have access to FB at work so I can't check it for you. It used to be in the lower right hand corner of the page, but I'm not sure if the location changed in one of their many page redesigns. HTH!

[sunshine873]

babychi is right. In the lower right hand corner is the "chat" box. Click on that, click on options, and then click on Go Offline. Then people won't see when you're online. You won't be able to chat, but often that's OK. :) I used to use it a lot because I wanted to check FB, but didn't want to chat with people.

Good luck!

[arivecchi]

You can also block her so she does not see your profile. I wonder if she will be able to message you then?

You can also create a list of limited access friends and exclude them from seeing anything in your profile in your privacy settings. It is pretty easy to do!

[wellyes]

I'm not on Facebook so I don't know the ins and outs but I do hope you block this lady!! She's trying to bully you into friendship which is just ... bad.

[vonfirmath]

I knew there was a reason I didn't want to join FB a year ago, and this was one of the reasons. There is a girl -- let's call her a frenemy -- whom I've known for four years. We belong to the same social circle, but I don't like her. I don't want to be any part of her. I tolerate her and I'm civil and kind to her, but she is not my kind of girl. I don't want her seeing pix of my child, I don't want her seeing my info. We have many common FB friends, but when she friended me, I just ignored. And she let it be. Well, now there's a message going between all of us and she's like "why aren't we friends" and "you better not keep ignoring me or I'll get a complex, ha ha ha!" And I know she means nothing untoward, she's harmless. But I don't like her!, and now she's getting public with a bunch of other people pointing out that I'm ignoring her friend request.


Create a Facebook group called "frenemy" and "accept" her friend request into that group. Then lock that group down tight where she can't see ANYTHING on your profile.

I do this with the one facebook game I am on. They can actually see less logged in than they could see as random unlogged in person.

[Fairy]

But if I block her, then won't she know that? Won't she not be able to see anything in mutual inbox messages? That will be a problem cuz I have to see her live. It's only once or twice a year, but I do have to see her, we do maintain mutual friends, and I need to keep everything civil. Hence the politics.

I dont' want to make a security setting for her, I jsut don't WANT her. But I have to, I can see that now. Yes, that's apaprently, what I have to do. But if I can appear offline, then she won't know I'm around.

[Fairy]

Create a Facebook group called "frenemy" and "accept" her friend request into that group. Then lock that group down tight where she can't see ANYTHING on your profile.

I do this with the one facebook game I am on. They can actually see less logged in than they could see as random unlogged in person.

Ooh, this could work. Will she know she's accepted into that "group" and will other people in that "group" know they're each part of it and be able to talk to each other?

[citymama]

You can put her on your blocked list. She will no longer be able to see when you post to a common friends Wall, or when a common friend posts to yours. She won't be able to search and find your profile. It'll be like you disappeared from FB. cue the suspense music...

[vonfirmath]

Ooh, this could work. Will she know she's accepted into that "group" and will other people in that "group" know they're each part of it and be able to talk to each other?

No. You don't know you are part of a group or not. She might suspect when friends talk about something they see on your wall that she does not.

I have one friend who I have seen NOTHING on his wall. But I occasionally see him commenting elsewhere. I suspect I'm in a locked down group (He was my band leader in HS) and occasionally consider defriending him. but I've seen one picture that makes me wonder if he just does not post to his wall.

[Babymakes3]

I think I would just block her as long as you can deal with the comments from friends.

You can also add her but go into Privacy - Customize Settings - from there you can go into each thing and click on customize to hide a specific person from seeing it. Under the Things I Share category there is a little link that says
Edit Album Privacy for existing photos - it looks like you have to go thru each album with the customize feature to block her from seeing your photos.

I disabled chat which is what makes you be "offline". It now says Go Online on the left for me, I did it mainly bc chat made everything lock up but being incognito was a perk!

[Jenny_A]

I like the idea of blocking her and that way you just *disappear* from Facebook as far as she is concerned, like a pp suggested. If she asks you, just play dumb and say you aren't very good at this FB stuff and you don't know what happened.


*edited for spelling

[Fairy]

I'm gonna look into the group thing. I wish I could just block her, I really do! But I can't cuz our mutual friends are many, I"m part of this social org, and there is no way I can tell her I'm really not on FB anymore cuz every other person will know I am, and everyone talks. Really, blocking isn't an option. Can't tell you how much I wish I could. But this frenemy group? Definitely a possibility here. Thanks for that tip von! And for everyone's input!

[kristenk]

You can also "go offline" to specific groups. Make sure that you make a group for her. Click on the chat icon and it should show your groups in some way. Over to the right side is a dot on a slider-type thing. If you mouse over it, it'll say "go offline". Use that to go offline on chat for certain groups.

[DrSally]

I would go with the suggestion of giving her a separate group (she won't know she's in it unless someone else mentions something they saw on your wall that she didn't). People in the same group don't know others are in the same group either. I have a group called "friends3", which basically don't see much. I suppose "frenemies" is a better title. I would also go off line to her group. I really hate when chat pops up when I just come to check quickly, so I have it off for everyone.

[Fairy]

I did it. Made a list, stuck this chick and others in that social group (who I'm not close with) in it, and I am such SUCH a happier camper. THANK YOU.

[arivecchi]

Yay for you! That is what I do with the limited access list I suggested above.