Just a little whining...

[SM23Mama21]

A little bit of background...
So, DH's EX-W refuses to get a job and help out with paying for her children (even though it is required in the court order for her to do so). We are currently paying more child support than we can afford, because it is based off of DH previous income. We pay for everything on top of the child support... clothes, shoes, doctor’s bills, traveling costs...etc. It's been really getting to me lately and it is driving a wedge between DH and I because I feel like she is taking advantage and he is allowing her to.

Every time the kids go home from a visitation she always has something to say. The kids got fat... they are totally out of control...etc. They are by all means not fat (if anything, they are a bit on the skinny side) and they were probably out of control because of the excitement of going back and forth.

It is just so stressful to deal with.

So what tops the cake...
She went out and had extensions put into her hair! Yes EXTENSIONS!!! She can't afford to buy her kids any clothes or shoes, but she can afford extensions, wigs, new furniture and antiques. I'm sure we "paid" for them since she is not working.

Am I the only one who can see what is wrong with this picture? DH doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want the confrontation, but I am getting to the point where I don't want to deal with the stress anymore. Yes, I married him knowing that he had children to support... but isn't there a point where the mother should step in and help out a bit?

[Smillow]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this situation. It is a tough place to be I imagine. If you complain, you risk looking selfish, if you don't you are being taken advantage of! Yes, their mother should not only help support her kids, she shouldn't take money for their care & feeding and get hair extensions! Is there any way for you DH to get custody? If he's paying for everything anyway, maybe this would wake her up!:grouphug:

[HannaAddict]

You can complain here, but you can't make her do what she should do for her kids, not do to help you out, but do for her kids' sake. They are his children though, and if she doesn't step up, he should continue to do what he is doing and make sure their needs are met to the greatest extent possible. That is what parent does. It sounds like he's a good guy. I'm sorry his ex is not doing her part. (FWIW, my mom was the single parent who did it all, everything for us, despite the court ordered support we did not receive. She did it because she loved us and sacrificed for us (including her personal life, we came first) and did not complain. I can't imagine how hard providing for us was, especially now that I have children.)

[DietCokeLover]

I think your only recourse would be going to court to see about having the order / custody changed. Otherwise, I wouldn't expect things to be any different.

[ladysoapmaker]

Eventually your DH will take her to court (or be required to go to court) and things will be readjusted. In the meantime keep EVERY single receipt pertaining to your step-children's cares and needs. It will help in the long run because it shows even though the court order says you didn't you've been doing more then your fair share and in theory will get his support order reduced quite a bit. It happened with my sister and her husband. And boy was his ex pissed. She couldn't go out and buy that new car she had put a down payment on the month before because she "knew" she was going to be getting a raise in child support.

I do know some state periodically will review child support orders because of job changes, family situations changing (like the supporting parent having more children, losing job, etc.)

I would call up the local child support enforcement agency to find out what how they take care of that.

Good Luck and :hug:
Jen

[chlobo]

That totally sucks. I know someone who is divorced and has been dating a guy for years now and refuses to marry him because she wants her ex to continue paying alimony. Some people are just a little bitter about things I guess.