Taking responsibility- it's all my fault!

[LarsMal]

If I put this in writing now I can come back and hunt it down years from now when I'm denying that all of M's problems stem from me and the reason she's in therapy is because of me!

Yes, I am fully aware of my actions as a mother (to M) and take responsibility for her 1) running away when she's 15 (probably to live with my parents because she and my mom have some special bond) and 2) needing years and years of therapy to work through her mommy issues.

In my defense- the child drives me INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll be in therapy, too!

Funny thing is she wakes up every morning showering me with hugs and kisses (which I gladly return) and wants to sleep with me every night. It's the in-between time- the waking hours- that we struggle through!

I keep repeating, "She is my daughter and I love her, she is my daughter and I love her..."

ETA: I should add I'm not talking about any physical harm. We just have a relationship where we butt heads all.day.long. DH likes to watch from the corner and laugh as we battle it out- the Battle of the B&tches he calls it. Sad, but true!

[boogiemomz]

Oh dear! So sorry, mama. Could it be just a phase? No BTDT, no advice (our impossible toddler years and head butting are all ahead of us), just HUGS. :hug: FWIW, I don't think she'll need to spend the better part of her formative years in therapy. :)

[LarsMal]

Oh dear! So sorry, mama. Could it be just a phase? No BTDT, no advice (our impossible toddler years and head butting are all ahead of us), just HUGS. :hug: FWIW, I don't think she'll need to spend the better part of her formative years in therapy. :)

Unfortunately it's not a phase. She's been like this since the day she was born. It's just the way she is. It's really sad that every year on her birthday DH and I toast how many years we have left 'til she turns 18 (we're almost to 4 down, 14 to go). It's terrible!!! Luckily she's super cute and very funny!

[WatchingThemGrow]

omgosh, i feel your pain. I was *just* coming to post a new thread "Is your firstborn the painful one in your house or is it your girl or is it your 4yo?" She's in her room banging things and moaning as I type, cleaning up the destruction that was her room. I think she even just yelled from the other end of the house "Time out, DS1" when he's quietly coloring with the supertip markers at the table, giving dinosaurs new name, lol.

[LarsMal]

omgosh, i feel your pain. I was *just* coming to post a new thread "Is your firstborn the painful one in your house or is it your girl or is it your 4yo?" She's in her room banging things and moaning as I type, cleaning up the destruction that was her room. I think she even just yelled from the other end of the house "Time out, DS1" when he's quietly coloring with the supertip markers at the table, giving dinosaurs new name, lol.

I get 2 out of 3- girl, 3.75yo, but 2nd born! Last night I was heading upstairs for the night when she suddenly decided she was too tired to walk. Sorry, not carrying you. She went and found the first thing she could get her hands on (a pencil box full of crayons and pencils) and threw them all over the floor and then picked some up and threw them again, then threw the box against the wall. Then when I told her to pick them up she was slamming them back into the box and screaming the whole time that she was too tired to clean them up. :dizzy: I'm really not going to make it!

[bubbaray]

I have TWO girls like this. Until about 2m ago, DD#2 was my "easy" child (personality wise) and DD#1 was my "challenging" child. Well, now DD#2 is channeling her big sister and/or is entering the F'g Fours early.

I may lose my mind. If I don't, surely the girls will be able to use their college funds for counselling???

[ThreeofUs]

DS1 drives me bananas. Just bananas.

I'm trying to develop a relationship with him that's not based on head-butting, but it's REALLY hard sometimes.

I have no idea how we're going to make it through the teenaged years. After all, he already knows everything.

[hellokitty]

It's hard. I think that in every family, there is at least one child that fulfills this role. DS2 is my difficult child. He can be sooo affectionate and good when HE wants to be. However, watch out! If he gets mad or doesn't want to do something, it's like he turns into a monster! We thought for sure that when he started preschool, he'd be getting into trouble all of time, but apparently, he saves all of his bad behavior at home and is an angel at school. :rolleye0014: His teachers think he is great and he is SUCH a flirt with them. Like I said, he can charm the pants off of you if he wants to... that is what is so frustrating is to see that he CAN be good if he wants to, but omg his head can also spin 360 too...

[LarsMal]

We thought for sure that when he started preschool, he'd be getting into trouble all of time, but apparently, he saves all of his bad behavior at home and is an angel at school. :rolleye0014:

YES YES YES!!! This is her, too (except, as a former teacher, I knew it would happen because I had students who did this to their parents). The problem is that it seems to be worse than usual- a mix of being tired and having it all bottled up!

She is also the instigator around here and for some reason her older brother is a total follower! When she's not around he's an angel. When she's in the picture they are both rotten and getting into big trouble.

[dcmom2b3]

I tell myself that one day Bunny will be an a$$ kickin,' name takin' force to be reckoned with. But right now? OY! There aren't going to be enough twisty straws to get me to middle school, much less through it.

Maybe we can negotiate a group rate for their counseling?

(And she's an angel at school, too. Teachers, DCPs don't believe me when I tell them what an utter pill she can be.)

[bubbaray]

And she's an angel at school, too. Teachers, DCPs don't believe me when I tell them what an utter pill she can be.


:yeahthat: OMG, this is the most frustrating part. NONE of their teachers believe me, they all report that my girls are such a "joy" to have in class. WTF? Joy my a$$. They drive me :dizzy:

[icunurse]

Julie, you could have written your post for me. I even read it to DH and he laughed that someone else had the same "blessing" that we did. Literally ALL the same issues and feelings! DD has been a handful since birth and it isn't getting any easier. People are easily charmed by her and they LOVE her at school, think she is the best thing ever. She drives us nuts. Knows how to push my buttons from the moment she wakes up. Always under foot causing problems and typically damage. A constant battle. People ask me what I hope for her future. I respond,"that she can legally avoid juvenile detention and jail." She is smart, but very hard-headed and defiant and impulsive. I can only hope for the best....

[hellokitty]

YES YES YES!!! This is her, too (except, as a former teacher, I knew it would happen because I had students who did this to their parents). The problem is that it seems to be worse than usual- a mix of being tired and having it all bottled up!

She is also the instigator around here and for some reason her older brother is a total follower! When she's not around he's an angel. When she's in the picture they are both rotten and getting into big trouble.

Yup! DS2 is also the instigator and DS1 is the follower. When the two are together, things snowball out of control very quickly and they act SUPER bad together. Like to the point where I have to YELL at them to cut it out, b/c no other method works, they are usually so loud and obnoxious tearing through the house that they can't hear them if I talk in a normal voice anyway.

I remember DH coming home after dropping DS2 off at preschool last yr. I guess he got to witness DS2 brown nosing his preschool teacher. It's like he put on his bambi eyes just for her. DH told me, "You HAVE to tell his teacher that he is NOT like that at home, he is kissing her butt on PURPOSE!" LOL. I actually did tell the teacher and she just cracked up, she's been teaching preschool for so long, she could have retired yrs ago, but chose to keep working part time, b/c she loves it that much, so I am sure this is nothing new to her.

[Clarity]

You have no idea how much better this post has helped me feel. My 4yo dd1 was an joy as an infant, such an easy baby really. She's very intense but then that translated into quiet and watchful. Now, it's stubborn, determined, willful, and all knowing! LOL She won't even let me help show her how to tie her shoes, after all, her 4yo classmate showed her and now it's "I KNOW how to do it, mom" followed by a huge fit if I interfere. I've spent more than 10 minutes waiting for her to tie her darn shoe.

She was having one of her very typical huge meltdowns the other day and as I led her into the her room for timeout the thought "she's crazy, OMG, she might really be crazy" actually popped into my head. I know she's not, but I felt so bad and totally helpless on how to parent her.

She's wicked bright, very verbal and incredibly independent. What have you all found works best? I'm begging for tips. I struggle so much and react more intensely to her than I want simply because I have no idea what to do. I do love her to pieces, she's such a compassionate, sweet soul when she's not trying my patience. (For example, we're potty training her 2yo sister and yesterday my 4yo decided to pee on the floor too. Just because. Arrrrrgh!!)

[LarsMal]

She was having one of her very typical huge meltdowns the other day and as I led her into the her room for timeout the thought "she's crazy, OMG, she might really be crazy" actually popped into my head. I know she's not, but I felt so bad and totally helpless on how to parent her.

She's wicked bright, very verbal and incredibly independent. What have you all found works best? I'm begging for tips. I struggle so much and react more intensely to her than I want simply because I have no idea what to do. I do love her to pieces, she's such a compassionate, sweet soul when she's not trying my patience. (For example, we're potty training her 2yo sister and yesterday my 4yo decided to pee on the floor too. Just because. Arrrrrgh!!)

DH and I have had the "she's crazy" thoughts, too. I have gotten to the point where, mostly kidding, I've asked him to look up sociopaths because I think I heard they show no remorse! Of course, I was telling a good friend about her the other day and she said, "Oh, so she's just like you!" :irked: Maybe that's the problem- we're too much alike!!

She is also very verbal and independent, and extremely stubborn. It doesn't matter what I do, she will not give in. She would be a great spy someday. No one will be able to break her!!! I have no advice- I can't find anything that works, either. Sometimes I redirect her, or if we're in the middle of a battle I'll just stop and tell her to come hug me. That puts a huge smile on her face, we hug it out, and then I try again! I have a few other last-straw tactics, but I'm embarrassed to admit them here. One of them is vinegar. Instead of soap I put some vinegar on my finger and in her mouth. She HATES it! I mostly just have to threaten it now, and maybe pull out the bottle, but most other things just don't work with her. Another is sticking her in front of the TV. It's awful, but it shuts her up and stops the behavior or trouble she is causing.

[StantonHyde]

I have a friend who throws $5 into the jar every time she has a bad mommy/kid moment. She is literally saving it for the therapy fund!! In the mean time, it assuages her mommy guilt and if the kids don't need it, she can one hell of a time vacationing in her later years!

[amandabea]

OMG - I have the same thoughts about my very verbal, stubborn DD! I thought it was just me. She drives me nuts!!!! She is absolutely adorable and charming and funny, but ahhhh she and I butt heads all.the.time! I feel awful that sometimes I daydream about how easy and peaceful my life was when I was single and child free.

[brittone2]

DS1 is around the same age (a little older) and wow, we've been butting heads. I really need to work on reconnecting w/ him. We went through a rough patch a few months ago, and up until about 2 weeks ago things were going more smoothly. This last week has had me :banghead: :dizzy: . Ugggh.

Much sympathy. I think it is a tough age/stage, or a preview of what's to come.

The funny thing is DD is much more spirited. When she's 6 I'm quite certain I'll be screwed. 3.5 hasn't been a picnic!