4Myluvbugs
09-20-2010, 09:44 AM
I’ve posted several times before about my struggles/issues with the favoritism and inequality that IL’s show DN in comparison to our children. I think last night was the absolute last straw for me so I’m here to ask advice on how to severely limit contact with them without totally destroying the relationship and what to say when DC ask to go over there. Here are my past posts and some of the background if you care to read:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=345957
We went over to ILs for dinner last night against my better judgment. SIL, BIL, and DN were there as well. Some of the highlights…We arrive at about the same time as SIL’s family, ILs rush out to their car and carry DN in from the car :shake:...um did I mention he’s 2.5??? To be fair they did say hi and gave our DC a hug when they got there. Proceed to the dinner table, our youngest (who is short for his age) sits down to the table in a chair where his nose is at table height and is clearly seated too low at the table. ILs have a booster that he usually sits in, where is it you ask?? Yup, it’s there like a thrown for DN to sit in!! DCs have SuperHero plates that they use everytime they eat at ILs (and have for the past 1.5 years). We sit down to the table and DS looks over to see that DN has a SuperHero plate while he has a nasty, faded plastic plate that appears to be circa 1960 and asks “hey, Grandma why don’t I get to use a SuperHero plate too?” To which my loser BIL (don’t get me started on him) replies “because ___ (DN) is the best!” I heard DS’s remark but missed BIL's reply as I went into the kitchen because I was feeling the need to scream, so DH told me about it after we got home! As a side I’m pissed off at DH because he says he shot BIL a "look" but didn’t say a word when he said this! If only I’d heard it BIL would have gotten a nice reply from me to the effect of what a “mature” thing that was to say to a 6 year old or maybe something like “Really? Well he surely doesn’t take after his father then!” And to top it off SIL gives DS his birthday present and says to me “I thought I’d give it to him now since we probably won’t come to his birthday party.” Really, cause you haven’t been invited and don’t even know when it is, but you're already sure you won’t be able to come!?! Selfish b**tch! DS opens it and says “hey, this is the action figure Grandma bought for me when we were at Walmart!” Yes that’s right, not only is she too selfish to come to DS’s birthday party but apparently too lazy to put forth any effort/thought to buy him a present! As you can tell I’ve had ENOUGH so here’s the question, how do we stay away? We live close by and are asked to do things often? Our DC notice these things happening but still ask to visit ILs. It’s not healthy for their self esteem nor fair, in my opinion, for them to be in these situations. DH and I aren't particularly confrontational/outspoken people so how do we curb the contact to the bare minimum (thinking holidays and birthdays) with them? I feel torn and barely slept last night mulling over all of this!
Thanks for insights/advice!
J
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=345957
We went over to ILs for dinner last night against my better judgment. SIL, BIL, and DN were there as well. Some of the highlights…We arrive at about the same time as SIL’s family, ILs rush out to their car and carry DN in from the car :shake:...um did I mention he’s 2.5??? To be fair they did say hi and gave our DC a hug when they got there. Proceed to the dinner table, our youngest (who is short for his age) sits down to the table in a chair where his nose is at table height and is clearly seated too low at the table. ILs have a booster that he usually sits in, where is it you ask?? Yup, it’s there like a thrown for DN to sit in!! DCs have SuperHero plates that they use everytime they eat at ILs (and have for the past 1.5 years). We sit down to the table and DS looks over to see that DN has a SuperHero plate while he has a nasty, faded plastic plate that appears to be circa 1960 and asks “hey, Grandma why don’t I get to use a SuperHero plate too?” To which my loser BIL (don’t get me started on him) replies “because ___ (DN) is the best!” I heard DS’s remark but missed BIL's reply as I went into the kitchen because I was feeling the need to scream, so DH told me about it after we got home! As a side I’m pissed off at DH because he says he shot BIL a "look" but didn’t say a word when he said this! If only I’d heard it BIL would have gotten a nice reply from me to the effect of what a “mature” thing that was to say to a 6 year old or maybe something like “Really? Well he surely doesn’t take after his father then!” And to top it off SIL gives DS his birthday present and says to me “I thought I’d give it to him now since we probably won’t come to his birthday party.” Really, cause you haven’t been invited and don’t even know when it is, but you're already sure you won’t be able to come!?! Selfish b**tch! DS opens it and says “hey, this is the action figure Grandma bought for me when we were at Walmart!” Yes that’s right, not only is she too selfish to come to DS’s birthday party but apparently too lazy to put forth any effort/thought to buy him a present! As you can tell I’ve had ENOUGH so here’s the question, how do we stay away? We live close by and are asked to do things often? Our DC notice these things happening but still ask to visit ILs. It’s not healthy for their self esteem nor fair, in my opinion, for them to be in these situations. DH and I aren't particularly confrontational/outspoken people so how do we curb the contact to the bare minimum (thinking holidays and birthdays) with them? I feel torn and barely slept last night mulling over all of this!
Thanks for insights/advice!
J