Has anyone re-found their missing libido? careful, maybe TMI...

[almostmom]

So, my libido has been missing for a long time. And I would so love to find it, or at least believe I will someday. It was so fun when I was younger to crave sex (wasn't it?). I miss that feeling, and Gossip Girl just isn't enough, at least for DH.

I have sex regularly with DH, like once or twice a week. And it's usually pretty good. I also have a toy or two that I use both with him and without. And that's good too. But I never actually crave or desire sex with DH. He's a super handsome great guy who I totally love, in decent shape, and otherwise our marriage and communication is great.

I used to have a very strong libido when I was in my early 20's and younger, but it's probably been gone for ten years or something (I'm almost 37). I think sex is really important in a relationship, and DH has a high libido, so I am more than willing to make it happen. I would feel really bad emotionally if it didn't. But physically I think I'd be fine without it. I usually would rather sleep, watch tv, snuggle, read, almost anything, if given the choice. Again, once we're into it, it's almost always good. Occasionally even great. But DH wants to feel wanted more than he does - that's what he told me last night. And I know this - we've talked about it before. He knows I wish I had a bigger sex drive. He said I make him feel loved and handsome, but he wants to be wanted. This is not threatening our marriage. But I want to find those feelings again too. I can fake the desire, but I wish I didn't have to. After our conversation last night, I'll initiate more, but after a while, I know I'll forget again, and it will fall on him and he'll feel bad again.

I had a physical in the spring, and had blood tests to see if there was anything chemical, and everything is totally normal. It's not like I can't do it, and I even have orgasms regularly both with and without him. But I just wonder if I need to be resigned to the fact that I'm older than I was, and my hormones aren't running wild anymore. I kind of wish there was a viagra for women...

I know this probably sound more normal than a lot of parents' sex lives. But, again, the desire for it just is so rarely there it doesn't seem right to me.

Thanks ya'll.

[jse107]

Your post describes me almost exactly, except that my libido went missing a bit earlier. I'll let you know if I find it!

[cono0507]

Your post describes me almost exactly, except that my libido went missing a bit earlier. I'll let you know if I find it!

Me too. Been gone for close to 10 years, I'd say. Still trying to figure out how to fix it.

[WolfpackMom]

Let me know if you find mine hiding with yours....sigh

[sunshine873]

At least I'm not alone. I'm getting ready to talk to a doc about it too. Mine's been gone since DD was born (20 months ago.)

[BabyMine]

My libido come and goes. It depends on what is happeneing in my life at the time. It has been getting better as we try new things. I'm still hoping that for my birthday DH gets the trapeeze above our bed.:rotflmao:

[edurnemk]

Your post describes me almost exactly

:yeahthat: I lost it when DS was born. DH also wants to feel more wanted, though he doesn't have a very high sex drive. Honestly I think I could go for months without sex. There's a million things I'd rather do. It's terrible, I know, but I don't know how to get over this and I also just had a physical and all came back normal.

[pinkmomagain]

Searching high & low for mine....exercising seems to be helping some, I'm sure more sleep would help even more...

[daisymommy]

Mine went missing too. Bad enough that we had sex maybe once every several months. It landed us in therapy, and caused huge problems between us.

I went off chemical birth control just on a hunch, and guess what? We're like newlyweds again :wink2:. That was 8 years ago, and theres no comparison with how I feel now compared to all the years I was on the pill, Norplant, Depro-provera shot, patch, IUD. Yep, I tried them all. I had no idea during that time that it was causing the death of my libido. I had other issues that bugged me that I was trying to escape. Now we use natural-family planning combined with barrier methods during any fertile days. No unplanned pregnancies so far!

[niccig]

My libido come and goes. It depends on what is happeneing in my life at the time. It has been getting better as we try new things. I'm still hoping that for my birthday DH gets the trapeeze above our bed.:rotflmao:

This is me....If I'm tired or staying up late to get things done, then it's GONE GONE GONE. I have promised DH that from tomorrow night, I'll be in bed earlier.

[Tondi G]

You are not alone... I could have written your post! I wish I was on the pill or something hormonal so I could blame it on that but that isn't the case with me. Only time my sex drive was high was while preggo with DS1 and then while I was on Lexapro after DS2 was born. My hubby wishes I would go back on those antidepressants! :)

[almostmom]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'm glad I'm not alone, while also really want to find something to work with. But community does that a bit.

I do wonder about the birth control thing. I went off the pill when we were trying for our first, and got pregnant the first month we tried, second month off the pill. That was 7+ years ago, and definitely the most sex drive I've felt in the last 10+ years. I didn't totally have that experience when we tried for DD, but I had a 15-month old, so that might have had something to do with it. Now I have an IUD (Mirena), and I do wonder if I should try without it. But I don't want another child, and got pregnant in a heartbeat with our 2, and DH doesn't like condoms (though it might be worth asking again), so it makes me nervous. My periods were regular, so TCOYF methods are an option (we did this before the 2 pregnancies), but I don't know. Something to think about, which I appreciate. Thanks.

And keep the comments coming - they are really helpful and uplifting in a strange way.

[daisymommy]

Liz, we use TCOYF along with pre-filled applicators of spermicide, not condoms (can't stand them either).

[almostmom]

Hmmm, interesting. Can you share any more details on that? or PM me if you prefer? That would be a whole new world to me, and would love to know what you use exactly. Thank you!

[BabyBearsMom]

I used to have a low libido and going off the pill helped a lot (and made it more pleasurable). Since DD was born libido is back in the toilet (no bc pill, probably just nursing hormones). Plus, it doesn't help that the nursing hormones make it very unpleasant/painful. It is definitely an area that upsets me and DH is very understanding but I can tell it hurts him too.

[MontrealMum]

Mine was gone for quite some time, and it got worse after DS was born. Being put on thyroid meds helped some, and like PP giving up the Pill has made a world of difference :yay: Unfortunately for DH, he sometimes doesn't know what hit him, but he's learning to roll with it :D

[SoloMelody]

Did you say Mirena? Mirena caused havoc with my hormones, my sex drive was nill, DH thought that something was wrong with him, he could not get me excited etc ...... Endocrinologist ran a battery of tests and he said my estrogen levels were very very low even if he had caught me at the worst time in the cycle. He urged me to get it out, no more mirena or any bc..... sex drive is back :boogie:

Its not as spontaneous as before DD but we definately want it more often and DH feels much better that it had nothing to do with him...

[nfowife]

2 thoughts- I had mirena before this pgcy and got it out to get pg- I had no periods on it. Big difference!! It was like night and day those 2 cycles letting my body do it's natural thing.
My friend just got hormone saliva testing at our local natural pharmacy and it showed some deficits, one of which was testosterone so she is using a cream to treat that and said it has made a HUGE difference in her drive and desire.

[almostmom]

Thanks for the input. I talked to DH about the possibility of taking out the Mirena, but it's scary! I don't want to get pregnant, and was just so fertile in the past. How reliable are spermicides? Do people still use the sponge? Any idea what you'll do after this baby?


Thanks!

[westgre]

About the sponge... I have a famaily history of blood clots, so my doctor refused to give me hormonal BC after age 30. I had an abscessed ovary after DD, so the doctor would not place any IUD, for fear of inflammatory pelvic disease. We used TCOYF after DD, but I admit I got lazy about it. Then came DS#1. After DS#1 I was afraid to tie my tube (I only have one, lost ovary and tube from the abscess). So, we used the Today sponge. And then came baby #3. I would not rely on the sponge as BC unless you are ok with the thought of having another. After #3, I tied my tube. ;)
Now, my libido is still pretty low, but I think that has to do with having a full time job, three small kids, and little sleep. It may also be affected by the Zoloft. The only time I "found" my libido was when I was reading some pretty steamy books. That seemed to help me find my desire. I haven't been able to read much lately and my libido is back to nil.
At least we're all in the same boat.

[Snow mom]

Thanks for the input. I talked to DH about the possibility of taking out the Mirena, but it's scary! I don't want to get pregnant, and was just so fertile in the past. How reliable are spermicides? Do people still use the sponge? Any idea what you'll do after this baby?


Thanks!

Two thoughts: first, as far as missing libidos go, I think this is pretty common. For me I know my already low libido goes completely missing when I get stressed (and who isn't stressed with a small child, a house, a job...) So I find if I can control my stress a bit then I'm at least able to think about having sex. Second, for everyone (esp OP) who mentioned the hormones in Mirena, I just got a Paragard because I absolutely could not put hormones into my body having been on the pill previously and already having problems with my libido. For me the fear of getting pregnant adds to my lack of libido so I had to find a solution that would make me comfortable that I wasn't risking getting pregnant. The paragard lacks the benefit of mirena of not having a period (in fact some women have heavier periods), but I think the benefit of knowing I have effective birth control and having a normal hormone cycle outweighs that risk for me.

[infomama]

Someone once told me, "sex starts in the kitchen and when he helps without being asked you will find yourself wanting to rip his clothes off." I kind of rolled my eyes *but* when DH and I started our division of labor routine I felt less overwhelmed and the resentment I felt because I felt like I was doing everything went away. He 'became' irresistible to me....just like magic. We kind of reverted to our pre-marriage days IYKWIM :wink2:.
Not sure if that 'issue' applies to your relationship but it was the key for us.

[wendibird22]

I too could have written your post. Sometimes I think it's not so much a lack of libido as a new set of priorities. I may want sex, but I also want sleep, the dishes in the sink cleaned, the carpets vacuumed, and the laundry done. And that growing to do list really puts sex further and further down. If DH makes a move while the girls nap, well, I want a shower and to get started on housework. If DH makes a move at night well I just really, really want to go to sleep cause I know I'll be up several times with DD2 (and he won't be!).

I haven't necessarily lost my libido but I've clearly lost my spontaneity.

[crazydiamond]

"I make him feel loved and handsome, but he wants to be wanted"


Very perceptive of you. Kudos for you for making the effort even when your not in the mood and looking for ways to improve things. Your DH is lucky.

From a guy perspective, there are two things a man needs for contentment at a fundamental level.

1) Respect. Men will even choose this over love.

2) Desire as a man. Not as a husband, father, good guy, handsome guy - that's wonderful for us to know, but there is more basic/raw/fundamental man/woman attraction thing that guys really need from time to time. Difficult to keep this going in long term marriages.

[ray7694]

After two childen I asked my ob this same question. She indicated that it would help to not take birth control and also suggested a prescription cream that is topically applied. I can't remember what the cream was but maybe your doctor would know.

[nfowife]

We are planning on the big V after this baby so I won't have to be on anything!

[jgenie]

Same boat here. For me it is definitely tied to all that needs to be done to keep our lives running. The stress of two little ones and a crazy work schedule for DH makes down time a scarce commodity.

[luckytwenty]

I started to feel like a teenager again when I went off the pill--making me think that it was the pill in the first place that had taken away my libido. Then the first two trimesters of pregnancy, we were HOT. Now, sex is just absurd. We still have it, but it's really really absurd.

The way you've described yourself sounds a lot like me (when I was on the pill.) Love Dh, think he's adorable and sexy, have relatively frequent sex--but it had been ages since I'd had that "weak in the knees" feeling. And it had nothing in my case to do with how helpful or not helpful my husband was. He's always been great. I think it was literally chemical.

I'm getting my tubes tied and won't need to be on the pill again--but there are benefits I have to weigh, like great skin, lack of PMS, light periods...not sure if giving those up is worth it for more amazing orgasms.

[daisymommy]

Just an FYI...when I talk about loss of libido, I don't mean having less amazing O's. I mean I did not, under any circumstance, want to have sex. Period. I would have felt like I was having sex against my own will; that's how turned off I was by the idea. That's what hormonal based bc did to me.

[luckytwenty]

Just an FYI...when I talk about loss of libido, I don't mean having less amazing O's. I mean I did not, under any circumstance, want to have sex. Period. I would have felt like I was having sex against my own will; that's how turned off I was by the idea. That's what hormonal based bc did to me.

In that case, I'd deal with acne and PMS--and more. That sounds awful. For me it was more like I never initiated sex because it just didn't cross my mind, but once we got going, things were fine.

[Andi98989]

I went off chemical birth control just on a hunch, and guess what? We're like newlyweds again :wink2:. That was 8 years ago, and theres no comparison with how I feel now compared to all the years I was on the pill, Norplant, Depro-provera shot, patch, IUD. Yep, I tried them all. I had no idea during that time that it was causing the death of my libido. I had other issues that bugged me that I was trying to escape. Now we use natural-family planning combined with barrier methods during any fertile days. No unplanned pregnancies so far!

I haven't gone back on BC since having DS and my libido has been great! I'm like a whole new person. Even the anti-depressant hasn't caused an issue with it. We don't use NFP, but we do use barrier method.

ETA: DH used to be very anti-condoms, but once he knew that my sex drive was back without BC, he said that he would willingly use them instead of having me go back on BC.

[MontrealMum]

Just an FYI...when I talk about loss of libido, I don't mean having less amazing O's. I mean I did not, under any circumstance, want to have sex. Period. I would have felt like I was having sex against my own will; that's how turned off I was by the idea. That's what hormonal based bc did to me.

Yes, this is exactly what I'm talking about too. We're using a barrier method right now and it seems to be fine...I'll NEVER go back on any type of hormonal based bc.

[edurnemk]

Just an FYI...when I talk about loss of libido, I don't mean having less amazing O's. I mean I did not, under any circumstance, want to have sex. Period. I would have felt like I was having sex against my own will; that's how turned off I was by the idea. That's what hormonal based bc did to me.

Yep, this is me, too. Before DS I was on the pill for a while, and when I switched to NFP my libido came back. But after DS was born, it never came back, and I've been off BCP for 3 months now (I hate the BCP but used it again at DH's request, he was in grad school, then unemployed and didn't want to take any chances).

[blondflava]

Same here -sigh-... Since DD was born, even earlier than that as the pregnancy was complicated and we were scared to do anything :( , but after DD came, ugh forget it... All the stress of having a preemie, hormonal changes, depression (and the anti-depressants) didn't help. I'm not taking antidepressants anymore but libido is not back, things are still stressful with DD (now we have serious feeding issues and it's been taking a huge toll on me). Last time we had sex, whew, can't even remember...2 months or so ago? Things are not too good between DH and I recently :(.

[almostmom]

Thank you again to everyone for sharing so openly about this. I really was truly looking for advice, but I'm not sure I expected to receive concrete suggestions, and so many of them, along with so much support.

I'm going to make an appointment with my obgyn today, and look into getting the Mirena out, and maybe trying the paraguard. I haven't wanted to go back to periods and cramps and all, but I think I need to at least try it. Mirena has always made me a little crampy and bloated, I think, so this is the final straw that will let me try something else. I'll post back again about this after a few months - hopefully with good news!

BBB is the best - what an amazing community of real people, real moms, sharing their real experiences, respectfully. Thank you.

[tiapam]

For the OP and anyone else who has had blood tests, etc, and everything is "normal",
I would not take the doctor's word for that. Especially regarding thyroid tests. The thyroid can absolutely affect your libido and do not believe anyone who tells you it cannot. IMO, the thyroid is something that *many* doctors (including endocrinologists) know very little about. Normal is different for everyone when it comes to the thyroid. You should ask for your actual test results (hopefully you got more than a TSH test) and research them for yourself. And if those tests were more than six (three?) months ago they should be redone.

There are lots of good books on the thryoid now and tons of info on the Internet. The Thyroid Solution by Ridha Arem is a good book to start with. IIRC it addresses libido quite a bit.

If a man went into the doctor for this (probably pretty rare considering men don't go to the doc as often and many might have trouble bringing this up to the doc) do you think they would tell him he must be too tired to have sex? I doubt it, but that is what I was told. I have also had docs brush it off, as if I was just reporting it and didn't want them to actually treat it. Too tired is relative, I think you can fool yourself into thinking that is the problem, but remember when you were younger and went out all night and were not too tired then!!?? If the desire is there, you will overcome normal tiredness. Fatigue is a symptom of thyroid issues, and that is another kind of tired than just your everyday variety. So maybe you are too tired but that is actually a symptom of illness.

I have a thyroid condition. I made three changes about a month ago. Changed from synthetic to natural thyroid Rx (I think the dosage was increased too), started Melaine's cold water therapy (I am not doing it in a very extreme way), and drinking more water. MIA libido came back the day OP posted this. My guess is the Rx change did it. I feel like I woke up in a new body, but it is kind of familiar because of course it is more like my old body, before I lost my libido. Unfortunately, a couple days later, I can recognize that I am a little hyperthyroid, which is not ideal either. It will probably take a lot of tweaking. But I would rather be a little hyper than a little hypo. Interestingly, when I was pregnant I was told it is better for the baby if I am normal or a little hyper (it can be hard to get just right esp while pregnant). So docs can acknowledge that for the baby it is okay to be hyper but don't seem to think a non pregnant lady might feel better that way.

A couple more things just to make everyone here think hard about their thyroid:

-I think every single lay article I have read about the thyroid starts out by saying that it is hard to diagnose and frequently goes undiagnosed

-symptoms are gradual and sometimes positive (weight loss) so they are not easily recognized by anyone, not the person suffering it, nor those around them, nor doctors

-women are much more likely to suffer from thyroid problems (though IMO men suffer more of the mental symptoms and either get diagnosed with a mental illness or go undiagnosed as many women do)

-thyroid problems often crop up postpartum (though that was not the case for me); IMO this is because they are often triggered by stress, either mental, emotional or physical (and pregnancy, childbirth and new motherhood are pretty much the apex of all three)

-many of the symptoms mimic what we typically think of as normal aging (weight gain, loss of energy, sleep problems, etc.)

I could go on and on here. My point is every single woman needs to be on top of her own health when it comes to the thyroid. And looking out for friends and family, too, since it is so hard to recognize and get properly diagnosed and treated. IMO this is a HUGE national health crisis that actually sucks up a lot of our health care.

I hope everyone here (lurkers too!) gets the help they need with this. For many, I will bet you are also suffering from some form of depression and I know how hard it can be (esp. when raising a family) to put the energy into trying to heal yourself. But it is so worth it! Remember Steel Magnolias:

"I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special. ..." :)

[edurnemk]

For the OP and anyone else who has had blood tests, etc, and everything is "normal",
I would not take the doctor's word for that. Especially regarding thyroid tests. The thyroid can absolutely affect your libido and do not believe anyone who tells you it cannot. IMO, the thyroid is something that *many* doctors (including endocrinologists) know very little about. Normal is different for everyone when it comes to the thyroid. You should ask for your actual test results (hopefully you got more than a TSH test) and research them for yourself. And if those tests were more than six (three?) months ago they should be redone.


Thanks for this info, tiapam, I'm actually going to see my endocrinologist tomorrow with my test results. I got tested for a million things, since I was diagnosed with mild osteopenia and we're trying to find the cause, one of which could be thyroid issues. After the first examination the doctor feels I have no symptoms of possible hypothyroidism, but still ordered a bunch of tests: TSH, free T4, PTH, etc. The test results are 4 pages long, since it also include a lot of tests for calcium, Vit D, etc.

Are there any particular questions I should ask the doctor tomorrow? In your experience, are those tests enough for the thyroid issue? I have a suspicion that a mild depression may be causing many of my symptoms, but thyroid problems are very common in my family. I'll address all my symptoms with him tomorrow again: lack of energy, loss of libido, frequent dizziness, etc.

[gatorsmom]

I have noticed that with the more stress I have and tasks that I have to do, the less I crave it. When I accomplish something that's been weighing on my mind, then I feel more in the mood.

When DH and i went on our trip last February, there was really nothing to do but lay on the beach and eat at nice restaurants. There were no kids around and no stress at all. My libido came back and we came from the beach early nearly every day to um, hang out in the room. :D As soon as we got back home, it was back to the same old drudgery.

I do find that my libido picks up when I'm exercising, losing weight and feeling good about myself.

[tiapam]

Thanks for this info, tiapam, I'm actually going to see my endocrinologist tomorrow with my test results. I got tested for a million things, since I was diagnosed with mild osteopenia and we're trying to find the cause, one of which could be thyroid issues. After the first examination the doctor feels I have no symptoms of possible hypothyroidism, but still ordered a bunch of tests: TSH, free T4, PTH, etc. The test results are 4 pages long, since it also include a lot of tests for calcium, Vit D, etc.

Are there any particular questions I should ask the doctor tomorrow? In your experience, are those tests enough for the thyroid issue? I have a suspicion that a mild depression may be causing many of my symptoms, but thyroid problems are very common in my family. I'll address all my symptoms with him tomorrow again: lack of energy, loss of libido, frequent dizziness, etc.

Most of the heavy research I did on this was a long time ago. What I wrote is what I have read over and over again and also from my own experience. I do know that TSH by itself may not show a problem where more in depth tests will. And all of your tests could be normal but you could still benefit from trying treatment.

Have you seen a checklist of symptoms yourself and given yourself an "exam"?

Depression and thyroid is kind of like a chicken and egg thing. Since it can be triggered by stress, of course you can feel depressed before onset of more "physical" symptoms (though IMO and experience, depression is a very physical thing).

As I said, IMO libido can be related to the thyroid. And lack of energy, absolutely, that is a major symptom! Family history is also a huge indicator.

I have had some trouble with dizziness on and off. Haven't really gotten that addressed. You could also look into something called POTS. Postural Tachycardia Syndrome. I don't know much about it, just saw it on TV.

Mary Shomon's website is a good place to go on the internet:

http://thyroid.about.com/

Her books are great too.

HTH.

[edurnemk]

Mary Shomon's website is a good place to go on the internet:

http://thyroid.about.com/

Her books are great too.

HTH.

Thanks again! :thumbsup:

[ScorpioMommy]

Okay, I'm probably a lot younger then most of the moms on here. (I'm 21 and I have a 1 year old daughter) But I have discovered that once you become a mom, you don't see yourself as a sexual person anymore. You see yourself as well, a mom.

Maybe, part of the reason you feel that you have lost your libido is because you feel that you've lost that youthful sensual woman you were before you became a mom.

I don't think it is as physical as it is emotional, women are naturally emotional beings. If we don't feel emotionally connected to our sexuality then libido is lost. So, find ways to become more emotionally connected to sex as opposed to just physically.

[MontrealMum]

Thanks for sharing your experience, and I'm sure there are many moms that also have that shared woman-as-mom experience, but for many of us here it is truly a physical issue. It's kind of demeaning to be told that it's due to lack of emotional connectivity or not a physical problem. And to not get checked out by your doc - as the libido problem is part and parcel of a variety of other symtoms - can be extremly dangerous. Seriously. So, it is important it get the word out.

For many of us - here, and in the general population - it's not in our heads. It's not tied to pregnancy weight gain, or changes in our bodies during and after pregnancy, or changes in our self-image. It's not tied to the difficulties of balancing life after baby, or trying to fit in exercixe. And it's not tied to the adjustment of being 2 adults to 2 adults plus a baby (or two!). It's a genuine physical problem. And the libido is connected to a genuine, physical problem.

I believe our Yahoo group was linked upthread. But if not, pm Tiapam or me for details. There's tons of literature and science about the loss of libido in women, that's not all in your head, or linked to emotional connectivity.

[tiapam]

Thanks for sharing your experience, and I'm sure there are many moms that also have that shared woman-as-mom experience, but for many of us here it is truly a physical issue. It's kind of demeaning to be told that it's due to lack of emotional connectivity or not a physical problem. And to not get checked out by your doc - as the libido problem is part and parcel of a variety of other symtoms - can be extremly dangerous. Seriously. So, it is important it get the word out.

For many of us - here, and in the general population - it's not in our heads. It's not tied to pregnancy weight gain, or changes in our bodies during and after pregnancy, or changes in our self-image. It's not tied to the difficulties of balancing life after baby, or trying to fit in exercixe. And it's not tied to the adjustment of being 2 adults to 2 adults plus a baby (or two!). It's a genuine physical problem. And the libido is connected to a genuine, physical problem.

I believe our Yahoo group was linked upthread. But if not, pm Tiapam or me for details. There's tons of literature and science about the loss of libido in women, that's not all in your head, or linked to emotional connectivity.

I completely agree. If a woman physically wants to have sex she will have sex. I think the woman as mom thing is a separate issue and still should not affect one physically.

[almostmom]

Just wanted to give a quick update on my libido state! But first, thanks to all who have posted, and continue to post on this thread. It really made me feel not alone, and truly has led to some changes in my life.

So I got my Mirena removed about 4 weeks ago. It was scary to do, and remarkably easy (I can't believe that little thing kept me from getting pregnant for all this time!). It hasn't been too long, and I haven't gotten a period yet, but I do think my libido is a bit better. Although the new need for condoms is a deterrent for sure, there have been times when I've just felt a longing that I hadn't felt in a very very long time. And the sex that has come from this has been great.

At the same time, I started listening to the Savage Love podcasts (Dan Savage). DH and I used to read his column every week when we lived in San Fran. And I think that listening to that and hearing so much sex positive talk in my life (DH is listening to it too - both on our drives to work) is also helping get me excited about sex. So a combination of these two factors - no hormonal bc and a sex-positive and exciting podcast, is making me feel a bit better. Crazy raging hormones? No. But an actual true desire to have sex occasionally, and that's a step up.

I also feel less bloated, less moody without the Mirena. Who knew? I didn't. I'm going to let my system breathe a little, and then in the new year I'll try the paraguard. I'm nervous about the potential heavy periods, but it's definitely worth a try.

I so wish there was a way for me to not use any of the birth control options out there, but there's not. Condoms just aren't going to work for me for the next 7 years or so, before I'm ready for something more drastic.

But I do feel a bit better all around, and that is surely a positive.

So thank you.

[tiapam]

Just wanted to give a quick update on my libido state! But first, thanks to all who have posted, and continue to post on this thread. It really made me feel not alone, and truly has led to some changes in my life.

So I got my Mirena removed about 4 weeks ago. It was scary to do, and remarkably easy (I can't believe that little thing kept me from getting pregnant for all this time!). It hasn't been too long, and I haven't gotten a period yet, but I do think my libido is a bit better. Although the new need for condoms is a deterrent for sure, there have been times when I've just felt a longing that I hadn't felt in a very very long time. And the sex that has come from this has been great.

At the same time, I started listening to the Savage Love podcasts (Dan Savage). DH and I used to read his column every week when we lived in San Fran. And I think that listening to that and hearing so much sex positive talk in my life (DH is listening to it too - both on our drives to work) is also helping get me excited about sex. So a combination of these two factors - no hormonal bc and a sex-positive and exciting podcast, is making me feel a bit better. Crazy raging hormones? No. But an actual true desire to have sex occasionally, and that's a step up.

I also feel less bloated, less moody without the Mirena. Who knew? I didn't. I'm going to let my system breathe a little, and then in the new year I'll try the paraguard. I'm nervous about the potential heavy periods, but it's definitely worth a try.

I so wish there was a way for me to not use any of the birth control options out there, but there's not. Condoms just aren't going to work for me for the next 7 years or so, before I'm ready for something more drastic.

But I do feel a bit better all around, and that is surely a positive.

So thank you.

Yay! Hope you continue to feel better.

[MontrealMum]

So glad to read your update and hear that things are going better :)

[tiapam]

Just wanted to post an update. I am still on my new meds and dose. I am overdue for a thyroid blood test. But I am feeling pretty good, so I bet my TSH has come down. Libido was crazy high at first, I was actually giggling during the day for no reason! DH was a little freaked out initially but extremely pleased overall. :) Then it seemed to go a little flat but then rebounded again and is just about perfect right now. I expect there will be some ups and downs relative to my cycle. I cannot believe I was living like that, the difference is so profound.

I hesitate to share so much of this here, since it is such a private thing, but wanted to add a couple things that might help someone else. The way I experienced low libido (at least this last time, I have waxed and waned since my first pregnancy) I didn't even really want DH to touch me. It didn't hurt but just did not feel good to even have him touch my arm. I had to work hard not to flinch or pull away too quickly. There were a few times I did want some touch, but that was because I was sick or really upset about something, and wanted him to hold me (and a few times I *really* wanted to have sex, totally out of the blue, probably related to my cycle). So if you are experiencing that particular sort of aversion to touch, I don't know, maybe that is another sign that it *could* be your thyroid? Worth noting, I think. Also, and this is way TMI, but a friend once commented that now when she has sex (as opposed to when she was younger) she feels like she wants to take a shower soon after. I thought, hmm, I have gotten that way, too. Except, now I am not! It's like I am experiencing it as I did when I was younger! So no ick factor, for lack of a better way to describe it.

So, if it's not clear by now, I just want to say, if low libido is a problem for you or your SO, put it on the front burner *now*. DH and I were doing okay, but now things are amazing. I feel like a newlywed again and that is a nice feeling. And I am not just talking about the sex part, we had really grown apart. And all the other stuff just came back naturally with the sex.

[weech]

Just wanted to post an update. I am still on my new meds and dose. I am overdue for a thyroid blood test. But I am feeling pretty good, so I bet my TSH has come down. Libido was crazy high at first, I was actually giggling during the day for no reason! DH was a little freaked out initially but extremely pleased overall. :) Then it seemed to go a little flat but then rebounded again and is just about perfect right now. I expect there will be some ups and downs relative to my cycle. I cannot believe I was living like that, the difference is so profound.

I hesitate to share so much of this here, since it is such a private thing, but wanted to add a couple things that might help someone else. The way I experienced low libido (at least this last time, I have waxed and waned since my first pregnancy) I didn't even really want DH to touch me. It didn't hurt but just did not feel good to even have him touch my arm. I had to work hard not to flinch or pull away too quickly. There were a few times I did want some touch, but that was because I was sick or really upset about something, and wanted him to hold me (and a few times I *really* wanted to have sex, totally out of the blue, probably related to my cycle). So if you are experiencing that particular sort of aversion to touch, I don't know, maybe that is another sign that it *could* be your thyroid? Worth noting, I think. Also, and this is way TMI, but a friend once commented that now when she has sex (as opposed to when she was younger) she feels like she wants to take a shower soon after. I thought, hmm, I have gotten that way, too. Except, now I am not! It's like I am experiencing it as I did when I was younger! So no ick factor, for lack of a better way to describe it.

So, if it's not clear by now, I just want to say, if low libido is a problem for you or your SO, put it on the front burner *now*. DH and I were doing okay, but now things are amazing. I feel like a newlywed again and that is a nice feeling. And I am not just talking about the sex part, we had really grown apart. And all the other stuff just came back naturally with the sex.

This gives me hope. I totally have the "ick" factor thing and have an issue with not wanting to be touched a lot. It really hurts my DH's feelings :( Maybe it's fixable...

[hellokitty]

Searching high & low for mine....exercising seems to be helping some, I'm sure more sleep would help even more...

Mine is poor right now, BECAUSE of exercise. My DH thinks I am a freak, b/c when I exercise, my libido drops. SEriously, where do ppl get this exercise high? I feel like crap when I exercise, I'm tired, sore and grouchy. I've been working out steadily for the past three months now and my libido has been on the low again. My DH has the opposite issue, when he exercises, his libido goes UP.

[almostmom]

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm sure it will help someone else. And I am so happy to hear that your relationship has turned around so. Really wonderful.

[tiapam]

Mine is poor right now, BECAUSE of exercise. My DH thinks I am a freak, b/c when I exercise, my libido drops. SEriously, where do ppl get this exercise high? I feel like crap when I exercise, I'm tired, sore and grouchy. I've been working out steadily for the past three months now and my libido has been on the low again. My DH has the opposite issue, when he exercises, his libido goes UP.

Is your libido that much better when you don't exercise? How do you feel in general when you don't exercise? I do believe that exercise can enhance libido, so if I were you I would be looking for another reason. Not saying you're crazy or don't know your own body but I do think this is one thing the medical profession is (probably) right about. Even if you don't take the libido factor into account, you should feel better with regular exercise, not worse.

[hellokitty]

Is your libido that much better when you don't exercise? How do you feel in general when you don't exercise? I do believe that exercise can enhance libido, so if I were you I would be looking for another reason. Not saying you're crazy or don't know your own body but I do think this is one thing the medical profession is (probably) right about. Even if you don't take the libido factor into account, you should feel better with regular exercise, not worse.

I do have better libido when I'm not exercising. It's like exercising just totally wipes me out to the point where I don't want to do anything else.

[mezzona]

i believe it is hormonal.

[tiapam]

This gives me hope. I totally have the "ick" factor thing and have an issue with not wanting to be touched a lot. It really hurts my DH's feelings :( Maybe it's fixable...

The touch thing really fascinates me because I have only recently made the connection of it to my thyroid. I have never been a super hugger, but I realized that I also was not hugging people as much as I used to and I am pretty sure I was avoiding eye contact. I am consciously trying to maintain it now, like I have to retrain myself. Of course, I was still touching my kids, I think they would be the last ones I would "reject" and only if things got much worse. That makes sense from a biological standpoint. So it's like there were layers to my lack of libido and all I saw was the no desire/sex part. I often told DH that I felt that since the kids were touching me all day long, I just couldn't take any more. But now I see that was not it at all. The children are still hanging on me all day, but there is plenty of room for DH too. I think I have seen this "excuse" in mag articles, etc, and mentioned by friends, but now I see it as a myth. Which is too bad because it may be keeping people from getting help.

Ok, now I want to be a sex therapist! I can't believe that I "forgot" what this felt like!

[tiapam]

Just adding two more details that may be of note to anyone trying to figure out their problem. I was also not interested in kissing and that of course has come back, too, and I did/do experience pain with intercourse off and on. It's a very minor factor right now and something I plan to work on.