Utterly flabbergasted by the cluelessness.

[LadyPeter]

I think I've posted before about my clueless friend who invites herself to stay with DH and me and then never leaves. In case I haven't, here's a rundown:

1. She announces she's coming; she doesn't ask. Making it awkward to tell her no.
2. When I do turn her down and tell her I'd be thrilled to see her while she's in town, but she can't stay here she gives me a BIG guilt trip about the cost of a hotel and how she never turns me down when I want to visit her. (I don't go visit her.)
3. When she's at our house, she's incredibly messy and expensive - eats all the food and uses all the toilet paper in about 36 hours flat, then whines that we never have enough.
4. She's rude and disrespectful to DH.

SO, for the last year or so, I've told her NO, she can't come stay with us, about three times. She is not getting the hint.

She just emailed me and our other friend, announcing that she was coming in a couple of weeks. She'd decided to stay with me, because the other friend has dogs.

She didn't ask.
A couple of weeks is our anniversary.
AND I am 8 months pregnant and on bedrest.

IS SHE CRAZY?!?!?! I'm used to her assuming ways, but this time she really went beyond the pale. I immediately wrote back and very nicely explained that it would be far too stressful for us to have a houseguest, so close to the due date. And now she's mad. I seriously don't know how else to deal with her.

[Indianamom2]

To me, this is not a friend. This is someone who is taking advantage of you and your kindness.

I can't imagine acting the way she does or being in your shoes. You did the right thing by telling her no...pregnant and on bedrest is no time to be hosting houseguests...especially not inconsiderate ones.

[deborah_r]

AND I am 8 months pregnant and on bedrest.

IS SHE CRAZY?!?!?! I'm used to her assuming ways, but this time she really went beyond the pale. I immediately wrote back and very nicely explained that it would be far too stressful for us to have a houseguest, so close to the due date. And now she's mad. I seriously don't know how else to deal with her.

8 months pregnant is enough ample reason to say no, then bedrest even more! Sorry your friend is a clueless, selfish idiot.

[ThreeofUs]

She sounds like she's stuck in college. To tell a near-due-date and on-bedrest friend that you are coming to stay (unless you mean as a loving servant, lol!) is completely beyond the pale.

You did the right thing. She needs to grow up.

[arivecchi]

I would be breaking up with this "friend".

[HIU8]

:yeahthat: I would also be ending the friendship.

[elliput]

To me, this is not a friend. This is someone who is taking advantage of you and your kindness.
:yeahthat: A real friend would not have done any of these things you have written about.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I would be breaking up with this "friend".

:yeahthat:

as PP said, this doesn't sound like a friend at all. you don't need all this drama, especially at this stage in life (bedrest, about to have a baby). i think this gal goes beyond just being "clueless" and sounds more like immature, irresponsible and incredibly rude. why keep someone like that in your life?

[LadyPeter]

She has many wonderful qualities too...she is funny and smart, easy to talk to, very supportive (except re: DH, which is a whole other story.) I love talking to her on the phone, going to events and fun restaurants with her, etc. She's just a terrible houseguest!!!

I think the PP who said she is stuck in college really hit the nail on the head. She doesn't understand adult conventions, responsibilities, rules of behavior, at all. She actually works at a college, so maybe it all seems normal to her.

Short of defriending her completely, I do want to put a stop to her sense of entitlement and help her have more realistic expectations, especially because my life is changing so much.

I'm glad you all don't think I sound evil for telling her to get a hotel. I am not an inhospitable person. My brother and SIL stayed with us for a week when their air conditioner broke, and we had a great time! But they're lovely, considerate people and it was a joy to have them. I don't mind guests, usually.

[maestramommy]

I'm glad you all don't think I sound evil for telling her to get a hotel. I am not an inhospitable person. My brother and SIL stayed with us for a week when their air conditioner broke, and we had a great time! But they're lovely, considerate people and it was a joy to have them. I don't mind guests, usually.

Actually, I think you are way too nice for letting her get away with it for so long! Good for you for finally putting your foot down. You have any number of reasons for saying no at your disposal, all legit.

[marge234]

Good for you for putting your foot down this time. I don't know how you can put a stop to her sense of entitlement unless you come right out and tell her how you feel. If you continue to say "um actually no it's not OK for you to stay here" when it comes up, and deal with (ie ignore) the ensuing guilt trips, she may (eventually) stop assuming. For me, it'd be so much easier to keep saying "not a good time," than to call someone on their stuff. I'm a chicken.

[LadyPeter]

Hey! Urban dictionary actually has a term for this! It's Social Terrorism.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=social+terrorism

[catsnkid]

Get rid of her.

[dcmom2b3]

There's a curb. Over there. Kick her to it.

Funny and smart doesn't trump narcissistic and manipulative. Really. She's only "supportive" of you when it doesn't cost her anything and she gains your loyalty so that she can exploit it in circumstances such as these.

To. The. Curb.

[niccig]

There's a curb. Over there. Kick her to it.

Funny and smart doesn't trump narcissistic and manipulative. Really. She's only "supportive" of you when it doesn't cost her anything and she gains your loyalty so that she can exploit it in circumstances such as these.

To. The. Curb.

I have to agree. It's easier for HER to stay with YOU, but it's not easier on YOU.

A good friend, who knew you were on bedrest, would call and say "can I come for a few days and help you out?"

Your world is about to change, and next she'll complain that your taking too long to feed the baby when SHE wants you to do something with her....I've had a friend like this, who got annoyed when I had to end a phone call because DS was screaming...she kept talking, and I had to say again, I have to go and just hung up on her as she kept saying...Oh, just one more thing...No, I've got screaming 3 month old here, not one more thing....She won't get the changes to your life. She doesn't get the changes to your life now you have DH.

[infomama]

She sounds like a nightmare. There is no way I would subject myself to that kind of abuse.

[Beth24]

The fact she would even ask when you're on bed rest is unbelievable but to then be mad when you say no??? There are no words!