Older girls and "playdates"

[egoldber]

Older DD is having a friend over tomorrow. I know it's sad, but we have not had a "friend over" for her for a long time. She went to the other girl's house a couple weekends ago (I was out of town) and apparently they did makeovers on each other. Which I guess I am OK with. Maybe. I think. :o

But my DD has nothing like that. She has some lip gloss, but that's it.

So I am wondering what older girls generally do at "playdates"? (Are they even called playdates at age 9/10?) We have lots of games of all sorts, so they could certainly do that. And more art supplies than your local Michaels.

I was thinking maybe they could help me bake, because I need to make cupcakes for a small birthday party we are having for younger DD on Sunday. Older DD generally does better when things are a little more structured vs unstructured, but I wonder if me intruding on "their time" is a good thing or not.

ETA: I feel like I am totally floundering in this older girls thing.

[jenmcadams]

Abbie is only in 3rd grade, but they still do make believe play...play with Liv Dolls, American Girl, etc.; they listen to music from her iPod, play outside, sometimes (not very often) play Wii, etc. Our playdates are extremely unstructured. Generally, the girls come home with me after school, grab some snacks and I don't see them for several hours unless they're hungry :)

Abbie is also friends with 2-3 girls who are older (she just turned 8 in Aug and these girls all turned 9 in the last month or two, still 3rd graders). With these girls, there's more listening to music, playing outside and less doll play.

[Katigre]

Arts/crafts are a great thing to do :). Cooking together is also really fun. I think having a list of three different types of activitites (arts/crafts, cooking, games) is plenty for that age.

[pinkmomagain]

Yes I do try to plan a baking thing for my older girls to do. Crafts too. Sometimes doing each other's nails, but no makeovers.

Hanging out an talking. Sometimes watch a movie or play Wii.

[Jeanne]

My 9 & 7 y/o DD's don't do makeovers when their friends come over. They don't have much stuff like that. They play outside if it's nice, do a few crafts, play games, etc...

I'd bake with them to kill some time in the day.

[Cuckoomamma]

How great for Sarah :-)

For the first time over, I'm more comfortable having a mental list of things that they can do in case they hit a stand off of "what should we do? ....nah"

Arts and crafts, outside play on our swing set, we have a deck with outside dishes, cups, etc. that my girls love to use to collect acorns, peel them, wash them, make food (I provide them with a dish pan of clean and soapy water and a bunch of towels). One time the girls (my 2 and the guest) took all of our bows, hair clips, etc. and put them all in my hair. I loved the pampering, they loved making me look bizarre :-) Baking would definitely be on my list. Doll play is also really common, but we put away any dolls they can't share. It still can get tricky in my house, but my girls are really attached to dolls and how they're treated.

Oh, we've also gone to the library and an inside play place on a playdate. Depends on you and the other family. I'm not super excited by a great deal of alone time until I really know the girl. One time when dd had a playdate she was telling a girl how it was taking her so long to put her quilt together. The girl, who was more socially adept than my dd, told dd she was going to take dd's quilt home to finish it. Dd was a bit like a deer in headlights. She managed through the situation on her own, but I think it helped that she knew I was nearby. Not all kids are quite as forward, though.

Hope Sarah has a wonderful time.

[Globetrotter]

DD and most of her friends are "young" 11 year olds, meaning they still do pretend play, groovy girl dolls, crafts, arts, clay, spy games, plays, baking (though now dd is on her own - I will help them take things out of the oven, but she can handle the rest - before I would need to be there), playing outside, etc..

There is no need for makeover items unless your dd is into it! Recently dd has expressed interest in nail polish for her toes. DD has a lot of playdates so I don't intervene. Since your dd is still not very experienced, you may want to give a little direction, but honestly a lot of time is spent sitting around making friendship bracelets or beading and talking - with the recent addition of an ipod speaker to provide musical entertainment! We are unstructured people, though :)

ETA: Oh yeah, I forgot board games!! They also love the Wii, but I limit that.

[egoldber]

I would love to be able to do unstructured playdates, but I think that could not go well. She tends to dominate the conversation (we are working on this). I think something like working on crafts together while talking could be helpful.

It's good to know that older girls are still doing dolls and things like that too. Older DD still does a lot of doll play, but I was worried that might be considered baby-ish. This girl seems very sweet, but I was worried after DH reported that older DD came home in make-up. Not because of the make-up, but because of her being perceived as a baby, KWIM?

Unfortunately, younger DD will also be there and she tends to want to "tag along" and sometimes that makes things hard as well. And DH is not home which makes things even harder. But we will not have another opportunity to reciprocate the playdate until after Halloween, so it's tomorrow or not until mid November!

[Globetrotter]

Some older girls ARE more sophisticated and interested in make-up, etc.., but even those girls should be okay with crafts or baking and that sort of thing.

[crl]

Can you set up your younger daughter with a TV show? And then offer a craft activity or baking to the older girls?

Catherine

[egoldber]

Can you set up your younger daughter with a TV show? And then offer a craft activity or baking to the older girls?

No, alas, based on past experience that is not likely to be successful. I think I am better off providing an activity that younger DD can participate in, in her own 4 year old way. Fortunately, most girls think that she is really cute. It is only older DD that she really annoys. :p

[crl]

No, alas, based on past experience that is not likely to be successful. I think I am better off providing an activity that younger DD can participate in, in her own 4 year old way. Fortunately, most girls think that she is really cute. It is only older DD that she really annoys. :p

I can totally see that. (Both that the tv won't work and that she will only annoy your dd--as a younger sister I know that is what we do!)

I hope everyone has fun! Your daughter is lucky to have a mom who puts so much thought into this kind of thing.

Catherine

[sste]

Although your post is undoubtedly seeking advice from EXPERIENCED parties (that is, not me!), I just wanted to throw out there that if this girl is kind of girly-girl, which it sounds like, maybe you could do a craft where they made jewelry - - are those shrinky dink jewelry kits too young for that age? Or maybe another necklace or bracelet craft?

[MamaKath]

American girls
craft project
baking from scratch

I also am finding that time limits based on dc tolerance is a must for something successful enough for us to have another.

[egoldber]

Just FYI, it went very well. :) The girl is very sweet and very laid back, a good match to older DD's intensity. She is almost a year older than my DD (older DD is young for grade and the other girl is old for grade), but older DD does better with older kids.

It was lunch and then 2 hours of play, which was probably just a little too long, but it was fine. I made pizza dough ahead of time and they rolled out their own dough and made their own pizzas for lunch. The friend brought a couple activity books (great idea!) and knitting (!!). They explored the house, then we made lunch. Younger DD was very much in the way, but I took her outside for a bit while they ate and played. Then we made cupcakes for younger DD's party tomorrow. While the cupcakes baked and cooled, the 3 girls made bead necklaces. Then we decorated the cupcakes and ate a few. After that, they all went outside and made mudpies. :rotflmao:

So it was fun. There was one minor tragedy (my fault). Older DD asked me to tie off the bead necklace she made, but I dropped it and ruined her necklace. :( But I was so proud of her. She was devastated (she had worked really hard at a pattern), but held it together. I complimented her on that after her friend left, and she told me she tried really hard not to melt down in front of her friend so that she wouldn't be embarrassed.

So it was very successful and I think they will be good friends. I am so happy for older DD.

[JTsMom]

That is wonderful! So happy for you guys. :)

[KpbS]

Great update--glad they had a fun playdate :)

[Globetrotter]

:bighand: Glad to hear it went well!!

[Cuckoomamma]

Whoohoo! Sounds like a really great time. Now you all can relax and enjoy younger dd's bday tomorrow :-) It's always great to hear a success story!

[crl]

Yay! Thanks for sharing the happy update. :)

Catherine

[Seitvonzu]

sounds like a GREAT playdate! lots of activities and everyone had fun. :) happy birthday to your younger daughter tomorrow!

[wendmatt]

Awesome, I'm so glad Sarah is making a good friend.

[g-mama]

I'm so happy for Sarah! That is wonderful. :)

[jenmcadams]

YEA!!! I was hoping it went well :)

[Melbel]

I am happy to hear that the playdate went well! I missed this thread earlier. Our playdates for DD1 are very unstructured these days, and the girls often want to play with DD2 which makes it great for me. :)

[bubbaray]

That is a GREAT playdate!

What a great idea to have the older girls have fun baking cupcakes for younger DD's activity. I am so stealing that idea! :)

[sariana]

I'm late to the game here, so my comments don't really matter any more. But I was going to say that when I was young, I liked going to someone else's house to do things I couldn't do at home. So not having make-up or whatever shouldn't be a problem.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear they had such a great time. It sounds as though they are a good match for each other.

[citymama]

My niece and her friends play with American Girl dolls, do stuff like make necklaces (she has some kind of beading machine), watch movies, listen to music and dance...probably other stuff but she had a sleepover with 5 friends for her birthday and I recall some of this going on. And a LOT of giggling.

ETA sounds like Sarah had a wonderful playdate!

[TwinFoxes]

What a nice update! The best part (from here in internet land) is her holding it together about the necklace. BTW, make your own pizza was a brilliant idea on your part.

[elephantmeg]

yeah! so proud of your DD1! sounds like a great playdate!