Advice needed

[katydid1971]

We have friends who we love to spend time with. They have a DS who is almost the exact same age as our DS, we will call him "Tommy". The problem is that Tommy is very mature for his age and DS is very immature so it almost like they are 2 or 3 years different in age. Tommy gets very frustrated with our DS and starts to pick on DS. It isn't uncommon for DS to come to me crying at least once or twice during a visit because Tommy has told him to go away or that he's "stupid" etc. FWIW this is the only place he comes to me crying. DH gets really upset by this and wants to storm out immediately and I have to calm him down. I don't know what I should do, I really like the parents and enjoy spending time with them, so does DH but I don't want DS getting picked on. Tommy never physically hurts DS but I know DS's feelings get hurt. DS is super sweet and really only sees the good in people. Any advice would be sooooo appreciated.

[Dr C]

We have lots of neighborhood kids of varying ages who all play together, and some get along well better than others. My suggestion would be to supervise the boys very closely when they are playing together (assuming you are doing what I tend to do--which is to chat with the other moms and not intervene with the kids unless they're clearly causing trouble), so as to diffuse situations before they escalate. You may also have better luck if you have the boys doing some kind of structured activity (like a craft of some sort).
If you're close with the other mom, talk to her about it (obviously not at a time when you are angry). This could be a learning opportunity for both boys--for her son to be more sensitive to your child's needs, and for yours to learn how to respond to being picked on--both are important life skills. Maybe both of you could work together to help the boys learn while they are together.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I really think you need to talk to the other parents. I had to have a discussion like that once after a playmate was just repeatedly not nice to ds1. The mom was grateful that I brought it up and very proactive in dealing with it. Even if you are not close I recommend doing this.

Beth

[hillview]

I would do as pp say and keep them close and maybe flag it to the other parent "DS is getting his feeling hurt sometimes with Timmy (maybe even add that you noticed how mature Timmy is compared to DS so he needs some help), I want to help him work it out with Timmy"
/hillary