Aggressive/biting child at DS1's birthday party

[Momof3Labs]

DS1 had his 8th birthday party last night. We invited the boys from his class plus a couple of outside friends. DS1 is the youngest in his class, so most are 8 or almost 9yo. The boys were outside in our yard most of the evening, and at one point were getting pretty rowdy running around and such. I was putting the twins to bed at that point and DH was supervising, so I'm going on what he told me later.

Apparently, one of the boys (a classmate) BIT two of the kids during someof the rowdy play. One boy got bit right below the eye, and one on the ear. The biter was one of the bigger boys in the class, and quite aggressive even when not biting.

We talked to the parents of the kids who got bit when they were picked up last night (there was no blood, so we didn't call the parents earlier). They were very understanding.

I decided to wait to talk to the mother of the biter instead of trying to do it in the confusion of pick-up last night. I need to talk to her - she needs to know about this. But I could use some help with what to say to her.

What would you say? Or what would you want to hear if your 8-9yo went to a birthday party and bit two of the kids there?

TIA!!!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Odds are this happens at school too- ask your ds. There is a biter in my ds1's 3rd grade class. I'm not sure if he has bit this year but he did last year a few times. He's not even very big or aggressive- he just bursts. I would have so rather gotten the conversation out there and over with during the pick-up confusion since it just happened. But, I guess I would just matter of factly tell the parents (probably via email) what happened and ask if there was something you could have done to prevent it if it is a known problem. Maybe they'll at least think twice about sending their kid unsupervised to a party in the future.

Beth

[Momof3Labs]

I thought about it at pick-up but it was a bit crazy. I also didn't know how she'd react having that conversation in front of other parents, kwim?

[hillview]

I'd likely call and say
"Hi so and so, how are you?" "good thanks, I wanted to mention something yesterday at at pick up but it was so chaotic, I didn't get a chance, DC bit 2 kids at the party -- they were ok, no broken skin -- but I wanted to let you know because I'd want to know if DC did the same at a party"

/hillary

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yeah, that would have been hard and I wouldn't want to do it in front of other people either. I would follow up today though, if you can.

Beth

[niccig]

I would do as the above. Tell the parents.

Can I ask others about why an 8 yo would be biting? I'm kind of surprised that 8 yo's still bite??

[Momof3Labs]

Can I ask others about why an 8 yo would be biting? I'm kind of surprised that 8 yo's still bite??

Yeah, I was awfully surprised too.

[niccig]

Yeah, I was awfully surprised too.

I would tell the parents. Maybe it'll help them to address it - you know if it's only happened once or twice before it's easier to dismiss. But twice at one party, that's a lot.

DS got bit by a 4 yo at gymnastics. My friend's a child behavioural specialist and she said it's unusual in a verbal child, unless there are developmental delays or other issues.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I would do as the above. Tell the parents.

Can I ask others about why an 8 yo would be biting? I'm kind of surprised that 8 yo's still bite??

The one I know has some pretty obvious issues. His mom confirmed them to me one time- ADHD was one of the dx.

When my ds1 was being evaluated for ADD one of the things that was a check mark was that he bit (did it at 3.5yo) and hit (finally stopped at beginning of k- sporadic but sometimes he'd just kind of explode) later than is typical. Thankfully it's long since outgrown but for some kids it's just part of their wiring and they have a really hard time controlling. Impulse control issues can linger.

Beth

[squimp]

I would definitely want to know and I would have appreciated you calling rather than telling me in front of other parents.

I'd also ask my son if this happens at school.

I agree that it seems outside the normal range that an 8-year-old is biting other kids. That stopped in preschool in my experience.

[egoldber]

Huh. I have not heard of kids biting since preschool. I would be pretty shocked at it happening at a party for 8-10 year olds!

[g-mama]

Huh. I have not heard of kids biting since preschool. I would be pretty shocked at it happening at a party for 8-10 year olds!

:yeahthat:

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Huh. I have not heard of kids biting since preschool. I would be pretty shocked at it happening at a party for 8-10 year olds!

:yeahthat:

an 8yo biting, that definitely sounds like something that needs to be addressed!

i would definitely say something to the mom about it, but yeah, just in private, not in front of other parents.