How do you feel about pot?

[conniez]

So I just found out my sleaze bag of a BIL is trying to encourage DH to smoke with him (amongst other things), and while this obviously isn't the worst thing BIL has said/done to date, I'm wondering how you would all feel about this & how would you react? I guess I must be a total prude because I just never had the need to feel wasted during my teens or 20s, so I never drank or did any drugs. But again, curious to hear others' opinion on this :)

[edurnemk]

Well I'm on your team, I have never tried drugs and I've never been drunk, I'm a total prude. I'd be livid at BIL in your case. Why does he feel the need to have your DH smoke, too? If he wants to make dumb choices, fine, but why bring others into it?

DH did confess when we were dating that he tried pot 2 or 3 times, but he knew it was dumb and decided he'd never do it again (I would not have married him if he had continued to use it even if infrequently, most of his friends, though, are a different story, which is why be hardly ever see them now). If he did smoke it again he knows he'd be in TROUBLE. I'm really opposed to drugs and will not tolerate them in my home or immediate family. Even "soft drugs". I mean, I know every one is free to do what they want with their body but once you marry and have kids you surrender part of that freedom, IMO. Plus drugs have caused such horrible violence in many countries, that I think it's terribly irresponsible to contribute to that "industry". So for all those reasons I'd be furious at BIL and also at DH for not setting firmer limits with him.

[lizzywednesday]

I actually broke up with the guy I dated before DH over his use of pot.

I thought it was ridiculously hypocritical of him to cry poor whenever I'd ask to go out to dinner or something and then drop serious cash on weed or going out drinking with his friends ... and I overheard him one night talking with a buddy (who is a recovering coke addict) about doing something that I thought was cocaine, so it had started to get more serious in my eyes.

[kijip]

I am not down with drugs and would not be ok with my husband using them. That said, I do support legalization to reduce harm and risk. I have never done drugs, I am not comfortable with something that damages the brain like that. Though it makes no sense to me that pot is illegal and tobacco is legal? WTH?

[edurnemk]

I actually broke up with the guy I dated before DH over his use of pot.

I thought it was ridiculously hypocritical of him to cry poor whenever I'd ask to go out to dinner or something and then drop serious cash on weed or going out drinking with his friends ... and I overheard him one night talking with a buddy (who is a recovering coke addict) about doing something that I thought was cocaine, so it had started to get more serious in my eyes.

Yes, it's easy to go from pot to more dangerous things. Several of DH's friends have gone that route, and they all claimed it was just pot, occasionally and it wasn't harmful, but then they took it up a notch and started doing coke.


I am not down with drugs and would not be ok with my husband using them. That said, I do support legalization to reduce harm and risk. I have never done drugs, I am not comfortable with something that damages the brain like that. Though it makes no sense to me that pot is illegal and tobacco is legal? WTH?

I also think we should at least analyze the option of legalization, because it's 2 different problems: drug trafficking, and drug addiction. They should be treated separately. The current strategy has done nothing to reduce addiction, but violence is on the rise.

[lhafer]

Well, I will be the odd one out.

I smoked in college. Was totally against it at first. against.it. But our closest friends had some, and DH and I tried it together. It's not something we did all the time. Just occasionally at parties. I have to say that's the first time I had a 4.0 GPA in college!! :hysterical:

It did not lead to other drugs or drinking. It is something I think should be legalized and regulated, and taxed heavily.

They say it's a "gateway" drug. I disagree. I think the personality of the person doing it has an addictive personality or not. I never felt the need to try coke, meth, herione, etc. Never ever. It's not something I would condone doing every day or all the time. But occasional social use? Sure.

I take it DH's job doesnt' have random drug screens?

[BabyBearsMom]

deleted

[AnnieW625]

I plan on voting no on Prop 19 (California's measure to legalize pot), DH plans on voting yes as he believes in the ability to tax it. I have never smoked or done any illegal drugs; it has just never appealed to me. I did try a pot brownie once, but the baker of the brownie didn't grind up the pot enough so it didn't taste right:rotflmao:. I have had plenty of chances to try it. First as a teenager, my parents friends grew it and kept it in the spare bedroom (my friends snuck it and took it to the park), again in college a couple of times, and then finally about 7 yrs. ago. I got really bad contact high when I went to a large outdoor concert in college (I was 20) and mixed with the beer I had drunk the next morning I had the worst hangover ever so my memory of that pretty much has talked me out of ever wanting to do it. DH pledged a fraternity in college so I am sure he has at least tried it (in the 13 yrs. we've been together I've never thought to ask), but he had a bad pledging experience and that pretty much ended his partying days he said.

My reasons for not wanting to legalize pot is purely a safety reason. If we can't handle the amount of people who drive drunk every year there is no way that the DEA and local law enforcement are going to be able to get a handle on people driving stoned. I will say that I have driven drunk once in my life (had two strong drinks at happy hour, and not enough food) and that is a memory I will never forget.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I have zero problem with it as an occasional thing. No different to me than alcohol which I also don't have a problem with.

I would not progress beyond it- other drugs scare me a ton. I haven't had access to it for a few years so it's a non-issue to think about it now. But, I wouldn't say no if it were legally available and the situation was conducive to doing it (like not responsible for childcare...).

Beth

[maestramommy]

Well, it's relatively recently that I found how how pot destroys brain cells, so I'm glad I didn't smoke any when I was younger and stupider. :p That said, I'm all for the medical use of pot because sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

But if some friend or relative were trying to tempt me or Dh to go for it, I'd be glad I'm too old for such silly crap. I'm assuming Dh feels the same way, but if he didn't I'd make him see it my way:tongue5:

[DietCokeLover]

Well I'm on your team, I have never tried drugs and I've never been drunk, I'm a total prude. I'd be livid at BIL in your case. Why does he feel the need to have your DH smoke, too? If he wants to make dumb choices, fine, but why bring others into it?



:yeahthat:

[mommylamb]

I think you are likely to not get a good cross section of opinion on this topic because many people who have no problem with pot, or used it in the past (or currently for that matter) wisely wouldn't comment on a public message board. You never know what might be used against you someday. I'm not usually a paranoid person, but I would encourage people not to comment on this.

[rlu]

We're both voting no on 19 here. We have enough trouble getting presumably sober people to stop for kids crossing the street to school the last thing we need are stoned drivers.

previous post on our issues in post #11 http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=357432&highlight=crossing&page=2

Personally I think people who smoke anything are making a stupid choice. I do understand the medical necessity argument for pot - my aunt's good friend suffered from glucoma and at the end it was the only thing that helped her.

[TwinFoxes]

I'm a little unsure how to answer. If I found out my BIL asked DH to smoke pot with him, I wouldn't care, because I know DH and I know he would say no. I know from your posts though, that your DH tends to put a lot of stock in what BIL says, and sometimes makes bad choices around your BIL.

As for pot in general, I have mixed feelings about that as well. The government spends a lot of money trying to stop its use. I don't think it's a gateway drug anymore than alcohol is, a lot of drug abusers started as alcohol abusers. So on the one hand I can see why people say legalize it.

But on the other, what's the most abused drug in the US? Alcohol, which is totally legal. I wonder if more people will abuse pot if it's made legal and easily available? I bet a lot of people would use pot if they weren't worried about drug tests for work, or being busted for possession.

I don't think the answers are as easy as some like to think (not meaning some on this board).

[Indianamom2]

I do not drink and have never tried any drugs (Vicodin is the strongest thing I've had, and even that made me sick!)

I have no desire to try any drugs and no desire to hang around those who do. If you're just smoking a little pot for something to do, I think there are a lot better/more productive ways to spend your time.

Not for legalizing it either.

[weech]

I have zero problem with it as an occasional thing. No different to me than alcohol which I also don't have a problem with.


:yeahthat:

[khalloc]

I would be OK with occassional pot use. So if DH wanted to smoke like 2-3 times a year that would be OK with me. But its a whole other thing when you start doing it regularly and having your own stash. That I am against, but I dont think I could tell my SO what to do, just let him know my feelings on it.

[TwinFoxes]

I think you are likely to not get a good cross section of opinion on this topic because many people who have no problem with pot, or used it in the past (or currently for that matter) wisely wouldn't comment on a public message board. You never know what might be used against you someday. I'm not usually a paranoid person, but I would encourage people not to comment on this.

Very true.

[almostmom]

I think this is really about how you feel about it, not us! If you feel it is bad, and that this is just another way for your BIL to badly influence DH, then you should put your foot down.

But since you asked, I have no problem with it. I have known, and still do, lots of people who partake, and none of whom have tried any other addictive drugs. It's just another option instead of a drink, and as long as it's in controlled moderation, I think it's fine. Alcohol kills brain cells too, so I don't see it as that different. I don't see the cost as that different either. There is no real hangover, which makes it better than alcohol to some. That said, for someone who hasn't done it before, my guess is that it wouldn't be that much fun, especially with someone he loves at home who doesn't want him doing it!

I know a couple where the man partook and the woman did not. I grew up with her, and we were brought up with "drugs are terrible and if you take them you will one day be jumping out a window" mentality. That said, we drank lots in high school and college. Anyway, his occasional recreation was almost a dealbreaker for them, but they were a great couple, and he was not a risktaker or crazy guy in any way! But she just couldn't get over the stigma of it - what she thought it was - something really terrible. He didn't see it that way, and for him, it really was no big deal, and occasional. It was a hard line for them, and it took a lot of years to figure out. Somehow (I don't know how) they found compromise, and are now married and pregnant. But it wasn't easy. I don't think it's a place you want to enter!

Anyway, all this being said, it sounds like anything that your BIL has to TALK your DH into isn't a good idea. What will be next? And maybe he's coming to you for a "no" so he has an excuse to come back with? I would trust your DH to make the right decision (assuming you can), and let him know your strong opinion. I don't think you want this as a new issue in your relationship. It is illegal in most places, so you have that behind you too. But depending on where you live, the consequences can be pretty minor (except work drug tests, or life insurance ones...).

[Laurel]

I think you are likely to not get a good cross section of opinion on this topic because many people who have no problem with pot, or used it in the past (or currently for that matter) wisely wouldn't comment on a public message board. You never know what might be used against you someday. I'm not usually a paranoid person, but I would encourage people not to comment on this.

Yep, ITA.

[GonnaBeNana]

As the mother of an 18 y.o. drug addict, I can tell you I'm dead against it. She's a different kid now (due with our first GC in 3 weeks), but the year long nightmare of her addiction began with pot. Some say it's not a "gateway" drug, but with her, it definitely was where she started. She also tried many different types of pills (didn't matter that she couldn't swallow a pill before she started using), meth, coke, etc. Pot was always her drug of choice and I don't even want to imagine the things she did to get it (she had no job or income). She did steal prescription drugs from our home to use/sell as well. Today's marijuana has over 70% MORE THC in it that it did in the 80's. THC is the "high" and also what gets people addicted and causes the brain damage. It's scary stuff to say the least. We did LOTS of research once we found out our daughter was using.

She's clean now, and has no desire to return to using or to the lifestyle she was in while doing so. However, she will always be an addict. She knows this and would give anything to take it all back. It put our whole family though hell on earth to say the least.

I say, if you never use it, then you never have to wonder if "occasional" use will be enough.

Beth

[gatorsmom]

I'm all for traveling to Amsterdam to get some good pot!!! I'm not so sure I think legalizing it across the board is a good idea. But if my dad (who is currently battling cancer) finds that he's in so much pain from the cancer and nothing is giving him relief, I'd be willing to grow it myself for his use!!!!

But, I'd be upset about my DH using it. DH is in AA, his choice, for alcholic addictions. I'd be pretty upset to find out he replaced alcohol with pot. The thing is, we are just not at the best place in our lives for any of that. We are both stretched thin and with everything going on we have to constantly be alert and functioning. There is just no time for getting drunk or high. Maybe in 25 years.

[AnnieW625]

As the mother of an 18 y.o. drug addict, I can tell you I'm dead against it. She's a different kid now (due with our first GC in 3 weeks), but the year long nightmare of her addiction began with pot. Some say it's not a "gateway" drug, but with her, it definitely was where she started. She also tried many different types of pills (didn't matter that she couldn't swallow a pill before she started using), meth, coke, etc. Pot was always her drug of choice and I don't even want to imagine the things she did to get it (she had no job or income). She did steal prescription drugs from our home to use/sell as well. Today's marijuana has over 70% MORE THC in it that it did in the 80's. THC is the "high" and also what gets people addicted and causes the brain damage. It's scary stuff to say the least. We did LOTS of research once we found out our daughter was using.

She's clean now, and has no desire to return to using or to the lifestyle she was in while doing so. However, she will always be an addict. She knows this and would give anything to take it all back. It put our whole family though hell on earth to say the least.

I say, if you never use it, then you never have to wonder if "occasional" use will be enough.

Beth

Just want to send you, and your DD, and FGS some hugs. You are an amazing mom and I can tell that just from many of your posts that you are always keeping your kids first. I have a cousin who has an addictive personality who spent time in rehab for meth. in high school, and later expiremented with pot, but I was oh so thankful when she dropped that and went to tattoos (on her back), much easier to deal with than losing a close family member to illegal drugs. She just had her first baby too at 32 so a tad different than your daughter, but yeah I am still firmly in the camp that pot can lead to other worse things, and should be left illegal for a reason; esp. to protect those with addictive personalities.

[ellies mom]

It isn't my thing but honestly, I put it on the same level as drinking alcohol. A little in moderation is fine, when it takes over your life and starts to cause problems, then it becomes an issue.

I'd like to see it legalized and regulated. The biggest reason it can be seen as a gateway drug is that in order to get it, you have to go to people who would love to sell you more expensive/addictive drugs. On its own, it is unlikely to lead to worse.

[kijip]

I don't think the illegality of drugs protects those who have addictive personalities. It just makes it riskier for them to get and afford drugs. At a minimum, even if we don't legalize it, we need to switch to a more harm reduction model that treats addicts as people with medical and not legal problems.

The costs of incarcerating people with drug habits who are not otherwise committing crimes is huge. It is also part of what permits the racist status quo to go on in our prison system. 13% of black people are drug users. 12% of white people are drug users. Most drug users are white people. Yet due to prosecution rates and length of sentence disparities for the same drug offenses, and the insane disparity in minimum sentences for crack vs. cocaine (!?!), Black people are more than a 1/3 of all drug convictions and because they get longer sentences, more than 1/2 of all drug inmates presently. We can not afford the costs of incarcerating so many non-violent offenders. Not only would it be more effective to offer medically sensible treatment options instead, it would be far, far cheaper. Also, since a drug user is quite likely to get a criminal record they are more likely to be unable to find work or housing and such to help them break out of the cycle once they are sober. It leads to homelessness, relapse and property and even some violent crimes as people get more excluded and desperate. It also leads to early release in some cases of people who did commit violent crimes because of the mass overcrowding from drug offenses. People on all sides of the political spectrum support harm reduction, like decriminalization and more money for treatment beds to avoid prison beds, because it is a common sense, reasonable solution that saves lives and serious money.

Yeah, I am that flaming liberal who works with homeless people so my views should not be all that surprising. :hysterical:

[kijip]

I really can not say enough how much I agree the OP has the right to not be ok with the husband doing pot. Seriously, pot bought on the street can be stretched with all sorts of dangerous crap (no regulation or quality control of illegal items), it is expensive and unaffordable to most families and it can compromise a person's availability for family and other time. I'd be kicking not only my BIL but also my husband. There is no way I would be ok with it, no matter how much I think it should be legal.

[smilequeen]

If it were legal, my opinion on it would be the same as alcohol use. I'd be fine with it in moderation and with precautions taken. And never anywhere near my children. But it isn't legal, and I wouldn't be OK with it. I've never tried it, but I did drink when I was younger (and still have a glass of wine or a mixed drink now if out with adults and not pregnant). I might have if it had been legal though b/c I don't think it's any worse really. But I also think it's fine to legalize it. I am still not going to try it though. I'm past that stage.

[brgnmom]

I am against recreational marijuana, and I can definitely see why OP is concerned about her DH's recent experimentation with it.

I can understand why certain people with terminal illnesses would seek medical marijuana to help alleviate their pain, and if its use is regulated, then I would be okay with it. However, I did vote against the proposition in CA that would legalize marijuana for general use. If I'm not mistaken, the legalization of marijuana would not be restricted to those with medical conditions, and I would not want my children growing up in a state that is tolerant of marijuana use in recreational settings. My relative's ex started smoking marijuana in college, and it also led him into a very long struggle w/ addictions to speed and other recreational drugs.

[liamsmom]

I don't think the illegality of drugs protects those who have addictive personalities. It just makes it riskier for them to get and afford drugs. At a minimum, even if we don't legalize it, we need to switch to a more harm reduction model that treats addicts as people with medical and not legal problems.

The costs of incarcerating people with drug habits who are not otherwise committing crimes is huge. It is also part of what permits the racist status quo to go on in our prison system. 13% of black people are drug users. 12% of white people are drug users. Most drug users are white people. Yet due to prosecution rates and length of sentence disparities for the same drug offenses, and the insane disparity in minimum sentences for crack vs. cocaine (!?!), Black people are more than a 1/3 of all drug convictions and because they get longer sentences, more than 1/2 of all drug inmates presently. We can not afford the costs of incarcerating so many non-violent offenders. Not only would it be more effective to offer medically sensible treatment options instead, it would be far, far cheaper. Also, since a drug user is quite likely to get a criminal record they are more likely to be unable to find work or housing and such to help them break out of the cycle once they are sober. It leads to homelessness, relapse and property and even some violent crimes as people get more excluded and desperate. It also leads to early release in some cases of people who did commit violent crimes because of the mass overcrowding from drug offenses. People on all sides of the political spectrum support harm reduction, like decriminalization and more money for treatment beds to avoid prison beds, because it is a common sense, reasonable solution that saves lives and serious money.

Yeah, I am that flaming liberal who works with homeless people so my views should not be all that surprising. :hysterical:

A huge :yeahthat: for this post. (Thanks for saving me the time!) I think legality really permeates the way we think about various substances. Yeah, someone who smokes pot is more likely to try cocaine or heroine than someone who doesn't, but the same can be said for cigarettes and alcohol.

I also think pot is more similar to alcohol in that it's a "social" drug. People offer it to their friends, they get high together, etc. People don't like to share their heroine or cocaine; they don't wear T-shirts joking about cocaine use. On some level, I think it's normal for a pot-smoking guy to bust his brother's chops and encourage him to smoke with him. But, that's normal for a single guy in his 20s, not someone who is married with kids.

Back to OP, I don't think how any of us feel about pot matters. It sounds like BIL has caused problems before too. I agree with kijip that OP has the right to not want her husband to smoke if it makes her feel uncomfortable. Although, if he has never, ever smoked pot in his life, I really doubt that he's going to start now.

[BabyMine]

If it was legal in my state for medicinal use I would use it. Chronic pain sucks. I couldn't smoke it but brownies sound good. :D

I would be livid at my BIL if he did that. Is this the BIL that keeps trying to get your DH to drink?

[WolfpackMom]

It isn't my thing but honestly, I put it on the same level as drinking alcohol. A little in moderation is fine, when it takes over your life and starts to cause problems, then it becomes an issue.


:yeahthat: and I am quite familiar with people on both ends of that spectrum when it comes to pot.


I also think pot is more similar to alcohol in that it's a "social" drug. People offer it to their friends, they get high together, etc. People don't like to share their heroine or cocaine; they don't wear T-shirts joking about cocaine use. On some level, I think it's normal for a pot-smoking guy to bust his brother's chops and encourage him to smoke with him. But, that's normal for a single guy in his 20s, not someone who is married with kids.

Back to OP, I don't think how any of us feel about pot matters. It sounds like BIL has caused problems before too. I agree with kijip that OP has the right to not want her husband to smoke if it makes her feel uncomfortable. Although, if he has never, ever smoked pot in his life, I really doubt that he's going to start now.

:yeahthat: too...bottom line getting back to OP. You're not comfortable with it and thats all that matters. Hopefully DH just blows off his BILs comments and says "hello Im married with kids, my young crazy days are OV-ER."

[Jo..]

I think you are likely to not get a good cross section of opinion on this topic because many people who have no problem with pot, or used it in the past (or currently for that matter) wisely wouldn't comment on a public message board. You never know what might be used against you someday. I'm not usually a paranoid person, but I would encourage people not to comment on this.

Dude. Spark one up.

[conniez]

Thank you so much for your honest opinions. And YES, this is the BIL that encourages DH to drink too much. I think it drives BIL crazy that he doesn't have complete influence on DH. I know the bottom line is how I feel about this...I'm in a tough position as to how to approach this because it's not something DH told me directly. Basically last night I was washing dishes & DH called me over because BIL was chatting with him to ask what he wants to do for his upcoming birthday. Of course BIL's choices included taking DH (and ONLY him) out to dinner OR getting take out & bringing it back to BIL's house. DH doesn't like to exclude us no matter how much BIL tries to get him to, so he opted for getting takeout and the whole family eats together. (BTW I'm totally okay with paying for myself/my kids as I know it's not MY birthday; my problem is the fact he's excluding us because DH needs to "get away from his people once in a while").

anyway, I guess DH didn't know I was still behind him while they were chatting & BIL brought up the fact that DH got sick last time we were at BIL's. Apparently it was DH's first time trying a "twin" and BIL suggested that DH was "due" to get a hangover (either from pot or alcohol). Yup, told you BIL was a loser. DH has been controlling his drinking ever since I had a talk with him. I don't know how to approach this...I could talk to SIL to ask BIL to cut out the crap, but how do I say I know he encouraged DH to try it? Then it would start another fight about the fact that I was looking over his shoulder during his chat (even if he was the one who asked me to come over). Ugh...my mother wasn't kidding when she said you marry your husband's family...I just wish DH had a good one. Would make my life a he!! of a lot easier!

[kijip]

The other thing to bear in mind is that since it is illegal, users risk jail time. Parents who use risk CPS involvement. This is one of the main reason I don't think I would be ok with my spouse smoking pot- too many external risk factors. We know a guy with a wife and kid who smokes pot, his wife to a lessor extent. Regular middle class suburban family. The risks seem too high to me if a neighbor or cranky relative calls them in. Not worth it. To say nothing of that they have a 6 year old around.

That said, I only call the cops about drugs if I see someone dealing. I don't call about the neighbors who clearly smoke at their parties.

[1964pandora]

It would never be ok with me because kids figure everything out. Didn't you?! I didn't know that my uncle's handrolled cigarettes were marijuana when I was a small child, but I figured it out later, of course. I think kids will figure out that their parents smoke pot even if they never see it. I had my nose into everything as a kid. I doubt that my parents could keep many secrets.