Do you have a separate bank acount in your name only?

[HIU8]

Do you have a bank account just in your name in addition to any joint accounts you have with your spouse? DH is driving me batty. I have an account in my own name where I pay for all schooling. We filed for the max for dependent care and get some back each paycheck (rather than wait for December--it's for DD's preschool and aftercare and DS's beforecare). Anyway, the checks come in DH's name and he signs them over to me so I can deposit in my account. He wants me to add him to my account so he can just sign the checks and not have to write them over to me. I say no way. This is my account (I've had it since I was 5 at the same bank). DH isn't the greatest with $$ and we cannot be late on school payments. I think I will deposit into our joint account and then withdraw and deposit into mine.

[lilycat88]

Yep. And my own investment accounts as well. :-)
They predate him and once we were married, we started joint accounts but I still kept my own and didn't transition them to "ours". We make all decisions about the money in all accounts together, though.

[L'sMommy]

Yep. And my own investment accounts as well. :-)
They predate him and once we were married, we started joint accounts but I still kept my own and didn't transition them to "ours". We make all decisions about the money in all accounts together, though.

This exactly!

[hillview]

I do sort of by accident. It is empty. I DO have separate credit cards and investments as does DH and we are aware of each others -- they are "ours" but separate under our SSNs etc.

ETA all our checking and savings with money in them are in both our names.
/hillary

[HIU8]

I just have this issue. It's mine. If g-d forbid anything were to happen I would want something in my own name to fall back on. Plus, it's MINE. It's $$ I've earned. I do have separate investments also (no way am I putting them in DH's name as well).

[infomama]

Checking account? no. Savings, retirement, investments, credit cards...yes.

Used to but juggling all the checking accounts was more work than it was worth.

[ChefGirl]

Well, No. However, DH hasn't been bringing a paycheck in months...his little venture sucks right now....so basically the joint account is all $$ I earned....with my paychecks. Oh well......

[JBaxter]

Checking and savings no. Retirement / investment/credit card yes.


We are totally open with our finances. DH does the check book/ bill paying but its all on our family computer. I can check the deposits, withdraws etc any time. I really have no need to have a separate account for cash transactions.

[Binkandabee]

Apart from our IRA I don't have any accounts separate from DH. We got married VERY young (19 and 20) so neither one of us had any assets that predated our marriage. If I did...no WAY would I put DH's name on it. I don't feel the need to open a separate account now and keep things separate...but if it came into the marriage with me...it's mine as far as I am concerned.

[AnnieW625]

No, we have one joint checking account, and one joint savings account. We do have separate 401k, and 457 plans though. We combined everything when we got married 7 yrs. ago, it's all that had ever been done in both of our families. We do have separate credit cards also. We only have one card that isn't separate, and that's the one we use the least.

[HIU8]

I got married at 33. At that point no way would I combine everything. I'm not sure I would have if I was 20 and getting married. But I am a very independent person. DH and I do the bills together so we both know, but I normally tell him what I have and how many months of school it will cover--need to make sure none of the $$ for school is touched for any other reason. My sister handed all her stuff over to her DH. She has NOTHING in her own name (including investments). BIL controls everything down to my sister needing to ask for $$ from him (maybe this is why I am the opposite....).

[egoldber]

Checking and savings no. Retirement / investment/credit card yes.

:yeahthat:

[edurnemk]

Yes I do, it's the same account I've had since I was 16. I'm totally open about it and DH knows how much money is in it. But I wouldn't close that account for anything, you just never know. I also have my own credit card.

[gcc2k]

Our checking, main credit cards, and basic savings are all joint accounts. But I still have a mutual fund in my maiden name which I am too lazy to switch over, and at this point I'll probably just keep it that way. I don't add or take any money out of it. It is definitely a rainy day account.

We both have a few separate credit card accounts which we rarely us, we also each have separate IRAs with each other as beneficiaries.

[Indianamom2]

I voted no.

The only thing I have separate is a Kohl's credit card...but then again, I think I added him on as an authorized user too...not sure if that counts.

What we have is ours. Granted, we both got married out of college/law school, so we didn't really have anything, but I'd like to think that if I can trust my Dh with my kids and my future, then I can trust him with our money as well.

[BabyBearsMom]

The only thing I have separate is my 401K though my employer. I don't really think of things that we own as "mine" vs. "his". I consider all of the money "our" money regardless of who earns it. I make a lot more money than DH, but it is money for our family not for me.

[niccig]

I just have this issue. It's mine. If g-d forbid anything were to happen I would want something in my own name to fall back on. Plus, it's MINE. It's $$ I've earned. I do have separate investments also (no way am I putting them in DH's name as well).

I agree with having your own bank account, but I do disagree with the "it's MINE. It's $$ I earned." If my DH had that attitude, I would have nothing and have to ask him for money all the time. I've SAHM for 5 years, and have been working from home for the past year, but I do not earn anywhere near what he does. If DH told me "it's my money because I earned it" I would flip out on him. It's OUR money. Which account it is in does not matter, we make the decisions on it together.

We have joint checking and savings, but I've been meaning to open my own bank account. We have joint credit cards, but I have one that is just in my name. Trying to get my credit rating up a haven't been here long enough to have a long history. We have separate retirement accounts, and talk to each about them.

[ThreeofUs]

Mine predate DH, too. The checking is basically empty - just a few hundred in it to keep it open.

[mommylamb]

Yes for retirement accounts, but that wasn't how I interpretedf your question so I voted no. When DH came to this country it was when we were engaged and for the greencard we had to show that all our finances were entirely entwined so they (the former INS) would know we were legitimate and not just in it for the greencard. We've just always kept it that way. All our credit cards are joint, all our checking/savings account, all our bills. We have similar views on money and this has never been a problem for us.

[wendibird22]

I voted yes but the answer I guess is really "sort of." We have a joint account that our paychecks are deposited to and we pay bills from. We also each have our own separate accounts for our "fun" money. I'm the primary on one and he's the primary on the other but we each list each other as the secondary. We both wanted to be sure that the other had access to the account should something happen to one of us. But we each know and respect that those accounts are for our own use. We each get an allowance each pay period that is direct deposited to those accounts. We can do whatever we wish with that money. Save it or spend it on clothes, beer w/ the boys, etc. It keeps us from having to ask permission for frivolous purchases. Like yesterday, DH bought games for the Wii out of his. Had it been "our" money I'd have been pissed, but I wasn't cause it was his money to blow.

ETA: We each have our own credit cards and one joint credit card.

[crayonblue]

Nope. Got married at 21 and 22 and had nothing then. Set everything up then in both of our names and have kept it like that since. Besides, I'm in charge of all the money! :)

[KrisM]

I do, but only because I didn't want our main account connected to Paypal. So, I opened my own at another bank to use with PP. I keep about $150 in it.

[niccig]

Yes for retirement accounts, but that wasn't how I interpretedf your question so I voted no. When DH came to this country it was when we were engaged and for the greencard we had to show that all our finances were entirely entwined so they (the former INS) would know we were legitimate and not just in it for the greencard. We've just always kept it that way. All our credit cards are joint, all our checking/savings account, all our bills. We have similar views on money and this has never been a problem for us.

This was us too. For months I couldn't use the bank account until we got married, and DH had to get money out at ATM so I could buy groceries/gas in the car. He got so annoyed with it, that as soon as we were married, he called the credit card companies, put my name on it and we were at the bank putting me on the bank account.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

Everything is joint (with the exceptions of our 401ks). Our money is our money. It doesn't matter who earned it. We got married right out of graduate school, so we were just starting out.

We even had a joint account before our wedding (saving for a house) and we bought the house before we were married as well. We were engaged, though.

We don't have a lot of friction on money as we're very similar. Still small things once in a while, usually over me buying stuff for the kids. :p

[HIU8]

Well, I still feel it's my bank account. Not that I'm not spending it on the family, and not that I wouldn't share it with DH--I have to the tune of tens of thousands. We go between bank accounts a great deal. But I still want it in my name only. I just feel like I need that security.

[infocrazy]

I voted yes but the answer I guess is really "sort of." We have a joint account that our paychecks are deposited to and we pay bills from. We also each have our own separate accounts for our "fun" money. I'm the primary on one and he's the primary on the other but we each list each other as the secondary. We both wanted to be sure that the other had access to the account should something happen to one of us. But we each know and respect that those accounts are for our own use.

This is us.

[KpbS]

Everything is joint (with the exceptions of our 401ks). Our money is our money. It doesn't matter who earned it. We got married right out of graduate school, so we were just starting out.


This is us too.

[lizzywednesday]

Yes, I have my own accounts that DH is not a part of.

My checking account is personal and my savings account is personal. I use them for my personal expenses as well as grocery shopping.

DH reimburses me for grocery shopping when he can. Sometimes he writes a check; sometimes he gives me cash.

We both have our idiosyncracies with money, so the separate accounts allow us autonomy without feeling like someone's looking over our shoulders every 5 seconds. (This makes it very easy to spend $$ on an angora/cashmere sweater dress for DD and not feel like I will get a lecture about it later.)

[niccig]

My sister handed all her stuff over to her DH. She has NOTHING in her own name (including investments). BIL controls everything down to my sister needing to ask for $$ from him (maybe this is why I am the opposite....).

Having joint accounts doesn't mean that you have no control or have to ask for $$. We have joint everything, DH earns 95% of our income, and he's the one that has to ask me how much $$ is in the bank account as I handle all the bill paying etc. DH can access the bank accounts, he just doesn't.

Sounds like your BIL is very controlling and mixing money doesn't mean that will happen. But you have to decide what works for you as a family - does your DH feel that you don't trust him to have access? Does he have a separate account that his paycheck goes into, or does it go into the joint account?

I mentioned to DH about a year ago that I need to open my own bank account and have one of the utility bills in my name (or joint names) - I had seen Suzie Orman on Oprah. He was a little taken aback by it..I still haven't done it yet, and doing it doesn't mean I don't trust DH, but I can see smart reasons to have some things in my name.

I used to be very insistent on things being equal, especially money. My parents always had yelling fight about money and Dad would say "you're spending MY money" and my mother would get revenge by going out and running up huge bills. I was adamant that I would not be dependent on anyone. I had to get over that when I first moved here and had no job until my green card went through. I had to use money DH earned to buy things, and at first I would ask "i need to get my hair cut, is that OK" and DH looked at me like I had 2 heads. He's never once said "this is my money, as I earned it." and now that I SAHM, I really had to get over this. DH has had to get used to needing to have agreement over how things are spent - we're still working on this last part to get on same page as we have different financial goals.

[maestramommy]

Checking and savings no. Retirement / investment/credit card yes.


We are totally open with our finances. DH does the check book/ bill paying but its all on our family computer. I can check the deposits, withdraws etc any time. I really have no need to have a separate account for cash transactions.

Same here, except that our investments are joint, as well as credit card. I have my own Roth IRA retirements but even those Dh set up. DH does all the accounting, but until recently I did all the cc reconciling and saw all the bills. Pre marriage he had almost all the $$ but he put my name on everything so that if anything happened to him I wouldn't be left hanging.

[scrooks]

No, we have one joint checking account, and one joint savings account. We do have separate 401k, and 457 plans though. We combined everything when we got married 7 yrs. ago, it's all that had ever been done in both of our families. We do have separate credit cards also. We only have one card that isn't separate, and that's the one we use the least.

Same here. Actually I think DH put me on his "individual" credit card so I think I am the only one with my own card! :)

[egoldber]

Sounds like your BIL is very controlling and mixing money doesn't mean that will happen.

:yeahthat:

When I was a SAHM, I never once had to "ask" DH for money or clear household purchases or items for the kids or myself with him. If I wanted to make a significant purchase (say, a dishwasher), we would talk about it. But I really can't imagine having to discuss every purchase with my spouse. We did sometimes have "Holy Guacamole! Look at how much we're spending on eating out" type moments, but not in any sort of blaming context.

I get that for some people having that autonomous money is very important. But just because money is co-mingled does not mean that one partner in the relationship has disporportionate control over that money. When a partner is controlling, money is generally only one aspect of the controlling behavior.

Although I honestly don't know what I would do or want to do if my DH was a spendthrift. He has difference priorities at times than I do, but it's not outside of what we can afford.

[KrisM]

I got married at 33. At that point no way would I combine everything. I'm not sure I would have if I was 20 and getting married. But I am a very independent person. DH and I do the bills together so we both know, but I normally tell him what I have and how many months of school it will cover--need to make sure none of the $$ for school is touched for any other reason. My sister handed all her stuff over to her DH. She has NOTHING in her own name (including investments). BIL controls everything down to my sister needing to ask for $$ from him (maybe this is why I am the opposite....).

I was 31 when I got married and owned my own house. Well, my own mortgage anyway :). I am a very independent person, too. I spent 5 weeks in Alaska travelling by myself.

We have all joint accounts, except for one I use for Paypal. I do have a Roth IRA in my own name. DH asks me for money, since he hates the bank. I do the bills, the investing, etc. He earns the money and I spend it :).

I don't think having joint accounts means I'm dependent on him. For us, it just made sense to do it this way. We have similar spending and saving habits, and we didn't find a reason to keep things separate. I find it easier for us to meet our savings and investing goals since we have it joint. I think if we were separate, I'd have to continually tell DH when he had to invest something or pay a bill, etc. It's easier if I just pay things.

[swissair81]

We don't have a joint checking account. He has a business account that I have signature priveleges & a debit card on. I have a joint account with my mother for practical reasons & I have my own checking account in the same bank. We have one joint secured cc & that's it.

[WolfpackMom]

We have a joint savings and joint checking which rarely get touched outside of us depositing money in there when we have extra. We split up the bills, I pay the big ones, DH pays smaller ones because he makes less - we pay out of our own individual checking accounts where our paychecks are deposited.
Retirement is in my own name, DH doesn't have a retirement account yet. We both have a credit card in our own name. We married relatively young compared to our friends, but DH came into the marriage with little savings and I came with an IRA, 401K, and healthy savings.

I don't think of the money I earn as "mine," I pay for a lot of our expenses (groceries, household stuff, etc) and have no problem forking over money to DH if he needs extra and I know he doesn't have a problem with my getting money from him.

We have just finished reading Dave Ramsey's book and when we do our financial overhaul in the next few weeks we will likely work out a different system, probably similar to what Wendibird22 mentioned doing.

[TwinFoxes]

I think this is one of those situations where you should do what works for your marriage, but don't jump to conclusions about people who do the opposite. I had been on my own since 17, got married in my 30s, was making a very good salary, and still combined my account with DH, the least controlling man I know. I now SAH, and only ask DH's advice about purchases (should I get the brown Uggs or the black?) and never permission. He would laugh at the notion of my asking him permission for ANYTHING! :) For us, it's just easier to have joint accounts, I can barely keep track of the ones we have!

[salsah]

I think I will deposit into our joint account and then withdraw and deposit into mine.

absolutely do this. i transfer money into my personal account (from our joint account) every now and then just to keep my accounts active. i don't have much money in my accounts since i haven't worked in so long but i don't spend out them anyway. i keep them so that i have something in just my name.

[MamaMolly]

I do...sort of. We added MIL to my checking account so she could have access to the safe deposit box in case anything happened to us. She is our DD's guardian in our wills. Kind of ironic that MIL is on it but not DH.

I also have a retirement account I had prior to marrying DH. He keeps pestering me to put it into a 'joint' account, but that is really his account with me as the beneficary. It isn't going to happen.

I watched my mom pick herself up from a financially devistating divorce at 50 years old. She'd been married 34 years. My father was extremely controlling with money all my life, and I still deal with the issues that created. Unfortunately, DH often gets painted in a bad light in my mind because of how I look at our financial situation. I openly admit that my perspective is skewed. It isn't fair to him, but we are aware of it which is half the battle.

[newg]

I do. It's an account I"ve had since I was a kid. We don't do much with it.....but consider it our (or my) back-up back-up plan for an emergency.

[pb&j]

We have one tiny joint account that we use every so often. Otherwise, our accounts are separate.

We were both grown up adults when we met and married, with our own retirement accounts, our own preferred banks, etc. Now, he owns his own business, and it's just a lot easier on both of us if his stuff is separate - his cashflow patterns are a lot different from mine, to say the least, and I do not have the brainpower to account for that whenever I want to buy groceries, for instance.

I cannot IMAGINE not having my own account.

[secchick]

We have separate checking accounts and retirement accounts, but can see each others investment account information in our combined account view (but I have to log in as him to trade his account). I am the account owner for the kids 529s. We each have individual credit cards, and each have the other as a user on our one go-to card, but that is because they are different and have different rewards. For example, I get 5% cash back on groceries, gas, and drugstores on my amex, so he puts all of those on my card and gives me the receipt. We each have our paychecks sent to our own account and then we each have certain bills (I do mortgage/utilities, and he does daycare etc) that we pay and then we each put money in the savings accounts. He puts most of his $ in the long term savings account and I mostly contribute to a separate account we use for for things like property taxes, private school tuition, homeowners insurance, or cash for the brokerage account but those are all joint accounts.

[egoldber]

Now, he owns his own business, and it's just a lot easier on both of us if his stuff is separate

My DH also has his own business. His LLC is a completely separate account. But he has it set up to "direct deposit" to pay our family account just like he would if he were working for an outside employer. All the family bills (that is, the ones not related to his business) get paid out of our family account. His business has a credit card and checking account to keep all those funds separate. That makes it much easier for tax purposes.

[YouAreTheFocus]

I voted yes--we have a joint C&S account, and then we each have our own C&S accounts, retirement accounts, and credit cards.

[pb&j]

My DH also has his own business. His LLC is a completely separate account. But he has it set up to "direct deposit" to pay our family account just like he would if he were working for an outside employer. All the family bills (that is, the ones not related to his business) get paid out of our family account. His business has a credit card and checking account to keep all those funds separate. That makes it much easier for tax purposes.

He does have separate business and personal accounts, but due to the seasonal nature of his business, sometimes there's a lot of money going in to both accounts, and sometimes there's not. It's just easier for both of our sanities to keep our separate accounts. That, and we're too lazy to combine everything and come up with a new system. ;)

[SnuggleBuggles]

I have credit cards in my name only but everything else is joint. I don't know if he even knows the bank log in info so if anyone is vulnerable here it is him. :D I make no money so I have no money to put in an account.

Beth

[daisymommy]

I voted yes but the answer I guess is really "sort of." We have a joint account that our paychecks are deposited to and we pay bills from. We also each have our own separate accounts for our "fun" money. I'm the primary on one and he's the primary on the other but we each list each other as the secondary. We both wanted to be sure that the other had access to the account should something happen to one of us. But we each know and respect that those accounts are for our own use. We each get an allowance each pay period that is direct deposited to those accounts. We can do whatever we wish with that money. Save it or spend it on clothes, beer w/ the boys, etc. It keeps us from having to ask permission for frivolous purchases. Like yesterday, DH bought games for the Wii out of his. Had it been "our" money I'd have been pissed, but I wasn't cause it was his money to blow.

ETA: We each have our own credit cards and one joint credit card.

Hey! That's us too!
And I wanted to add, this is a whole other ball game when you are a SAHM with no income. I can't take the "it's my money I earned it" stance here, and neither can DH. We share everything.

[katydid1971]

Checking and savings no. Retirement / investment/credit card yes.


We are totally open with our finances. DH does the check book/ bill paying but its all on our family computer. I can check the deposits, withdraws etc any time. I really have no need to have a separate account for cash transactions.

:yeahthat:

[army_mom]

We have separate everything. The only thing we have joint is 2 savings accounts. All of the accounts pre date marriage and since we are apart so much it only makes sense to keep our own accounts. I have added DH to my investments as the beneficiary if I die, but that is about all. We both know all the details of each others' accounts but choose to keep them separate.

[kijip]

We have joint and separate accounts- bank, retirement and credit. Many marriages end in divorce or the early death of a spouse. It is especially important for sahp and those with less income than their spouse to have a solid history in their own names. I have talked to young widows unable to get a loan or credit account they needed because they were just authorized users an not account holders. Even if you think you won't get divorced you could and even if you do stay happily married, you or your spouse could die. Look forwards to and plan for the best but be prepared for the worst case scenarios too.

Having separate accounts does not mean the the money is not both of ours. When one of us has not been working, we still allocated funds to each account- household, individual and various savings and investments, the money in my account is ours and vice versatile, we just like a little privacy over some things and that we both have full credit reports.

[MamaSnoo]

Yep. And my own investment accounts as well. :-)
They predate him and once we were married, we started joint accounts but I still kept my own and didn't transition them to "ours". We make all decisions about the money in all accounts together, though.

Us too. He also has a few of his own.