Guns in the House

[Raidra]

I'm just wondering what the expected protocol is. If a family has guns in the house (unloaded, in a safe, in this particular instance), does the family have an obligation to inform other families that come over?

We met a family in our homeschool group and it came out in casual conversation that they have guns. She complained about them having to be in a safe. Knowing her kids, I decided I didn't feel comfortable going over to their house, but then I forgot all about it. They hosted a Halloween party (we didn't attend for other reasons), and it wasn't until afterward that I remembered the gun issue. Do you think that they should have told people before inviting them into their house?

[TwinFoxes]

Honestly, no, I don't think they are under any obligation to tell.

But I think it make perfect sense for you to ask, and then not allow your DCs to visit if guns make you uncomfortable. I wouldn't let my kids visit a house with guns, especially if the mom complained about keeping them in a safe. :eek:

[MamaMolly]

It sounds to me like they did, in a casual conversation before the party, though there is no way to know if all the families invited knew.

If you are at all uncomfortable with the combination of her kids personalities and there being guns in the house then IMO you need to trust your instincts. Invite them to your house instead.

FWIW I may be in the minority, but I always assume that there are guns in a house. It is a product of my upbringing (father really into target shooting) and of my marriage (to a former cop).

I'm really glad you posted about this. Now you've got me thinking about how I'll need to address this with future playdates and friends. So TIA for the head's up! This is something I'll need to be prepared for. :)

[newg]

DH has a gun (riffle) and a bow for hunting. They are each in an individual case that is locked.......the amo is in a seperate case, locked.
We have talked about getting a gun safe a few times, but where I want it (in the basement) and where DH wants it (in our bedroom closet) has kept us from getting one.

I personally don't think about asking yet....DD1 is only 2.5, so she never goes anywhere without me.
I grew up in a hunting household, but again, my dad always has his guns and amo seperate and locked.

Our friends and neighbors know DH hunts, so I would assume they know we have a gun in the house, but I have never announced it as people come over for a party. It is locked and kept deep in our closet in our bedroom, not in a spot where people will see it.

[crl]

I agree, no obligation to tell. But you should feel free to ask. And they do, IMO, have an obligation to store them in a safe way (in a locked place, unloaded, etc) if they are hosting other peoples kids.

We do not have guns. But I was raised in a house with several (dad hunts). And I would let my child go to a house with guns if I felt they were stored safely. Heck, if your kid goes to a cop's house, there will almost certainly be a gun on the premises.

Catherine

[Green_Tea]

We don't have guns in our house and I am very anti-gun in philosophy, but I wouldn't expect that someone volunteer the information each and every time they had a child in their home or had a party. Based on the statistics about gun ownership, I am sure that I know people who own them, but have never had a conversation in which someone told me so.

[newg]

She complained about them having to be in a safe. Knowing her kids, I decided I didn't feel comfortable going over to their house

This part would bother me. And I wouldn't go over.

[lowrioh]

I don't think that there is any obligation to tell. The bigger issue is if you are comfortable leaving your DC under their supervision. Most parents I know who own guns are responsible gun owners, (have trigger locks or safes, store them unloaded etc) and I would feel comfortable with my kids being in their houses. When I was growing up my Grandfather had a case full of guns that was locked. We never even thought about playing with them.
I think the bigger issue is that a Mom would complain about guns needing to be in a safe. That would be a red flag for me.

[ladysoapmaker]

I have a single gun in the house. Up high on a shelf in my bedroom that I need to get a step stool to get to it. the ammo is out in the car (because I've been too lazy to bring it in and figure out where to safely store it out of reach of the kids).

I generally don't advertise the fact that I have a gun. the kids know about it but it's a non-issue with them because they know it's not a toy. We have several friends who are avid hunters, former military, and gun enthusiast. Most of them let us know that there were guns in the house and that they were locked up. Namely because we have small and curious children.

Now that said, does the family seem responsible about the guns?, do the kids have proper respect for the guns (ie know they should not even point a toy gun at a person)? Was the complaining because it take "oh so long" to get the guns out of the safe to go target practicing or hunting? or was it because the guns were in the house in general?

without that context I can give a definite but if they seem responsible about it then I wouldn't worry. If the safe is because the kids would keep their hands off the guns then it's an issue. My kids know not to pester about the gun and they know I may let them slide on a few things but if they touch any gun without permission they will be in serious trouble. But not every child is like that nor is every family.

Jen

[Tondi G]

My husband has 2 guns. They are kept in lock boxes and the shotgun is in a locked zip up case. I don't think we even have any rounds in the house at this point. My DH hasn't been to the range in ages. Our children have seen the guns, they know they exist and they also know that ANY gun should be treated as if it is ALWAYS loaded.

I don't openly tell people we have guns in our home but if I was asked I would absolutely let the person know that we do. Honestly I don't see it as a very big deal if the guns are stored safely. Ours are up in our closet and the boys wouldn't know how to get into the lock box and would have to cut off a lock to get into the shotgun zipped up in it's case. Not gonna happen.

I did have an old neighbor who was very nervous about guns as a whole and didn't feel comfortable with her kids in my house unless she was with them and that was fine with me.

[WolfpackMom]

I agree, no obligation to tell. But you should feel free to ask. And they do, IMO, have an obligation to store them in a safe way (in a locked place, unloaded, etc) if they are hosting other peoples kids.

Catherine

:yeahthat: Also I would have been bothered by her comment about it being a burden to lock them up as well.

[AnnieW625]

I agree, no obligation to tell. But you should feel free to ask. And they do, IMO, have an obligation to store them in a safe way (in a locked place, unloaded, etc) if they are hosting other peoples kids.

We do not have guns. But I was raised in a house with several (dad hunts). And I would let my child go to a house with guns if I felt they were stored safely. Heck, if your kid goes to a cop's house, there will almost certainly be a gun on the premises.

Catherine

:yeahthat: We have guns in our house, all in our attic unloaded. We have joked that we have a small sporting goods store (most of it was inherited from DH's family) among close friends. We want to get a safe for our garage.

[edurnemk]

Honestly, no, I don't think they are under any obligation to tell.

But I think it make perfect sense for you to ask, and then not allow your DCs to visit if guns make you uncomfortable. I wouldn't let my kids visit a house with guns, especially if the mom complained about keeping them in a safe. :eek:

:yeahthat:

[Raidra]

Well, her complaint was more along the lines of being annoyed that it's a law in Massachusetts. I don't know if she would keep them elsewhere if that wasn't required. Like I said, this is in our homeschool group, and a lot of families are generally annoyed at any government interference in personal lives, so it may have been that rather than her wishing she could keep a loaded gun under her pillow or something.

I was really surprised when she mentioned that she has guns. Gun ownership isn't really widespread here, and definitely less so within our homeschool group (and probably the homeschool population in general). I mean, I know a mother who won't let her sons go fishing, so I'm sure she'd be opposed to her kids going to a house that has guns in it, no matter how safely kept. A lot of families in our group are anti-guns.

I guess I was just thinking of it along the lines that families will usually disclose that they have pets, or food allergies, or any other FYIs. I also wonder whether I should discretely mention it to some families I know would have a problem with it, because I know it would never occur to them to ask.

[kerridean]

We have multiple guns in our home, all properly stored and locked. It would never occur to me to mention this to families who visit our home. We practice gun safety.

I would guess that 90% of those with whom we associate also have guns in the home. We live in Texas and are military...so yeah....we have guns.

[Momit]

We are not gun people at all, but I figure it's up to me to ask someone before DS goes to their house. I hadn't thought much about it since he's a young toddler, but his godparents keep guns in their house and at some point DH and I will need to discuss how we feel about DS going to their house without us, talk to them about how they keep the guns etc.

[AngelaS]

[QUOTE=kerridean;2899922]We have multiple guns in our home, all properly stored and locked. It would never occur to me to mention this to families who visit our home. We practice gun safety.

[QUOTE]

yeah that...

[ahisma]

We don't have guns in our house and I am very anti-gun in philosophy, but I wouldn't expect that someone volunteer the information each and every time they had a child in their home or had a party.

Ditto. I would expect them to disclose the information if they were not safely stored and protected from the children. Also, although I hope that my children do not encounter a gun for a good many years, we still discuss appropriate safety and respect. I don't rely on their judgment but I want them to be properly informed.

[kdeunc]

We have guns that are stored in safes. I do not disclose this fact to everyone who comes in my home. I also do not disclose that we have dogs, though it is hard to hide 3 German Shepherds! :) I know our guns are stored safely and I would certainly tell anyone who asked. I really don't let my kids go anywhere without me except for our close friends. As they get older I will ask about guns.

[JoyNChrist]

We have a lot of guns. DH is an avid hunter and has many firearms, and I grew up with a hunter father and police officer mother, so I have a rifle and handgun of my own. They're all stored unloaded in a locked gun safe, with the ammunition stored separately in a smaller safe.

I don't feel the need to disclose them to other parents, especially because gun ownership is pretty much assumed here (deep South, big hunting area). I honestly can't think of anyone I know IRL who doesn't own at least one gun.

Because of this, though, I do feel the need to ask about guns before DS1 goes to anyone's house. Not all the gun owners I know are responsible, and I have a right to know that before I send my son to their house.

You certainly have the right to ask and do what makes you comfortable.

[cckwmh]

We are also in Massachusetts, and I feel that the climate here (at least in eastern mass) is anti-gun. that being said, we have many guns. My husband hunts and inherited some guns from family. We are very safe -trigger locks on every gun, in locked cabinet or safes, ammo stored in a separate locked cabinet. our friends all know and send their kids here.

Now DD is in pre-K and is asking to have playdates with her school friends. I have been going back and forth about this and plan on telling parents we have the guns the same time I tell them about our dogs and cats. I would want to know, and would ask if DD was going over some one else's house. So, I am going to disclose it. We will see how it goes.

[vonfirmath]

This part would bother me. And I wouldn't go over.

You have never complained about the inconvenience of something you knew you had to do? Medicines in a locked cabinet. Car seat for your child. Having to put your kid in the back seat? You know it is safe, do it anyway -- but it's still something you might complaint about to someone you think is a friend.

[infomama]

Responsible gun owner here...

I don't think people have to disclose that they have firearms in the house but I would never be offended if someone asked me about ours (how they are kept secure). If someone told me that it was a PITA to keep them secured in a safe there is NO WAY I would let my kids play over there. Period.

[Katigre]

It's the parent's obligation to ask. I don't leave DS at any house unless I've first asked the status of their gun ownership and safety protocal. It feels awkward (especially if it's someone i've known for awhile but haven't gotten to the point of having my DC there without me), but I'm always glad I've asked.

I got that from Gavin DeBecker's book Protecting the Gift (http://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288126479&sr=8-1).

[gatorsmom]

I don't think she should have to volunteer the information UNLESS asked. If she's asked, I'd hope to God she's honest about owning them.

As for the other issues, I am strict about playdates and have vetoed them before. I always ask if they have 1)guns and how they are stored, 2) pets and where are they, 3) a pool and if it's covered/easily accessible, 4) a trampoline and if the kids go on it unsupervised. Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I ask and I don't care. I decide from their answers and how they respond if my kids are allowed at their house.

[Raidra]

You have never complained about the inconvenience of something you knew you had to do? Medicines in a locked cabinet. Car seat for your child. Having to put your kid in the back seat? You know it is safe, do it anyway -- but it's still something you might complaint about to someone you think is a friend.

Well, that was the first time I had met her, so it seemed strange to me that she would complain about having to keep her guns safe, especially in a generally anti-gun environment. And no, I don't complain about safety things.. but then I don't complain much to begin with, seeing as it's totally unproductive.

[ehf]

I don't think a gun owner is under any particular obligation to reveal the presence of guns to every parent whose child accepts a playdate--but this question is definitely making me think about my own child and where she goes to play!

I would not worry in the least about a gun that's in a locked safe, separate from the ammo, and that a child does not know how to access. I would, however, have serious reservations about sending my child to a house where the gun or the ammo is accessible to any of the children in the house. I would not care about whatever restraint or gun safety rules the parent claimed for his or her own DC--I would be worried about playmates, about a momentary lapse in judgment (um, happens with children!) or about accidents. I would really have a hard time with that.

As a random note, when I was in 4th grade, my best friend's sister's boyfriend brought a gun into the house. She was around 17 at the time. It was loaded, and the sister asked us to take it and hide it from the boyfriend. We did so, and then I ran home, scared. But not before I took the loaded gun and hid it in a drawer. In retrospect, I'm shocked that nothing ever came of that incident--I'll have to ask my mom why not! (or maybe it did, and I just don't remember)