Anyone struggle with being hyper irritable? Coping strategies? (Long)

[ha98ed14]

I really struggle with being overly irritable. Its not all the time, but lately more oft than not. I also have a pretty low frustration threshold all the time. I know that these are symptoms of my depression, which I already make medication for. I know I am more irritable than before because my stress level is high because of issues with my mom that have spilled over and affected our finances. I am already on a pretty high dose of what I take and I am loathe to change meds because the side effects of other drugs in the same family are more nasty than the one I am on. And as anyone who takes meds for mental illness knows, the process of changing the meds & dosage can be worse than the illness itself.

You can imagine how wonderfully my days are going with a 3 y.o. who dicks around and goes on her merry way when you give her very direct instructions. "Go get your shoes on, please." turns into a winding walk through the garden of all the other clothes she could possibly put on. "This one? No... This one? No..." When I help her get dressed, instead of standing up and putting her legs into the pants, she lays down in my lap or across my back and laughs. She things it's hysterical. It makes me so frustrated. I am trying not to blow my stack because I think this is pretty normal for a 3 y.o., not pathological anti-social behavior. But it's really frustrating. And it makes me late often. My fault for not planning time for the uncooperative behavior. But. Still. Very. Frustrating.

For the frustration, I have learned to walk away if it is over a "thing". I just let DH do it. Same with dealing with DD, if he is home. I just say, "I need help now." and usually he picks up on it and will come help me or take over. But these days I am home with her by myself. I have her more now than I did previously because we had to take her out of pre-school. So now I get much less of a break.

I try to give myself a break by having DD have a quiet time or giving myself "10 minute breaks" every hour and a half, but DD usually ends up coming back after 5 minutes and saying "Is it time now, Mommy?" meaning "Is your break over?" She can't really help herself. She is an extrovert (I think) and an only child. There is no one to play with but me or DH when we are at home.

I already have her in an activity everyday. We go to Library Story Hour, Music class, Dance Class, Museum hour, and a Friday afternoon play group. But these activities only take up about two hours door to door.

I am really looking for how to cope with my irritability. I talked with DH last night and he agrees that adding more activities to my days with DD is not necessarily going to help. I need some better coping strategies. TIA for any advice.

[cono0507]

Honestly, the best solution for me was to try to get 8 hours of sleep every night for myself and I started running every other morning before my kids get up. I was getting way too irritable and short tempered with them (age 5 and 3) and now things are a lot better. I hope you find something that works for you because I know how miserable it can be.

[brittone2]

I'm not really much help, but I know for me when I start getting snappy and have no patience, it is usually a big signal that I need better self-care. Easier said than done though, especially when you are dealing w/ the issues with your family right now.

I'm an introvert (not shy, but to recharge I need little people to not be talking to me. Constantly. kwim?). If I don't carve out little bits of alone time I find myself getting very cranky with my kids. DH is good about recognizing my need as well and when things get cranky he makes sure I do something to get some alone time. DS2 is EBF so it is tough right now, but I felt better after spending an hour at the mall by myself this weekend. I had errands to do there but doing it by myself, including just driving in peace and quiet, was very nice :)

My 3 yo dawdles about clothing, etc. as well and I know it can be really frustrating.

[Momof3Labs]

There were times when I would just put the boys in the car and drive. Anywhere. They were safe, I could ignore them, and I didn't have to be "on" as a parent. A walk in a stroller can work, too, if your DD is still opening to sitting in the stroller. Both options give you a break without her feeling like you are actually taking a time-out, kwim?

[ohiomom]

Acupuncture helped me a LOT. I go for a "tune up" now and then if I notice I'm getting edgy. Don't ask me how/why it works, but in my case it does. Best part, no side effects (the drug side effects were awful and so glad to no be taking them now).

Also, echoing pp -- solid 7-8 hrs of sleep at a minimum days on end make a huge, huge difference for me.

Now if I could just get my backside moving like she suggested. :)

[wellyes]

DH gets like that unless he gets lots of exercise (at least 4 days a week moderate-to-intense) and lots of sleep. I know that's easier said than done though. And a 3 year old would test anyone's patience, for sure.

[brgnmom]

I really struggle with being overly irritable. Its not all the time, but lately more oft than not. I also have a pretty low frustration threshold all the time. I know that these are symptoms of my depression, which I already make medication for. I know I am more irritable than before because my stress level is high because of issues with my mom that have spilled over and affected our finances. I am already on a pretty high dose of what I take and I am loathe to change meds because the side effects of other drugs in the same family are more nasty than the one I am on. And as anyone who takes meds for mental illness knows, the process of changing the meds & dosage can be worse than the illness itself.

You can imagine how wonderfully my days are going with a 3 y.o. who dicks around and goes on her merry way when you give her very direct instructions. "Go get your shoes on, please." turns into a winding walk through the garden of all the other clothes she could possibly put on. "This one? No... This one? No..." When I help her get dressed, instead of standing up and putting her legs into the pants, she lays down in my lap or across my back and laughs. She things it's hysterical. It makes me so frustrated. I am trying not to blow my stack because I think this is pretty normal for a 3 y.o., not pathological anti-social behavior. But it's really frustrating. And it makes me late often. My fault for not planning time for the uncooperative behavior. But. Still. Very. Frustrating.

For the frustration, I have learned to walk away if it is over a "thing". I just let DH do it. Same with dealing with DD, if he is home. I just say, "I need help now." and usually he picks up on it and will come help me or take over. But these days I am home with her by myself. I have her more now than I did previously because we had to take her out of pre-school. So now I get much less of a break.

I try to give myself a break by having DD have a quiet time or giving myself "10 minute breaks" every hour and a half, but DD usually ends up coming back after 5 minutes and saying "Is it time now, Mommy?" meaning "Is your break over?" She can't really help herself. She is an extrovert (I think) and an only child. There is no one to play with but me or DH when we are at home.

I already have her in an activity everyday. We go to Library Story Hour, Music class, Dance Class, Museum hour, and a Friday afternoon play group. But these activities only take up about two hours door to door.

I am really looking for how to cope with my irritability. I talked with DH last night and he agrees that adding more activities to my days with DD is not necessarily going to help. I need some better coping strategies. TIA for any advice.

have you tried yoga classes? when we first moved to LA this summer, I tried out a yoga class taught at a nearby beach and it was super relaxing. The instructor allows kids to be with their moms on the beach, while she teaches different stretches, etc, and the one I went to was reasonably priced ($10 for the full hour). She also accommodated to pregnant mommies which was nice for me. my DS loved sitting on the towel next to me, and he would play with his sand toys while I got a great stretch/meditation and break.

Please feel free to PM me if you'd like more info about the yoga on the beach classes. I have the email address of the instructor -- not sure of your location in SoCal, but I'm near LAX and Santa Monica...closer to the LAX area though. The instructor also teaches at the Innovative Baby store in Marina del Rey, but that class is tailored for toddlers & parents (http://www.innovative-baby.com/shop/pc/Toddler-and-Me-Yoga-104p3116.htm).

I'd also suggest the YMCA or 24 hr fitness - it seems like you already have a lot of classes for your DD, but it's nice to have a gym w/ childcare to work out at or just unwind. I had a Y membership beforehand, and I'm planning on trying out the 24 hr fitness after giving birth to DC2. working out eases me and I get a rush from swimming/being active.

HTH!

[swissair81]

I wish I could help, but I am also often super irritable. I'll be looking interestedly at the suggestions here.

[JustMe]

Unfortunately, I cant really think of any helpful coping strategies...but I do have an idea that might help dd more able to cope with her 10 min of quiet time...use a timer. Give one to her and one that you have. Although at her age, she wont know how much time she has left, she will know to wait until the beeper goes off, and having the timer gives most kids a feeling of control some how.

[BabyMine]

Taking high doses of some medications can cause it. It happened to me when they increased my antidepressant.

[MomToOne]

I put her in the car and go as well. I also use movies to have her sit still for a little while and allow me to take a break.

[vejemom]

Do you take Wellbutrin, by any chance? I took it years ago and finay had to stop. It made me almost homicidal, with adults, no less.

[Twoboos]

I wish I could help, but I am also often super irritable. I'll be looking interestedly at the suggestions here.

:yeahthat: I am irritable with pretty much anyone that breaths in our house... no one is safe. I have been thinking of trying acupuncture so I'm glad to see someone recommended that! Need to get more sleep though. I get to bed too late and DH is a very restless sleeper/insomniac which keeps me awake which makes me cranky...

[bandgsmama]

i also find myself in your situation a lot of times. i am on an antidepressant & anxiety medicine to help with it. sometimes, i have to go outside & just take a quick breather away from it all (my kiddos are ok in front of the tv for a few minutes unattended i feel).
hang in there!

[DietCokeLover]

Hugs, Mama. I am struggling with irritability these days too. I'm not liking myself much right now and am not liking who I am becoming with my kids. Bedtime is our worst time of the day.

I don't have any good strategies for keeping the irritability at bay, but I am using my "bad moments" to model apologizing to my children, asking their forgiveness and telling them that Mommy makes mistakes too. Then we will typically pray together. It ends up being a sweet time, but I hate that I have raised my voice at them or snapped at them to begin with.

[egoldber]

I know that getting enough sleep and consistent, hard exercise are important for me. So if it were me, given that you do not want to switch meds, I would try those things first.

Also, are you seeing a therapist as well as taking meds? Especially since you are in a bit of a crisis mode, I would think that talking with someone could be very beneficial.

But I think you also need to consider changing/adjusting meds if that does not work.

[DebbieJ]

That type of anger and irritability were my biggest symptoms of ppd/depression.

[jse107]

That type of anger and irritability were my biggest symptoms of ppd/depression.

Same here. And I get irritated by all the same things that were mentioned.

Perhaps some meditation or deep breathing exercises? Some B vitamins?

[sunriseiz]

Same here. And I get irritated by all the same things that were mentioned.

Perhaps some meditation or deep breathing exercises? Some B vitamins?


me too. a few months of the right anti-depressant made a world of difference (had to try more than one). a WORLD of difference! all of the suggestions are good, but I'd talk to you dr as well.

hugs!

[happy2bamom]

similar to other posters, when I get enough sleep (for me it is at least 8 hours) and exercise before the kids wake-up it makes ALL the difference in the world. I am a much better mommy when I get my workout in before I have to start my day with the kids. That being said, I'm not a morning person so I have an internal battle with myself everyday to get out of bed early. The days that I opt to sleep more in the morning are the days that I find myself being more irritable with the kids. HTH

[pinkmomagain]

My (anxious) oldest is just coming out of a depressed state where she was highly irritable/emotional...turns out one of her behavioral meds was the culprit. We had added it about 6-8weeks ago, but this ugly side effect just came out a couple of weeks ago. Within a couple of days of eliminating it, she is back to her normal self. Amazing. Maybe you want to check on your meds and see if they need some adjusting.

In general, she is a highly sensitive/anxious type kid and (as others have posted) adequate sleep in addition to exercise help to keep behavior manageable.

Something that I've noticed myself, is that too much caffiene really can make me very irritable with my kids. My morning coffee (usually 2 cups) is OK. But if I have one in the afternoon, my patience runs very thin with my kids and I snap alot. So I try not to make coffee in the afternoon a regular thing and also do not have other caffienated beverages (soda, tea, etc.).

HTH

[niccig]

For me, it's generally my thyroid meds are off - so do get your medications checked.

I also need regular sleep and I don't sleep well when I'm stressed. Exercise helps to make me tired.

Is there anyone you can talk to, like a pastor at Church to help you process your feelings/your stress?

:hug: I know things are difficult. But you're a strong Mama, and you will get through it.

[Katigre]

1. Ask your doctor about adding Deplin (prescription supplement) to your depression medication. It enhances the absorption of the meds and is a newer product that has seen HUGE results. I know several people on it and it has seriously improved their mental health (without needing medication increases).

2. Are you taking name brand or generic medication? Many generic antidepressants are much less effective and you need the name brand for it to work as well.

3. Take fish oil (high EPA fish oil - it should have at least 1,000mg of EPA per two capsules). This is essential for healthy brain function, especially in depression.

4. Since the seasons are changing, consider getting a Sun Lamp to sit under for 30 minutes each morning - this helps with improved mood too.

5. Exercise. This releases endorphins that will stimulate positive emotions in the brain and help it produce the right brain chemicals.

[robinsmommy]

"Do you take Wellbutrin, by any chance? I took it years ago and finay had to stop. It made me almost homicidal, with adults, no less"

This raises a red flag for me. I was about to go in and ask about trying something else, and I will get a move on that. Finding the right med has been awful for me, so much so that I wonder about weaning off and trying the Perika St John's Wort. I have tried accupuncture, and it didn't help me (but I also HATE needles, so I think that it didn't help me relax as it should have).

I have to second the sleep and exercise. I also do fish oil. I recommend the book "Beyond Blues" - it is geared mostly to mamas and women, and very relevant.

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Blue-Surviving-Depression-Anxiety/dp/1599951568

Even if you don't have time to read the whole thing, there is sort of a summary in the back of things to do to cope/help depression. I photocopied it and go back to it when I have a flare. At least I'm no longer fleeing to the laundry room to have a good cry by myself....

Read "Love and Logic" again if you haven't - there are some things my 3 does that there are no good natural consequences for, but for getting ready and putting on shoes, it helps to have some tools. I prefer "Without spanking or spoiling" but it is getting a little harder to find.

Also know that 3 is known by veteran parents as being stinky. Worse than 2 really - they are testing limits and as hard as it is, being firm and gentle is important....it will get better.

Hugs, hang in there, there are many others who can empathize.....

[sste]

Well, not in any way to discount your unique situation and challenges . . . but day in/day out with a three year old can be pretty darn irritating! I don't have the clinical depression piece to deal with and there is no way I would have the patience to deal with my three year old all day, seven days a week - - some of us are just not wired that way. What I love is the preschool/half or three quarter day model where the parent has some fun time, can do some activities etc but also has a good break.

I know you had some preschool woes and then these financial stressors . . . but any options for half day preschool? In my area there are very low cost options through the parks and recreation depts of towns/cities. I really think 3-4 hours to yourself will make a world of difference if you can swing it. :)