This has been bothering me all day...WWY have done?

[Kaylee31]

Ok, a little background. I own a condo in a large complex that is a mix of remodeled owner-occupied townhomes and ones that are for Section 8/low-income housing. For the most part it's very nice, quiet, safe...but in certain areas of the complex-- a little bit "ghetto-ish". As in kids running around unsupervised, toys strewn all over lawns, loud & obnoxious people.
It doesn't really matter, except that I'm used to seeing little kids-- I'm talking 2, 3 yrs. old playing outside by themselves, with no adult in sight.

So this morning I'm driving through the complex, taking DS to daycare before work and I see 2 twin boys, that look to be around 2, maybe 3 years old. They were running down the sidewalk, both only in a shirt & a diaper. No shoes, socks, pants. My car said the outside temp was 58. I was so shocked! I stopped the car and they continued to run in the opposite direction. There was absolutely no one in sight! I'm just like, WTF??!! It was a one-way so I couldn't turn around. I didn't want to leave DS in the car to chase them. I called 911 from my cell and told them what I saw and where and they said they'd send a patrol car. I have no idea what happened after that. I mean, whether or not their parent/guardian, whoever, actually let them outside like that; or they got out themselves, that is neglect! WTH were they thinking? But I feel terrible that I didn't do more, like chase them down and keep an eye on them.

[ha98ed14]

I think you did all you could. You called 911. Leaving your own DS in the car alone is illegal, and that would put you into the neglect camp of the twins' caregiver. Not an option. I know when you become a mom, somehow you want to stop all children's suffering, but you can't put your own DC in danger to do it. Really, I think you did all you could. :hug:

[babyready]

I think you did the exact right thing. It is the same thing I would have done.

[elephantmeg]

sounds like the perfect solution. Poor kids!

[mytwosons]

I think you did the exact right thing. It is the same thing I would have done.

:yeahthat:

[Binkandabee]

That's tough. Don't be too hard on yourself because you did what you thought was the right thing at that point in time and that's all anyone can ask. You don't have the benefit of hindsight like we do.

That said, I don't think I could have left two two year olds running down the sidewalk unsupervised in cold weather like that....even if letting young children roam unsupervised is typical for the area. The fact that they were barefoot and only in diapers really leads me to believe they snuck out without their caregivers knowledge...and if that's the case it would have probably been only a matter of minutes before their caregiver came frantically looking for them. Perhaps I give some parents too much credit...but I think even the worst parent wouldn't send two two year olds outside to play unsupervised in a diaper when it's 58 degrees out. Had they been dressed, even if inappropriately, I might have called the police and left...but to me...this situation appears very much accidental.

I would have stopped, parked the car, got DS out of his seat, THEN chased them down. Then I would have called the police and stayed with the children until the police arrived.

[ha98ed14]

That's tough. Don't be too hard on yourself because you did what you thought was the right thing at that point in time and that's all anyone can ask. You don't have the benefit of hindsight like we do.
...

I would have stopped, parked the car, got DS out of his seat, THEN chased them down. Then I would have called the police and stayed with the children until the police arrived.

Not to be rude, but I can't see your hindsight. How exactly would this have worked? Are you going to go running down the sidewalk carrying DS in one arm with the other outstretched hoping to catch one of the twins? What about the other one? If you didn't carry DS, and let him walk, you'd quickly out-walk/run him pursuing the twins and he'd be left standing on the sidewalk. Seems like a no win situation.

Add to that that OP was going to work and had to drop off DS at daycare and you are dealing with a time pressure. If OP has a job with professional courtesies, then perhaps being 20-60 minutes late would not have mattered, but if she has to clock in, waiting with the kids for the police to arrive may not have been possible. Police response time to non-emergency situations can be very long depending on what other calls they have.

I think in this situation, OP did exactly the right thing. If you don't have the good sense to put a chain on your door if you have child that can get out, then no amount of triage intervention is going to make up for a lifestyle of irresponsibility.

[mamicka]

I mean, whether or not their parent/guardian, whoever, actually let them outside like that; or they got out themselves, that is neglect! WTH were they thinking? But I feel terrible that I didn't do more, like chase them down and keep an eye on them.

I think you did the right thing. However, I don't think you know enough about this situation to declare it neglect. That's harsh.

[Binkandabee]

Not to be rude, but I can't see your hindsight. How exactly would this have worked? Are you going to go running down the sidewalk carrying DS in one arm with the other outstretched hoping to catch one of the twins? What about the other one? If you didn't carry DS, and let him walk, you'd quickly out-walk/run him pursuing the twins and he'd be left standing on the sidewalk. Seems like a no win situation.

Add to that that OP was going to work and had to drop off DS at daycare and you are dealing with a time pressure. If OP has a job with professional courtesies, then perhaps being 20-60 minutes late would not have mattered, but if she has to clock in, waiting with the kids for the police to arrive may not have been possible. Police response time to non-emergency situations can be very long depending on what other calls they have.

I think in this situation, OP did exactly the right thing. If you don't have the good sense to put a chain on your door if you have child that can get out, then no amount of triage intervention is going to make up for a lifestyle of irresponsibility.

Not sure how to do a multi quote so I'll just respond by paragraph.

Of course it is difficult to carry one toddler and chase down two others...but difficult logistics wouldn't get in my way of helping two children who are too young to help themselves. I'm not saying I'd capture them and hold them hostage until police arrived (in fact I probably wouldn't even touch them)...just that I'd monitor them and make sure they stayed out of the street and in the general area they were found in.

The OP stated she called 911, not the non-emergency line. 911 calls for missing children are taken very seriously...I imagine 911 calls for lost children have the same priority. This is a lost child, not a stray dog afterall. I highly doubt it would take an hour for police to respond to a call for a lost child. Maybe I'm wrong on that but a lost toddler warrants an emergency response IMO.

The last paragraph you are essentially assuming that 1) the parents knew of their children's tendency to wander and 2) that because of that the kids aren't deserving of protection from harm they can't even foresee (running out into the street among other things). I can't follow that line of reasoning.

OP asked WWYD...not did I do the right thing. There really is no "right thing" here...except you just have to do what you can and what you feel is right. That is going to vary for everyone.

[wellyes]

I would have hoped I'd have chased after the kids AND called 911, but in your shoes, I'd probably have ended up doing the same thing (called, hoped for the best and moved on). Scary. Poor kids.

I'm glad you called.

[3blackcats]

I think I would have followed in reverse going down the wrong way on the street while calling 911.

But here's the thing - we have all had time to process the situation while sitting in our homes. In the situation, I'm sure I would have done exactly what the OP did.

[ehf]

We live in the smallest house in an otherwise ridiculously expensive neighborhood--and our neighbor's 4 yo is regularly outside, shoeless, by herself. She crosses the street to get to another neighbor's house.

I actually mentioned to her mother once that I was worried about her crossing the street b/c she doesn't seem to look both ways--and the mother sort of sighed and agreed it was a problem. The two other moms and I in the neighborhood have all sent the girl home to get shoes more than once.

I just wanted to make the point that: 1. it's not necessarily about socioeconomic class and 2. that I have NO IDEA how to deal with other people's different parenting decisions. I can't believe how hard it's been to know when to say something to another parent, and when not to...

My DD is only 15 months. I'm a teacher, so I'm used to sort of taking care of children in my vicinity. I think living next to this new neighbor is going to be hard!

I know this is veering slightly off-topic, but I feel for your situation of being surrounded by parenting decisions that you disagree with and constantly having to decide what to do.

[peanut520]

i would have done exactly what you did.

and to play devil's advocate what would you have done if you caught up to the kids? what if the parents/ gaurdians came out and saw you with their kids and got defensive? unfortunately i've seem situations get hostile when you are completly in the right, but the person feels like you are judging them or being condesending to them or it is none of your business.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My ds1 got out of the house before dh and I were awake one morning. Never dawned on us that he would leave the house while we were asleep so it wasn't something we listened for. The doors were locked but he undid the locks. He slept in a t and diaper so he would have looked just as bad. Just saying that it very well might not have been neglect, just 2 escapees! It happens!

OP- I think you made the right decision.

Beth

[WolfpackMom]

No one can say what they EXACTLY would have done if they weren't in the situation and there isnt really a right or wrong answer here. I think you acted perfectly appropriately.

[California]

At least you did something! Calling 911 is taking action.

Personally I would have gotten out and rounded up the errant toddlers. Don't kick yourself over it, though. As a former teacher rounding up lost children is a drilled in instinct, I've done it so often. I also stop for every stray dog :)

I'm surprised at a couple of the previous responses.
I hope for most of us the bottom line is this:
No matter what the parents situation
or socio-economic class
or if being late to work
or if getting a ticket for leaving my toddler (safely) in the car
or if the mom might yell...
The safety of the kids comes first.

I bet that's why this is haunting you a little. You have a good heart. But you did DO something, and a lot of people sad to say would have just driven right on by.

[TwinFoxes]

OP, I don't think you did anything wrong.

Reading this I immediately thought I'd put the car in reverse to catch up with the kids. Maybe it's because I have 2 year old twins, but I know I couldn't let them go. But I've been known to reverse down a one way for a good parking spot.

I understand fear that the parents may get defensive. But it does remind me of that horrid "What would you do?" TV show. Everyone says they're afraid to get involved.

I do find it interesting that some posters leap to neglect. Many people on this board have posted about their DCs getting out of the house. And the poor twins who got out of their house and died in their family pools, their parents weren't accused of neglect. Just because you're poor doesn't make you neglectful.

[ha98ed14]

I do find it interesting that some posters leap to neglect. Many people on this board have posted about their DCs getting out of the house. And the poor twins who got out of their house and died in their family pools, their parents weren't accused of neglect. Just because you're poor doesn't make you neglectful.

ITA! I grew up relatively poor because my mom was a single parent, so only one income. But we were anything but neglected. I think my mom was over protective (to the point of being somewhat controlling in the teen years) because "she did not want people to think we were urchins". I grew up with her telling me that.

I'm not 100% sure if I am a/the poster you're referring to, but I think I am. I did jump to the conclusion of neglect. I must have been having one of my hyper irritable moments. But really, we don't know what house the twins escaped from. It could be an owner-occupied unit, like OP's. But chain locks are relatively cheap and it's an affordable fix for most people. After this thread, I am thinking seriously about getting one. DD has yet to escape, but I'd rather not leave it to chance.

[twowhat?]

I also think you did the right thing.

[jren]

But chain locks are relatively cheap and it's an affordable fix for most people. After this thread, I am thinking seriously about getting one. DD has yet to escape, but I'd rather not leave it to chance.

My DS mastered chain locks at 18 months. (Thanks grandma for getting him that Melissa and Doug puzzle with all the latches!) He's 2 as of today and has been pushing our kitchen chairs up to stuff to reach things for months and months now. He's tall and could teach a lock even put high on the door (he's 3 feet already). What we did was put those door knob covers over all exterior doors. Occasionally he has pulled really hard and ripped open the cover. Don't know what I'll do when he masters those. Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there for anyone considering a chain, just make sure you know your DC can't work it.

Our neighbors little boy used to escape and we'd see him running down the street in just a diaper in the middle of winter. Luckily we live in a quite neighborhood, not a lot of cars, and in the cul-de-sac. We also know which kid belongs where so it was easy to just return him home.

[maestramommy]

I think you did the only thing you could do, under the circumstances.

[vonfirmath]

My DS mastered chain locks at 18 months. (Thanks grandma for getting him that Melissa and Doug puzzle with all the latches!) He's 2 as of today and has been pushing our kitchen chairs up to stuff to reach things for months and months now. He's tall and could teach a lock even put high on the door (he's 3 feet already). What we did was put those door knob covers over all exterior doors. Occasionally he has pulled really hard and ripped open the cover. Don't know what I'll do when he masters those. Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there for anyone considering a chain, just make sure you know your DC


Our son mastered those door knob covers within about 2 weeks of putting them on the doors. (he was not quite 2 years old)

We leave them there because it is a deterrent -- he knows doors with covers are doors he is not allowed to open.

Now that he is 3... I don't know what would keep him in if he wanted out. Something too heavy for him to move in front of the door?

And BTW we are not allowed to install chain locks on our door. We rent and have to ask permission before making holes. (pictures in wall, fine. They don't want the doors messed with)

[jren]

Our son mastered those door knob covers within about 2 weeks of putting them on the doors. (he was not quite 2 years old)

We leave them there because it is a deterrent -- he knows doors with covers are doors he is not allowed to open.

Now that he is 3... I don't know what would keep him in if he wanted out. Something too heavy for him to move in front of the door?

And BTW we are not allowed to install chain locks on our door. We rent and have to ask permission before making holes. (pictures in wall, fine. They don't want the doors messed with)

NO!!! Don't tell me that. He is so headstrong I don't know what I'll do when he can open those knob covers. I guess never go to the bathroom again.