SAHM: what is your response when pp ask what you do all day?

[moonsky]

I don't know what they try to make me feel. I have three children under 5 yrs old. Aren't the answer obvious to them?

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Sarcasm works for me. Either "oh ya know eat bon-bons and watch soap operas" or "I scrub the floor on my hands an knees, iron and do it with a smile!"

[TwinFoxes]

I have never had anyone ask that. I would be really annoyed.

[crl]

I don't know what they try to make me feel. I have three children under 5 yrs old. Aren't the answer obvious to them?

No one has ever had the nerve to ask me that. How rude.

Catherine

[moonsky]

I have never had anyone ask that. I would be really annoyed.



I have been asked that question many times following by when you are going back to work.

[LMPC]

I was only home with one and no one dared ask me that. If it's not obvious what a parent who stays home does, then the person is beyond help for mental deficiencies!

[brgnmom]

I don't know what they try to make me feel. I have three children under 5 yrs old. Aren't the answer obvious to them?

wow, that is rude...

you know, I know one SAHM mom (of 2 kids who are 3 yrs apart) who asked me earlier this year that specific question but modified..."What do you do at home with JUST one child?" I felt really offended and told her we would start ttc for dc2 soon when the time was right, and she further insulted me by implying that I would have difficulty conceiving dc2. boy was she surprised to hear that I was pregnant that very month.

[alien_host]

I have been asked that question many times following by when you are going back to work.

:yeahthat: , especially since DD started Kinder...geez, I just spent 5 years caring for her and keeping her alive etc...don't I deserve a slight "break" - do I have to have a job lined up immediately? AND I feel busier than ever...volunteering at school, activities, school meetings!

I HATE that question!

[baymom]

I don't know what they try to make me feel. I have three children under 5 yrs old. Aren't the answer obvious to them?


Geez, how rude! I have never been asked that question, although I know people who I'm sure are judging my decision to be a SAHM for a while. I think I'd be too shocked and annoyed to answer and just glare.

[edurnemk]

I have never had anyone ask that. I would be really annoyed.

I always have the same 2 people ask that. It's insulting and meddling.

My single, childless SIL (who lives with her parents and has been through 9 jobs in 5 years) asks this frequently. So last time she asked I recited a VERY detailed list of every single chore, starting with: "well, you know, DS wakes up before 6 am, so I get him from his crib, fix his breakfast, play with him, wash dishes, plan lunch, make the bed, vacuum, do laundry, shop for groceries, put him down for nap, play with him more, read to him, take him to the park, make dinner, pay bills..... " you get the idea. She looked overwhelmed just from hearing it, and she's never asked again. I know she was trying to make me look bad by asking (in front of several people), since she's made snarky comments about SAHMs before.

When DS was younger, SIL and MIL kept asking one day what I did during nap time, I said I took advantage of that time to do chores I couldn't do while DS was awake, like scrubbing toilets and ironing clothes, and maybe take 10 minutes for a cup of coffee. And they said they didn't believe me, they insisted that I surely took that time to myself, watched TV, etc. Ugh.

At first DH was influenced by their ideas and kept asking every evening what I did all day, so I gave him the detailed run down as well, and then gave him a chore list in writing where my side was 2 pages long and his was like 5 lines. That shut him up.

I am very annoyed by people who imply SAHM live in some sort of permanent paid vacation. And actually asking? Please mind your own business, people!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

wow, that is rude...

you know, I know one SAHM mom (of 2 kids who are 3 yrs apart) who asked me earlier this year that specific question but modified..."What do you do at home with JUST one child?" I felt really offended and told her we would start ttc for dc2 soon when the time was right, and she further insulted me by implying that I would have difficulty conceiving dc2. boy was she surprised to hear that I was pregnant that very month.

wow, that is beyond rude! i can't believe the things some people say. fortunately no one has ever asked me anything like that. maybe it's because where i live, the cost of living is pretty low and it is very common to be a SAHM here, even of just one kid.

actually, before Pac-Baby was born, i was a SAHW (stay-at-home wife) for 1.5 years. Initially it was not by choice at all, it was because we moved and could not find a new job in the area, given the bad economy. I did eventually find a part-time job working from home but it paid nothing close to my old job. Shortly after i got pregnant with Pac-Baby so i gave up the FT job search and figured i'd SAH during the pregnancy. When I told people I stayed at home (but didn't have kids) I expected tons of judgmental comments or surprised looks from people but I must say I never got any. I even found a good friend who is a stay-at home wife (no kids). I guess i'm lucky to live in an area where this sort of lifestyle is accepted and people don't feel the need to ask prying questions. I think in other places I have lived, women staying at home is looked down upon somewhat.

[swissair81]

I have 4 children. 3 of them are under age 4. 1 of them is a wild maniac. No one asks. If they ask anything, they wonder how I'm sane, showered & coping.

[lchang25000]

I have been asked that question many times following by when you are going back to work.

:yeahthat: I just say I'm on the BBB all day! :rotflmao:

[WolfpackMom]

I wonder if people ask out of jealousy at all...Not gonna lie, I get envious at times of people who are able to be SAHMs. I find it so hard working and taking care of DS at the same time that I often wonder how it would be just being able to focus on him and the house without work in the equation. I fantasize about all the things I/we could do.

[katydid1971]

"Drink booze and watch my stories"

ETA: One of my SILs asked me this BTW here mom has her kids from 7:30 am until 6:00 pm.

[brgnmom]

wow, that is beyond rude! i can't believe the things some people say. fortunately no one has ever asked me anything like that. maybe it's because where i live, the cost of living is pretty low and it is very common to be a SAHM here, even of just one kid.

actually, before Pac-Baby was born, i was a SAHW (stay-at-home wife) for 1.5 years. Initially it was not by choice at all, it was because we moved and could not find a new job in the area, given the bad economy. I did eventually find a part-time job working from home but it paid nothing close to my old job. Shortly after i got pregnant with Pac-Baby so i gave up the FT job search and figured i'd SAH during the pregnancy. When I told people I stayed at home (but didn't have kids) I expected tons of judgmental comments or surprised looks from people but I must say I never got any. I even found a good friend who is a stay-at home wife (no kids). I guess i'm lucky to live in an area where this sort of lifestyle is accepted and people don't feel the need to ask prying questions. I think in other places I have lived, women staying at home is looked down upon somewhat.

I wish I could move to TX! ;) by the way, the comment/question that I received was from someone in Boston - I couldn't believe she had the nerve to ask that, considering that she is a SAHM herself. It was strange that she had a competitive attitude about parenting two kids versus one.

[TwinFoxes]

I have been asked that question many times following by when you are going back to work.

By strangers, or someone you know? If it's someone you know, there are issues you need to deal with, that I don't think a snappy comeback will fix. If it's a stranger, I'd mention gin and tonics, Oprah, and of course my cabana boy, Jean-Claude.

[moonsky]

By strangers, or someone you know? If it's someone you know, there are issues you need to deal with, that I don't think a snappy comeback will fix. If it's a stranger, I'd mention gin and tonics, Oprah, and of course my cabana boy, Jean-Claude.

Unfortunately, it was asked by Dh's cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. I wonder whether they thought I was a gold digger. There hasn't been gold to dig. I was a professional and earned more than Dh. We got married a year after dating. His family(not immediate ones) doesn't know me well.

[moonsky]

I always have the same 2 people ask that. It's insulting and meddling.

My single, childless SIL (who lives with her parents and has been through 9 jobs in 5 years) asks this frequently. So last time she asked I recited a VERY detailed list of every single chore, starting with: "well, you know, DS wakes up before 6 am, so I get him from his crib, fix his breakfast, play with him, wash dishes, plan lunch, make the bed, vacuum, do laundry, shop for groceries, put him down for nap, play with him more, read to him, take him to the park, make dinner, pay bills..... " you get the idea. She looked overwhelmed just from hearing it, and she's never asked again. I know she was trying to make me look bad by asking (in front of several people), since she's made snarky comments about SAHMs before.



Good idea. I will do that next time.

[DietCokeLover]

No one has ever asked me that in a rude way. But, I tell them! I cleaned up pee on the floor 3 times because we are pting, I made lunch, scrubbed the tub, taught my son his abcs, etc.

[moonsky]

I am glad that I am not the only one finding the question rude and uncomfortable.

[edurnemk]

:yeahthat: , especially since DD started Kinder...geez, I just spent 5 years caring for her and keeping her alive etc...don't I deserve a slight "break" - do I have to have a job lined up immediately? AND I feel busier than ever...volunteering at school, activities, school meetings!

I HATE that question!

Yeah I get that a lot since DS started pre-school. Or before that even, some GF of one of DH's friends said I should put DS in daycare, because it would be good for him and I needed to get back to work. WTF?

I find it insulting and invasive, because, frankly, that is between DH and me. It's nobody's business even if I was eating bon bons and watching soaps all day.

[wellyes]

I have to confess, pre-kids I honestly didn't get what a SAHM did all day. I thought (slightly) dismissive thoughts about the few relatives I had in that role. But I knew I was being a b*tch. It's an outright rude question.

[SkyrMommy]

I too hate that question and feel it's incredibly rude... and I've never known what to say either, I've always felt like people want a list or something.:rolleye0014:

[g-mama]

I tell them that I take care of my kids, the same thing their child care provider does with their kids. Seriously!?

[JBaxter]

Depending on who is asking... Sometimes I say... Everything you pay someone else to do with your house or kids. Or if its someone who doesnt have kids I say ... Just wait an see.

[OKKiddo]

wow, that is beyond rude! i can't believe the things some people say. fortunately no one has ever asked me anything like that. maybe it's because where i live, the cost of living is pretty low and it is very common to be a SAHM here, even of just one kid.

actually, before Pac-Baby was born, i was a SAHW (stay-at-home wife) for 1.5 years. Initially it was not by choice at all, it was because we moved and could not find a new job in the area, given the bad economy. I did eventually find a part-time job working from home but it paid nothing close to my old job. Shortly after i got pregnant with Pac-Baby so i gave up the FT job search and figured i'd SAH during the pregnancy. When I told people I stayed at home (but didn't have kids) I expected tons of judgmental comments or surprised looks from people but I must say I never got any. I even found a good friend who is a stay-at home wife (no kids). I guess i'm lucky to live in an area where this sort of lifestyle is accepted and people don't feel the need to ask prying questions. I think in other places I have lived, women staying at home is looked down upon somewhat.

You know, I guess this is one area that military wives don't get too much flak on because the nomad lifestyle makes it difficult to get a job, keep a job (especially if you have children and hubby deploys), and then you move again and it's tough to start all over again. So, the "normal" is to see SAHW, WAHW, SAHM, WAHM.

However, I do have to say that I tend to take advantage of their naptime for ME time. When you have two children on the Spectrum and daily life is a struggle, you have to find time for yourself somewhere or you'll burn out. I do what must be done but I have to understand my limitations and prioritize what will get done each day.

[StantonHyde]

hmm, I am thinking that saying something like "hosting a family party in the bathroom so they can all watch me pee" or "slinging poop" or some other such thing. That should put them off.

And I would say that to family as well as non family. It's a RUDE question!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Depending on who is asking... Sometimes I say... Everything you pay someone else to do with your house or kids. Or if its someone who doesnt have kids I say ... Just wait an see.

That's what I would be tempted to say.

One person, who actually was a SAHM for her son's first 18m, asked me that and I don't think I was particularly nice with my answer though I didn't say the above quote. Just short of that though.

Beth

[edurnemk]

I have to confess, pre-kids I honestly didn't get what a SAHM did all day. I thought (slightly) dismissive thoughts about the few relatives I had in that role. But I knew I was being a b*tch. It's an outright rude question.

I know we all have judgmental thoughts about others, and pre-kids most of us thought differently... but from thinking it to actually asking about it? That's just rude.

I recently started trying a tactic that DH suggested (mostly for when people ask about when we'll be having another kid, but it works for other situations): I answer their questions with even more inappropriate and personal questions about themselves. That always shuts them up. For example, my cousin who's dated and been living with his girlfriend for ages, asked about the next kid, I answered "Hey, when are you guys getting married?" He turned red as a beet, laughed and changed the subject. I have to think of a smart way to use this for the SAHM questions.

[Twoboos]

I have been asked that question many times following by when you are going back to work.


:yeahthat: , especially since DD started Kinder...geez, I just spent 5 years caring for her and keeping her alive etc...don't I deserve a slight "break" - do I have to have a job lined up immediately? AND I feel busier than ever...volunteering at school, activities, school meetings!

I HATE that question!

:yeahthat: It is especially annoying when these questions are coming from your own DH. :angry-smiley-005:

[melonpan]

"nothing."

and i dont say anything else.

[bluestarfish18]

I quote Debra Barone from "Everybody Loves Raymond":

"I eat chocolate and entertain men."

[Melaine]

I don't think I've ever had someone ask me that question, except maybe my BFF and she was genuinely interested in what my days are like as she was hoping to be a SAHM soon.

[Babymakes3]

I've not been asked that specifically yet but you could tell a few times people were fishing for what I did all day. I was home thru my pregnancy too and that wasn't planned but it's a long story.
I posted on FB a few weeks ago that I was bored and this got back to my MIL somehow, she keeps suggesting to DH things for me to do and sending me work at home (scams) via email. I have a 3 hour block in the afternoons while DS naps and to be honest i'm bored. Anything to noisy wakes him up and theres only so much "me" time I can have while stuck in the house. I'm not sure what people think I should be accomplishing during those 3 hours esp since my house is clean and I can't leave while ds naps!

[MissyAg94]

I have been asked that a few times and I just say, "Whatever we want. It's great!"

[AshleyAnn]

My in laws love this question. Grrrr. DH's sister, mother, and both grandmothers worked so they just don't get it. I also love how when you say you don't/didn't have time to do something someone (generally DH) questionsc what you did during naptime. Lets see I brushed my teeth, showered, got dressed, did my hair, washed bottles/dishes, did homework, and enjoyed 5 minutes without a child climbing me. Its 2 hours. There is only so much that I can do and it is the ONLY time I get all day to do anything without a baby on my hip so there is only so much I want to do.

[Puddy73]

I quote Debra Barone from "Everybody Loves Raymond":

"I eat chocolate and entertain men."

Love it! I usually say that I eat bon-bons and watch Oprah. Some people are just thoughtless!!!

[mousemom]

I have been asked that a few times and I just say, "Whatever we want. It's great!"

I like that response. I'll have to file it away for future use.

[BabyMine]

I have never been asked. Maybe it's becasue I look tired all the time. I wouldn't get offended if someone asked. It takes a lot for me to be offended.

[fattytuna]

I used to get offended, but now I don't bother, because I realize some people are genuinely clueless, and they really have no idea what it's like when they haven't experienced the same.

A single, male college friend said to me once, I wish I had your life, you are so lucky, you don't have to work and you just stay home and play with your kids all day. I wanted to say, I'll trade places with you - I give you two days, you will die. But instead I didn't say anything - it's not something he will ever understand. And even if he does have children one day, his situation might be different from mine and unlike me, or many of you, who do not have families nearby and have no help, maybe all he needs to do is play with his children all day.

Now that DD is in Kinder and DS started Preschool two mornings a week, I get the "Oh, now you get a break!" Yes, I get about 2 hours per week to do housework or run errands. But see, if make that comment to begin with, chances are, it's pointless having to explain anything anyway.

And no, I don't just get questioned by single friends/relatives. Actually I get the getting-a-break one from friends with kids, although it probably makes a difference that they are full-time working parents with live-in parents/in-laws taking care of their kids and the house. Again, if they are not in the same situation as me, they will never understand.

I do understand why it bugs though. BC and AC, I've never asked any moms what they do all day, whether they are SAHM, WAHM or WOHM.

You can tell them you play Cinderella all day. You know, mop the floor, do the dishes, wash the clothes, scrub the toilets... Then ask them what they do all day :)

[sariana]

I find it insulting and invasive, because, frankly, that is between DH and me. It's nobody's business even if I was eating bon bons and watching soaps all day.

:yeahthat: Why does anyone care anyway?

[ThreeofUs]

I have never had anyone ask. Anyone who sees me pelting after my kids knows what I do all day long.

I get asked, "How do you get anything done in your house?" because the other two comments I get are "WOW. Your kids are fast." and "Gosh, they're so *active*!"

And all this is true.

[egoldber]

I was asked that all the time when I was a SAHM. I don't think most people were trying to be rude or even realized it was rude. I think that for people whose life experience only includes work outside the home, especially when they don't have kids, they can't imagine what people do all day at home with kids. And many people prefer to WOH even with small kids and sometimes have a hard time envisioning why someone else would want to make a different choice.

[pinkmomagain]

I don't recall being asked in my 11 yrs of being a SAHM. Maybe because I know mostly other SAHMs or WOHMs who know what I'm doing all day.

[Seitvonzu]

i don't really get asked this,or maybe i have and just didn't "get it" because i sorta let that kinda comment roll off.... i read some statistic (i think it was in that two income trap book?) about a vast majority of moms wanting to stay at home "if they could"-- so alot of the time i would chock it up to envy or "grass is greener" mentality.

and i think egoldber is right too-- lots of people just genuinely are curious how you fill the day. i ran into a friend yesterday when i was having a "sanity moment" (aka, knitting and drinking coffee at panera bread w/o toddler), who recently adopted a 2 and 3 year old sibling pair. both parents work out of the house and she was telling me how her childcare is close between christmas and new year. she had NO IDEA what she would do with the kids all week-- it's just not in her experience. i agreed that with her that it might be a good time to "go home" (A Plane trip) and visit the grandparents! :)

the funny thing that just occured to me is that whenever i'm NOT with DD people will comment "whose with DD?" as if i left her at home unattended or that i'm neglecting "my job." we live in a relatively smallish town and tend to go to the same places over and over...so my child & i are a pretty constant pairing. it does irritate me a bit when i have to explain that i'm having some "me time." (why do i have to rationalize that to a stranger?)

[alien_host]

For me it's how people say it/their tone. Generally it's not in a "hey I'm generally interested in what it is like to be a sahm" tone but a "what the heck could you possibly be doing all day all?" tone.

[lmwbasye]

You know, I guess this is one area that military wives don't get too much flak on because the nomad lifestyle makes it difficult to get a job, keep a job (especially if you have children and hubby deploys), and then you move again and it's tough to start all over again. So, the "normal" is to see SAHW, WAHW, SAHM, WAHM.

However, I do have to say that I tend to take advantage of their naptime for ME time. When you have two children on the Spectrum and daily life is a struggle, you have to find time for yourself somewhere or you'll burn out. I do what must be done but I have to understand my limitations and prioritize what will get done each day.

Yep...I find this to be true as well. Even when the boys are both in school, there is always something going on with our military side of things that I plan to help out with. It's not an easy life with all the moving and I strive to work at making a home for both the boys and my husband to come home to. But...I have a lot of support/acceptance since I find that this is what most of the military spouses that I meet do as well.

[egoldber]

I was mainly asked in the context of dinner parties with DH's work colleagues (clueless, couldn't imagine what I did all day), former work colleagues of mine (who could not imagine my former Type A self home all day :p), WOHMs (who did not want to stay home and were wonderig why I did) and my MIL/SILs (who do/did not think well of SAHMs).

My SIL with 3 small kids now gets it. My MIL does not. She does not understand why I am not a happy camper back at work, since she could not wait to go back to work at the end of each of her leaves, and always had full time "help" with her kids.

[luckytwenty]

I'm not a SAHM anymore, but I did it for a few years and it was HARD--and that was when I had just a preschooler and a toddler. I can't believe people ask you that!!! Is it other moms who work? Because now, every time I have a long stretch at home with the kids, I'm absolutely exhausted and glad for the return of school/office--and somewhat in awe of people who can deal with the routine of entertaining children in a house all day, clean, cook, volunteer--and actually LIKE all these things.

I am nothing but GRATEFUL to my SAHM friends. They are the ones who call me at work to tell me about cute things my daughter did in preschool, where they volunteer. They're the room moms and in my son's 2nd grade class every week, while I can only do once a month arts education, and that's just because my boss is really awesome and flexible. They are the ones who I put as emergency contacts on my kids' school forms, even though I can't reciprocate.

People suck. But then again, I sometimes get very judgy, "Aww, it's a shame you have to work!" comments from SAHMs, and now that I'm pregnant, it's even worse. So I guess in general, there's just a lot of judging going on!

[momm]

Wow.. some of these are extremely rude.




If it's a stranger, I'd mention gin and tonics, Oprah, and of course my cabana boy, Jean-Claude.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hysterical::hysterical:

[clc053103]

nap, eat bon bons and watch Oprah.

[dogmom]

I was only home with one and no one dared ask me that. If it's not obvious what a parent who stays home does, then the person is beyond help for mental deficiencies!

OK, well I guess I'm mentally deficient, because I'm not sure, and I stay home with my kids several days.

Do you go out? Where do you go? Have structured time with your kids? Them watch TV while you try to get stuff done? Do you spend time cleaning your house or getting dinner ready, or is that hard with the kids? Do you drag them along shopping, or do you try to do that without? I know I'm supposed to be all into playing with my kids and doing great craft projects with them and stuff like that. It's supposed to fill up some important maternal hole or something. But really, it's for them and I'm just not into it, which I'm sure in the eyes of some make be a bad Mommy.

Look, well meaning SAHM ask me questions or look at me with pity that I have to work. I find it much easier not to go around with a chip on my shoulder and assume their questions are well meaning ones and I just answer them honestly. Usually if you give the person a chance to ask follow up questions and/or respond to your honest answers you find out they are not jerks.

[maestramommy]

I have never had anyone ask that. I would be really annoyed.

Same here. No one has ever asked me that, even jokingly. Anyone who asks if I work, when I say, "I stay home, or "no," say, "Oh you're really working hard!" or something like that.

[hellokitty]

Ugh, the #1 person who asks me this question is my OWN mother!!! Who was herself an overwhelmed SAHM to three kids, so you think she would understand! :banghead: She was upset that I did not choose to be a WOHM and has this attitude that b/c I chose to be a sahm (she did not want to be a sahm, my dad basically forced her to be one, she would have preferred to work, so has told me since I was a little girl NEVER to be a sahm), that my life is over and that I will basically be a slave to my DH. She neglects to realize that my DH is NOTHING like my father, and doesn't treat me like a slave.

She also always asks me, "so what are you studying right now?" I would get really PO'd every time she asked this (basically her way of letting me know, that she thinks I should go back to grad/prof school, b/c my degrees are not, 'good enough" in her book) and would respond back sarcastically, which would basically result in her getting annoyed with ME, b/c she thinks it's a valid question and I am being a jerk for not taking her, "advice" (criticism) seriously. She also thinks it's ok to routinely ask us about our finances and when I told her to butt out, she told me that it was her business, b/c she, "caaaares" about us. I have basically started retorting back with annoyingly nosy questions about HER life when she starts up with this crap, b/c that is the only way I can get her to stop the conversation.

Realistically, most ppl who see me with 3 boys in tow, make the, "wow, you must be busy" comment. My mom is the only one who thinks the opposite and worse yet is that my house is much better kept up than my mom's household EVER was, so I get even more annoyed that my mom is getting on my case about this topic when it's obvious I keep myself busy.

[BabyMine]

Ok if anyone asks me I'm gonna tell them "just trying to survive the day." I Since we do things different everyday I really couldn't answer. Next time I'll ask them if they could give me a day and time they were interested in learning about.

[bubbaray]

My DH once referred to my year-long maternity leave with DD#1 as "vacation time". I believe I threw something at his head.

He has never made that mistake again.

[crayonblue]

nap, eat bon bons and watch Oprah.

Yes, this exactly!!!!! :)

[BabyMine]

My DH once referred to my year-long maternity leave with DD#1 as "vacation time". I believe I threw something at his head.

He has never made that mistake again.

A couple months ago DH made the comment " it's not as if you work and have a job". And then when he saw the look on my face he added " you know what I mean."

I made him see the light very quickly.:D

[moonsky]

For me it's how people say it/their tone. Generally it's not in a "hey I'm generally interested in what it is like to be a sahm" tone but a "what the heck could you possibly be doing all day all?" tone.

:yeahthat: After the next question when you are going back to work, it confirmed how they really feel.

[ehf]

I realize that I love my friends. I have SAHM and WAHM and WOHM and single friends and married friends who have no interest in kids. When we ask each other "What do you do all day?" We mean it! We are actually curious (a PP listed all the more specific questions that we mean when we ask these questions).

We all realize that our lives are the best we can make of them, and that for the most part, our lives are what we want them to be. I don't hear or feel a lot of judgment.

The person who routinely expresses an opinion is my MIL, who doesn't actually judge--she just had so much fun during her SAHM years, that she thinks I should enjoy them too--but I don't think I would! She doesn't care. She thinks it's fascinating that I don't yearn to be a SAHM.