Why did they even ask me to host the Thanksgiving dinner?

[moonsky]

I have a newborn and 2 busy toddlers. I am struggling and don't have help daily. We are invited to a Thanksgiving dinner by a cousin who has been in town for an internship. She rents a 1bd apt. Her place is about 500 sqft and not clean. Previous tenant wore shoes inside and the carpet has never been replaced. She was ok with it because her rent is very cheap.

Her families are visiting and she would like to have the dinner at her place. Beside us and her family, she also invited other three family. Personally, I don't want to take my newborn to her place because it is not clean and it will be too crowded for five families in there. Also, the previous tenant was very ill and passed away at that apartment not that long ago.

The cousin kept insisting us to attend her dinner even we have said no. I propose an option to get a party room for her in my building. Now, she would like us to host the dinner, getting all main course(Turkey, Ham). She will bring dessert. I am honestly upset as she should have known or be considerate. WWYD?

[lil_acorn]

I would just back out and say that you are too overwhelmed with the newborn and your family has decided to do a small thanksgiving at your home alone.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I think you kind of made this bed for yourself by commenting about the not acceptable environment she offered to host in. Your newborn could have been fine in a pack n play, stroller, carseat, blanket, swing, carrier...something. No need to put her right on the floor. You also offered your space so she assumes you will host. I think it stinks that it happened but I also easily see how it happened. Next time, just decline the invite or go and don't worry. It will be clean enough...germs are everywhere.

Beth

[boolady]

I think you kind of made this bed for yourself by commenting about the not acceptable environment she offered to host in. Your newborn could have been fine in a pack n play, stroller, carseat, blanket, swing, carrier...something. No need to put her right on the floor. You also offered your space so she assumes you will host. I think it stinks that it happened but I also easily see how it happened. Next time, just decline the invite or go and don't worry. It will be clean enough...germs are everywhere.

Beth

:yeahthat:

[moonsky]

I think you kind of made this bed for yourself by commenting about the not acceptable environment she offered to host in. Your newborn could have been fine in a pack n play, stroller, carseat, blanket, swing, carrier...something. No need to put her right on the floor. You also offered your space so she assumes you will host. I think it stinks that it happened but I also easily see how it happened. Next time, just decline the invite or go and don't worry. It will be clean enough...germs are everywhere.

Beth

I actually told her that I wasn't comfortable taking my newborn to a place that someone was very sick and died there. I didn't mention anything about the condition of her place. Actually, Dh doesn't want to go there either but make me the one to say no.

Don't you think it is too crowded to put 20 people in a tiny apartment? There are not enough chair for everyone. We are not college students. She was recently.

[boolady]

I actually told her that I wasn't comfortable taking my newborn to a place that someone was very sick and died there.

Did they die as a result of a communicable disease? When were they sick and when did they die? People get sick and die, of all sorts of things, most of which they can't give to other people.

[moonsky]

Did they die as a result of a communicable disease? When were they sick and when did they die? People get sick and die, of all sorts of things, most of which they can't give to other people.

Cancer. I know it is not contagious. But why do I want to take my newborn there or somewhere that is crowded or not pleasant?

[boolady]

Cancer. I know it is not contagious. But why do I want to take my newborn there or somewhere that is crowded or not pleasant?

You don't have to take your kid anywhere at all, but that's an unusual reason. You're the one who said that it was one of your reasons and that it was the reason you articulated to your cousin. I'm not sure what makes it unpleasant, but to each his own.

It sounds like you just really don't want to spend the holiday with these people, and that's your prerogative, of course, but I don't see how you can offer to essentially host it in your building and then say that they asked you to host and complain about it. If you just wanted to spend the holiday with your DH and child, you could have just told them that.

[niccig]

I would just back out and say that you are too overwhelmed with the newborn and your family has decided to do a small thanksgiving at your home alone.

:yeahthat:
I"m looking forward to a small gathering of just us, and I don't have a newborn.

[wellyes]

Holidays are about family and plenty of people cheerfully cram together in small houses. I grew up pretty poor and very Catholic (8 aunts, 6 uncles, each with lots of kids) so I'm used to it. It's not where you are or what the place is like, it's who is there.

Moms of newborns always, rightfully have complete veto power over any place or party. If you don't want to go, don't go. You don't have to justify it to anyone.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I actually told her that I wasn't comfortable taking my newborn to a place that someone was very sick and died there. I didn't mention anything about the condition of her place. Actually, Dh doesn't want to go there either but make me the one to say no.

Don't you think it is too crowded to put 20 people in a tiny apartment? There are not enough chair for everyone. We are not college students. She was recently.

Gotcha.

But, I would personally be ok with a crowded, fun, lively dinner. I'm ok eating in shifts, bringing my own chair or something else. It just kind of goes with the territory when the younger generation starts hosting things.

Beth

[TwinFoxes]

I don't get why you didn't just say no if both you and DH didn't want to go. Newborn baby is the ultimate excuse. When you told her you'd book a room, I can see why she thought you wanted to host.

If you don't plan to host, tell her SOON so she can re-invite people and prepare. But a warning, to her it's going to look like you dissed her place, offered to host, and then backed out. I'm not saying you shouldn't withdraw, but know what your young cousin will likely feel.

[moonsky]

I don't get why you didn't just say no if both you and DH didn't want to go. Newborn baby is the ultimate excuse. When you told her you'd book a room, I can see why she thought you wanted to host.

If you don't plan to host, tell her SOON so she can re-invite people and prepare. But a warning, to her it's going to look like you dissed her place, offered to host, and then backed out. I'm not saying you shouldn't withdraw, but know what your young cousin will likely feel.

I think she already know what we think about her place because she asked whether we would lease that place. Our answer was absolutely no. She went for it anyway because of the cheap rent.

I already told her that I could get a room for her but couldn't be a host.

[Green_Tea]

Holidays are about family and plenty of people cheerfully cram together in small houses. I grew up pretty poor and very Catholic (8 aunts, 6 uncles, each with lots of kids) so I'm used to it. It's not where you are or what the place is like, it's who is there.



We live in a tiny house and loved here from a tiny apartment, but that's never stopped us from having rowdy, crowded, wonderful family gatherings. We've crammed WAY more than 20 people in, and it was great!

[TwinFoxes]

I think she already know what we think about her place because she asked whether we would lease that place. Our answer was absolutely no. She went for it anyway because of the cheap rent.

I already told her that I could get a room for her but couldn't be a host.

I'm totally trying to help, but I don't get why you don't just say "no, I can't with a newborn". I think saying that will save you a lot of stress. Just say "it's probably best for you to stick with the original plan of hosting at your apartment. With my newborn we won't be able to make it". Then I'd send a centerpiece or dessert or Edible Arrangement and go on my merry way.

Good luck, I hope it works out.

[bubbaray]

I think give the facts you presented, at this point you either host it yourself (which doesn't really sound feasible) or you completely back out (which maybe is what you want to do?).

If you don't want to go, don't go.

FWIW, in the situation you describe, *I* would go -- hey, someone else is cooking, woo hoo! But, EVERYONE is different. If being in a place where someone died skeeves you out, well, I guess you won't be going to your cousin's place anytime soon/ever. And that is OK -- you're a grown up and can make your own decisions.

GL!