School issue--WWYD?

[vmcorno]

I'll try to keep the background short. DS is in K and has (according to quite a few parents) one of the best K teachers at the school (K-1 only, 900 students). Also, let me say that I am aware that there are many less than desirable teachers at this school (I know of one who yells "shut up" at her class). We are 12 weeks into the school year. During that time I have had the following interactions with his teacher.

1. Sent an email (about three weeks into the school year) expressing my concern that DS was coming home very angry, saying that he hated nap time as he wasn't sleepy and others were bothering him. I asked if it was possible for him to have a book at nap time. Her response was that he'd never said others were bothering him and that no, he couldn't have a book at nap time as then everyone would want one. She said she would move him to a different spot away from those bothering him. I dropped the issue.

2. I sent a note in his folder (five weeks in) when he first came home with early readers asking if he could have readers that were more appropriate to his reading level along with a photocopy of something that he could read. (What she had sent home was something that he could have read close to a year ago). She sent home more difficult readers.

3. I sent a note in his folder (10 weeks in) letting her know that I would be willing to volunteer in the classroom and help out with whatever she needed. She called me that day while the kids were at P.E., saying that she really didn't like to have parents in the classroom but she could send some things home for me to help her with and would that be okay? I told her that I would be willing to help her, but actually, part of my motivation was to spend some time in the classroom in order to see how I might help DS, as he was coming home from school saying he hated math because he already knew how to do it and they just did the same things he did at preschool last year. She responded with, "well, to be honest, I'm afraid you'll come into my classroom and be critical of me." Yikes!!!! She has been teaching at this school for 5 years and at another school before that, so not a first year teacher. She did concede and I visited the class for a whole day a few weeks ago. She was clearly angry with me and said two words to me the entire 8 hours I was there. Although, I have serious reservations that DS is actually learning anything new at school, I have decided to keep him there for now. He has made good friends and clearly would be traumatized by pulling him out right now. I tried my best to mend the fence by sending cookies into class and then generally staying out of the teacher's way. She was friendly to me at the class field trip last week, so hopefully things are okay now.

Sorry for the novel, now on to my question. DS came home today singing the lyrics, "I wanna celebrate and live my life, sayin' ayo, baby let's go." I asked him where he heard this and he said his teacher put on the CD to dance to since it was raining and they couldn't go outside for recess. I came home and googled the lyrics. It is the song, Dynamite, by Taio Cruz. It uses the f word, although unintelligible in the youtube clip I watched. The jist of the song is going to the club and partying until you explode like dynamite. Now for the dilemma...

I find this totally inappropriate and want to say something, but I feel like I have just worked things out with the teacher and really don't want to make her angry again. How big of an issue would this be for you????

[MMMommy]

If it were me, I would let the song issue go and not bring it up. But I also wouldn't be bothered by it. My girls love singing and dancing to Katy Perry songs and have no clue to the suggestive nature of them. They just like to hear the fun tune and dance to it. I honestly think that you will be putting a bullseye on yourself (from the teacher's point of view) if you bring it up, especially since the teacher doesn't seem to take parental input and/or criticism well.

But you need to do what you feel is right for you and your child. Go with your gut.

[crl]

It would not be an issue for me, although I would never choose to play that song for other people's children. But we let ds listen to pretty much any music short of Enimem. So I may not the best person to ask.

Catherine

[mom2binsd]

First, off, wow, 900 students in K-1, that's a big school!

It sounds like the teacher doesn't seem to recognize that your DS will need adapted curriculum as he has mastered the K skills already, conferences should be coming up soon I would think and I'd try to address the curriculum issues then.

As for the CD, could it have been a Kidz Bop version, I can't imagine she'd play a CD with the actual lyrics you mentioned. Maybe ask her in a way like "DS really seemed to like that song you played, I was looking to download it but when I pulled up the lyrics they had a number of cuss words/a warning for children -something like that....and ask if she has a copy of the kid friendly version that she played in class so you could see where to get it- then if she doesn't, it'll lead to a very easy discussion of why she would play the adult version (sneaky yes, but hey she deserves to be called out IF she played a song with those lyrics.)

Good luck, so far we haven't had issues at school but I know it's tough situation for many parents.

[bubbaray]

It would not be an issue for me, although I would never choose to play that song for other people's children. But we let ds listen to pretty much any music short of Enimem. So I may not the best person to ask.




:yeahthat:

My girls know the words to many an AC/DC song, as well as most Nickelback songs. Thanks DH. But, honestly, they will sing along to Barney or contemporary Christian music. On the music issue, I wouldn't blink about that -- I'd let it go.

The interaction about her thinking you were going to criticize her is weird to me. I also can't imagine spending 8 hours in a class with a teacher though.

It sounds a little like our early K experience on the "easiness" part. I would just let it go and find other things to keep him engaged. For example, we found Sudoku puzzles very helpful last year (and this year, crosswords).

[KpbS]

These are red flags for me and even though there are worse teachers to be found at the school, I'd begin looking for a different environment for my DC, even if that means a private school. If your DC has made friends quickly and easily, odds are he will again as well at a new school.

JMHO

[HannaAddict]

I would let it go, it is a non-issue. You have several issues with the teacher and I would try and relax somewhat and let your child settle into school, the teacher do her job and give up a little control. (FWIW, many excellent school both public and private in our area do not allow parents in the class at all. Even our private school that does allow parents volunteers has an organized program, no volunteers before November so the classes can gel, etc. and shorter time period with discrete tasks for parents. Teachers are there to teach and parents can be invasive, not helpful and yes, even critical by looking at just one period of time with the teacher. I can't fathom spending eight hours at school in class and would not want another parent in my child's class for that period of time or as a volunteer who wasn't invited by the teacher. Did they do a criminal background check on you before hand? If not, that would be a violation of state law in my state and I would not be okay with it. I want the teacher to be focused on the class as a whole and not worried about or directing a "volunteer", KWIM?)

Kindergarten is a very hard transition, it was much harder than we anticipated last year (first grade is wonderful!) and a big difference from the open classroom, parent involved preschool experience. Hang in there and give it some time. I didn't see any real red flags from the teacher or her responses to your emails. She seemed reasonable to me. I hope your son starts enjoying school, it really can be hard. Our son had loved school prior to kindergarten and didn't like K very much at all. He loves first grade and some is the teacher, some is just maturity and learning a new system. Good luck.

[s7714]

I'm pretty sure that song is on a Kidz Bop CD somewhere. I googled Kidz Bop Dynamite and came up with several links. It seems like they have a G-rated version of pretty much every popular song there is.

[erosenst]

We live in one of the top three (?) school districts in the state, and DD is at one of the best elementary schools in the district.

As a basis of comparison:

* I was totally underwhelmed with the teacher, who did exactly what she had to do - *nothing* more.

* There was no enrichment for kids who were ahead, except the occasional book that was closer to the appropriate level for DD.

* Parents were not used as volunteers in the classroom. (In fairness, there's a full-time aide.)

DD is now in first, and it's a 180. The teachers are all (from what I've heard about the other four, and seen of DD's) excellent. There are lots of enrichment activities (more appropriate reading groups, harder spelling list for kids who pass the pretest on the 'regular' one, 2nd grade math for those who passed the end-of-year 1st grade test). Parents are encouraged to volunteer. On and on.

So I'd try to stick it out this year if you generally like the school district. And I'd let the music thing go. I'd also refrain from volunteering in the classroom again - it's really meant to help the teacher, and she doesn't want it. (Also, I think an hour or so is a more appropriate length of time, but maybe it's a different expectation in your area.)

[sariana]

RadioDisney plays that song all the time; I actually love Taio Cruz. I'm surprised that the lyrics contain that word. Obviously there is more than one version of the song. I have never noticed anything "blurred out," if that term makes sense for audio. I am in fact impressed that your son could understand the lyrics that well.

I agree with PPs that the song is a non-issue. But some of the other things you mention seem a bit odd. Not so much what the teacher says, but that your son seems unhappy.

I do have to say, as a former teacher, I would be very uncomfortable having a parent in my room an entire day. I definitely would be feeling criticized, no matter how polite the parent was. I don't think I would voice that concern, though, in so many words. I also likely would not address the parent during class time because I would be worried about distracting the students.

Eight hours sounds like a long day for kindergarten. My son is in first grade and is in school only six hours.

[happymomma]

I think I would let it go also. I guess I do listen to the radio with the kids. The thing that does surprise me was that you were able to be in the classroom for 8 hours. We've attended open house every year. It's the one day in the year that parents are welcome to come in and observe what they do. However, it's only about 1 -2 hours long. I can't imagine having someone shadow me for 8 hours and not feeling like I was being observed and critiqued. I wouldn't want someone to do it at my job and I can't imagine it being comfortable for her. Overall she may not be the best teacher but there are one teacher to so many students. I've emailed my son's teachers a few times in the year when there have been issues and it usually has been dealth with. I think overall she's accomodating your requests. I also think that some teachers just don't want volunteers in the classroom whereas some other teachers want volunteers all the time. It just depends on the teacher. Kindergarten is a hard time for kids to transition into. I know that my son had a hard time last year.

[TwinFoxes]

The only thing that is odd to me is that she actually TOLD you that she felt you would be critiquing her while you were "volunteering". I'm sure she felt that way, but I think keeping it to herself would have been more professional. I also think that volunteering for 8 hours seems unusual, but maybe it's not in your district.

I think you were annoyed she didn't photocopy work for your DS. I don't know where you live, but there are definitely schools that wouldn't be able to afford to do that. Budgets are super tight, and teachers pay for a lot of supplies out of their pocket. So it could have been a cost issue.

As for the music, I certainly wouldn't try be sneaky and ask her in a roundabout way about a kids version. That's pretty transparent, it would be obvious that you thought she was playing inappropriate music. It would be worse than just asking her straight out. I also think the chances that she was playing an explicit song are pretty slim. There are so many kids versions of popular songs, I think there's a good chance it was one of those.

[vmcorno]

Have to keep it short as I have to get kids ready for school, but wanted to clarify one point.

I did not ask to come to the classroom for 8 hours. I volunteered my time for a couple of hours. The teacher later in the conversation suggested that I come for an entire day sometime so that I could see what was going on. I only took her up on it and she made it clear that she wanted me to observe only, so that is what I did during those 8 hours.

[wellyes]

I would let it go, it is a non-issue. You have several issues with the teacher and I would try and relax somewhat and let your child settle into school, the teacher do her job and give up a little control.

Yes. From an outsider perspective (no kids in elementary) -- the teacher sounds reasonable to me, and I'd actually appreciate the frankness she's shown with you.

I can see how googling lyrics can make you nervous about what you found, but as pop acts go, Taio Cruz is as innocuous as pop / dance music gets these day.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Gotta run but regarding the song...you need to let that one go. If he didn't learn it there then he'll learn songs like it on the bus, at the playground...it's a catchy songs and there are plenty of parents out there (me included) that don't stress about songs. I never paid attention to the lyrics of Dynamite but ds1 and I have sung parts of it together b/c it's catchy and stuck in our heads (him from the bus and kids singing and me from the radio).

Beth

[TwinFoxes]

I can see how googling lyrics can make you nervous about what you found, but as pop acts go, Taio Cruz is as innocuous as pop / dance music gets these day.

I was going to mention this too. I know the video is full of hotties in bikinis, but if you listen to the tune, I can totally see little kids dancing to it, even if it's not a kidz bop version. "I throw my hands in the air saying Ayo-Ayo. I wanna live my life saying ayo-ayo." I can just see kids throwing their hands up and dancing around. :)

I've never heard any swear words in that song, or even bleeped words.

[KrisM]

It sounds like she's doing a good job and is accomodating to requests and communication. We don't listen to that music, but I wouldn't have a big issue with it. The kids are too young to pick up on all the details of the words, and they were having fun.

[gatorsmom]

The song wouldn't bother me, reallly. If it made your son happy to dance around to, then I'd let it go. He doesn't understand that there is something inappropriate about it. And he'll forget about it in a couple weeks.

The other stuff you mention would give me pause to think. If your son is ok now, i wouldn't make any moves to pull him yet. But, I'd be trying very hard to figure out who his teacher is for next year, what her reputation is, and start looking for other options for next year. If, as you say, this teacher is one of the better ones, what are the others teachers like?!

[pinkmomagain]

Nothing in your post regarding the teacher rubs me the wrong way. Though, I'm a bit surprised at her frankness that she was afraid you'd be critical. The song would not concern me at all.

It sounds like your child might enjoy some more stimulating work. I would've approached the teacher with your concern and asked her opinion on how that need could be met at school and/or at home. (However, it sounds like she's addressed this to some extent.) But I don't doubt that some of his crankiness could stem from trying to adjust to a long day. DD3 who started kindy this fall still sometimes passes out on the couch or in the car afterschool. It is a long day for them.

If I were in your shoes, unless there was a truly pressing issue, I'd stay off the teacher's radar for a while.

[Green_Tea]

If it were me, I would let the song issue go and not bring it up.

She may have played them an edited version of the song. This is the song my 7 year old's dance class is using for their next performance piece. I don't find it particularly offensive.

[egoldber]

I agree that the song is not really an issue. I am sure that it was probably an innocuous version that she played. I actually think it was a great idea to play music so they could dance and actually get exercise at indoor recess vs. playng a video or board games.

Also, it seems like the teacher has responded to your concerns when you have expressed them. But she has also let you know that she feels "crowded". I would give her space right now unless something egregious happens.

[Corie]

The song issue would not bother me at all.

(You can download clean versions of songs from itunes. You don't have to pick the version with the "explicit lyrics".)

[vmcorno]

Thanks for the perspective guys. That's why I asked. I think I'll leave it alone, and convince DH to also. As DH and I both have doctorates in music, I suppose that we are a little more sensitive to lyrics and their suggestive nature than the general public. Although we listen to a wide variety of music including pop music, this is the first time DS has really been exposed to this type of music.

[dogmom]

I suspect you child is learning a lot in K, just not the academic things you are concentrating on. And since it sounds like he is ahead of his peers that would be OK. So much about K is about socialization. You DS might be feeling stressed in that area which might explain some of his behavior. I think the teacher was remarkably honest with you about you coming in, I would appreciate that.

[smilequeen]

OK, I might be in the minority slightly and I will say that my K student is in a private school and that may be a difference, but we are welcome and encouraged to help out in the classroom and set up times to just observe our kids. I will say that my son is not his normal school self when I am there b/c he is hyper aware of me, but as I go in more (I go in about once a week to sit on the sofa and have all the kids read to me for 10 minutes) he is getting more comfortable. I do think that kids LIKE to have their parents visibly volunteering at this age and it has a positive effect on them, so I don't like the policy of keeping your work out of sight at all. And he's your child, so you should be able to observe him within reason (not a free pass to go in and out as you choose, but with an occasional set time? Yeah).

I think she responded well to needing to challenge him more with reading and we had a similar issue that was handled similarly. Simon's teacher wanted him to read the easier books out loud to help with his smoothness/fluency but he can also bring home the harder books to challenge him.

Does your school have any kind of enrichment for younger kids? I know that gifted evals are not reliable at this age, but if he's bored in K, it would set the tone for his elementary school years IMO. He should be able to get some more challenging work in math if he wants it. We are in Montessori, so I admit that I don't know how that works in a more traditional setting. Obviously K is about so much more than academics, but it isn't good for a kid to be academically bored and he seems to be expressing that he IS bored. Some kids can go into K ahead and concentrate on social and behavioral aspects, but some kids want a little more academic challenge too and that's OK. It's just not always something that public schools are set up to handle in K.

The song wouldn't bother me, but I listen to the regular radio with the kids all the time. I can understand why it might bother you, but it isn't an issue I'd personally push.

[Cuckoomamma]

As a former teacher, it really bothers me that she said she was afraid that you would be critical of her if you observed her class. IMO, there is NOTHING that shouldn't be observed. There should be nothing going on that she should be worried about. I taught in a middle school where any parent/teacher/teaching student/administrator could walk in and spend as much time as they wanted in your class. It was a great environment that encouraged teachers to be their best. Closed doors make me very nervous.

It's a great sign that she consented and let you come in, but my alarm bells would be screaming over that issue. Obviously, others don't feel the same as I do, but for me the song wouldn't be the focus of my concern.