WWYD neighbor(frenemy) interaction

[Myira]

She is my neighbor and there have been one too many incidences when I have felt slighted by her.

Last year, she invites me over to her house for a small religious function she did, and tries to ignore me as much as possible after offering me something to eat. She keeps talking to another neighbor and another neighbor's mom, while completely keeping me out of the conversation. The other neighbor gets up to leave and congratulates her (I am wondering what about since I haven't had the privilege of being shared that good news with), she's all into bye-bye with them, when I tell her I am leaving she hardly bothers.

Her son's birthday, she invites us and calls me to especially tell me how this time they are doing it at one of these bouncy places since she's pregnant and all. Then after the bouncy place thingy, she does have other neighbors over at her house, just not us and thats fine. Her choice and I think relief but really even DH commented to me about it and he is the last person to bother.

Today she calls me over again for a baby sprinkle at her house, her MIL just flew in, so last minute thing. I pick DD from daycare, change DD and myself and scramble to be there on time. DD decides to cling to me and that really hampers me doing much there. Finally when I try to sit down at the table to eat, DD decides its time for a tantrum and launches into a scream fest. Its just a second or so when I am trying to pacify DD so and this lady walks up to me and says "may be she's just cranky. I can get the food over to your house" WHAT?

I have no choice but to leave right away with DD, and she did follow me with the food on a plate. But I come home and think to myself WTH? She essentially told me to get the hell out....Who does that? My kid was just being a difficult 2 year old. Seriously a second of crying ruins your party? And isn't it supposed be me who excuses myself early for DD is unhappy, and not the host? I just realized maybe she didn't want to invite me but did so at the last minute since her MIL would ask about me.

I feel slighted and I would have given her the benefit of doubt but this is just one of many incidences. WYYD?
DH travels 4 days a week and today I was feeling particularly lonely and then this happens. I wanted to cry after coming home but didn't in front of DD. I am not in the least looking for a friend in this woman, but I thought I need a functional non-negative relationship with a neighbour?

[Uno-Mom]

Is there any chance she thinks you don't like HER? That all sounds totally weird and the only think I can think of is that she felt like you didn't want to be there and thought she was doing you a favor. Or she's very, very socially awkward. Either way, I wouldn't put myself through that sort of thing again.

You know what I'd do? I'd excuse myself from attending her next b-day party or shower. Not lie, but give some valid excuse (there always is one or another). But then I'd walk over an extra-thoughful gift. Do that when you only have a minute to spare, so you can excuse yourself quickly.

We had neighbors like that. The only other young couple nearby. They had their baby about 5 months after ours' was born so it seemed like we were destined by fate to bond. :) But we just didn't click, which was awkward. I believe it was mutual.

Before they moved, we all made a point of doing neighborly things for each other that didn't involve socializing - KWIM? Dropping off a welcome baby care package ... that sort of thing. So we had positive feelings between neighbors without much socializing. On both sides I think we wanted to be on good terms but could tell that trying to force a friendship would go BADLY.

Maybe it's too late in your situation. Good luck. I hope you can just tune the situation out and do something lovely for yourself this week. It sounds like you're in a difficult, lonely sort of situation.

[TwinFoxes]

I was thinking she didn't sound so bad, until the part about the party and your daughter. That's a definite "WTH"! I'd be pretty sad too, especially if I was already feeling lonely and then got kicked out of a party.

I agree with PP, stop attending her social events, but be friendly and neighborly. I think there's a space between "don't know our neighbors' names" and "we hang out and go to each others' parties". I think you should try to be somewhere in that space.

[janeybwild]

WWYD? I would ask myself do I want to cultivate a friendship with this person, or just be a good neighbor? You call her a frenemy, so I'm guessing not the former. I would politely decline future invites, be friendly and cordial, but would not go out of my way to interact with her right now.

[Myira]

thanks for all your suggestions. I have always worked at keeping a distance whenever possible since she is just not my type and I know the feeeling may be mutual so fine.

Its just that some interaction is unavoidable being neighbors, but this woman wants to play these games. So yes, I am going to ensure I never accept any future invites but keep face to face encounters cordial with just hi-hello.

And Uno-Mom, that is a nice idea, sending over a gift when her baby comes, but avoiding the meeting.

[ha98ed14]

WWIdo? I would not accept any more of her invitations no matter what! Even if I was feeling lonely! And I would look for some places to meet other people. I've had pretty good luck at library story hour and DD's dance class. GL! Its hard, I know!