Sexuality amongst 7yr olds at school....Long and waaaay TMI, sorry

[mommy111]

DD told me this story about one of her friends (we'll call her A) and another girl in their class (C). Keep in mind that the kids are between 6 and 8 years of age, first graders. DD says that C keeps trying to kiss DD and her friend A. Today, in class, C tried to kiss A on her lips. A pushed her away and eventually C ended up kissing A on her cheek, then as A pushed her away, started licking A's hand. A, totally grossed out (I can only imagine with my DD's reaction, what A's must have been) complained to the teacher and the teacher took appropriate disciplinary action. But this whole situation just got me thinking. My DD is very much a child right now, so I wonder what is going on with the girl C. Is this experimenting (at 7 or 8??? Goodness!!). Is it something she sees at home or on TV. Or is it just an 8 year old acting obnoxious and pushing boundaries as 8 year olds are apt to do? what do you think? I kind of need to have a conversation with DD with respect to what this was all about and need some perspective. Thank you mamas for any insight/advice that you may have.

[AnnieW625]

I don't know to answer this but are you back in the US or still out of the country? If still out of the country are the cultural things going on?

Either way I bet the other girl probably saw something on TV and is just acting out. I remember talking about kissing as a tween and there was way less of that kind of stuff on network (and even cable with the exception of Motley Crue, and Van Halen music videos in the mid 80s) and definitely no girls kissing girls on tv then. Kissing is risque and will most likely always be that kind of risque for an 8 to 12 yr. old.

[Ceepa]

Or is it just an 8 year old acting obnoxious and pushing boundaries as 8 year olds are apt to do?

Although inappropriate I don't think it's sexual in nature. To me it sounds like C is enjoying getting such a big reaction out of others. Even still, the teacher needs to intervene. And I would remind my child that no one is allowed to touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, even if the person thinks it's playing, and should tell a teacher.

[LMPC]

I think it's just age appropriate annoying behavior -- maybe something she's seen elsewhere, maybe not. Little kids at that age are always holding hands, etc., but I don't think it's a sign of expressing their sexuality...since I really don't this kids are sexual beings. (Let me be clear that I think sexuality is innate, I'm just saying that I don't think it get expressed truly in a "sexual" way until we hit puberty.)

Glad to hear that the teacher took action.

[mommy111]

Still out of the country, loving it but dying to get back. I think from everything that I've seen people here are more conservative about gayness/same sex kissing than in the US. This little girl (C) is American, of recent expat parents.
ETA: The teacher was awesome, she gave them a talk about respecting boundaries etc etc and the girls parents were called in....C is a constant boundary pusher.

[katydid1971]

Still out of the country, loving it but dying to get back. I think from everything that I've seen people here are more conservative about gayness/same sex kissing than in the US. This little girl (C) is American, of recent expat parents.
ETA: The teacher was awesome, she gave them a talk about respecting boundaries etc etc and the girls parents were called in....C is a constant boundary pusher.

Maybe this is C's way of acting out. If she recently moved there from a whole different country I bet she is feeling a little out of place. I don't think it is so much sexual as just pushing boundaries especially since she has so recently moved. Moving is hard on a child moving to a new country is especially hard.

[egoldber]

:yeahthat:

Or conversely, it could be her attempt to fit in and make friends! Some kids need a lot of help and guidance in forming new friendships and she may simply not know how to make friends.

[longtallsally05]

Definitely a teachable moment: boundaries!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I wouldn't worry about the appropriateness of it or that she is exposed to things that aren't ok. Kissing and talk of s-e-x, which none of the kids knew what the word meant they just knew the word from somewhere (older kids, older siblings, media that they overheard...) went through ds1's 1st grade.

Beth

[PunkyBoo]

I'd have to say, like PPs, it's just the age and not a sexual thing. Punkin is FAR from sexual nor is he exposed to anything sexual on tv (he hardly watches any tv at all) or anywhere else. But he has gotten into a habit of "kissing on" one of his friends (a girl). I've told him he's not allowed to hug and kiss her at school, that he's not allowed to kiss anyone but family until he's 16 and found someone he loves and hopes to marry, etc. But I still keep finding out he's still doing it (he chases her, catches her and kisses her shoulder to make her scream and run away...)

[Lolabee]

Definitely a teachable moment: boundaries!

ITA. One of my older boys is just very affectionate by nature, and I've had to talk to him quite a bit about not being so demonstrative with his friends when it comes to affection. The way he sees it, if you like someone the way to show it is by holding hands, hugging and kissing on the cheek. He means no harm by it and it is absolutely in no way an inappropriate sexual aggression issue. We hug, kiss and hold hands a lot in our immediate family, and he is in the process of understanding that fondness for parents or siblings is not shown in the same way as it is towards peers.

[Nooknookmom]

Had a similar exp w/ DD1 in first grade (she was only 6). C came home from school one day and told me that she was playing in the sand with her new friend and the girl told her that she had already had sex. :47:

I didn't know the parents all that well. They had played together a few times, at our house, I did know that the girl had two older brothers and that the parents both worked (alot).

I was so freaked out, first off I know it could have been "typical behavior" but my little 6yo was now asking me "what's sex?" I didn't know if this child was being abused at home or if she had just seen something inappropriate from her brothers. I wasn't sure which way to go but fortunately DD's teacher lived a couple blocks over and we were close from my teaching art in the classrom. I went over and explained what happened and the next day the teacher & principal called in the girl & her parents. My DD had to explain it all to the teacher, thank goodness her first grade teacher was awesome and C really bonded with her prior to this happening.

In the end the girl had been over at a friends house (a boy) and they had apparently been playing doctor, wasn't being supervised and if I remember correctly, had gotten the ideas somehow from the older brothers. So that was her "sex".

I felt like a small part of my 6yo's innocence had been taken away. I hate when they have to go to school, control over their environment is pretty much over!

[mom2binsd]

At DD's school I hear of occasional 'kissing' and chasing, it's typical for the K-2 grade age, it's more about the running and playing tag than sexual IMO.

[mommy111]

Just logged in again and read all the responses.....can I tell you guys how very relieved I am?!?!?! Phew. :hug: I totally anticipated that I would have to have a sex and sexuality conversation with my child and I am so not ready for that.
I think DD is pretty good with boundaries, but we did reinforce the whole 'if some kind of touching makes you feel uncomfortable, you need to let teacher/mom etc know'

[kbud]

My first grader just told me yesterday that one of the boys on the playground was chasing them (they play this a lot) and saying he was going to kiss their butts! I took it as nothing sexual but a boy trying to gross them out. She thought it was pretty gross and he didn't actually do it. So I think it's pretty common stuff at this age and not sexual at all. Apparently there was some drama about someone having a crush on someone too. My dd said she couldn't believe someone would have a crush in first grade!

[crayonblue]

Yes, teachable moment about boundaries.

In kindergarten DD had a little boy who was always trying to kiss her. So, she and the other kindergarten girls tied him to the playground equipment with the jump rope. :)

This year the same little boy sits next to her in class (I'm SURE this is on purpose as DD is a rule follower and the little boy is definitely not). DD came home and told me that the boy draws "wierners" and butts on his homework (I have NO idea where she got the word wierners.) She thought it was absolutely hilarious. I am going to mention it at the teacher's conference this week but I'm not particularly phased. I have three younger brothers and "wierners and butts" were often the topic of conversation!

[boolady]

In kindergarten DD had a little boy who was always trying to kiss her. So, she and the other kindergarten girls tied him to the playground equipment with the jump rope. :)

This is awesome.

[mommy111]

Yes, teachable moment about boundaries.

In kindergarten DD had a little boy who was always trying to kiss her. So, she and the other kindergarten girls tied him to the playground equipment with the jump rope. :)


Wow! :bighand:Girl power :)

[crayonblue]

Wow! :bighand:Girl power :)

Yep, I WISH I could have seen that!

BTW, I am on the exact same weight loss track as you and have the exact same results this far!

[ShanaMama]

Just logged in again and read all the responses.....can I tell you guys how very relieved I am?!?!?! Phew. :hug: I totally anticipated that I would have to have a sex and sexuality conversation with my child and I am so not ready for that.
I think DD is pretty good with boundaries, but we did reinforce the whole 'if some kind of touching makes you feel uncomfortable, you need to let teacher/mom etc know'

I think you already got the answer you were seeking & I pretty much agree with all the pp. Just wanted to mention that I attended a talk on molestation (organized by my ped, for the whole community). The speaker was a mental health professional with tons of direct experience in this. IIRC he runs some sort of intevention organization.
The one thing that really stuck with me was he pointed out that most parents have the boundary talk once or twice and call it done. He felt that you need to talk about it as many times as you tell your child not to run into the street.

[ha98ed14]

Although inappropriate I don't think it's sexual in nature.

:yeahthat:

It could be one of many things going on, but I am 100%confident that it is not a lesbian overture.