For fun: What's the worst parenting advice you've ever gotten?

[boogiemomz]

I came across this article http://pregnant.thebump.com/new-mom-new-dad/your-life/articles/worst-parenting-advice-ever-part-two.aspx?cm_mmc=TB-_-Diaperscom-_-Worst%20Parenting%20Advice%20Ever-_-Worst%20advice%20part%20two&MsdVisit=1 (okay, diapers.com emailed it out... I'm sure I'm not the only one!), and it was kinda funny, but it made me wonder... what's the craziest/worst parenting advice you've ever been given?

I can't think of anything at the moment (need to go make coffee), but will ponder...

Okay, go.

[liz]

Worst- my mom still insists that you can spoil an infant by holding them too much or picking them up when they cry. Drives me nuts.

Of course she doesn't practice what she preaches, thank goodness. She was all over them when they were babies and she still is (in a loving grandma kind of way, not a smothering kind of way). I always ask her if she thinks the kids are spoiled and of course she says "no". Go figure.

[TwinFoxes]

This isn't so bad, but everytime MIL or SILs see DDs rear facing I get told "you know the law says you can turn them around at one". Really? Because i'm doing this because I've been under a rock, not because I researched and decided rear facing is right for us.

Every. Single. Time.

[KrisM]

This isn't so bad, but everytime MIL or SILs see DDs rear facing I get told "you know the law says you can turn them around at one". Really? Because i'm doing this because I've been under a rock, not because I researched and decided rear facing is right for us.

Every. Single. Time.

Every time here, too. It's my dad though. And we rear-faced all our kids until they hit the limit, so you'd think with DS being 6.5 years old and DS2 being kid #3 he'd get it already!

[Melaine]

I guess I have been lucky, I don't remember anything awful. Having a Target employee telling another that my children should be in preschool to learn socialization pissed me off a bit. They were putting out the school supplies and asked my girls when they were starting school. I said they are only 3 and aren't in school yet.

ETA: I did have a funny moment when I was about to take the girls to the bathroom while we were eating out with family. My mom said, "Wait, you can't take both of them by yourself!?" A moment later she started laughing when she realized how silly it was to say that. I do appreciate her constant willingness to help me though!

[brittone2]

My ILs were big into the "you'll spoil him by holding him so much" :nono: when DS1 was a newborn. At some point I just said that we went through infertility to have him, and I'll hold my baby as much as I want. It didn't stop them from continuing to say it.

DH's grandmother was mad one time because at 2 months old DS1 was at my ILs for breakfast and she was annoyed we wouldn't give him "some bacon to lick". Ummm...no. That was funny though.

My favorite of all time was when we were visiting from out of state when DS1 was a few months shy of 2. MIL asked if he had a lot of tantrums (he wasn't tantruming on this visit or anything like that). I said no, and kinda chuckled and said but we know it is coming. She told me that when DH was a toddler their doctor suggested she "throw a cold glass of water in his face" if he had a tantrum, and then told me they "only had to do it twice" and he didn't tantrum. Yeah, and your whole family is emotionally repressed ;) The crazy part of that was I kept waiting for the "can you believe we did such a thing" etc. part but no...she was dead serious that we should try it. That's one reason I don't have them babysit ;)

[DietCokeLover]

DS had a biting issue for a while. I had multiple people tell me to bite him and he would stop.

Ummm, no.

[BabyMine]

My MIL's BF tried to put wine on M's gums for the teething pain. (stopped that quickly and he wasn't allowed to hold him after that)

MIL - She told my BIL he needs to learn how to breastfeed. ( yes he is a male)

MIL - Went balistic on anyone who tried to have their baby hold their own bottle.

MIL - Spank your children.

[Melaine]

MIL - She told my BIL he needs to learn how to breastfeed. ( yes he is a male)



Well, that takes the cake!

[Edensmum]

That babies just cry, that's what they do so it's okay to let them cry, cio or whatever. I have two kids and they have always cried for a reason, one that I could fix with rare exception, but at least I could be there with them through the tough things I couldn't.

[Green_Tea]

DS had a biting issue for a while. I had multiple people tell me to bite him and he would stop.


Same here. I am astounded that there are people who actually think that this is appropriate.

[crl]

Just let him cry. From MIL about ds who was under two and had been home for less than a year (he's adopted).

Catherine

[maestramommy]

DS had a biting issue for a while. I had multiple people tell me to bite him and he would stop.

Ummm, no.
:hysterical: Seriously??

Nothing as drastic as the link. More along the lines of "Don't pick her up all the time when she starts to cry" when DD was 1 month old.

[Gena]

When DS was 2 and non-verbal, my MIL told me to not give him anything to eat or drink until he asked for it because "that will make him talk".

[boogiemomz]

OK I thought of one... MIL was never really on board that DD should be taking naps as a part of her normal routine; apparently babies (under 6 months old) should have sleeping patterns just like ours. If she's visiting and DD happens to take a decent morning nap, obviously "She's waking up too early," (i.e. if she were waking up at an "appropriate" time, she wouldn't need a nap. :shake:).

She's also told me that if I want DD to sleep later in the morning, just keep her up later at night (as in several hours, when we take DD out west and move time zones). Plane rides with DD should be easy, too, of course, because she can "just sleep on the plane." Easy peasy, MIL. Thanks for the tip. :rolleye0014:

[boogiemomz]

Oh, one more... when DD started to wean early from BF and we were struggling to re-establish BF, I had an alarming number of people tell me to just not feed her, and if she gets hungry enough, she'll latch back on. In other words, go ahead and abuse/neglect your child to get her to do what you want.

[KrisM]

DS had a biting issue for a while. I had multiple people tell me to bite him and he would stop.

Ummm, no.

DS1 was a biter. I didn't bite him, but I did put my teeth on him and gently moved my teeth around a bit. It was just to help him understand what it felt like when he bit me. He wasn't hurt at all, but he must have made some connection that teeth hurt as he didn't bite again. We had tried everything else I could think of and it wasn't working.

[elizabethkott]

My mom:
"Oh, just let him have the cookie/cupcake/ice cream/Hershey's chocolate milk (with *38* grams of sugar!)/candy. Sugar doesn't affect him."

Oh, REALLY? Ok. Then YOU come to my house and try to get a sugared-up three year old to either take his nap, eat his dinner or go to bed. mmm hmm.

[kara97210]

My 93 year grandmother told me not to feed my son if he cried at night. At the time he was 2 weeks old.

She said it worked with her kids and they they all slept through the night by the time they were a month old - "they get the message pretty quickly." She's not really the warm, fuzzy type.

[bluestarfish18]

FIL gave me the whole "back when my kids were young, we didn't use carseats, and they turned out just fine."

"Alcohol is good for the baby when you're pregnant."

[Nu_mama]

MIL: Breastfeeding is not good for them (babies in general)...you should give her canned milk. Not formula, but milk from a can.

[marit]

DS had a biting issue for a while. I had multiple people tell me to bite him and he would stop.

Ummm, no.

:hysterical:

[ChristinaLucia]

MIL - She told my BIL he needs to learn how to breastfeed. ( yes he is a male)



LOVE it! lol

[truly scrumptious]

My grandmother told me to hold DS by his ankles and dangle him upside down so his spine would straighten out. He was 2 months old.

He is now 2 and his spine looks fine to me. Sans dangling.

[jess_g]

Not to use a carbed. I think looking back it would be way better for my premie who hated car rides. He did not need it for breathing issues but I think he would have been way more comfortable in a carbed at that time.

Jessica.

[clc053103]

Never wake a sleeping baby.

This irritated me to no end. Perhaps this works with some lifestyles. But when MIL allows three month old to take a 6 1/2 hour afternoon nap, who do you think is going to be up with him all night?

[lizzywednesday]

I don't remember getting any advice whatsoever.

When I do get advice, I take what works for me and flip off the rest.

I'm also very capable of biting my tongue, like when it comes to my SIL and MIL and their ideas about feeding. (Over the summer, SIL insisted babies don't know how to swallow so doing BLW was a horrible idea ... while MIL wanted to know when starting cereal. I rolled my eyes at SIL when she looked away and told MIL we'd never be doing cereal.)

[ThreeofUs]

The WORST: Your DS1 just needs to cry it out. Um, he had awful reflux.

The very BEST: Your DS1 is a different kind of kid. Follow his lead and find out what he needs.

[lovebebes]

"feed the baby exactly every three hours and not more"

"babies need to cry to exercise their lungs"

[BabyBearsMom]

1) Give baby rice cereal in her bottle to make her sleep longer
2) Don't hold baby so much, you will spoil her
3) Let baby CIO at 1 week old
4) GIve SIL the car seat you are about to throw out because it was in an accident since it is "probably fine"
5) I ate lunch meat all the time when I was pregnant and my kids turned out fine!
6) My son watched TV before he was 2
7) If you breast feed you can't be sure your baby is getting enough nutrition

I could keep going...all of these are MIL. She has many useful tidbits to add to every conversation about DD:6:

[edurnemk]

From several (older) people: whiskey on his gums for teething.

From a friend's (childless) GF: "you have to put him in daycare, it's not good for them to get too attached to the mom" (DS was about to turn 2, and I'm a SAHM).

The worst always came from MIL:

MIL and FIL: "he'd sleep much better if you put him on his tummy, we always put ours on their tummy and they're fine" (this was after I gave them a pamphlet written for grandparents about the back to sleep campaign and SIDS)

MIL: "You have to put a hat on him and a thick blanket in the bassinet, he'll freeze", ME: "the Ped said no hats indoors and you're not supposed to put blankets in the crib, that's why he has a sleep sack, suffocation and overheating are really dangerous", MIL: "that's ridiculous, american doctors are so paranoid" (DS was a week old, wearing a onesie, socks, a fleece sleeper and a sleep sack, the thermostat at 68, which MIL kept dialing up even though DS had flushed cheeks and I was sweating).

MIL: "you have to start him on cereal already" (at 2 months) and "if you want him to STTN you have to put cereal in his bottle before bedtime" (DS was 1 month). Oh and she insisted that by 3-4 months babies need formula supplementation. She could also never understand why I wouldn't give him egg whites until almost one, she was set against finger foods, because it's so messy and she thought I was just being lazy.

MIL: "You need to take him outside or put him by the window to sunbathe for Vitamin D", Me:" that's what the supplement is for", MIL:"it's not the same, our Ped (who's like 90 by now) always said to put them in direct sunlight for 30 minutes every day".

And finally:

From a saleslady: "Your son is too old for a convertible car seat, it's really dangerous to keep him RF once his legs go over the edge of the seat"

[HIU8]

"feed the baby exactly every three hours and not more"

My friend actually did this to her now 3 yr old and just did this to her 1 yr old. Their feeding schedule was every 3 hours no matter how much they cried. No feeding on demand and no cluster feeding. Her kids screamed a lot during their first year and she and her DH couldn't figure out why......

MIL once told me to CIO DS by letting him scream and not having worry about hearing him b/c I should turn the vaacuum on outside his room to drown him out. MIL also told me to slap DS upside the head b/c he is spoiled. DS and DD are not allowed to visit or stay with MIL alone EVER and they never will be.

[wellyes]

5) I ate lunch meat all the time when I was pregnant and my kids turned out fine!

Any advice that ends with ".... and my kids turned out fine!" is invariably bad advice. You can smoke when you're pregnant, forward-face a new baby, let them CIO from day 1, spank an infant for being an infant, leave them in the tub to play videogames once in a while, etc and they'll most likely turn out FINE anyway. Doesn't make it a smart idea!

[AnnieW625]

I pretty much avoided much a lot of advice, but I remember when DD1 was about 3 months old and I quickly popped into the Hallmark store to get her baptism invites and since I knew it was going to be a quick trip I didn't put her in her stroller (I didn't have a snap n go) I held the carrier with my hands and some older lady came up and told me I shouldn't hold the baby in the carrier because it was bad for her as her head was slumping a bit. I got what I needed and left.

[JTsMom]

I've lost count of how many times I've had to explain that a cow's milk allergy is not a human breastmilk allergy, that typical formula is actually made with cow's milk, and that bf'ing a baby w/allergies is actually a good idea.

Anything involving rice cereal goes right into my most hated advice file.

and, my other favorite- if he were my kid, I'd beat the ADHD right out of him!

[luckytwenty]

My dad told me I shouldn't breastfeed because I'd been sick a lot as a kid, and my milk couldn't be as healthy as "something professionals made."

[mamicka]

Either some of you guys haven't gotten such terrible advice or I'm a terrible mother because I do some of the things that are apparently the worst advice.

Worst for me - I should get DC to hold their own bottle with formula/rice cereal so I could sleep all night.

[HIU8]

My grandmother told my mother that BF was a disgusting thing that poor uneducated people did. My mother FF all 3 of us. When DS was born she said she wished she had BF all of us instead. That was actually the BEST advice I got and the most supportive.

[edurnemk]

My grandmother told my mother that BF was a disgusting thing that poor uneducated people did. My mother FF all 3 of us. When DS was born she said she wished she had BF all of us instead. That was actually the BEST advice I got and the most supportive.

My paternal GM told my aunts that they shouldn't BF because it would ruin their breasts. DH actually had the same belief, which is why he started pressuring me to wean at 6 months (he was totally supportive before that), he thought anything longer than that would ruin my breasts. Guess what, darling, they already aren't what they were before, weaning is not going to make them perk back up! (so start saving for a breast lift when we're done with kids :ROTFLMAO:)

[lovin2shop]

Told to me by a friend's babysitter, "since you have to go back to work so soon (5 weeks), you need your sleep, so be sure to put that baby in his crib, shut the door, and put in some earplugs."

[kijip]

That I should see if my doctor would prescribe phenobarbital for T to not cry. Not that it matters but T was not at all a fussy baby. So this woman suggested drugging a child for making the tiniest peep at 3 months old. Terrible advice regardless of how much he cried but it struck me that some people think children shouldn't even make a single sound.

[truly scrumptious]

Told to me by a friend's babysitter, "since you have to go back to work so soon (5 weeks), you need your sleep, so be sure to put that baby in his crib, shut the door, and put in some earplugs."
She forgot to add "and to never hire me as your babysitter"

[TwinFoxes]

If he were my kid, I'd beat the ADHD right out of him!

Please tell me this isn't from someone you can't cut out of your life (like an IL or something.) That's just atrocious.

[Canna]

"Never let your 3 year-old see you paying attention to the new baby. Only hold the baby when your older child is asleep" -- from a 60 something grandmother of 4 children!

[MamaMolly]

MIL - She told my BIL he needs to learn how to breastfeed. ( yes he is a male)


WTH! Somebody has been holding out on me. I didn't even know it was an option!!!! ;)

[MissyAg94]

"Follow 'Babywise' and don't give up just because baby cries."

[BabyMine]

WTH! Somebody has been holding out on me. I didn't even know it was an option!!!! ;)

DH's have had it easy for too long. I think it's their time to share the duty.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_lactation

[cckwmh]

Both my parents insisted formula was better than breastmilk. When DD was an infant they would watch her when I returned to grad school. I would come back and all of the bottles that I pumped would still be in the fridge. They went out and bought a can of formula and were giving her that. I thought they eventually gave her the EBM, but only to find out from my sister that they dumped it so I wouldn't know. Needless to say, I could not get DD into daycare fast enough!!!

[Smillow]

My dad told me I shouldn't breastfeed because I'd been sick a lot as a kid, and my milk couldn't be as healthy as "something professionals made."

:hysterical:That is hysterical!

A Professional Mom (making milk since 2009);)

[crispychicky]

DH's grandmother was mad one time because at 2 months old DS1 was at my ILs for breakfast and she was annoyed we wouldn't give him "some bacon to lick". Ummm...no.

Geez, what kind of parent are you?!? Not letting your infant son lick bacon?!? Parents these days.
:hysterical:

[liz]

Either some of you guys haven't gotten such terrible advice or I'm a terrible mother because I do some of the things that are apparently the worst advice.

Worst for me - I should get DC to hold their own bottle with formula/rice cereal so I could sleep all night.

Don't feel bad. I was reading about the baby cereal. I didn't do the cereal in the bottle, but is there something wrong with baby cereal in general?

[boltfam]

-Put rice cereal in baby's bottle to help him sleep through the night.

-Not to worry about baby's flat head; it will round out on its own.

[longtallsally05]

from my parents: "Give the baby rice cereal in a bottle of formula to make him sleep at night. Just poke a bigger hole in the nipple so it will flow through." Way to support your BFing daughter!

from my MIL: "You should take your kids to the pool; they're missing out. I used to take 5 kids to the beach all by myself." Me: "Could any of them swim?" MIL: "Well, no, I just watched them real good". Me: "What if you had to go rescue one of them, who would have watched the other four?" MIL: "....uh...."

Yeah, I'm gonna take a 4 yo and an 18 month old, neither of whom can swim, to the pool (not a kiddie pool, an adult pool they can't stand & touch the bottom) by myself (DH was deployed). Sorry MIL, my kids are going to miss out on DROWNING.

[pinay]

My aunt, after learning that I had miscarried:

"Maybe you shouldn't pick DD up and carry her anymore- that's probably why you lost the baby"

Not that it makes any difference in the world, but DD was 2 at the time. I STILL pick her up and carry her occasionally and she's almost 4 now.

[AshleyAnn]

My moms advice is the exact opposite of many posters bad advice: Never EVER let the baby cry. Every little peep my DD makes she overreacts and goes into panic mode like its going to kill her to be upset for a second.

I should turn DD forward facing ASAP.

That DD should still be on the bottle/paci at 12 months.

That I'm harming DD by doing baby led weening with finger foods and ending purees at 12 months. My mom cannot get it thru her head a banana peeled and cut into chunks is just as healthy and going to make DD grow just as well as a banana pureed and jarred.

[wellyes]

I didn't do the cereal in the bottle, but is there something wrong with baby cereal in general?
There is a school of thought that's popular on this board called baby-led weaning which lets the little ones start solids on their own terms, minimizing cereal or skipping it entirely. The concept can be a tough sell to people who think the baby is better off having cereal as soon as possible; it's just a different approach. There is absolutely nothing wrong with cereal as a product, it is nutritionally sound and safe. BLW is just a different developmental approach.

[crayonblue]

Either some of you guys haven't gotten such terrible advice or I'm a terrible mother because I do some of the things that are apparently the worst advice.

Worst for me - I should get DC to hold their own bottle with formula/rice cereal so I could sleep all night.

Ha, ha, I was thinking the same thing!!!

[Sweetum]

I had someone tell me to use a pair of scissors to cut the nipple to make the flow faster! I just nodded saying thanks for the advice :loveeyes:

[mamicka]

but is there something wrong with baby cereal in
general?

Nope, not at all. It was recommended to me way earlier than appropriate by an anti-breastfeeder. & I wasn't asking for any advice.

[nmosur]

From my MIL who said that babies don't need that much attention. Now that they are born they will grow up no matter what.

[mamicka]

Ha, ha, I was thinking the same thing!!!

Glad I'm not the only one. :wavey:

[WolfpackMom]

Glad I'm not the only one. :wavey:

Oh Im there with you, I guess I have poor parenting skills... :loveeyes:

[♥ms.pacman♥]

whenever DS had issues sleeping mil suggested to dh to do what she did with dh as a baby...leave a bottle with cereal in the crib at night (and cut the nipple hole to make it bigger). yeah, i ain't doing that.

[TwinFoxes]

I had never heard of cereal in the bottle, but it's the one thing I remember my ped saying NOT to do. I remember thinking "do people do that?" apparently our parents' generation did, judging by these answers!

[brgnmom]

my MIL suggested that I formula feed from the beginning, on top of nursing, b/c she would like to help out & let me rest/sleep. Sweet offer, but she will only be here for a couple of days and I don't want my DD to be confused by the bottle early on. I'd rather nurse for as long as possible, and maybe supplement once at night if needed (depending on what the pediatrician recommends) later on.

[edurnemk]

I had someone tell me to use a pair of scissors to cut the nipple to make the flow faster! I just nodded saying thanks for the advice :loveeyes:

My grandmother gave this piece of advise as well and some of my aunts actually followed it, the reason being the baby feeds a lot faster, so it's less of a hassle.

[LMPC]

I had someone tell me to use a pair of scissors to cut the nipple to make the flow faster! I just nodded saying thanks for the advice :loveeyes:

LMAO...my mom did this for my brother back in the 70's because he would suck so hard on the nipple that it would pull off the bottle. He was always a voracious eater!

[swrc00]

To bite DS to stop him from biting. :shake:

[MamaKath]

Worst advice- spank your kid more because he is willful and disobediant.

Umm no. He is a typically developing kid with some special needs. I won't be able to "beat it out of him.

[lalasmama]

"So, she had in-utero drug exposure and you don't know what she's been exposed to since she was born, and you aren't married, and you work full-time? It's no wonder she has ADHD. What drugs do you use?" Hhhmmm, you managed to read all that in her medical chart, but you totally skipped over the whole fact that she is my FOSTER CHILD! That means her in-utero and early childhood exposures weren't my fault, as I wasn't her parent yet! Yeah, Dr Know-It-All, my work status is the reason she's got ADHD. I'll quit my job tomorrow so that I can stay home with her. Oh yeah, wait, I'm single. I have to work. And, despite that, YES, my home is better than where she came from!

I still can't believe a doctor advised me to stop working, and my child would be cured of ADHD.

[HannaAddict]

My ILs were big into the "you'll spoil him by holding him so much" :nono: when DS1 was a newborn. At some point I just said that we went through infertility to have him, and I'll hold my baby as much as I want. It didn't stop them from continuing to say it.

That one is a popular in-law favorite too. And that screaming and crying will "help his lungs." WTF. Told us to have him sleep on his tummy, that her kids didn't die of SIDS. You get the drift! My dad's wife and dad are both freaked out by rear facing and desperate to have us turn them around. As another poster said, they mention it, every. single. time. Glad to have company.

[liz]

"So, she had in-utero drug exposure and you don't know what she's been exposed to since she was born, and you aren't married, and you work full-time? It's no wonder she has ADHD. What drugs do you use?" Hhhmmm, you managed to read all that in her medical chart, but you totally skipped over the whole fact that she is my FOSTER CHILD! That means her in-utero and early childhood exposures weren't my fault, as I wasn't her parent yet! Yeah, Dr Know-It-All, my work status is the reason she's got ADHD. I'll quit my job tomorrow so that I can stay home with her. Oh yeah, wait, I'm single. I have to work. And, despite that, YES, my home is better than where she came from!

I still can't believe a doctor advised me to stop working, and my child would be cured of ADHD.

:47: wow. That's terrible.

[dogmom]

Maybe we should all print out this thread to keep and read when our dc have their own.

A good chunk horrible advice people talked about was the most state of art advice when some of our parents or grandparents were raising their child. Examples: Once it became established germs killed people and there were spread by caregivers, before antibiotics, people observed the babies in nurseries were more likely to get sick and die if the nurses spent a lot of time holding them. So there you go, don't pick up babies. Well enough the barbaric times of mental health, loving mothers caused schizophrenia. Phenobarb, I got that as a baby for my colic. It's not like they had Zantac for reflux people. Yes, and BF was for the poor and uneducated.

And then once you are done raising babies, you are done raising babies, and you don't keep up. So when you find yourself saying to your children when the discover that car seats don't save lives or whatever, well you turned out fine, it all may not sound so ridiculous to you.

[momm]

"So, she had in-utero drug exposure and you don't know what she's been exposed to since she was born, and you aren't married, and you work full-time? It's no wonder she has ADHD. What drugs do you use?" Hhhmmm, you managed to read all that in her medical chart, but you totally skipped over the whole fact that she is my FOSTER CHILD! That means her in-utero and early childhood exposures weren't my fault, as I wasn't her parent yet! Yeah, Dr Know-It-All, my work status is the reason she's got ADHD. I'll quit my job tomorrow so that I can stay home with her. Oh yeah, wait, I'm single. I have to work. And, despite that, YES, my home is better than where she came from!

I still can't believe a doctor advised me to stop working, and my child would be cured of ADHD.


Are you KIDDING me?
I hope you reported this "Doctor" to a medical board.

[brittone2]

A good chunk horrible advice people talked about was the most state of art advice when some of our parents or grandparents were raising their child. Examples: Once it became established germs killed people and there were spread by caregivers, before antibiotics, people observed the babies in nurseries were more likely to get sick and die if the nurses spent a lot of time holding them. So there you go, don't pick up babies. Well enough the barbaric times of mental health, loving mothers caused schizophrenia. Phenobarb, I got that as a baby for my colic. It's not like they had Zantac for reflux people. Yes, and BF was for the poor and uneducated.

And then once you are done raising babies, you are done raising babies, and you don't keep up. So when you find yourself saying to your children when the discover that car seats don't save lives or whatever, well you turned out fine, it all may not sound so ridiculous to you.

I agree that they don't have ill-intentioned advice usually, but the catch for me is that they don't *listen* ;) For example, my parents might casually ask or mention something, but if I explain why the current rationale is what it is, they are like oh, okay. And they stop going on and on about the issue once they hear our response.

My ILs will raise issues and then no amount of explanation will deter them. Ever. I can think of an example about DS1. We didn't do baby shoes until he was walking and then obviously they were soft soles. MIL kept asking over and over and over why he wasn't wearing shoes. No matter how many times I explained, she'd make comments every single time we saw them. It never stopped. And it was so funny to me because I was a pediatric PT pre kids, but they would not listen to any rationale about shoes whatsoever ;) They kept insisting he'd "already be walking" if I "had him in white baby (hard soled) shoes". (and fwiw he walked at a very average 13.5 months).

Maybe that's just my ILs though. MIL is definitely a passive aggressive person.

I'm thankful my parents are able to *listen* even if they mention something (which they very rarely do). ILs just don't listen. No amount of explanation seems to make them get it.

When FIL kept going on and on and on about spoiling the baby at one point I sent him about 25 links from various medical groups and children's hospitals saying you can't spoil a baby and told him I would never discuss it again. I don't suggest that route ;) but at the time, as a first time mom who was growing very frustrated with them, that's what I did.

THese days I just explain one time if I feel their advice/input is well intentioned and then pass the bean dip. If that doesn't work than we set a firm boundary with them. But it took me time to figure out how to deal with ILs. A few kids later and it is a little easier for me to handle.

I guess my frustration is the lack of listening. I suppose our parents/IL's generation also probably needs to feel they did it "right" and therefore dig their heels in even when advice today runs contrary?

[scriptkitten]

Things that drive me nuts:
-don't hold baby or you'll spoil them
-my mom wanted me to start solids at 1m. Told me I was starving my twins, otherwise

[momm]

"Babies NEED to be bathed every single day from the day they are born"
err.. you brought up your babies in a different country, not New England cold dry weather that too in winter.
Also, remember the umbilical cord stump?

"Your DH needs to take time off from work from when you're in your seventh month, just in case you go into labor"
And no, I do not live in a rural place with no transportation, nor was I a high risk pregnancy.

When my pedi asked me to make sure my 2 week old was being fed every couple of hours and does not sleep for more than 4 hours at a stretch in the night
Advice: "The baby will let you know when he's hungry!! Don't wake him up"
Me -"But he's only 2 weeks old.. he can't go more than 4 hours without food"
Response: "HE WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN HE'S HUNGRY"
Me - "My pedi told me to wake him up"
Response: "CHANGE YOUR PEDIATRICIAN!!!!!!!!!"

[edurnemk]

I agree that they don't have ill-intentioned advice usually, but the catch for me is that they don't *listen* ..snip..

I'm thankful my parents are able to *listen* even if they mention something (which they very rarely do). ILs just don't listen. No amount of explanation seems to make them get it.

:yeahthat: My parents are the number one extended RF advocates of their generation since I explained to them why DS is still RF. They also had nothing to say about BF, delaying solids because they knew why I was doing it. I just have to explain things once and they'll understand. But IL's just don't let up.

Oh and the childless friends who give advice, they just don't have any excuse...jeez.

[Puddy73]

Hands down the "advice" I received from an older man at the pharmacy when DS was acting out: Autism and ADD are not real conditions, they are just made up to excuse bad behavior. Stricter parenting and no TV would "cure" my son.

Great! Guess I'll save lots of time and money by not taking him to therapy anymore!

[doberbrat]

called my mom to get my cousin's phone # when dn was 3w old and I was babysitting and they forgot to leave the cooler of ebm.

Her: dont worry- just get some condensed milk from the grocery store and add some honey to it. Its just the same.

and of course, my bp from last week - how I should drug my 10mo to go on a 12 hour drive to my cousin's 4th graduation. which reminds me I need to update that thread!

[TwinFoxes]

I agree that they don't have ill-intentioned advice usually, but the catch for me is that they don't *listen* ;)

I guess my frustration is the lack of listening. I suppose our parents/IL's generation also probably needs to feel they did it "right" and therefore dig their heels in even when advice today runs contrary?

:yeahthat: x 10,000! I get that 40 years ago things were different. But for the love of Pete, why can't they just let stuff go? I'm never rude to MIL, but every time she mentions the RF thing, I want to pull my hair out. I heard you the first 10 times, trust me, #11 is not going to make me see the light.

SILs have no excuse, they're both younger than I am!

[clc053103]

called my mom to get my cousin's phone # when dn was 3w old and I was babysitting and they forgot to leave the cooler of ebm.

Her: dont worry- just get some condensed milk from the grocery store and add some honey to it. Its just the same.

and of course, my bp from last week - how I should drug my 10mo to go on a 12 hour drive to my cousin's 4th graduation. which reminds me I need to update that thread!

OMG I forgot about this- my IL's kept telling me to give DS PET Milk and Karo Syrup.

[candaceb]

"Follow 'Babywise' and don't give up just because baby cries."

I was afraid of posting a related one for fear of offending someone but since you've already done it...

my sister is the mother of a 1 year old, and takes "BabyWise" as the gospel.
when I mentioned that my EBF DS was eating every 1.5 hours at about 10 days old, she said "you don't want him to be a snack feeder!"

she is constantly spewing stuff from that book and I want to take it out of her house and flush it down the toilet.


I had someone tell me to use a pair of scissors to cut the nipple to make the flow faster! I just nodded saying thanks for the advice :loveeyes:

my BIL did this to make the rice cereal filled bottle flow faster for his above-mentioned 95th percentile kid who was sleeping through the night at 6 months - they continued it up until a year old.

[candaceb]

sorry - duplicate

[AshleyAnn]

And then once you are done raising babies, you are done raising babies, and you don't keep up. So when you find yourself saying to your children when the discover that car seats don't save lives or whatever, well you turned out fine, it all may not sound so ridiculous to you.

:rotflmao: If my DD ever suggests car seats don't save lives I'm going to whip out the photographs of her daddy's car smashed into a brick wall and ask her WTF she though saved her life that night. She did turn out fine even though our tiny 2 door car was nearly totaled because she was in her car seat.

[Kira's Mommy]

I was going through very difficult times with infertility, had one miscarriage and was very depressed. MIL called me:

MIL casually: How are you doing?
me: Fine
MIL with a rude tone in her voice: What do you mean "fine"? You'll be fine when you finally manage to get pregnant.

I cried for a week after this comment. She thought it was necessary to remind me that I have to be conceiving a baby and that I am not "fine".

Thanks for the advice MIL. Almost two years went by, I still cannot forgive her.

[doberbrat]

I was going through very difficult times with infertility, had one miscarriage and was very depressed. MIL called me:

MIL casually: How are you doing?
me: Fine
MIL with a rude tone in her voice: What do you mean "fine"? You'll be fine when you finally manage to get pregnant.

I cried for a week after this comment. She thought it was necessary to remind me that I have to be conceiving a baby and that I am not "fine".

Thanks for the advice MIL. Almost two years went by, I still cannot forgive her.

thats not advice, thats a slap in the face. I'm so sorry!

[elizabethkott]

I was going through very difficult times with infertility, had one miscarriage and was very depressed. MIL called me:

MIL casually: How are you doing?
me: Fine
MIL with a rude tone in her voice: What do you mean "fine"? You'll be fine when you finally manage to get pregnant.



"No, I'll be fine once you're old enough for us to stick you in the crappiest old age home we can find on the other side of the country."

What a piece of work!!!
I'm so sorry she said something like that to you.

[Kira's Mommy]

thats not advice, thats a slap in the face. I'm so sorry!

Thanks guys. You're right that's not advice but it had the "advicery" tone to it. It's the worst thing anyone ever said to me and I guess it does not really belong to this thread. Just had to share:(

[Kira's Mommy]

"No, I'll be fine once you're old enough for us to stick you in the crappiest old age home we can find on the other side of the country."

What a piece of work!!!
I'm so sorry she said something like that to you.

:hysterical: should have thought of that answer! Thanks!