HELP with getting 3 year old to get self to sleep

[hillview]

DS2 has been falling asleep with us next to him for the last year. It is how we got him to sleep in his big boy bed. It isn't so bad because he falls asleep within 10 mins or so (sometimes 5) HOWEVER he often wakes at night and comes to our bed. My thought is that since he can't get himself to sleep when he wakes in the middle of the night, he can't get himself back to sleep. He does not nap.

Any tips or a plan to get him to fall asleep in his own bed? If you even sit up instead of laying next to him, he wails. I am willing to do the wail route but do you go cold turkey (eg leave the room and keep taking him back to bed) or do you go in half measures? Really detailed and specific steps are most welcome.

TIA
/hillary

[LMPC]

We are not quite to this level yet....DD is getting a big bed for Xmas....but I would do small steps. This is how we got DD is fall asleep in her crib way back when (okay it wasn't *that* long ago).

You could talk to him about it first...then sit up near the bed or on the bed while he falls asleep...then stand at the door..then outside the door. For the last 2 steps, if he gets OOB I would just walk him back to his bed and return to your post. I would continue the dialogue during the day about how he's doing and your expectations for that evening. But I would be chilled out about it...not constantly talking about it but bringing it up casually.

Alright....that's all I got ;)

[hillview]

Thanks LMPC! Any other suggestions BBBers? Getting psyched for tonight (not).
/hillary

[elektra]

I just came back to this post looking for answers too! We are in the same boat- Either DH or I lay down with DD (age 3.5) until she falls asleep, and then sometime between 12 and 1 or so, she comes into our bed- every single night. And then 90% of the time I just let her come into bed and we sleep like that the rest off the night. If she is futzing around, then I take her to her room and lay down with her there.
I also think that for DD, if we can get her to fall asleep on her own, then maybe she won't come in every night.
I have been wanting to do something but am too lazy and don't want to deal with they hysterics. I know Weissbluth suggests just returning them to their bed, even if you have to do it literally 100 times, but I am never able to leave the room! DD just clings to me when I try this, like hysterical holding on for dear life if I try to leave the room.
The only time it works is when she is exhausted and I tell her "I will be right back to lay down with you." It's usually real like I have to go let the dogs out or go to the bathroom or something and when I come back she is asleep.
I *think* the answer is to first set up some kind of reward system for staying in bed. And then just doing it cold turkey and just leaving the room after you say good night, even if you have to pry them off of you.
I just am personally not up for all of that, especially with DS going through some sleep issues of his own right now.