Do you buy two of the same gift for your twins?

[mikeys_mom]

This has not been a huge issue for us until now because we have not really needed to buy our girls anything. We have tons of toys from our older 2 kids. We have very few doubles of things. We just tell the girls that they need to share. Sure, there are often times when I have to separate them because they are fighting over the same toy, but I can typically distract one of them enough with another toy. They are now 21 months old and we are trying to figure out what to get them for chanukah and birthday gifts. Plus, the grandparents keep asking what they need.

I like the idea of telling them to share, from a philisophical perspective. Plus, I know that most toys are only played with for such a short time span at this age, that it just seems silly to buy 2 of everything. However, they are much more aware of things these days and I don't want to buy two gifts that I think are equal, but they clearly have a preference for one of the toys. This happened recently, when my parents came for the weekend and brought 2 different gifts.

I know that eventually they will probably have specific tastes and requests, but they are still too young to tell me what they want, so I need to decide.
What has been your experience at this age?

[Melaine]

I have tried both ways and always go back to getting two identical gifts, or two very similar items (pink doll, purple doll). If they get a pink doll and a purple doll, it is very important that each one belongs to one of the girls. Having both dolls for both of them has not worked for us.
For me, it is 100% worth it to cut down on the conflict. Everything is a competition with my twins. Just a few minutes ago, DD2 was complaining the DD1 has "one more letter in her name than I do". THAT'S RIGHT.
For us, at four, both my girls still have pretty much the same interest in toys. Because if the other one is playing with one, this one wants to play too. It is cute, in a way, because they are that connected to each other, but on the other hand it can be exhausting constantly referring the competitions.
So I vote two items in most cases.

[twowhat?]

I have tried both ways and always go back to getting two identical gifts, or two very similar items (pink doll, purple doll). If they get a pink doll and a purple doll, it is very important that each one belongs to one of the girls. Having both dolls for both of them has not worked for us.
For me, it is 100% worth it to cut down on the conflict. Everything is a competition with my twins. Just a few minutes ago, DD2 was complaining the DD1 has "one more letter in her name than I do". THAT'S RIGHT.
For us, at four, both my girls still have pretty much the same interest in toys. Because if the other one is playing with one, this one wants to play too. It is cute, in a way, because they are that connected to each other, but on the other hand it can be exhausting constantly referring the competitions.
So I vote two items in most cases.

:yeahthat: We've tried hard to "individualize" - getting coordinating but not matching clothing and toys (same toy in different colors). It always comes back to us buying identical items, for the sake of cutting down on conflict. They have plenty of other opportunities to learn to share. Whenever we have the opportunity to buy the same toy or clothing in 2 different colors, DH and I will look at each other, say "should we?" and then say "naaaaaaahhhh" as we grab two in identical colors and laugh:)

eta: I PREFER for them to wear coordinating but not matching clothes but it just too often comes back to bite me in the butt!

[mikeys_mom]

I have tried both ways and always go back to getting two identical gifts, or two very similar items (pink doll, purple doll). If they get a pink doll and a purple doll, it is very important that each one belongs to one of the girls. Having both dolls for both of them has not worked for us.
For me, it is 100% worth it to cut down on the conflict. Everything is a competition with my twins. Just a few minutes ago, DD2 was complaining the DD1 has "one more letter in her name than I do". THAT'S RIGHT.
For us, at four, both my girls still have pretty much the same interest in toys. Because if the other one is playing with one, this one wants to play too. It is cute, in a way, because they are that connected to each other, but on the other hand it can be exhausting constantly referring the competitions.
So I vote two items in most cases.

Good to know. Thanks.
Yes, acting like a referee is becoming exhausting especially as it becomes more frequent. At first I thought it might just be a stage, but I think it's here to stay. I am actually considering just buying a second of some toys that we already have as chanukkah gifts for them. This way I am not overloading on new toys, as I honestly have not seen anything we don't have that would be new and novel for them, and would potentially reduce the conficts.

[scriptkitten]

it depends on the item. if it just seems like the sort of thing they'll fight over (a big ride on toy) or something where they will both learn skills that i think are important (leapfrog laptops) i buy two.

most toys i do not.

[mikeys_mom]

:yeahthat: We've tried hard to "individualize" - getting coordinating but not matching clothing and toys (same toy in different colors). It always comes back to us buying identical items, for the sake of cutting down on conflict. They have plenty of other opportunities to learn to share. Whenever we have the opportunity to buy the same toy or clothing in 2 different colors, DH and I will look at each other, say "should we?" and then say "naaaaaaahhhh" as we grab two in identical colors and laugh:)

eta: I PREFER for them to wear coordinating but not matching clothes but it just too often comes back to bite me in the butt!

Clothing is a sore spot here right now. :rolleye0014:
Most of our clothes are hand-me-downs from DD1 and DN so we have very little matching. I try to make coordinating sets. Plus, when I do need to buy new, I just buy coordinating in different colours.

My nanny often dresses the girls in the morning and has started to let them pick their clothes. Saying they look like clowns is an understatement. I don't know why on the weekends and other days that I dress them, they have no problem with what I choose and wear socks of the.same.colour!

Looks like the consensus here is to go with identical toys. Thanks!

[mikeys_mom]

most toys i do not.

Hmmm, interesting...
Do they fight over toys or are they happy to each have something different?
IIRC your twins are b/g - yes? Do you think that makes a difference?

[twowhat?]

Our girls are 26 months old and fight over toys. All. The. Time. The fighting started at (believe it or not) 6 months of age. I have some great video of 6-month-olds fighting over a toy when they can barely sit steadily on their own:) We started buying identical toys (and asking family to do the same) because the constant refereeing was so exhausting. Generally I can get them to "take turns" as long as each turn is short (30 seconds)...but it requires me to be there with them saying "OK now it's A's turn! OK now it's B's turn!" Over and over again! They fight over books too but we drew the line there - NOT buying 2 copies of every title! I did buy 2 copies of their potty book though - one to keep in each bathroom. They even fight over SPACE! DD1 will want to sit exactly where DD2 is sitting and will go over to push her away, resulting in a fight with DD1 screaming "I WANNA SIT THEEEEERRE" and DD2 SCREECHING as I try to explain to them why that's not possible.

I'm also interested to hear whether parents of B/G twins run into similar sharing issues - you'd think so! And I know it's not really a problem - it's just toddlers being toddlers - that's what they're hardwired to do. But when it starts to wear down the parents...well, you do what you gotta do:)