Raidra
12-03-2010, 10:25 PM
My grandmother is dying. She was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension a year and a half ago and they thought she would die any day, but she hung on with a great quality of life (living at home, just with oxygen) for a year and a half. A few days ago she came down with pneumonia and has deteriorated rapidly. While a miracle could happen, chances are she only has a few days left, at most.
I'm prepared, personally.. and I have a good idea of how to address this with the kids. They know she's sick, they've drawn her lots of pictures. That's not really the problem.
The problem is my mother. I've posted about her a lot.. she's had a ROUGH two years, lots of ongoing medical problems, and pain/anxiety med addiction. My sister moved out to CA in August, she finally got a new job after a devastating lay-off last November, and she hates her new job. So, she's generally been a wreck for quite some time. However.. she really seems like she's losing it with her mother dying. She's coming up with really irrational fears (she was convinced that my aunt was going to tell my grandmother to stop fighting and just let go), she convinces herself that people say things that they're not saying.. she's just sobbing nonstop. It's distressing for my cousins (10, 15, 17), but the real issue is that she can't control herself around my grandmother. My grandmother is afraid of dying and doesn't want to know when it's imminent, and she doesn't really know how bad it is. Today my mom, my sister and I were in her room and my mom just started sobbing, clutching at my grandmother (which must have been uncomfortable, she has all sorts of different lines in), and she said some very disturbing things like, "I guess I'll have to grow up without you!"
Most of it I can explain away as normal distress, but this last thing really freaked me and my sister out. It's been years since we've had a loss in the family, even longer since my mom has lost someone she's really close to. So.. I'm not really familiar with what's normal in this situation. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that my mother isn't totally losing her mind..
I'm also worried about when I take the kids down to CT tomorrow to hang out at my aunt's house (my husband has taken the last two days off and stayed home with all the kids while I spent 10+ hours in CT).. well, I know she's not going to keep from crying in front of the kids, and I don't want them to be scared. They're used to her crying, but this might be beyond that..
Thanks so much for listening.. it's no fun trying to be the strong one when your mother is going to pieces, and when you just want to grieve, too..
I'm prepared, personally.. and I have a good idea of how to address this with the kids. They know she's sick, they've drawn her lots of pictures. That's not really the problem.
The problem is my mother. I've posted about her a lot.. she's had a ROUGH two years, lots of ongoing medical problems, and pain/anxiety med addiction. My sister moved out to CA in August, she finally got a new job after a devastating lay-off last November, and she hates her new job. So, she's generally been a wreck for quite some time. However.. she really seems like she's losing it with her mother dying. She's coming up with really irrational fears (she was convinced that my aunt was going to tell my grandmother to stop fighting and just let go), she convinces herself that people say things that they're not saying.. she's just sobbing nonstop. It's distressing for my cousins (10, 15, 17), but the real issue is that she can't control herself around my grandmother. My grandmother is afraid of dying and doesn't want to know when it's imminent, and she doesn't really know how bad it is. Today my mom, my sister and I were in her room and my mom just started sobbing, clutching at my grandmother (which must have been uncomfortable, she has all sorts of different lines in), and she said some very disturbing things like, "I guess I'll have to grow up without you!"
Most of it I can explain away as normal distress, but this last thing really freaked me and my sister out. It's been years since we've had a loss in the family, even longer since my mom has lost someone she's really close to. So.. I'm not really familiar with what's normal in this situation. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that my mother isn't totally losing her mind..
I'm also worried about when I take the kids down to CT tomorrow to hang out at my aunt's house (my husband has taken the last two days off and stayed home with all the kids while I spent 10+ hours in CT).. well, I know she's not going to keep from crying in front of the kids, and I don't want them to be scared. They're used to her crying, but this might be beyond that..
Thanks so much for listening.. it's no fun trying to be the strong one when your mother is going to pieces, and when you just want to grieve, too..