How do you get kids to pick up toys?

[sste]

I sing the clean-up song. I model the behavior (DS loves that - - I end up modeling away while he wanders off to the next toy). I explain to him that he needs to pick up so people don't get hurt and so that mommy and daddy have time to play with him rather than cleaning all the time. We already have a sticker chart for climbing the stairs on his own so I think it would be confusing to do that.

I tell him he can't play with anything new until the old toys are put away. He ignores that - - in his mind these are his toys and he has one inalienable right as a three year old and that is to play with his toys!

Do I then physically restrain him from playing with new toys until the old ones are picked up? That seems so unpleasant. Do I use time-out? We have used timeout ONLY for the cardinal sins of hitting or pushing or throwing the tp roll in the toilet and I like to keep time-outs pretty infrequent.

Any ideas or advice?

[brittone2]

I know with bigger messes even my 6.5 yo gets genuinely overwhelmed. He does best if I give *very* specific instructions (first, let's take this ziplock and collect all the random pieces of Knex. Now, let's take the lego pieces and put them in here. etc. etc.). And he's a lot older. My almost 4 yo still needs a good bit of help/direction. She can do it, but if there is a huge messy mix of things, I find it works best if I assist. At 3 it can be tough for them to handle on their own (easier if it is just one type of toy going back in a single bin, kwim?). I think it really helps to break it down into small, specific steps at that age, and I think some kids at that age do still need *some* help in cleaning up a bit.

At 3 you could try putting on music and racing to put some things away before the song ends. (works best if it doesn't require a lot of sorting/organizing ;) ). You put some things away and he puts some things away and see how much you can get done after one or two songs.

With my two kids (older than your DS), if we have a big cleanup I sometimes set a timer. It helps them to know that there is an endpoint in reach. If they aren't focusing on the job, I add extra time to the clock ;) but if they are reasonably focused I try to be okay with letting them be done for a while when the clock dings. I use this when we have a LOT to do and I need everyone helping at the same time.

[Melaine]

ITA that specific instructions seem to work best (which makes it tempting to just do it yourself). For us, having specific clean-up times has also helped. In general, we pick up toys before meals, before we leave the house, and before bed. They are very used to hearing, "It's almost supper time, clean up your toys" so they have gotten pretty good about doing those regular "clean sweeps". If I see them about to pull out a big toy I will tell them what they need to put away first.

[egoldber]

My older DD is not the greatest at this, but oddly enough my younger DD is amazing! I tell everyone she must have learned that at preschool. :o

But in addition to specific directions, I think that having a designated place for every toy is necessary. There is a specific bin for dolls, for animals, for cars, for XYZ. That way they just "know" where everything goes.

I also find that when they have too many toys available, that it quickly becomes overwhelming.

[elektra]

We struggle with this big time too.
What sometimes works for us is making it into a game. I will hold DD's legs and have her pick up the stuff upside down. Then I tell her if she picks up 2 more things on her own, then I will do the upside down again. (We are learning counting this way too. ;))
Or I'll tell her she only has to pick up the play food and put it back in the kitchen, and I'll pick up all the rest.

I admit I am bad and usually end up picking up most of it myself.

[brittone2]

I also find that when they have too many toys available, that it quickly becomes overwhelming.

Yes to this as well! When I notice they are having too much trouble cleaning up without it being a huge effort, I start pulling toys to put out of rotation (basement currently). Of course, a random day here and there where they struggle as a result of being overtired, etc. is one thing but if I notice a pattern that's a big flag to me that we have too much out. I specifically tell them that this isn't punishment, but to help us *all* have an easier time with cleanup. Too many things out just makes for too much cleanup. We also tell them they can trade in some other toys if they want me to bring something new/different up from the basement. When I rotate a bunch of stuff back into basement storage, they almost always have an easier time with cleanup.

[karstmama]

what melaine said...specific instructions, like 'now put that red block in...now that green one...', and clean-ups before lunch, supper, bedtime. he's just not a 'projects' sorta guy yet, who needs something big to stay up a few days - i would allow that, but he's much more a 'dump & run & get something else & dump' guy.

[Moneypenny]

In addition to the specific instructions about how to clean up and making the task as pleasant and fun as possible, any toys that DD left out at that age (heck, even now that she is 6, lol!) were claimed by DH and I and put away for a while until she could be responsible with them.

[sste]

This is great, thank you! I think we are suffering from too many toys - - in particular, now that DS is into duplos and playmobil we have hundreds and hundreds of small pieces and clean-up that ideally involves separating duplos and playmobil into different sets and boxing those separately. I think you all are right about specific instructions and making it into a game.

I also am going to try rotation. I have hesitated to do this because we have no basement and next to no storage but I think I may buy an expedit for my office and put the out of rotation toys there.

I am relieved to hear that my developmental expectations may be too high . . . I was worried DS was turning into a complete brat and we have been having conflicts over this. The other day when I told him he needed to clean up or a toy might have to go into time out, he put his hands on his hips, looked me dead in the eye and said, "That is not a nice thing to do. If you do that, I will be furious-mad with you."

Great guns, he had a point there . . . I didn't know what to say!

[brittone2]

You could even try getting him engaged in the problem solving. "I see we are having a problem getting everything cleaned up. What are some ideas you have for making it easier?" and brainstorm together. Getting him on board with toy rotation, etc. may make it feel more like problem solving and less like punishment, kwim?

Since he is young, you might even be able to convince him to put away some of the little itty bitty PM pieces and just pull out stuff like people/vehicles sometimes? (you could phrase it as "it would be easier for me to say yes to you playing with PM today if we can put some of the tiny pieces away....")

My kids loooove PM, but with a crawling baby and a lot of other stuff on my plate right now, I only bring our bin out when everything else is away and cleaned up. That way they only have one big messy project to clean up instead of having to sort a bunch of other stuff out of the PM mess.

[lil_acorn]

We try to help them if necessary but in the end tell them that if they don't help out, then we will clean them all up and donate them to goodwill...(or they lose if for the rest of the week, etc)