UPDATE IN FIRST POST: Need Sleep Help for Three Year Old . . . At End of Rope [Archive]

sste

12-08-2010, 12:39 PM

The bitter irony is that 2.5 month old DD is an amazing sleeper - - it is three year old DS that is now a sleep horrow show.

DS goes to bed at 9pm so dh can see him after work, we go to bed at 11/1130, DS then gets up on average twice during the night sometimes staying up for 10 minutes sometimes for 40 minutes. But, the kicker is that where he used to get up at 645 am he now gets up at 5am on the dot.

This is destroying our homelife and affecting DS in school (he falls asleep everywhere). DH gets up with DS since I am on DD/nursing duty and poor DH looks awful, I am not exagerating he looks like a prisoner of war subject to sleep deprivation torture and he can barely function at work.

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Thank you!! We have our lives back thanks to all of you. I followed all of the suggestions in this thread - - minimal interaction during night wake ups, earlier bedtime, no food during wakeups or before normal breaksfast time, and use of clock and telling DS you can get out of bed at X time. We also talked to our pedi and he suggested a parent-child "meeting" prior to implementation of these techniques where we explained to DS that Dr. N wanted DS to sleep or he would get sick, Dr. N said DS needed to go back to bed with no talking or eating if he woke up in the middle of the night, Dr. N would give DS extra lollipops for a good job. This was actually terrific - - we have been blaming everything DS objects to on Dr. N and explaining it is out of our hands!

Anyway, we are now down to one brief 15 minute night awakening and DS now wakes up between 600 and 630. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

m448

12-08-2010, 12:57 PM

Is he still taking a nap because if not that sounds like way too little sleep for a 3 year old. I know you want to have DH see him before going to sleep but if the later bedtime is only disturbing his sleep cycle so that he wakes up earlier than I think an earlier bedtime is warranted. Maybe even earlier than 8pm if possible (mine were going to sleep by 7pm at that age). Also perhaps something to help him reset his sleep cycle. When we've needed to do that we use something like rescue remedy (drops on their head) or herbs for kids valerian supercalm (ingested).

arivecchi

12-08-2010, 12:58 PM

I would put him to bed earlier and go to bed myself earlier as well. Maybe that way your DH can get up earlier and spend some QT with DS in the morning? I find that both of my boys sleep much better when they go to bed earlier so I think 9 may be too late for your DS. Give it a try!

edurnemk

12-08-2010, 12:58 PM

:grouphug: I have a terrible sleeper as well. The first thing I'd try would be moving up his bedtime. It may sound counter-intuitive but when we did that, DS started getting up LATER in the AM and waking up less in the night, and he's less tired when I pick him up at preschool. 8 hours is too little sleep for a 3 yo, so being overtired could be feeding this cycle.

I've been through the 5 am wake ups as well, and now DS gets up around 6:30, and some days even 7 am! (to me that's Heaven). I refuse to put him in a toddler bed until absolutely necessary, because I know he'd get up all.the.time. Sometimes when he wakes up super early or a lot during the night I bring him to my bed and always regret it. It's impossible to sleep with that little wiggler, we have a KS bed and yet he pulls up against my back, fiddles with my hair... I get no sleep. I know some people have put baby gates in their kids bedrooms once they move out of the crib, I don't know if you'd be willing to try that. With DS, he cried a couple of days when I instated the "no coming to mommy and daddy's bed before 6:30 am" but he got the hang of it real quick and didn't cry anymore.

I totally understand your DH wanting to see him before bedtime, but we have the same situation here (DH works late and travels a lot) and I decided it was not worth it, so DH plays with him for 10-15 minutes in the morning and then on Saturday they get special boys-only play time the entire morning (while I sleep in, and then get stuff done around the house)

gatorsmom

12-08-2010, 01:00 PM

Hmm, hopefully lots of people will respond because this is one of those issues that needs lots of heads to brainstorm on.

Does he need a snack before he goes to bed? What time does he eat dinner? My kids eat at 5pm and if I let them stay up til 9pm or 10pm lately, they definitely need a snack before bedtime or they are up every 30 minutes. A cheese stick and a couple of crackers and some water or milk are filling and good.

Is he potty trained? Does he need to go potty and is holding it? Is he getting enough exercise during the day? Lately my kids have been playing in the snow for an hour or two every day and they are totally beat by 7pm. Maybe he needs more exercise during the day?

Do noises bother him? What about too much light in his room? Too little light? Is he dressed warmly enough? Is his room too cold? Too warm?

Does he get a bath every night? That could calm him down OR it could energize him. It wakes my kids up when they get an evening bath.

These are all things that have kept my kids up at some point. All good things to consider. Of course, no one likes to think that maybe they will have a child who doesn't need much sleep. But that's a possibility too.

edurnemk

12-08-2010, 01:03 PM

Oh, I forgot to add, that with DS the white noise from the humidifier also made a huge difference, now I put it on even if he's not sick. I think maybe our noisy upstairs neighbors woke him up sometimes.

And also, we are SUPER consistent with his bedtime routine and the very quick soothings when he does wake up in the middle of the night (in there for no more than 30 seconds, and he knows fighting it is pointless)

crl

12-08-2010, 01:04 PM

I agree to try an earlier bedtime. And don't give anything to eat or anything but water to drink when he gets up at 5am, because that just teaches his body to be hungry and wake up. You could try an alarm set for 5:30 then 6 and so and tell him he cannot get up until the alarm goes off.

Catherine

sste

12-08-2010, 01:13 PM

Thank you everyone . . . this has gotten so bad it is affecting my marriage, dh and I are at each other's throats.

It IS way too little sleep. DS has always gone to bed at 9pm since he just turned 2 - - in fact, it was 930pm but I had many arguments with DH and he was willing to cut back to 9pm. I have never been happy about this. A big part of the problem is DH's work schedule coupled with his (laudable) desire to be hands-on involved with DS every day. But, still when DH and I had the fight about 930pm DH was uncharacteristically aggressive and I thought selfish about the whole thing.

I am going to try an 8pm bedtime. He does have a two-hour nap at daycare and his teachers report that he uses every minute of that and is exhausted.

Lisa, the biggest factor I noticed was that DS still hasn't recovered from daylight savings time - - this 5am wake-up started that week but it has not stopped despite the fact that his room and our entire state is pretty darn dark at 5am!

He just potty trained but he still wears a night-time dipe. Some of the wake-ups are to use the toilet but then he basically screams hysterically unless DH interacts with him or hangs out with him for a while afterwards. So, it turns into a half hour deal. He also doesn't want me and if I go to help him he screams for dh. :( That is very upsetting too.

DS often gets a snack before bed but he has not been doing a good job recently eating dinner (he snacks too much in the car because he is hungry at 5pm or later daycare pickup and then he picks at his dinner). I think the bath is mildly energizing to him but swim class is sedating - - we have started taking him to evening swim classes multiple times per week to knock him out! Exercise is a big issue. We live in a very cold climate and at his school the kids don't get out at all this time of year per health regs. And they don't have a large indoor space to run around. I am looking at a new place for when we move but I can't make that change for at least a few months. But, I can talk to his center about doing more dancing and active games.

Would you all go earlier than a 8pm bedtime?

tiapam

12-08-2010, 01:29 PM

Would you all go earlier than a 8pm bedtime?

8 PM has been a great bedtime for our kids. It seemed like a natural bedtime for DD (and us too, as DH gets home around 6:15 PM) at the age when we could start to be consistent about it. It works for DS, too. Of course, we don't always get them down right then, especially DD. But they both sleep through the night and usually get up between 7 and 8 AM. I would make the change gradually, probably 15 minutes earlier per day or two.

elektra

12-08-2010, 01:36 PM

I would also try with a little bit of an earlier bedtime. According to Weissbluth, that could also help with the early wakings.

And I'm not totally sure if this was the best answer for us, and now DD needs someone to lie with her in bed to get to sleep, but we were so sick of laying on her floor that we bought a double bed for DD, that we now also lay down in. Something else to think about.
There are some nights where one of us is in there with her, or sometimes, DD ends up in our bed with DH and I take DS into her bed. :dizzy:
It does open up options for areas to catch some zzz's, for everyone including the adults.

boolady

12-08-2010, 01:41 PM

I would also try with a little bit of an earlier bedtime. According to Weissbluth, that could also help with the early wakings.

I agree with everyone, and Weissbluth has proven to be absolutely true with DD-- his whole "sleep begets sleep" theory still applies to her, even at 4 years of age. Honestly, I'd shoot for being out of his room by 7:30 to 7:45 p.m., with the goal of him being asleep by 8 p.m., especially if he's still waking at 5 a.m.

I know it's rough when DH gets to see so little of him. DH and I have struggled with this with DD from infancy, because we both WOH, but when we get down about it, we remind ourselves A) that it's quality of time, not quantity; and B) this won't last forever, and soon enough, we'll be wishing she was going to bed earlier. What is best for her is what we do, even though we often wish for a few more minutes of her company.

Moneypenny

12-08-2010, 01:42 PM

In my experience, an earlier bedtime actually leads to a later wake time, especially when there hasn't been enough sleep in the past, so I think you are on the right track with 8 pm. Is there any way DH can have some time with DS in the mornings? I know when my brother was working 2nd shift and missed bedtimes, the whole family got up a bit earlier and had a sit down breakfast and play time in the mornings instead of family dinner and playtime at night.

edurnemk

12-08-2010, 01:42 PM

Some of the wake-ups are to use the toilet but then he basically screams hysterically unless DH interacts with him or hangs out with him for a while afterwards. So, it turns into a half hour deal. He also doesn't want me and if I go to help him he screams for dh. :( That is very upsetting too.

Well, this isn't going to stop easily because your DH is reinforcing that behavior. I don't see a way out of this without a few nights of screaming and crying, and then it will get better if you're both consistent.

With DS is goes like this: he calls for me with some excuse or the other (he's thirsty, wants to use the potty, can't find his lovey, whatever). I go in, ask him what he needs, if it seems legit I give it to him, then I lay him back down, say "good night, I love you" and walk out the door and close it behind me. If he calls me again I'll tell him,"you have everything you need, don't yell for us anymore, I'm not coming back until the morning" In your case he'll start screaming when DH leaves the room, but under no circumstances should you go back in. If he gets up put him back in bed without talking or engaging him. Repeat as many times a it takes. It's exhausting, but if you stick with this for several days the middle of the night calls for attention will stop. At first he'll be very upset because he's always been able to get his way sooner or later, it will take a while but he will understand the new rules. Since he's 3 you can talk to him about the changes before.

Good luck, it's so much easier if both parents are on board.

ETA: If the cold-tukey thing seems to hard, you could do it in increasing intervals a la Ferber. But it's VERY important that you don't engage with him when putting him back in bed and that you don't turn to come back in no matter how much he screams.

I also agree with the PP that mentioned no food when he wakes up, this is key with our DS, the rule is no milk before 7 am PERIOD. At first he screamed, but now he fusses 10 seconds and lets it go because he knows it doesn't work.

bubbaray

12-08-2010, 01:42 PM

We had similar issues (on both the sleep and marriage fronts). We really didn't find much that worked, other than time. DD#1 is now a pretty good sleeper (she is tired from school), so much so that she still sleeps in a pullup b/c she is such a deep sleeper. At around age 3-4, not so much.

We still do musical beds quite often.

You might try having your DH take the baby away overnight and just YOU deal with your DS. We found that sometimes that seemed to help.

kam

12-08-2010, 01:51 PM

I agree with all the PP, and I think it can get better.

I'd definitely put him down earlier -- 9 is just too late, especially given how early he gets up. 8 is bedtime in our house.

The other thing your DH needs to do is stop enabling the middle of the night wakeups. Essentially, it sounds like your DS is waking up and saying "hmm, daddy will come and hang out with me if I call." SO he wakes up more, calls for Daddy, and gets what he wants. That's not going to stop until your DH stops.

My proposal? Every time your DS wakes up, DH should walk him back to bed, say "good night, I love you" and leave. Every. Single. Time. Don't stay in the room, don't lie down with him. Don't talk to him anymore. Just leave. It will involve tears and a few sleepless nights, but then I bet one night (within a week?) DS goes down at 8 and wakes up at 6 or later.

I understand your DH wanting to see DS. My DH doesn't see much of DD during the week. But it's better for the child who sounds like he really needs more sleep than he's getting, andthen they can find better ways to spend time together. Special weekend breakfasts, maybe the 1-2x/week morning playtime, etc.

This is REALLY hard -- Good luck, and keep us posted!!!

sste

12-08-2010, 02:26 PM

Ok, my pedi just called and resoundingly agreed with everyone here about short, non-reinforcing responses to the wake-up and then leaving the room and meaning it. He said to try that and if it didn't work in two weeks to then try a mattress in our room for DS (we are OK with that) and if that doesn't work he will refer to a sleep specialist.

I don't have any strong feelings against CIO in theory and we did it in a modified version when DS was a baby. As a baby DS would cry for ten, fifteen minutes tops and go to sleep. But, from age 2 and certainly now at age three, DS can cry hysterically, to the point where he is gasping for breath and choking on his tears, for an hour and a half (probably more - - we just always broke down at that point). I think he has the physical endurance to cry for a couple of hours at least . . . I must admit I have a really hard time listening to that kind of hysteria from him if it goes on more than 30 minutes.

What is the longest any of your toddlers/preschoolers have cried like that during sleep training? How did you deal with it/endure it?

boolady

12-08-2010, 02:30 PM

What is the longest any of your toddlers/preschoolers have cried like that during sleep training? How did you deal with it/endure it?

I don't have an answer, exactly, but I would still try an earlier bedtime because DD goes to bed with much less fuss (seriously...much less) when she's not already overtired. When she occasionally stays up too late, it takes forever for her to settle down and fall asleep, and our normally pretty happy bedtime routine of pjs, potty, teeth and reading becomes very difficult, and is punctuated by crying fits, resistance, you name it. So, I would say that if you're going to try some sleep training, the key is to do it before he's completely overtired and wound up like a top.

Naranjadia

12-08-2010, 02:37 PM

Another thing that helped us was we got one of the clocks that is blue at night and yellow at "wake-up time." Somehow knowing that it is still night time - not time to wake up - helps our kids (not always). I think it helps keep them from getting disoriented and disturbed when they wake up alone.

gatorsmom

12-08-2010, 02:41 PM

I had a couple more thoughts. First, one of the reasons your DS is saying he wants your DH is because your DH is allowing him to stay up and awake. It's kind of like he's saying, "well, mom, if you are going to be strict with the bedtime and dad won't then I'll say I want HIM only and you'll get punished." Don't be upset when he doesn't want you. All kids go through that and he's just testing his boundaries.

Also, wanted to say, that if he needs and wants to spend more time with your DH, if the CIO sleep thing doesn't work, you might try having DH lay next to him or in his room with him until he falls asleep with the understanding that as soon as he's asleep, DH will go back to his own bed. that worked for Cha Cha. Of course, while your DH is laying next to hiim, he has to be quiet or maybe reading a quiet book to DS or singing him a song. He should be trying to calm your DS down.

bubbaray

12-08-2010, 02:48 PM

First, one of the reasons your DS is saying he wants your DH is because your DH is allowing him to stay up and awake.

:yeahthat:

LOL, kids will always find the "weakest link" (I mean that in a nice way) :)

Gracemom

12-08-2010, 02:54 PM

These are some good suggestions! My DS is an early riser too, so I feel for you. Have you tried talking with him about it? He is old enough to understand how his behavior affects the rest of the family. Then in addition to taking him back to his room every time, you could reinforce when he does stay in his room all night with a sticker chart. Every few days he stays in his room you could get him something he wants, or take him for ice cream or a movie or something so he can get some one on one time.

khalloc

12-08-2010, 02:56 PM

My son also wakes up at close to 5am since Daylight Standard time was put in place. Even before that. It seems in the winter he just wakes early! I dont know what it is. He goes to bed at 7:45ish and sometimes wakes as early as 4:45. 6am is a good day. In the summer he was going to bed at the same time and waking at 6:30am or later. Not sure what is the problem. He doesnt wake at night though. At least not yet...he is moving to a bed in a few weeks.

My 5 year old DD has a similar problem to your 3yo DS though. And she used to sleep really good. In the summer she had a bad dream and since then she has been waking 3+ times during the night. Occassionally she will sleep thru, but usually not. She loves to sleep in our room though and if I let her sleep on the floor she will sleep there all night long without a peep (except maybe a bathroom break). I am too lazy to deal with that problem though.

I would try earlier bedtime. 9pm seems way too late for a 3 year old.

sste

12-08-2010, 03:04 PM

No worries, DH *is* the weak link in terms of discipline!! And I much prefer that explanation than that maybe DS has grown apart from me with the new baby's arrival.

I am excited for this earlier bedtime. With 9pm, not only is DS having a hard time holding it together, I feel quite snippy and overwhelmed . . .

arivecchi

12-08-2010, 04:08 PM

What is the longest any of your toddlers/preschoolers have cried like that during sleep training? How did you deal with it/endure it? This is not very helpful but we could not endure it. DS1 was so hysterical when we left him in his room after night wakings that he would throw up, so he moved into our bed and he is still there. Maybe you can get some new stuffed animal that will be his special friend while sleeping? Maybe that will give him come comfort?

Just thinking out loud here.....

daisymommy

12-08-2010, 05:37 PM

I think you have been given some really great suggestions. All the things I was going to say. For sure the later my children go to bed after 7/7:30 pm. the more wired they get and the less they sleep. It's a vicious cycle. My DH comes home at or after bedtime, and that is sad, but our children's health and our family life cannot be a wreck because I want to keep them up.

But I would add more component: possible food allergies or sensitivities. I have friends whose children could not tolerate things such as wheat, dairy, dyes, preservatives. And for the first 2-3 years of their lives they couldn't fall asleep until late, woke up several times a night, and then woke up super early. Until they found the food trigger, and all of a sudden they were great sleepers. Wheat in particular is a big one for causing sleep loss in some kids.

Also, allergies (non-food related) can do this. Pets, carpet dander and chemicals.

Are there any physical symptoms that would make you think that allergies are a possibility? Poop problems, tummy aches, hyperactivity, behavior problems, aggression, rash, runny nose, frequent ear infections or pain, watery eyes, itchy or dry skin, red ring around his anus or diaper area rash.

I hope you figure something out soon. I completely feel for you!

gatorsmom

12-08-2010, 05:48 PM

Are there any physical symptoms that would make you think that allergies are a possibility? Poop problems, tummy aches, hyperactivity, behavior problems, aggression, rash, runny nose, frequent ear infections or pain, watery eyes, itchy or dry skin, red ring around his anus or diaper area rash.

Please forgive my ignorance. I should know this but are poop problems and tummy aches symptoms of allergies? We have a lot of allergies - food and seasonal- in our family and I've never heard this. However, Greenbean and I (and Cha Cha is having more and more problems too) have terrible problems with constipation. I've been tested and have eliminated the foods I'm allergic to from my diet. But I've never had any reason to think Greenbean has FA or any allergies. However, he has had terrible problems with constipation from the first day he ate solid foods. Just wondering if I may have solved a mystery for us....

sste

12-08-2010, 05:52 PM

You know, DS def. has allergies. He constantly has a runny nose during certain seasons. We know he doesn't have a peanut allergy but I am almost sure he has some food reactions/intolerances (we will see mild hive-like things come and go on this face during and after meals). We probably need to get him tested but our pedi was a little concerned that absent an actual problem or action testing might mean we would end up with a huge allergy list since the testing is so very sensitive.

I am going to look into this more. Thanks Daisymom!

elektra

12-08-2010, 05:57 PM

kam

12-08-2010, 06:13 PM

While your DS might have allergies or other dietary issues, I might address this issue one at a time:

First, try the "sleep training", however you decide to do that. Give it a week, or 2. (I'd give it two given his age). If it's still absolutely no better, then I'd work with your pediatrician to identify other issues: Sleep specialist, digestive, allergies, etc. Then you've at least isolated the problem to be able to say "sleep training didn't work. We need to try something else."

twowhat?

12-08-2010, 06:22 PM

We recently had to reinforce sleep training. Our very verbal DD2 was finding ways to keep us in their room after being put down for bed (asking for water, blanket, this or that toy, not this blanket, the other one, another hug, etc), and was waking multiple times throughout the nap, requesting water, blanket, etc.

So - when she was about 25 months, we re-Ferberized. I talked to her throughout the day about our bedtime routine (which is VERY routine) and how after she got her kisses, Mommy and Daddy were going to clean up and go to sleep too, and that she should go to sleep and we would not come back in and would see her in the morning. And that Mommy and Daddy would always be in the house, just not in her room.

The first night she screamed for water (I knew she wasn't thirsty) for 25 min. And slept through the night. The second night she repeatedly screamed "GIVE MOMMY A HUG!" for 20 minutes. That was THE WORST. THE WORST!!! I stayed strong:) She slept through the night again. The 3rd night she threw her lovey out of the crib and screamed for it. I went in at the 10 min check and gave it back to her. She grabbed it and immediately went to sleep. The next 2-3 nights she cried for 5-10 minutes. Now we're fine:) She goes to bed happy, is happy to get her "lots of kisses" from mommy and "3 kisses" from daddy, and goes to sleep. She slept through the night until recently (now waking 1-2 times) but I think that's because she has a cold.

So I agree with PP to make the nightly checks very business-like (thirsty? cold? OK then go back to sleep), stay in there no more than 30 seconds, and then leave. If he cries, do the short check-ins as described by Ferber every 5, 10, 20, 40 min until he goes back to sleep. You might have to put a gate up in the doorway if he isn't in a crib.

The only way CIO or sleep training or whatever you wanna call it will work is if you are consistent. And then it should only take a few days. So if you're absolutely consistent and see no improvement in a week or so, then pursue something else. Good luck!!

eta: according to Ferber, don't change the bedtime until he's sleeping through the night. Then, it will be easy to adjust the bedtime back to allow him more sleep (if he needs it).

daisymommy

12-08-2010, 10:54 PM

I remember that lizajane's son was having sleep troubles, and it turned out he had celiac's disease (?) Which is a wheat/gluten allergy. I think things really improved after they cut that out of their diet.

:yeahthat: I think she said her son slept through the night for the first time after that.

Yes, I was reading the thread about chronic constipation, and I didn't want to say this, but it is NOT normal for the human body to need Miralax on a daily basis to be able to go poop, and have it be soft enough not to cause pain. It is not normal to have tummy aches all the time. That means either 1) they are holding it or 2) they have a food allergy or insensitivity, or a digestive problem caused by things in their diet, that needs to be eliminated. Wheat and dairy are the two biggest culprits.

There are so may people going GF/CF (gluten free-casien free) now days. It's a long story as to how we as a society got to the place where our bodies cannot handle these things. Its all in how growing, processing, our diets, food preparation, etc. has changed throughout history, and our bodies haven't done well with the changes.

So yes, if your child has any of those symptoms I mentioned, I think it's worth checking into.

kbud

12-08-2010, 11:30 PM

What is the longest any of your toddlers/preschoolers have cried like that during sleep training? How did you deal with it/endure it?

My dd is also 3 and we are pretty much in the same position. She has never slept good and has woken up multiple times most every night of her life. She sleeps all night maybe once a week, once a week she is up 4-5 times and the rest 1-2 times. Those are the times I go into her there are other times I'm certain she's awake but doesn't cry/call out. She goes to bed just fine and willingly around 8 to 8:30. When she wakes we rock a little and she asks to lay back down.

We did the sleep training numerous times but most recently about a month shy of her 3rd b-day. She cried for at least 1 1/2 hours each time. Once she cried from 1am to 4 am when I finally gave up and went in. We had to get some sleep. I find it much harder in the middle of the night then when you put them down. I did check occasionally for a wet diaper but we stood strong for a week strait. She was usually yelling to watch tv so it wasn't too hard because I knew she was fine. But hours is hard. We were at our whits end so that's how I was able to do it. It didn't help though.

I really think w/my dd something is going on with her. It's not behavioral. I just wish I had a clue what it could be. She tells me she has a bad dream. She used to sleep later (8ish) but rises early now. She too went through a 5am spell. If she wakes before 7:30 she is crying, after 7:30 she wakes happy. I'm just not sure where to go next. I've talked to her dr. but I probably need to push it more. I just don't want to go through all the tests/sleep eval to be told there is nothing wrong. Our pocket book is still recovering from some other things. Of course if they do identify something then it will be worth every penny! In the past it didn't seem to effect her behavior but now that she is waking earlier it does seem to be effecting her.

Good luck, I totally understand. heck, my oldest didn't sleep either until she was about 2 1/2 but she sleeps great now. I haven't had any decent sleep in over 7 years.

niccig

12-08-2010, 11:50 PM

DS is 6 and is in bed at 8, asleep by 8.30 and wakes at 7.30pm. I would try more sleep for him. DH isn't always home by bed time, so we skype - I don't know if that is possible with your DH to say good night on the web cam.

Something we did with wake up time, I learned here. Put a lamp on a timer and set it for about the time DS is waking up. If he calls out earlier than that, you say "shhh, it's not time yet, the light isn't on, go back to sleep" and leave. Even if it's 1 minute before light goes on, he has to stay in his room. Once he's staying until light is on, move the timer back slowly to a more acceptable time. It worked really well with DS and he would yell out "light on, light on" when it did go on.

If DS wakes at night, he never comes to us. He calls out, I go to him. He has a full bed now, so I normally crawl in beside him and fall asleep there - not the best sleep for me, but not too bad.